Harry Potter and the Veela Involved Series of Unfortunate Events.
A/N: This is a result of our new "Thank God you're Here: DLP style!" game. After Jon (Er…Surarrin) wrote the first part, I just had to write the second. Due to the pressuring reviews left behind at the DLP forums, I've decided to write a bit more of it. However, keep in mind that this will remain a humorous story. Jon and I will come up with a suitable plot and plan later, we're already hashing out some funny ideas. Until then, enjoy
Part One: Written by Surarrin:
An amused laugh escaped Harry's throat as he chuckled at the ending of Bill's favourite 'The Witch, the Wizard and the Wilder beast' joke. He paused to take a small sip of his Butterbeer, his eyes roaming the crowded Weasley kitchen, watching Mrs Weasley finish making tomorrow's wedding cake and leave the room, a tired yet satisfied expression on her face. Suddenly, all eyes at the table turned towards him; including several older wizards that Harry didn't personally know but assumed that they were friends of Bill. As his mind frantically sought for a good joke, he noticed that the focus of their attention wasn't rested upon him. Rather, it was focused over his shoulder. Suddenly a very sweet smell of perfume and flowers assaulted his senses, leaving him a little light-headed and causing him to shake his head in confusion.
"Did you want something Gabby?" Bill asked kindly, not noticing Harry's discomfort and prompting Harry to turn his head around.
Behind him stood one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen and the moment his eyes made contact with the sparkling blue eyes of Gabrielle Delacour, he was almost blinded by the dazzling smile she let off, her entire face lighting up as she revealed her sparkling white teeth. She shook her head to Bill's question and before Harry could say anything, she grabbed his arm with one of her dainty hands and he was tugged up from his seat, pulled away from the table and out of the Burrow before he knew what was happening.
Bill watched Harry go with a slightly bemused look on his face. Shrugging his shoulders in confusion, he turned back to his friends and let out a small smile.
"Alright, let me tell you the one about the broomstick and the Nundu. Trust me; if you haven't heard this one before, then you're going to love it!"
Harry suddenly managed to pierce through the fogginess of his mind as he was led outside, the moon shining down on his form as Gabrielle stopped and turned around, speaking in feverish French, her hands moving widely as she chattered to him. A bemused smile formed upon Harry's lips, his protests dying on his lips.
"What do you want Gabrielle?" Harry asked confusedly, but Gabrielle continued to speak in French, a language that Harry had absolutely no understanding of except for 'Oui'. Gabrielle sighed and grabbed his arm again, dragging him back towards the burrow. As soon as her arm touched his, Harry felt a very enjoyable and pleasant fog come to his mind and he made not move to stop Gabrielle approached the backdoor of the Burrow. She let go of his arm and spun around again, her silver hair soaring through the air as she regarded him with a mischievous smile and a noticeable glint in her eyes that Harry couldn't exactly place. He took the time to glance around, seeing Mrs Weasley levitating the large wedding cake out of the house and into the small, white pavilion that would house the wedding.
"Tu veux coucher avec moi?" (1) Gabrielle asked softly as she moved closer to Harry. Harry took a small step backwards as she invaded his personal space, the fogginess in his mind increasing as she came uncomfortably close, her eyes glittering with hope and something else. Gabrielle continued to look hopefully up at Harry as she waited for his answer and Harry, with a bemused look on his face, uttered the only French word he knew.
"Er…Oui?" the Boy-Who-Lived said perplexedly, although he was unsure of what he was saying yes to. However, a blinding smile shot over Gabrielle's face and she snatched his arm before he could react, which was something when taking his skills in Quidditch into account. Suddenly Gabrielle was pulling him back into the house, past the milling and laughing guests, who ignored the small girl and her uncomprehending companion as they marched up the stairs. Gabrielle had a cute pout on her face as she surveyed the upstairs hallway speculatively, until her eyes lit up and she dragged Harry to a room that he knew only by sight; Ginny's room.
Before he could understand what was going on, Gabrielle turned the handle and pushed it open, quickly pulling Harry inside. The moment he was inside the room, Gabrielle shut the door and turned the lock. By doing so, she let go of Harry and suddenly the pleasant fog was gone again. Harry blinked in confusion, taking in the surroundings, which mostly seemed to be pink, before turning to Gabrielle with a confused look on his face.
"Gabrielle?" He asked slowly, staring across at the younger girl, who was smiling coyly at him. "What is this?"
"Enlève tes vêtements," (2) She said softly, her cheeks suddenly heating up as she lowered her head shyly, although she darted a glance back at him for his answer.
"I don't understand," Harry said calmly, before motioning to the side, where a stack of scroll's and quills lay on a desk. "Could you write it down in English??"
Gabrielle's shy manner seemed to disappear as annoyance flooded her features her hands flying to her hips as she narrowed her eyes.
"Déshabille-toi maintenant!" (3) Gabrielle said forcefully, as she stepped closer to Harry. As she did, Harry's mind began to fog up again and he shook his head lightly. For a moment, the world around him seemed to blur before it suddenly became rigid. Harry's heart began to beat harder, he felt his body becoming sweaty and he could barely form words. His mind was seizing up; the weak Occulmens barrier's he had managed to create seemed to cause a distortion in his vision as they were hammered against by something powerful.
