A.N.: I'm still trying to decide if Jed and Nephrite are OOC, but this is sort of the way I've always seen their non-evil selves, so I'm hoping it's not too bad. Anyway, don't forget to review! I'll be less likely to go another six months between updates if I get reviews.

Thanks to my beta, Destiny's Darkness, for finding my many mistakes!

CHAPTER SIX: Crazy Chicks

"We've found something, Raye," she finally muttered. "We think it might be our answer."

"Answer?"

"About whether or not Malachite is actually evil."

Raye nodded, voice becoming brisk, businesslike. Soldier-like. "I'll be at the temple in twenty minutes," she told her fellow warrior, knowing that whatever it was couldn't be said over the phone.

She snapped her phone shut, not even bothering to say goodbye before she turned and began sprinting in the opposite direction. She'd disappeared in less than an instant, never once noticing the thoughtful green eyes that had been trained on her the entire time, never once realizing that her conversation had been overheard.

"Jed, if you freaking sigh one more freaking time, I'm gonna freaking kill you."

Jed didn't even look over from where he was lying on his back on Nephrite's couch, though the threat might have been real enough. He only frowned and continued staring up at the ceiling of Nephrite's apartment with the same depressed expression he'd had all afternoon. "You'd sigh, too," he said, voice genuinely and somehow still overdramatically morose, "if the woman you'd been pining after turned out to be a psychopathic killer bent on slaughtering one of your best friends."

Nephrite rolled his eyes, though if he was considering murder himself, it couldn't quite be seen in his face. "Stop being such a girl," he finally told Jed, wishing the other man would just shut up and let him watch the game. Wasn't that why Jed was here, anyway? To watch the big game on Nephrite's freakishly expensive plasma screen? Nephrite was all for being there for his friend in his time of need, but if he'd wanted to sit around discussing members of the opposite sex like a couple of hormonal pre-pubescent girls, he'd have thrown a freaking slumber party. "It's not like she'd really kill him," he reluctantly pointed out, knowing he was probably just prolonging the conversation but also realizing that Jed wouldn't shut up until he realized how ridiculous he was being.

Jed shifted, lifting his head briefly to peer over at the friend sitting in an overstuffed chair near his feet, then allowing it to flop back down. "You're only saying that because you didn't hear her," he retorted. "She sounded pretty dang serious to me." He sighed again, blatantly ignored the answering groan of frustration from Nephrite. "Why do I always fall for the crazy ones?"

Nephrite rolled his eyes yet again. "You know they're the only ones that will have you, that's why." He snorted. "And how long have you known this girl, anyway? You've had, what, two weeks of classes with her? That's hardly cause to mourn, you retard."

Jed once again lifted his head, and this time his glare lasted a little longer before his expression faded back into that same melodramatic misery. "Give me some credit," he snapped back. "It's been three weeks, and anyway, this is the love of my life we're talking about! My soul mate! The future mother of my unborn children! Can't you see how serious this is?"

Yeah, the love of your life who doesn't even know you exist, because all you've done is ogle her from afar, like an exceptionally idiotic stalker. And even if she is your soul mate, the gods aren't stupid enough to let you contribute to the gene pool.

Nephrite somehow kept himself from rolling his eyes for what was probably the fiftieth time in as many minutes. "Such a girl," he muttered under his breath before turning back to the television.

"And do you know what the worst part is?"

Nephrite fought the urge to chuck the remote at his friend's head. Only the knowledge that Jed's thick skull would probably break the device stopped him, because honestly, how long was the man going to go on about this? So the chick was nuts. So what? Either get over it or get over her, right?

When did I miss Jed's sex change? Or maybe he was just a girl in his last life, and the female tendencies come back when he's under stress.

Note to self: as soon as the game is over and Jed is done wallowing, I need to take him out and get him into a bar fight or something. It's the only way he'll ever regain his man points.

Nephrite hadn't answered and obviously wasn't even really listening, but that had never deterred Jed. "The worst part," the tall, blond man continued morosely, "is that Mal didn't even care. I told him that the love of my life was going to try and off him, and all he said was that I needed to grow a pair and stop being such a girl about it."

Neph snorted. I knew there was a reason I liked Mal.

"Did he even know who she was?" The question was asked almost hesitantly, because honestly, what sane man would keep this conversation going? Still, Nephrite could admit to being curious. A lot of women acted crazy around Malachite, but when most women talked of assaulting the man, they weren't thinking of the kind of bodily assault that would actually cause harm.

