(A/N): This is another spur of the moment thing. It was one of emo moments, so please excuse the tearfullness.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. So don't sue, because the characters are extremely different than in the manga/anime. Really different.

Warnings: Yaoi. Boy on Boy, you get the point. Lot's of vivid violence. Language. Rape.

Chapter One:

His cold hands grabbed my arms and pushed me violently against the wall. I felt pain shoot through my body. I didn't resist, I couldn't. He was too strong for me, so much bigger than me; he overpowered me easily. He pressed his body firmly against mine and let his hands wander freely where he could touch.

I thought he was a good guy; I thought that he would treat me right and finally bring something good into my life. He was there, he acted like he was concerned. I don't know what happened, I don't know where I went wrong, or how I ended up like this. At one minute everything was fine, he and I were laughing like we always would, just having a good time. Then something sparked, and I don't know how or why. He just charged at me.

"I've been waiting a long time for this moment, Shu-chan." he whispered in my ear.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. He pushed himself off of me, his hands still gripping my arms tightly, numbing them, and he dragged me with him, pushing me onto the floor. He seemed to tower over me as he lowered himself to his knees putting both my legs on either side of his hips.

"If you promise not to fight back I'll go easy on you." he said with a smile that, to me, seemed so menacing, so hungry.

"Please...stop..." I whispered, barely finding my voice to speak.

He pinned me down by my arms and leaned in towards me, his face too deathly close to my own. His breath smelled of liquor, but he wasn't drunk. That smile never left his lips as he pressed his lips roughly against my own, forcing his tongue into my mouth, digging it deep, choking me. He released one of my arms, roughly undoing my pants and ripping them, and every other article of clothing I had on, off. He took his pants and pulled them to his knees.

"Now, don't worry, pumpkin, this won't hurt a bit."

He lied. He spread me as far as I would go, so far it hurt the joints in my hips, and thrust himself in me, all the way. He pumped himself roughly in and out of me, never slowing down. Each thrust he took seemed to be more and more painful, my cries becoming pleas, screaming for him to stop, screaming for someone to save me. But, no one could hear me. No one was going to come and take me away from this misery.

He finally stopped when he reached his climax. I could feel his seed spill inside of me.

"Feels nice, doesn't it, cupcake? Hmm, cupcake is a good name for you. I like cupcakes. I bet you taste like one, too, don't you?"

He felt myself gag as he pulled himself out of me, scooted me up, and leaned over, his mouth completely enveloped around my...you know...sucking on it, biting it, violating every inch of it. I felt dirty and sickened, I just wanted out.

"Stop..." my voice barely audible. He didn't hear me, of course.

He lifted his body to look me in the eyes.

"Mmm, cupcake, you do taste good."

The look in his eye brought a bad taste to my mouth.

"Bastard.." I said, somehow finding a small amount of voice, just loud enough for him to hear me.

"What was that?" he said, his eyes narrowing in anger.

"Bastard!" I screamed this time, my own anger coming out. I wanted him to leave me alone, I wanted his perverted hands to stop touching me, I wanted at this moment is to let myself drown in my shame, just as I always have all my life.

His fist collided with my mouth and I tasted blood. He kept punching wherever he hands could hit, anywhere and everywhere on my body. When he finally tired himself out, he stood up, towering over me like the monster he was, pulling his pants up, looking down at me with disgust.

"I'm sorry, cupcake, you didn't bring me what I wanted. So, it hurts me to say this, but...it's over." he said, no sense of remorse whatsoever.

He left, leaving me on the floor, beaten, bruised, and broken. I curled myself into a ball and sobbed, hoping...praying for my death. I cried myself to sleep.

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When I woke up I wasn't on that cold, hard floor, but instead in a bed. My bed. In my room, where the events of the night before happened. I felt something cold on my forehead. My body was too sore to function properly so my eyes wandered around looking for the person that put me back on this bed.

"Oh, you're awake."

My eyes shot towards the doorway where the voice came from. It was Hiro. I never appreciated him more than I did at that moment. The concern on his face burned through my chest. He looked tired.

"I was up all night hoping you would come to." he said coming towards me and sitting on the bed beside me.

I looked away, suddenly feeling guilty. I messed up again. I messed up by trusting the bastard who raped me, I messed up for being so weak, I messed up for living.

"What happened last night, Shu?"

Tears threatened to fall, and I, being to weak to fight them off, let them fall freely.

"Nothing..." I whispered.

"Don't tell me that lie." he answered, his eyes angry, but his voice remaining calm and worried. "Who did this to you? What happened? I'm your best friend, Shuichi, I want to help you!"

