AN: This is for triplesnap, who wanted to know why there is no Samantha Carter in the Asgard Fleet. The first story I tried just wasn't long enough, but I liked it, so she also gets a little bonus!

Spoilers: None really…

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Rating: Kid-Friendly

Summary: In which Shakespeare is revealed to not hold up in all parts of the Universe.

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"Admit it, Carter. You're jealous." Jack said, absently throwing sticks into the fire in front of him. Camping off-world in un-life-threatening situations was always a relief for him and somehow made the whole rock survey thing more palatable.

"I am not jealous." Sam insisted. "For all we know, it isn't customary for the Asgard to name ships after women."

"Now you're just making things up."

"She has a point, Jack." Daniel said, rummaging for more Kleenex. "On Earth we only name ships after women."

"Are not the Asgard asexual beings?" Teal'c asked, setting down a load of wood and taking a seat beside Daniel.

"From what we've seen." Sam agreed.

"Then why should it matter what they name their ships?"

"See! I told you." Jack looked triumphantly across the flames.

Sam rolled her eyes. "Look, they haven't named a ship after me…maybe they got tired of Thor naming things all the time and let someone else have a turn."

"He's supreme commander, Carter. I think they let him do whatever he wants."

"Well he hasn't exactly had an easy time lately." Sam pointed out. "Maybe he's taking a leave of absence or something."

"Carter, we all got ships. You didn't. You're jealous. It's okay!"

"Well it's not like your ships all met with rosy ends, is it?" Sam asked pointedly. "Maybe they gave up because it was bad karma."

"That's probably it." Daniel said, blowing his nose loudly.

Sam looked across the fire at him and Daniel ducked away without making eye contact.

"You know something." She accused him.

"I…know a lot of things, Sam." He dodged. "That's why they keep me around."

"No no no, you know why there isn't a ship."

"Really, Sam, I don't."

"You do, and you are going to tell me."

"Sam, I – " Daniel looked helplessly at Jack, but the Colonel was enjoying the show far too much to help him out.

"Daniel!"

"It's a swear word!"

"What?"

"It's…your name. In Asgard. It's a bad word."

"Thor says it all the time." Sam protested.

"No, Thor says 'Captain' or 'Major' all the time." Daniel corrected. "And when he does call you by your name, it is never when anyone else can hear him."

"I…I…my name is a swear word."

"Well…it's just really rude." Daniel admitted. "And it related to certain…proclivities that – "

"Daniel, I don't want to know."

"Good."

"I would like to know!" Jack said loudly.

"Perhaps you should ask Thor the next time he beams you aboard his vessel." Teal'c suggested.

"My name is a swear word and I don't get a ship."

"It's okay, Carter." Jack said. "Just because your name is rude in cultures that save our butts occasionally is no reason to be ashamed of your name."

"I'm not, sir." Sam snapped. "It's just a little weird."

"Perhaps this would be a good time to tell you what 'Jack' means in the language spoken by the Jaffa."

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finis

AN: Hey, Teal'c always calls him O'Neill! Three for the price of one.

GravityNotIncluded, January 2007