…and, ew. Now I'm twitching and might have to shoot myself. That's just…not right.

Jed made a face, unaware of the mental images Nephrite was now desperately trying to purge from his brain. "No. He said that the only crazy stalker chick he's met recently was blonde. Raye has black hair, and she's not the type of woman a man forgets anyway." He sighed…again. "I just can't stop wondering why she hates him so much. I mean, if you're gonna threaten some guy's life, doesn't it mean that you have some kind of history together? I love Mal like a brother, but I already have too many rivals when it comes to Raye, and I don't need someone like him getting in my way."

Rivals? For a psycho girl? And for a psycho girl who doesn't know you're alive, no less? How can he even… Sigh of his own, at that. Never mind. I don't want to know any more about Jed's love life, or even lack thereof. It's not good for my sanity.

Jed isn't good for my sanity. I need new friends.

Still, Nephrite couldn't help grinning. "I don't think you'd need to worry about Malachite as competition, Jed," he told his friend. "No matter how women fantasize about his writer persona, he's not exactly…well, you know."

Jed cocked an eyebrow in Nephrite's direction. "Outgoing? More charismatic than a rock? Friendlier than a serial killer?"

"Yeah. That."

It was Jed's turn to roll his eyes. "And you think that matters? He's rich, he's famous, and though I'm a guy and so totally have not ever looked, he's not ugly. What girl wouldn't want him?"

Like I can answer that and still be straight. "You're such a friggin' chick, Jed."

Jed just sighed.

And then sighed again.

And again.

And…

"Ow!"

Nephrite smirked and turned back to the game. He'd buy another remote later.

"…and I call dibs!"

"You don't get to call dibs on an execution, you homicidal nutcase!"

Very brief pause at that, and even from across the temple courtyard, Raye could make out Haruka's groan of frustration. "…fine, we can share," she muttered, though even her mutters were too loud, "but I still say I should get the first shot at him."

"And what makes you think that you get…"

Raye was grateful, as always, that the shrine was so isolated. Haruka and Lita weren't exactly being quiet, and Raye could only wonder what her non-existent neighbors would have thought if they'd heard this.

It's all ridiculous, anyway. They're using my house as a base, and it's my life Malachite is messing up. Isn't it obvious that I should get the first shot at him?

The argument continued as Raye sprinted across the courtyard to her own quarters, but she was no longer listening. All she cared about was getting inside, getting the plan from Mina—who always had a plan, even for something like this—and then asserting her own right to Malachite's death. If I don't hurry, Haruka will beat me to it. Freakin' violent psychopath…

The shouts grew slightly louder as Raye, who'd completely failed to notice the hypocrisy of her own thoughts, dashed up the steps to her bedroom. She slid the door aside, not at all surprised to find her fellow warriors already ensconced in her bedroom, her things scattered across the room, the snacks she'd bought just that morning for herself already reduced to a pile of shredded wrappers. Still, for once Raye didn't bother to throttle a certain blonde airhead—or to question why the wrappers were shredded in the first place—or even to wonder which of them had picked the locks on her bedroom door this time. She only pushed herself into the rather crowded room—only Darien and Setsuna were missing, with the cats supposedly on guard duty—pausing just long enough to slide the door shut behind her before immediately moving to Mina's side. "Who did he kill, and when can I kill him?"

For once Raye didn't sound angry, or irritated, or as if she were on the verge of murdering them all and was just trying to control the rage in her voice so they wouldn't know death was coming until escape was no longer possible. She did sound out of breath—though that was probably to be expected when she'd just sprinted across the city without stopping—and possibly a little too eager, but maybe they'd just become so conditioned to Raye's irritation that any other emotion in her seemed almost abnormal.

Which was probably abnormal in itself, but then again, what in their lives wasn't?

Mina raised an eyebrow in her dark-haired friend's direction, her expression remaining impassive in the face of Raye's rather atypical enthusiasm. "Amy found what we were looking for," she simply said, avoiding Raye's comment and instead inclining her head towards Amy's computer.

Raye made a face, barely glanced at the monitor and then immediately shook her head and turned to Amy. "Give me the short version if you must, but know that I really don't care."

Even if the words hadn't been so blunt, judging by her tone, the priestess clearly didn't want to bother with any explanation at all. She'd been clamoring to go after Malachite before they'd had even a hint of evidence, and she didn't particularly want to waste time on it now. Still, Amy only rolled her eyes and attempted to explain anyway.

