A/N: Manga-based semi-drabble from real-Syaoran's PoV…cause that's what I'm good at. ;) Huge, neon-sign spoilers for events in manga chapters 119+
Yes, the title is taken from the Stone Sour song, "Through Glass." The first time I heard that song on the radio, my mind immediately jumped to TC and hasn't budged. :P Kinda thought about making a songfic, but this turned out to be more fun. Rating is K+ for the tiniest bit of swearing.
Standard Disclaimer: None of the myriad characters/worlds created by CLAMP belong to me…they've left the door wide open for fanfiction though, for which I am eternally
grateful. Also, all lyrics of "Through Glass" belong to Stone Sour.
Through Glass: Mirror
"I'm looking at you through the glass,
don't know how much time has passed.
All I know is that if feels like forever.
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home,
sitting all alone inside your head…"
I wasn't going to let it end like this.
I gritted my teeth as I hung in the air, suspended by a circle of knotted runes, the language of magic made manifest. At the corner of my vision stood Fen Wong Reed, his arms raised, his black robes hardly stirring in the storm which he himself was guiding. I could hear him chanting continuously, his voice a deep, harsh growl.
I spared him hardly a thought. My focus was locked on the huge, circular mirror before me and the figure reflected through that glass. No-no mere reflection, a nearly-complete copy of myself.
Fen Wong's magic surged back and forth through the mirror like the winds of a tempest. I had to fight to keep from crying out as that magic lashed against me. Every time it struck I could feel it steal away a little more of my power. That power was soaked up by my dead-eyed copy on the other side of the glass and Fen Wong's magic snapped back for more before the pain of the first strike had faded.
I didn't have much time. His chanting rose slowly in volume-the very air pulsed in time with his voice now. I drew in a last deep, shuddering breath. If I was to do it, it would have-to be-NOW!
I don't consciously know how I was able to break the binding spell. All I was aware of was that I pushed, sharp and fast and hard with every ounce of strength I possessed. He must have been caught off guard, for his chanting faltered and the storm of magic assaulting me calmed slightly. Only slightly, but it was enough.
I didn't allow myself to think when my hand shot up to my left eye. The breath I had taken released itself as magic, magic of release, magic of sealing.
It was not a spell I ever thought I could use-I wasn't sure it had even existed before the incantation left my lips and flew to my left eye.
But it worked.
My eye tore clean of its socket; a faint tug echoed deep in my chest at the same time. I plunged my fist forward through the mirror which parted like icy water, and pushed its contents into my copy's right eye.
Time stood still for a horrible moment when I pulled my hand away. My copy stared blankly back at me-through me with that empty, dead gaze. My failure nearly swallowed me up when a flicker of light chased that black cloud away. It was the faintest of gleams, but it grew and I saw in that eye my spell burning strong around the half of my heart I had given up.
Time held its breath a bare second longer, just long enough for me to relish the thrill of success and fierce joy that bloomed within me.
Then Fen Wong's storm swept me away again.
I knew he was furious. His chanting snarled around me like thunder and I had no strength left with which to resist him. The spell this time was one of pure binding, suppressing, entrapment. Runes glowing white-hot thrashed around me like snakes, tracing themselves along my arms and legs. My body burned hot and cold by turns as his power formed a net over mine and sealed it off like the snuffing of a candle. It was all I could do to keep from screaming. I refused to give him that pleasure, though, and clenched my teeth so hard I thought they might split.
Fen Wong uttered one last harsh syllable that snapped around me like an iron bar. The power left in the room after his voice died swirled in around me like water. I heard him cursing fiercely and almost smiled in satisfaction as my mind fell back into darkness.
I don't know how much time passed before I awoke fully again. When I gave half my heart to my copy, half of my own power had been lost as well. The spell I used would have taxed Clow Reed himself and under the best circumstances would probably have kept me out for a week or more. On top of that, Fen Wong's binding was ruthlessly designed to prevent any build-up of the power that had been taken from me.
I drifted in and out of that darkness for a long time. It felt like years. Even opening my eyes was exhausting, so for a long time I didn't even try. I knew what I would see anyway.
Black and white snakes.
That's what they looked like when I finally cracked my remaining eye open the barest inch. The runes and symbols covering every inch of the walls and ceiling. Reflected through glass, they wriggled feverishly with every stirring of the water around me.
Fen Wong certainly isn't taking any chances, I thought in grudging respect. The spells embedded in the walls of this room were tied to the spell binding me, each reinforcing the other. Not only did I feel like I was locked in irons, now I had been effectively shut in a windowless prison cell deep underground and worlds away from a prayer of help.
