It had been a long month, a long and tense month. For the first few weeks Jesse was barely conscious longer then an hour or two. But as his strength came back to him, so did his restlessness. It was clear that he didn't want to be in Sanctuary, and for the most part he kept himself locked away in his former room. Kathy was there as much as possible, but Jesse understood she had her life to worry about and couldn't stay with him.

"Soon you'll be able to leave and you can go on with your life. You don't owe them anything anymore Jess" she would tell him each time before they parted. And though Jesse would agree and give her a reassuring smile, he knew it wasn't true. There was a final showdown for the members of Mutant X and he knew that he wouldn't be aloud to leave until it was finished.

The day of the showdown had finally arrived and the tension that filled the halls of Sanctuary was suffocating. Without really knowing why, Jesse found himself wondering down the halls to the center of Sanctuary, the same place he had been given his ring and then discarded it. After seeing no one during his wondering he was startled to find that the remaining members of Mutant X gathered there seemingly having a private conversation.

He was about to turn around when Adam caught sight of him and called softly, "Jesse, please join us.

Jesse stopped moving and turned back around, but he looked at none of them, finding the ground fascinating. He didn't move from his spot either, just stood there tense and on the defensive.

Adam stifled a frustrated sigh, and this time extended his arm and repeated, "Please."

This time Jesse did join them but he still didn't look at anyone. Ironically he found himself in his normal spot, between Shalimar and Adam. Adam gave him a small smile and Shal gently touched his back, pleasantly surprised when he didn't try to pull away. This small action didn't go unnoticed by Adam and he too felt relief, maybe there was hope. He looked around at the four new mutants gathered and did a parental check up on all of them.

Emma looked more rested then she had in a while, and the familiar glint of peace and self ease was returning to her. Brennan's cuts and bruises had healed nicely. He seemed to bare no ill effect from his injuries, and in fact, Shalimar had been scolding him for over working in the dojo. Shalimar, for her part, seemed much more…human…she was less anxious and less caged animal and Adam held no doubts it was because Jesse was here. She too had no ill effects from her time with Ashlock and seemed ready to take on the world. In fact, the only one who still bared any sign of abuse was Jess and even that was minimal.

Letting his gaze rest on the molecular he took he let his mind sigh in relief. It ad been a scary few weeks when they first got Jesse back, but now he no longer seemed to look like he was dragged out of hell. The only signs that he had been in a fight was the still broken arm and ribs. Other then that, Jesse seemed fine. Of course, fine was a relative term. While physically Jesse was healed, there was injuries that bubbled just under the skin that Adam knew would have to be cleaned out and there was no time like the present.

"Thank you, now we can talk," Adam said, ignoring the fact that Jesse still didn't look at anyone, "I think we all have a lot to say and a lot of fence mending but I want to start with this…We are a family. We are a team. Ad in many ways we are a well oiled machine that's just about unstoppable as long as all the parts work. But these last few months have showed us that there was one part that was broken and we got a clear cut example of what happens when we are missing a part."

Here, Adam took a pause to let his thoughts settle and let the others think. "Jesse," he said softly, begging with his voice for the younger man to meet his eyes. It worked, though Adam didn't like to see the beaten look that they held, "Despite what you think, you are a part of us. We do need you. I know you think that you are replaceable, that we don't need you. And I'm well a wear that we have, unintentionally, supported that illusion. The truth is Jesse, we can't function without you. You talents and your skills run much deeper then just your powers and your computer knowledge. You're our sanity."

There Adam was at a loss for what to say next. Thankfully he didn't have to say anything, Emma picked up, "Jess, I know we hurt you, but we don't know how? When did you stop trusting us?"

"I never did," Jesse said softly, looking at the ground, "I still trust you…all of you…"

"Then why didn't you tell us what was wrong?" this time from Shalimar.

"I didn't know how to explain it," was the simple reply.

"Was it Brennan and I?" Shal asked, gently turning Jesse so that he faced her.

"No…well, yes but not really. I was angry with Brennan because it felt like he was taking over everything. It just seemed like I wasn't needed, I just got in the way."

"I have to admit, that's what I thought at first…" Brennan said, and Jesse turned slightly to face him, "I thought you got in the way. I was blinded by the rich kid image I guess, but you proved me wrong over and over again. And I found myself to start to respect you…and now I don't just respect you I know you're my equal."

"Could of fooled me…" Jesse said, but the words weren't harsh, they were just the truth.

Brennan nodded, "I'm a jerk by nature. I don't like letting people it, I can't stand it. I've lost to many and been betrayed to much to let people in. And I knew that I was fighting a losing battle when I joined Mutant X because I couldn't help but get close. For whatever reason, maybe because you were everything I wanted to be, but I put all my resistance on you."

"And I saw you taking my world and ended up seeing any offered friendship as a hand out. I pushed you away."

"Jesse, you pushed us all away. Even me," Shal said, recapturing his attention. "Why? You said that you trust us, but why did you not tell anyone what was wrong? Why didn't tell anyone that you felt used?"

"It wasn't that simple…" Jesse said, all of a sudden feeling trapped.

Again, Emma came to the rescue, "When did you start feeling used? When did you start resenting us?"

There was a long silence and Jesse refused to look at Brennan as he said, "Hillview."

"Jess…I can't tell you how sorry I am…" Brennan began, something close to anguish in his voice, but Jesse waved him off.

"I never blamed you Brennan, never. It was at Hillview that I realized I had been holding myself back and that I started to feel I could do more then sit behind a computer. And things only got worse after Morrison. When I phased the Helix…I don't know how, but I jump started my powers…Adam you saw it…."

Adam suppressed a shudder as he replayed that night in his head, "Yes I did."

"We all have," Emma added.

"Then you know how dangerous it is? Then you know that I can't control it?" Jesse asked almost frantic, his eyes searching the faces of everyone around him.

"No Jesse, we don't," Adam said, trying to calm the younger man.

"I was angry, at all of you and I didn't know how to let it out. I had this new power that was beyond my control and I was triggering it without warning. I can merge molecules Adam, I can make something become part of something else…I can kill…." There was a pleading in his voice, a begging for them to understand, and Brennan did.

"You were afraid you were going to hurt one of us…maybe me?" Brennan asked. "You were pissed at me the most, and we were butting heads…you were afraid that you would kill me?"

Jesse looked at him and nodded. "I hated you. I wanted to tell someone what was happening and Shalimar was always my go to, but you had her. I couldn't get in between you, and I hated you for taking that away. It left me with only Adam and Emma, but they were wrapped up in each other…. My body was being torn apart and I had no one to help me…. You abandoned me."

And that was the truth. That was the core. And nobody knew what to say, or what to do because there wasn't anything that could fix it. There was no blame in Jesse's voice, no anger, just a deep hurt and lost eyes. They stood there, silent, each lost in their own thoughts for a long time. Each afraid to speak, each afraid to ask what they all wanted to know. Finally though, because stillness was never her strong suit, Shalimar asked;

"Can you forgive us? Can you come back?"

Jesse looked at her for awhile, he looked at the all, though he didn't see them. He was searching himself, searching for the answer, the honest one.

"It can't be fixed overnight. I can't promise I'll stay, but I'll be near by, and I won't turn away."

It wasn't the answer they wanted, but it was a start and with a slightly less heavy heart Adam said, "And we'll be here. Sanctuary isn't your prison, it's your home, and it will always be open to you. When you're ready, you're welcome."

line

Deep in the pits of hell breathed a monster. Rage like a slow boiling teapot stewed with in him, out matched only by the pain.

When I heal, Kilmartin will die….

End.

Stick around for Part Two.