"I dug up every possible scrap of information I could find on this man," she said, her voice just a little apologetic. "His school records, his driving history, even his credit report, and from what I can tell, he's just a normal human. He didn't even have that many parking tickets, let alone anything really suspicious. It wasn't until I hacked into his accountant's files that I found any evidence at all."

Amy paused, obviously giving Raye another chance to look at the screen, but Raye only cocked an impatient eyebrow. "Money laundering? Not what I was expecting, but I can work with it. Do we get to keep the money after we kill him?"

Mina's lips quirked slightly at that, but Amy only groaned. "There isn't any money, Raye, but even if there were, keeping it would be just as illegal."

Raye shrugged, clearly wondering why that little detail was important, but she didn't press the matter. "Okay…did he at least kill his accountant?"

Mina seemed torn between shaking her head and snickering. She somehow managed to avoid both, though her eyes were dancing as she answered. "No, Raye, he didn't kill anyone."

"Then why do we care about his accountant?" The priestess paused, then scowled. "And wasn't this supposed to be the short version?"

The others hadn't really been listening to this conversation—they'd heard it before Raye had arrived, and most of them hadn't cared about evidence any more than Raye did, already moving on to the more important issue of selecting the executioner—but at this, Lita looked up from her place on Raye's bed. "They've been looking at his tax records," she explained, her expression only slightly less impatient than Raye's. "The guy stopped paying his taxes and pretty much disappeared completely right when Beryl showed up...then turned up again right after we killed her. You know that can't be a coincidence."

Raye grimaced, comprehension dawning. She considered the information for a very brief second, then visibly shrugged. "You could have just left it at 'tax evasion,' you know. Or the parking tickets. Or, I dunno, the whole 'existing' thing. I never really needed a reason to kill Malachite."

Mina's lips twisted in a quick grin, though it was a grin with an edge. "Zoicite," she corrected.

Raye blinked. "What?"

"Those aren't Malachite's tax returns," Mina almost blandly informed her purple-eyed friend. "Those are Zoicite's."

Raye blinked again. And again. Her mouth fell open, then abruptly snapped shut. "What?" she finally managed, though she seemed to be choking on whatever else she might have said.

Mina's grin only widened. "Did I forget to mention that the undead guy brought back one of his friends?"

Raye gaped at her leader for a full minute, her mouth still alternately opening and then closing, but then she took a deep breath, clearly trying to control the rising anger. "Figures," she muttered. "Why wouldn't the dead guy bring back his dead girlfriend?"

"Boyfriend."

Mina's eyes were still dancing as confusion darkened Raye's eyes.

"What?" Raye finally asked.

Mina shrugged, her smile fading slightly as she reminded herself that she wouldn't exactly be laughing when either man finally started hurting people. "Zoicite is a he now, apparently."

Silence reigned for several long moments, and then Raye abruptly turned to Amy. "Am I allowed to add Mina to the hit list?"

Amy actually nodded.

Mina was still smiling, though none of the others quite noticed that the smile no longer reached her eyes. Still, it was Serena, not her blond cousin, who spoke next. "I still don't get it. Since when do the bad girls become the bad guys?"

Haruka, sitting across the room with her arm around Michelle and obviously still enjoying Raye's agitation, laughed at the confusion still on the blonde's face. "They don't...but just so you know, that sounded perverted."

Amy ignored Serena's blush and Haruka's second bout of laughter. "The Starlights switched genders all the time," she reminded the others, her eyes back on her computer and the data she'd read through half a dozen times already. "It's not that unusual."

Lita rolled her eyes. "You know we've seen too much weirdness when somebody randomly switching genders 'is not that unusual'. Does anyone else think we need to get new day jobs before we go completely nuts?"

"Are you sure she wasn't just cross-dressing?" This from Haruka. Of course.

"Positive. He was absolutely male." Had they been speaking of anyone else, Mina might have grinned again. As it was, she didn't miss the slight blush that inexplicably crossed Amy's cheeks, and she frowned instead.

"It's not like we haven't killed her...him...it?...before," Lita finally pointed out. "How tough can it be to take both of them on at once, especially when we're so much stronger now? And this does make it easier to decide who gets to do the honors." Her lips twisted in a rueful smile. "Maybe we should wait until they're all alive so we can each have one?"

