Envied Perfection
My small, calloused hands pulled out an old, dust-covered scroll from beneath my white-sheeted bed. I pulled out a pen from my drawer and then dipped it in clear ink only visible to my Byakugan eyes, I had made sure before. I sprawled my materials on the floor and lay down. With pen in hand, I began to write on the thick, blank scroll.
I don't know why I suddenly wanted to write this. I've never been the type of girl to record all her thoughts. The pleasure of having that ability has since abandoned me in my early childhood. I simply approach each day like the one before: "just another day." Yet, my lifestyle has been troubling me lately. Things have been happening for reasons in which I do not understand.
Deep inside… I feel so, empty. Like I am nothing but a toy to my clan. A toy that they can manipulate in whatever way they want. What makes it worse is that I do whatever they want. Why? I have no reason to stop me from doing so. I am the prodigy, the heiress, the perfect one… Aren't I? Every day, I watch HER train vigorously. Where does she find the strength to continue?
In many ways, I envy her. Whenever she makes a mistake, it is put aside. Whenever she slips up, no one minds. When she fails, no one cares. Why? Because it is expected of her. Her flaws are anticipated. Then why is it that whenever I make the meekest of mistakes, I receive a slap on the face? Why is it that whenever I am a fraction of a step off, I am harshly lectured? Why is it that when I feel weak, everyone viscously attacks me with their cold and unfeeling eyes? Why? Because it is NOT expected of me. Once one like myself becomes perfect, we must strive to up hold that title to avoid the consequences.
The expectation of HER is set so low so that she can grasp it if she could only find it in herself to do so. For myself, it is set far beyond my reach, and when I do grab it, I am to never fall lower or waiver from that spot. I feel like a small, vulnerable child straining to reach the cookie jar on the highest shelf… Only, when I was a child, I never reached for it like her. I decided to never let myself appear to be so childish and undisciplined for it was 'unseemly' of me.
I am in the later of my fifteenth year and will soon officially possess the title of heiress as soon as I become sixteen. As my tou-sama states, I should feel blessed for becoming the new strength of the Hyuuga. Yet, I still glance towards her and envy her freedom, her perfection. She is practically free to do whatever she chooses. While I am locked within this clan: chained and muzzled.
With each passing day, she grows stronger and more… beautiful. I have no more space to grow for I have already exceeded all past expectations in strength. But I am still in the mere shadow of her existence. For I am nothing like her. She surpasses me in countenance and for some reason; I cannot help but feel let down by my own looks. I am stronger, but she is more beautiful. I sound envious, and I am. Why would someone with everything, like me, be so jealous of a folly thing like her appearances?
I guess I have come to some sort of ridiculous conclusion that still angers me to this day. As much as I want to deny it, I am insecure and questioning of my… femininity. Hopefully, I will… blossom from this childish known as puberty.
I stopped writing for a second when I felt the presence of someone nearby. With my bloodline activated, I peered through the door to see one of the branch member servants standing before it.
"What is it that you want?" I stated a little more coldly than I would have wanted.
"Your father has been called away to an important meeting in Sunagakure. He requested that as long as you keep training your normal schedule, you could have the rest of the week off while he's away."
"Understood. You may leave now," I finished. As soon as I was sure they were gone, I continued to write the last few lines in the scroll before putting it away.
In every aspect and angle, I admire and envy her: my own nee-san…OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
AN: in case it isn't obvious, the story will be told through the eyes of a fifteen year old Hanabi. So do the math and the main cast is either twenty or twenty-one. I felt like writing a story told by a younger sister since I'm one myself and Hanabi was the best choice. There will be implied couples of SasuHina, NaruIno, SakuLee, and TemaShika. For the most part though, the story is about Hanabi watching the relationships between the Rookie 9. R&R, ja ne!