As he began to collect his concentration and fight back against the unknown attacks slamming against his mind, he suddenly came to realise he was no longer standing up and instead, was on his back on the bed, his head resting comfortably on one of the pink, frilly pillows. His eyes darted upwards and to his shock, he saw Gabrielle on top of him. His shock only intensified as the silver haired girl tugged against his pants, pulling them down roughly with a small and mischievous smile on her face.
"Gabriell-" Harry began to say weakly, before his voice trailed off in a moan. Gabrielle seemed to have had bypassed his undergarments very quickly and went straight for her target, causing a swell of pleasure to rise up in Harry. Suddenly, the door to the room opened up and Mrs Weasley walked in, her face a frown. This face quickly cycled through a myriad of emotions as Mrs Weasley caught sight of Harry and Gabrielle, her mouth opening and closing wordlessly as she blinked.
"Harry Potter," She managed to screech. "What do you think you are doing?"
'Oh, shit!' was Harry's only thought, while the lithe girl on top of him completely ignored the voice of Mrs Weasley and continued on with her ministrations.
Part Two:
Previously,
on Harry Potter is screwed…
"Harry Potter,"
She managed to screech. "What do you think you are doing?"
'Oh, shit!' was Harry's only thought, while the lithe girl on top of him completely ignored the voice of Mrs Weasley and continued on with her ministrations.
And now…
Part Two: Written by Shezza88
"Er, Hi Mrs Weasley," Harry stammered, his face flushed and sweaty as pleasure-filled sensation filled his lower regions. "We're just…and……Hey, don't touch that!"
He reached out and snatched Gabrielle's arm, gaining the lithe silvery-haired girl's attention as she looked up with a cross look on her face. Harry's eyes were bulging furiously as he tried to mentally get the message across, jerking his head at Mrs Weasley in a not-so-subtle manner. Gabrielle frowned and glanced sideways, before her cheeks instantly suffused with red and she scampered off Harry's lap and scooted over to his side, burying her face in his chest. Unfortunately, this left Harry…exposed…and Mrs Weasley gave a loud shriek and shielded her eyes, her cheeks suddenly glowing.
Harry gave a strangled yell and with his quick reflexes, grabbed one of Ginny's pillows and shoved over his lap, ignoring the quivering mass to his side that was Gabrielle. There was suddenly a lot of thumping up the stairs as somebody from downstairs rushed up, most likely assuming the worst.
"Mum? What's going on?" Bill called loudly as he burst into the room, followed by Charlie and Fred, their wands out and their faces grim as various scenario's flashed through their minds, ranging from everything between a dropped vase, a Death Eater attack or a rogue Boggart. They weren't expecting to find a blushing yet furious Mrs Weasley and Harry Potter with his trousers down by his knees and a fluffy pink pillow of his groin.
"Harry you sly dog!" Fred hooted with a huge smile that instantly disappeared as Mrs Weasley shot him a look of fury and disappointment.
"Um…you know, this isn't what it looks like," Harry started, before he caught himself. "Actually, scratch that. To the untrained eye, I could see how this might look a little…no, no, no, you see, there was a…spider, yeah, a spider, and it crawled down my shirt and into my pants, you see, and…"
He trailed off as Bill raised an eyebrow, his face clearly expressing his disbelief.
"Alright Harry, where's the girl?" He asked sternly.
"And who's the girl?" added Charlie with a speculative smile. The smile disappeared and was replaced with a look of wince as Gabrielle stuck her head out from Harry's side and revealed herself.
"Gabrielle?" Bill asked in a strangled voice. "What the…how is…why are…Potter, explain?"
"It was like I said," Harry protested from his spot on the bed. "There was a spider down my pants and Gabrielle just…happened to….she dragged me from downstairs, babbled in French, did a mind-numbing thingy on me and undid my pants…honestly, I really didn't..." He trailed off under the disbelieving stares of the group.
"I'd say from the bulge in the pillow, you really did want this," Bill said in a very calm and dangerous tone. "I'm just trying to figure out why you wanted it from my eleven year old sister-in-law."
"Eleven?" Harry squeaked out.
"Eleven." Bill agreed softly, nodding his head.
Harry turned to assess Gabrielle, noting her features and the swell of her breasts. He frowned and turned back to Bill.
"Bullshit," He declared flatly.
"No bullshit," Bill responded mildly, his eyes still dangerous. "She's eleven."
Harry turned back to Gabrielle, who was watching the proceedings with a slightly confused look on her face, most likely due to the fact that she couldn't understand a word of English. The next noise from her mouth wasn't a word, however, but a loud squeak as Harry prodded her in the breast with his finger. She gaped at Harry at his forwardness in front of the witnesses as he turned back to Bill and crossed his arms across his chest.
"Once again, Bullshit," He declared flatly.
Bill's stare remained constant and Harry frowned, his eyes darting to and from Bill and Gabrielle. Mrs Weasley, recovering from her shock, began to open her mouth when Bill, his eyes not leaving Harry's, raised a hand to silence her.