Guilt dug into my chest like a tick, sucking everything out of me. I didn't want help, I just wanted to die. I just wanted to lay in this bed and be left there to rot, and be left forgotten forever. It's not like anyone would really miss me anyway. Well, Hiro would, but he's just one person, and there is just so much influence one person can have on another. But he's my best friend, I guess he had that influence over me. I didn't want to leave him in the shadows. He was, after all, my best friend and he did, after all, want to help.

"He..he raped me." I whispered, chocking back a sob, forcing my aching body to sit up, pain shooting through every inch of me. "He raped me and beat me..."

"Who?" Hiro was angry.

I looked at him with sad eyes. "Ryo."

"Ryo? Your boyfriend?!"

"Ex-boyfriend. After he...after he..." I sobbed. "He left! He dumped me and left me lying on the floor with no sense of regret at all!"

"Shu.."

Hiro understood why Ryo had so much effect on me, he understood why it hurt so much to have him play me like he did. That's all my life was made up of: people playing me. My parents abandoned me when I was six. Those six years I was with them, though, they didn't leave empty handed. I was a mini-slave, and victim of physical and mental abuse. They would literally whip my back and taunt me whenever I did something that they thought was wrong. I guess, they got tired of me when I was six so they drove to the outskirts of Kyoto, where we lived, and pushed me out of the car and left me. It was raining that day. I'll never forget how I felt that day when I saw Hiro and his parents who, fortuitously, were walking by. Hiro and I have always been best friends for as long as I can remember, so we had this thing where we could recognize each other from far distances. He must have recognized me because I heard him calling to me. He and his parents asked me why I was standing out in the rain all alone. I told them that my parents abandoned me and from then on I have been living with Hiro.

Now I, eighteen years old, was lying there, Hiro wiping my forehead with a cold rag, saying nothing.

"I'm sorry, Shu." he said lightly.

He knew my pain, he shared my pain. His life hasn't always been all that and a box of pocky, either. Both his parents died in a bad car accident when we were twelve so we moved in with his grandmother, who was a bad alcoholic. She admired me, but threated Hiro horribly. I, not standing for anyone to treat Hiro like that, stood up to her one day. She was arrested later that day for attacking two minors. Just imagine..a sixty year old woman attacking two twelve year olds with her liquor bottles. Nice, right? Hiro and I then had to move in with his aunt and uncle. They were really good to both of us, sympathizing us for all that we had been through. We moved out when we graduated and got an apartment. We both got jobs so we could support ourselves and everything was going just fine. Or, at least it was until my parents decided they wanted to show up after eleven years of feigning my existance.

They arrive at our apartment door all smiles, acting like nothing was wrong. We made the fatal mistake of letting them in because shortly after they each pulled a gun and threatened Hiro and I. What they wanted I wasn't sure. All I really remember is them pulling out the guns and everything went black from there. I woke up a hospital bed with an intense pain in my shoulder and news that Hiro might not live. At that moment, I never felt so alone. Hiro was all I had. He was the only real friend I have ever had. Without him part of me was gone. I remember lying awake that whole night ignoring the policemen talking to me..well, until they told me what happened to Hiro. They told me I got shot in the shoulder and they (my parents) were about to shoot me again until Hiro jumped in the way. The bullet hit him square in the chest. I remember crying like I have never cried before. I remember falling asleep and when I woke up the nurses told me that Hiro was going to be fine. I remember crying with joy. I remember being allowed to go into Hiro's hospital room. I remember choking when I saw Hiro lying in that bed. I remember how pale he was. I remember never missing him more even though he was going to live. I remember when he woke up he asked me if I was okay. I remember yelling at him, asking him why he would protect me like he did. I remember him smiling at me and saying, "Idiot, you're all I got. There is no was in hell I would let you die." I remember crying again. I remember him crying. I remember us being admitted out of the hospital, I remember us going back to the apartment to see it just the same, minus our blood on the floor. I remember Hiro and I made a promise that day. I remember we promised that no matter what, we would be there to protect one another.

We are only human, so it's natural that the promise we made was broken, and numerous times. Hiro got gang beat one time and I wasn't there to help. I almost got attacked by a rabid squirell (that thing was ferocious) and Hiro wasn't there to help. The list could probably go on and on. Together we changed that promise. We made a new one. We promised that we would be there to protect each other when we could, and that we would always be there for each other. And, that promise has been kept.

"Hiro, I want to get out of here...I want to leave the mess behind. Let's go to Tokyo. We can find better jobs there, and possbily better lives."

Hiro just stared at me. I could tell in his face he was contemplating whether it was a good idea or not. To me, it did. Anything was better than what we were in now. There was nothing here in Kyoto but bad memories. It was time that we left them behind and start new.

"Hiro, we are too young to hold such burdens. Please...let's just go to Tokyo. There is nothing here for us."

Hiro looked at the floor. "I don't know, Shu...this is home, you know."

"What's so homely about it? Nothing! There is nothing here but wasted years."