Haruka looked as though she was seriously considering that.

Raye ignored this, shook her head, brushed away the anger, and turned to Mina, not giving Amy a chance to defend herself or the evidence only Mina and Serena had wanted anyway. "Is this enough for you? Can we kill him now? Preferably before he resurrects the lot of them?"

She hadn't really been joking, but when Mina only gazed back with a face that had once again become completely expressionless, Raye decided to count her leader's silence as tacit approval. "Okay, so when do I get to do this?"

...and as the fight started all over again, none of the senshi even noticed as Mina, hard-eyed but still emotionless, slipped from the room.

Several miles away, a dark-haired young man stared up at a seemingly innocent office building, trying to reconcile the boring exterior with the evil he'd been told lurked within. Light from the setting sun glinted off tinted windows, back into his eyes, but though he sighed, he didn't look away.

He couldn't see it, couldn't sense it. Had the senshi been wrong? It wouldn't be the first—

Well, no, it actually would be the first time they'd been wrong, at least about something like this. The senshi were too well trained, Amy too smart and Mina too cautious to make a mistake of this magnitude. If they believed they'd found enough evidence to justify what they were about to do, then who was he to question their instincts? Gods only knew how often those instincts had saved his life in the past.

...but what if they were wrong?

Darien sighed yet again, knowing that Serena wasn't any more convinced than he was. His tiny, flighty fiancée wasn't as...hard as some of the other senshi could sometimes be and had always been a little too inclined to see the good in others, but her instincts weren't usually wrong, either.

So who was he supposed to trust?

"I thought I'd find you here."

Darien was too much the soldier himself to jump, but he did wince slightly as he automatically spun to face the slender blonde. One of these days, I'm going to figure out how they do that...

Mina was leaning against a tree just a little behind and to the side of him, her arms crossed over her chest, the bright smile they'd all come to expect completely gone now. She looked like she'd been standing there for quite some time, but then he'd long since learned not to trust appearances when it came to Venus.

"Did Serena tell you about Zoicite?"

He nodded but remained silent. He didn't entirely trust Mina with his secrets—she was too calculating, and experience had made him cautious around her—and how could he really expect her to understand?

Then again, she didn't seem to need an explanation. Mina didn't press for answers, only pursed her lips and turned to stare up at the office they now knew was Zoicite's. "You weren't at the meeting," she said, no judgment at all in her voice. "I could have used your input...even if you are a little too biased."

He couldn't argue with her. He was biased, probably even more than she knew, but he only frowned and considered what he should say. "I can't sense any evil here," he finally told her, his voice so quiet that only the inhuman girl beside him would have been able to hear. "If this was a base, wouldn't I be able to tell?"

"I don't know. Would you?"

Was she baiting him? "Yes. And so would you."

Her eyes were still locked on the building, and it was her turn to frown. "Probably...maybe. Beryl was never exactly subtle, but I think your men would be more than capable of hiding from us, Prince. If they'd learned their lesson, if they'd known you'd be watching for them, wouldn't they be more careful this time?"

He didn't think it was a question she expected him to answer. How could he, after so many years? No matter how much they'd once meant to him, he wasn't naïve enough to think he still knew them.

And maybe Mina realized that, as well, because she suddenly uncrossed her arms and stepped away from her tree. "If it helps," she told him, voice now soft with a compassion he wouldn't have expected from someone in her position, "it won't be tonight."

He did look at her then, surprise shooting one of his eyebrows into his hairline.

She shrugged in response to the question he hadn't asked, her expression completely closed. "I can play the executioner," she told him, no hesitation or guilt at all in the words. "It won't be the first time, and I wouldn't lose any sleep over it, but there are still too many questions that I need answered first. How did he do it? Is Beryl also back? If she is and we kill them, will we be able to find her again?" She paused, shook her head. "It won't be tonight," she said again.

He might have nodded, tried to reassure her, but she was already turning away. "Don't stay away too long, Darien," she told him, her words only just shy of an order though she was no longer looking at him. "You need to be a part of this, whatever happens."

She melted back into the trees without another word, and only then did Darien notice that the sun had set and the light was almost completely gone. He, too, sighed and turned to leave, knowing that he might as well return to his own apartment and wait for the sleep that hadn't come since all of this had started.

"If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, come on, sug—"

Darien jumped, cursed, and quickly reached down to yank the phone from his pocket.