Panic fluttered up in my chest and I had to struggle to breathe. I could feel the runes crawling over my body like a parasite, twining tight around my arms and legs. They were weightless, formless, not even made of ink, but they bound me tighter than steel cables.
I squeezed my eye shut, trying desperately to hold on to my thoughts before they were swept away. Can't fight-can't even move-Fen Wong's magic burning through me like poison-it hurts-! Darkness washed at the edges of my mind like an incoming tide and for a moment I almost let myself drown in it.
But no-NO. I was finally awake, dammit, and I was not about to give up this fight before it had even begun.
I took a deep breath (refusing to let myself think about how I could breathe being surrounded by water) and by sheer force of will cleared my mind of all thoughts. Clow Reed's voice whispered softly in the empty spaces they left behind.
The key to controlling magic is controlling your emotions. The key to controlling your emotions is controlling your thoughts. The purer the emotion the stronger the magic. But emotion is tightly linked with thought, and thoughts too often have a will of their own, a will that would work against you. Do not allow yourself to think when calling magic. Banish all thoughts, allow emotion to guide you and the magic will always be there for you.
The words of my teacher fell like warm sunlight into my cold, dark cell. I continued breathing, deep and slow as in meditation, and gradually my heart calmed. As my body relaxed, I felt myself drifting down, down, slowly like a feather until I came to rest deep inside myself. I let my mind float there for a long moment, lingering in the blessed stillness, free from doubt and fear and pain.
Then, in the softest of all breaths, I called for my magic.
I don't know how long I waited there inside myself. Time meant nothing here and I had learned long ago that magic could not be forced into being. Slowly, oh so slowly, a light gathered before me. It was pale and fragile as a cloud by moonlight and I dare not even blink for fear it would vanish. But it burned calmly, steadily.
Relief sang through my heart. My power, still alive and still my own.
Fen Wong could not touch me here. No matter how ruthless the emotion fueling his magic, not matter how much stronger he was compared to me, he could never render me truly helpless. Even divided in half, my heart was still my own and in it, my power could recover. It was but a glimmer now, but that was all I needed. It was only a matter of time now before it grew enough to break through Fen Wong's bindings.
But will I have enough time…?
My thoughts turned an abrupt corner onto a darker street.
I've never seen a binding that complex before-it could be years before I'm able to unravel it. I've made my move-now it's his turn and he has all the time he wants to move the pieces to his advantage.
The other Syaoran. Half my brother, in one sense, half a corrupted shadow of myself.
Fen Wong could not afford to destroy him, not even after my interference. He must have set him free near Clow Country. I found myself wondering what had happened to him, if anyone had found him yet, even hoping that a kind family might have taken him in.
Yet it was with a chill that I recalled seeing him through the mirror. The physical appearance, the power-he was a nearly perfect copy of myself. But only "nearly" perfect. He was a shell, created as a tool to serve Fen Wong Reed's ambition. I hadn't had time to reflect on it before, but the memories crowded in on me now and I felt a deep, unsettling mixture of revulsion and pity crawl through my bones.
He still has a chance, I reminded myself firmly. Fen Wong created him without a heart, but if he can grow one of his own, he can be free. The half of my heart I gave him is a start, but it's not his own. And as strong as that spell was, it won't last forever. When the seal on his right eye is broken…
My thoughts paused there, as though gazing down the path they had set upon to be sure it was the right one.
When that seal is broken and my heart returns to me, if one has not been born to take its place…then for the sake of countless futures in countless worlds…I will destroy you.
With my own power as my witness, I so swore.
That oath settled heavily around my heart, but it was a comforting weight, somehow. I felt like I had something to hold onto now. I didn't want to call it a "goal", because it was a worst-case scenario that I hoped to avoid if at all possible. But it became my rock in this sea of black waves and writhing serpents.
My mind drifted slowly out of that deep place within myself. Exhaustion had finally worn away the discipline holding my thoughts together. Now they scattered like dead leaves to the wind. I released them gladly and let my mind drift in their wake. That wind bore me swiftly along, beyond my prison of glass and into darkness.
There you go! Not finished yet, of course, but the next chapter will be up shortly. And for those of you who don't believe me…well, just watch me prove you wrong. Muhuhahahaa… :P
Anyway, that about-face CLAMP took with the two Syaorans was absolutely BRILLIANT, and after these recent chapters (130+), I haven't been able to stop thinking about what it must have been like for Syaoran stuck in that tank that whole time.
And for those of you aware/care, yes, I am aware of the inconsistency as to when Syaoran swore to destroy his other half-in the manga it was in ch. 123, and he said he swore it when he handed over half his heart. While that certainly sounds cool in retrospect, I felt like "Well, how much time has he actually had to think about this and make a decision like that?" It's fanfiction though, what else can I say… :P