Hiro knew I was right because he sighed in defeat.

"Just think about it. If we get out of here we can leave everything we have wanted to forget behind. We won't have to be forced to relive every memory because we won't have to face what reminds us of them everyday."

He looked up at me with a small smile on his face. "Will it really?"

He desperatly wanted me to be right, I knew that.

"Yeah, it will."

He smiled at me. "Let's get out of here."

I smiled back at him.

"Get dressed and packed, then. We'll catch the next train to Tokyo."

I nodded, watching him walk out of the room to allow me to get dressed. I hadn't noticed that I was still nude, though there was a blanket over me. He must have covered me up sometime during the night. Ignoring every pain in my body I got up and walked to my closet and looked around. I didn't have the most fantastic wardrobe, but what I did have was good enough for me. My sore body couldn't take my normal wear, so I decided to wear something comfortable. I grabbed a pair of my dark, but faded, baggy, skater jeans, and an oversized black, Children of Bodom shirt. I changed, grabbed a pair of socks, threw them on and slipped on my black and white, checkered Vans.

It took me a good twenty minutes to pack all of my stuff together. I took all of my clothes, cds, toiletry (because I am very picky about my hair), magazines, books, manga, and my bed clothes (I loved my sheets and comforter, they had heartagrams all over them). Hiro was done about the same time, having changed out of his other clothes and gotten into some black and red bondage pants and red muscle shirt. He wasn't in his normal wear either. Both of us just wanted to take it comfortable.

"Ready?"

"Sure am." I said, truely happy, and not regretting, not looking back at what we left behind.

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Three Years Later:

Hiro and I never looked back after we left that day. Everything was different in Tokyo. More opportunities. We first found ourselves a small, two bedroom apartment with one bathroom, living room, and kitchen; it was perfect for us. We both got a job, Hiro at a guitar shop two blocks away from the apartment, me at the local Hot Topic downtown (if there really is a Hot Topic there, I would never know. So just play along, kay:P). Things were going well for the most part. Or, so it seemed. Hiro got better quickly, though there were still moments when life would get him down. But, for the most part he was happier. As for me, I hadn't gotten better at all.

When I wasn't working I stayed in my room curled under my blankets in deep depression. It was never this bad before. After Ryo raped me things started changing in my mental stability. It became harder and harder for me to control my depression. Hiro suggested that I go talk to someone, but I wasn't ready to go that far. I was still in the stage where I thought I could take care of it on my own. Hiro also suggested that I pick up a hobby, something to keep me busy. Well, I picked up a hobby alright, and not a good one at that matter. Or, it wasn't good in Hiro's eyes, but it was in mine. I started cutting myself. And not those little scrapes that leaves little scabs and heals quickly. Mine are deep and the scars don't fade easily. I know I worried Hiro on a daily basis, especially when I 'accidently' make the cuts a little too deep and they bleed profusely, and I pass out.

I spent most of my time wondering what was the point of living anymore. If it wasn't for Hiro I would have already killed myself. I wanted to, so much, but he kept me from digging the blade all the way in. He would usually take it away before I could go too deep. I would get angry but then later feel guilty at the sad look in his eyes. Either way I went, I never really got any relief. And, work didn't make it much better either. My boss was a jerk, always yelling at my productivity. She says I am too slow with everything that I do. She says I do ring up things quick enough, or I stop to talk to the customers too much. Little does she know is that people actually come into the store more and more because of me. I sing while I am at work. We usually play a lot of music, and I sing along to the songs. I seem to attract a lot of people. I never thought I could sing at all, but people always compliment on my voice. All I do is thank them and throw my fake smile away as soon as their backs are turned. I couldn't help but feel that they only say those things because they pity me. It sickens me. I don't want their pity, I just want to leave the world behind so I don't have to see those sympathetic faces anymore.

So, like I said, things hadn't improved for me at all. At least, not until one certain customer showed up.

He became a regular. Coming into Hot Topic at least once a week. Sometimes he buys things, sometimes he doesn't. When he would buy something we would stop and talk for a few minutes, either he complimenting on my singing voice or me complimenting on how good he looked. I couldn't help it. He looked good. He didn't look Japanese at all. He had blonde hair and eyes the color of brown sugar, almost golden. He was just gorgeous. And, I was gay, after all, and I couldn't help but tell him that he was drool-worthy. It wasn't until exactly three years and two weeks to the day that I had been in Tokyo did I find out that he had been applying for a job. I was excited at first, until I found out he had a really bad attitude...well, at times. Usually we would get along fine, but whenever I did something stupid he really liked to throw it in my face. He especially liked to brag about how great he was at leaving an impression on the lady customers. I would match that, though, at how I would leave an impression on the men, well, the ones that were gay or half-way over the rainbow. He seemed to be amused by it.