I really need to stop letting Serena pick my ring tones.

He lifted the phone to his ear, smiling just a little in spite of everything. "Hey, Serena..."

And then, as Serena began squealing on the other end of the line, he froze, eyes widening, face going slightly pale.

"What do you mean, Zoicite is a man?"

"I think I'm being stalked."

A pause, then... "...okay? Why are you telling me? I thought you had people for that?"

If Malachite had been anyone else, he might have been offended by the lack of worry in Nephrite's voice. As it was, he only sighed. "Your concern for me is overwhelming."

His friend chuckled. "I'm sure it is, but don't let it go to your head. Your ego is already freakishly huge."

There wasn't any point in replying to that.

"Your stalker doesn't happen to have black hair, does she?"

Malachite blinked, surprised by the question. "Sort of...but what makes you assume my stalker is a woman?"

"...because this is you, Mal. It's always a woman...unless there's something you need to tell me?"

Malachite grimaced. "For the last time, I'm not gay."

"No offense, man, but nothing else can explain your hair."

Malachite chose to ignore the insult. "Why were you asking? Do you know something I don't?"

"Not really...but I'm pretty sure your stalker is Jed's girlfriend."

"Jed has a girlfriend? I thought we all decided the gods would never let him breed?"

"They must not have gotten the memo. And she's not really his girlfriend. Just...more like the person he's stalking himself."

Malachite shook his head, though of course Nephrite couldn't have seen. "You're referring to the woman who wants to kill me," he said, suddenly remembering the conversation he'd had with Jed only hours before. "This isn't her."

"How do you know? Have you met her? You said your stalker has black hair. So does she."

"We live in Japan. Most of the women have black hair...but that's not relevant, because my stalker is a cat."

Another pause, this one slightly heavier.

"...did you forget to take your pills again, Mal?"

Malachite sighed. "I'm not on medication."

"Then you need to be."

Malachite couldn't quite keep the irritation from his expression, though of course Nephrite couldn't see that, either. "I'm not crazy. This cat is not normal."

Nephrite gave what could only be considered a long-suffering sigh. "Okay, back up. What cat?"

"The one sitting in my window, staring at me."

"...and why do you think it's stalking you?"

"Because every time I turn around, it's there, still watching me."

"That's what cats do. Maybe you're just paranoid? Really, really paranoid?"

Malachite couldn't quite deny the possibility. "Maybe, but I think there's something wrong with this cat. It doesn't hunt, all it does is stare at me, and it's been here for days."

"So you've got a stray hanging around. Is that really enough of a reason to go off your meds?"

Mal fought the urge to hang up on his friend. "I'm telling you, I'm not..."

He trailed off, suddenly distracted by the cat which, ironically, was no longer sitting in his window. "It's gone."

"The cat's gone? Problem solved, then."

Malachite couldn't quite bring himself to agree. "Maybe...or maybe it's up to something."

"...really. Medication. Get some."

Malachite didn't answer. He kept his cell at his ear as he moved quickly and quietly to the window, peered through the glass to the street outside. The light was long gone, and there weren't many streetlights, but he could just make out the dark shape slipping across his overgrown lawn and across the road.

"Mal?"

The cat stopped on the far sidewalk, seemed to pause, and then a slight, rather short figure detached itself from the tall bushes at the edge of his neighbor's property. The figure—Man? Woman? He couldn't tell—knelt before the cat, and only an instant later, the animal turned and sprinted down the street.

"Malachite? You there, man?"

Malachite started, finally remembered the friend waiting patiently on the other end of the line. "Yes. Sorry. I was just..."

He trailed off again, his mouth going slightly dry as the headlights from a passing car briefly flashed over the blonde woman standing across the street, her surprisingly beautiful and surprisingly familiar face unmistakably turned in his direction.

"Mal?"

"...I don't believe it."

"What's wrong?"

She was already gone. Somehow, in the space between his heartbeats, she'd disappeared back into the bushes, her tiny body swallowed by the darkness.

Malachite shook his head, swallowed, cleared his throat and tried to remember how to breathe. "Want the good news or the bad news first?"

Nephrite didn't even have to consider it. "Good."

"The good news? My stalker isn't Jed's girlfriend."

"Okay. And the bad?"

"I was right about the cat."

Venus Smurf's Jokes of the Day:

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon, and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, You just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is: God is crying. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is: Probably because of something you did.

Courtesy of JadesRose:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.