"Mum, I've got this one," He said,
the calm in his voice almost eerie.
Surprisingly, Mrs Weasley
snapped her mouth shut.
"Eleven?" Harry asked slowly.
"Oh yeah," Bill agreed mildly, nodding slightly. "Eleven."
"Just…let me check again," Harry said, uncrossing his arms and stalling Bill with a wild gesture with his left hand, while his right hand promptly made its way to Gabrielle and poked her in the breast again. He flicked his eyes back to Gabrielle, alternating between Bill's face and her breast. A look of extreme bafflement came over his face as he lowered his arms and removed his finger from Gabrielle's breast.
"Huh," was all he said, as if he had just been slightly surprised.
Bill's mouth worked over something, the scars on his face twisting as the muscles moved, making him seem even more dangerous. The wand in his right hand was quivering as Bill stroked his chin with his left hand, rubbing it through the unshaven stubble as he pondered something. After a few seconds of silent debating, he seemed to have come to a decision.
"Alright, I'm going to kill him," He said calmly.
"Eep!" Harry let out and fumbled for his own wand as Charlie and Fred grabbed Bill's arm, forcing it away from Harry as Gabrielle shrieked and buried her head in Harry's shoulder again.
"Don't do it Bill," Charlie grunted as he forced his older brother's hand down with his calloused hands.
"Yeah Bill, you can't be a good husband if you're in Azkaban for killing the Chosen One!" added Fred, his face tight with strain.
This was the sight that greeted the next entourage of guests into Ginny's room. Fleur Delacour, Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley all walked in, the latter two having disgruntled expressions on their faces as they listed to Fleur's prattling.
"…and the food, horrible, all of it," Fleur was complaining. "I just had to leave once I saw what they had…" She slowed down, her eyes widening as she took in the scene. Her Husband-to-be was barely being restrained by his brothers and her sister was hiding her head in the shoulder of Harry Potter, who had covered his crotch with a fluffy pink pillow with his pants down to knees, one hand desperately fumbling in the pockets for something.
"Fleur, would you believe me if I said it was a beetle, a beetle!" Harry said quickly, his eyes widening at the site of her.
"I thought you said it was a spider," Bill growled, his eyes narrowing.
Harry darted his eyes between him and Fleur, before they glanced past her and spotted Ginny and Hermione, the latter looking absolutely gob-smacked and the former looking decidedly dangerous. Defeat washed over his form and his posture drooped as he finally managed to pull out his wand from the trouser pocket at his knees, his shoulders slumping as he placed a hand on his forehead.
"Fuck. Me. Sideways," He uttered softly but with feeling, his hand thumping his head at each word.
"Harry, if I take away my pillow, I'm not going to see anything I won't like?" Ginny asked sweetly, but her eyes were narrowed and her face dangerous.
"It depends," Harry admitted. "Are you in the mood right now?"
Ginny's face went red, her eyes bulging with anger as she ground her teeth, her mouth working furiously as if there were a hundred things she wanted to say at that moment. Finally, she settled on:
"I sleep on that pillow!"
"Ginny, you need to prioritise," Hermione said curtly, glaring at Harry with disappointment.
Fleur suddenly swept into action, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at Gabrielle.
"Gabrielle, vas dans ta chamber!" (4) She cried out in French, her sweet and angelic voice curt, sharp and annoyed.
"Mais on allait faire l'amour!," (5) Gabrielle replied just as loudly, her voice echoing her protest as she glared at her sister, placing two hands on her lips.
Fleur didn't say a word but her eyes narrowed dangerously and Gabrielle reluctantly nodded, jumping off the bed and storming out of the room, her voice muttering sharp words in French. Fleur sighed wearily and turned back to Harry, a look of apology on her face.
"Girls will be girls, eh?" She said sheepishly and left the room, Mrs Weasley trailing after her, leaving Harry to fend for himself.
Harry took this moment to jump up, his wand instantly levelled at the small group in front of him and his eyes hard as an expression of determination swept over his face.
"I took on Voldemort. I took him on and I'm still here, alive," He whispered quietly but powerfully. "Don't do this, Bill, don't do it for your sake!"
There was silence around the room before Bill shrugged off Fred and Charlie's arms, regarding Harry with an even look that tinged with anger and a faint sense of disgust, his eyes automatically flicking downwards and darting up again just as quickly.
"Harry, before you start threatening us, could you put on some pants?" He suggested coldly.
Harry flicked his eyes downwards to see his groin completely uncovered and exposed. Another expression of defeat came over his face as he looked up and saw that Ginny and Hermione had pulled out their wands and were eyeing him coldly. Slowly, as if to not provoke attack, he reached down with his left hand and grasped the waist belt of his jeans.
He was about to be in the fight of his life.
French Translations: If they're not exact, well, get over it. You get the general idea. Credit goes to Tinn Tam at DLP for providing us with the proper wording. What we orignally put down could have been interpreted a number of different ways that would have had the readers who understand French laughing for a very different reason
(1): "Do you want to make love?"
(2): "Take off your clothes."
(3): "Get undressed now!"
(4): "Gabrielle, go to your room!"
(5): "But we were going to make love!"