He asked me to lunch one day. I accepted his offer, and realized just how good it felt to not be eating alone like I normally do.

"Why do you have pink hair? Do you like showing off that you are gay, or do you just do it for fun?"

"I don't know." I answered, nibbling on my ramen I ordered. "My roommate Hiro says it really brings out my eyes. He says pink and violet really go well together."

He chuckled. He had a nice laugh. It suited his name, too. Yuki Eiri. Nice name...

"So, you just all of a sudden decided to go with pink hair?"

"No, actually I was going to dye my hair red, but I accidently grabbed the wrong color...which was pink, but it didn't actually turn out too bad. So, it just stuck."

"Interesting."

"So, how come you have blonde hair? Is it natural?"

"No, actually, I was born with it."

"You an albino?"

"Albinos have white hair, stupid."

I blushed. I did have my moments, after all.

"Yeah..." I said, not wanting to say anything else to humiliate myself.

"I was born with blonde hair. Why, I don't know, but obviously people like it, and I don't really care what people think about me anyways."

"Why not?" I asked. "If I were you I would have dyed my hair black or something. I would be insecure about it."

"Well, after years of dealing with the tauntings I have grown to not care, and," he looked up at me with those mesmerizing eyes of his, "you are the one who should be embarrassed. A guy with pink hair. Tsk."

I stuck my tongue out at him. He was right, I should have been embarrassed because of my hair, but I wasn't. I never have since I dyed it. It looked to natural on me, Hiro would say.

"How long have you been in Tokyo?" Yuki asked me, spinning his chopsticks in the bowl of steaming noodles.

"Three years and two weeks to the day."

"Ah, so your kind of a newbie here?"

"Well, I have yet to see the half of Tokyo."

"Why not?"

"Ah, well...uh, I just don't get out much." I said to my bowl of noodles.

He eyed me for a moment before setting his chopsticks down beside the bowl.

"Meet up with me here on Saturday."

"What?" I said looked up at him, his golden eyes burning into my violet ones.

"I'm going to take you around the city. Saturday at ten o'clock a.m. You had better be here."

I continued to look at him, confusion swimming in my head. Why would someone like him want to hang out with a mess like me. I wasn't even worth the time of day and here he was telling me that I was going to go around the city with him. I couldn't believe my ears. I felt my body tingle with anticipation, yet my chest burn with loathing. If he would find out about what a real mess I was he would most certainly turn away from me in a heartbeat, I knew he would. But, then again, I knew that everyone had their vices and everyone had their own life they have lived and everyone had problems. But, I just couldn't help but feel no one could understand the way I felt. Not even myself. If I didn't understand the matters of my soul, no one would, or even care to.

"Alright?"

"Yeah..sure, ten o'clock." I said half-heartedly.

"You don't sound so sure. Sure you won't stand me up?" he asked with a smirk.

"Look, I'll be there alright?" I answered annoyedly.

He nodded, eyeing my carefully. I wondered if he was trying to search my body for any outward signs of defiance, or if he was trying to see right through me. All this time I have hidden from the outside world what is really wrong with me, and I was sure hoping that one single person couldn't see right through my mask.

"We need to get back to work." he said, standing and taking his now empty bowl to the garbage.

I took my own half-eaten one and followed behind him, throwing it away and going back to work.

I came home that night feeling more drained that I have in a long time. There was something about Yuki that drained every ounce of strength in me and made me feel weak in the knees. He scared me a little bit, and I don't know why. He didn't do anything wrong, he just told me meet up with him Saturday.

"Hey." I heard Hiro called, coming into the living room. "I'm home."

"In my room!" I called back to him and reburied my face in my pillow.

He came in and I felt him sit at the foot of the bed. I could feel his eyes burning at the back of my head. It only made me feel worse because I knew exactly what he was about to say next. We had the same conversation almost everyday, and it was starting to get old.

"When are you going to stop all of this?" he asked, that familiar rant coming. "You are doing nothing but hurting yourself..."

I knew what he was saying by heart. Most of the time I would pantomime along with him when he wasn't looking. II hated having the same conversation over and over again and having to give the same answer. If he didn't get it through his head at that point, then he never would, because I always tell him the same thing.

"Whenever I can go back in time and take out everything that caused me to turn out like this, the maybe I will stop."

He shook his head and left the room, telling me he would have dinner ready in half an hour. My stomach growled, seeing as I hardly ate at lunch. Yuki's eyes were still burning into my mind. I tried to shake it off but I couldn't get rid of the pleasurable chills that shook my body everytime his face came to my thoughts. I didn't know what was wrong with me. The bad thing was, I liked it, a lot.

(A/N): Okay, this is a bit long..well, as a matter of fact, all of the chapters are going to be kind of long, so I hope that doesn't bother anyone. I really hope you all have enjoyed it so far. Please review! I need to know how this is! Thanks!