"Escape Tactics"
Ninjas were not perfect. An essay Uchiha Sasuke had once written for him proved this fact. Iruka often presented a sticky situation to his students and then asked them to tell him, in essay format, how they would use their ninja skills to get out of it. Once, he got a seven-page essay from Sasuke involving elaborate traps, clever espionage techniques, and the use of highly advanced jutsu in order to escape a room turned prison cell. Naruto had forgotten to do the essay, but when asked to turn it in he simply said, "I didn't want to waste a piece of paper just to say open the window."
It was the first time Iruka had ever seen Sasuke look mortified, and it was the first time a student of his had ever gotten an 'A' on an essay without actually writing it. Naruto was the only one to think of the simple, obvious solution. Of course, it had been a trick question. Iruka didn't really think any of his students would ever end up imprisoned by people dumb enough to lock them in a room with a window.
"Stranger things have happened, I guess," Iruka mused as he pushed the window open. Emiko watched with wide eyes, soaked from head to toe in putrid mud.
"Are you allowed to do that?" she asked fearfully. Iruka cast a long look at the ditzy girl.
"They didn't tell us not to," Iruka said consolingly. She nodded, her big eyes blinking rapidly.
"I guess they didn't. But what are we going to do once we escape? We don't even know where we are!" Iruka sighed.
"Emiko, we're in Rain Country," Iruka said matter-of-factly. Emiko smudged some mud off her cheek with her hand and gave him a challenging look.
"How do you know that?" she asked skeptically. Iruka sweat dropped. He was, after all, getting drenched from the rain that had flooded in once he opened the window.
"It's raining?" Iruka asked hopefully. Repeating the story about her father's enemies would take too long. Emiko tilted her head and then shrugged.
"Makes sense, I guess. Let's go then," she consented. Iruka gestured at her to go through the window. He gave her a boost and then she was out. He followed her, making sure to close the window behind him. It turned out they were being held in a sturdy, large building that looked like it had originally been barracks of some sort. Iruka took Emiko by the wrist and began sneaking out of the militaristic looking village, not too worried about tracks because of the deluge of rain. The weather proved advantageous. There weren't many villagers around due to the late hour and the terrible storm.
Iruka stole a horse once they reached the edge of town and lifted Emiko up onto the animal's back. He hopped on afterwards and popped the horse's flank. They raced off into the night heading towards Fire Country.
"I'm sorry my perverted rival, that you are being forced to hide your face with your hand! How DARE they steal your mask? Are we dealing with ninjas or cowardly THIEVES?!" Gai boomed. From his place slouched against the wall, Kakashi glared. They'd been stripped of their clothing and anything they might have used as weapons.
"I'm not covering my eyes because I don't have a mask. I'm covering them because my forehead protector has more material than your underwear does."
Gai grinned. Then he turned around and flexed his butt, a horrifying sight due to the violet G-string Gai wore.
"The ladies love it," Gai said, complimented by a manly pose. There were some sparkles. Kakashi sighed. Reluctantly, Kakashi pulled his hand away from his face. Gai dropped his pose.
"We need to get out of here. I suppose I could break the window and use the glass as a weapon against whoever comes to bring us food," Kakashi schemed. Gai considered the plan, making sure to thrust his hips outward as he did so. Kakashi winced. "Do you stuff that thing?" Kakashi asked, not really wanting an answer. Gai's package was…impressive.
"No, and the ladies love that, too! Springtime of my youth, baby!" Gai said with a wink.
"Or I could just use the glass to slit my wrists. Anything as long as I don't have to keep staring with my Sharingan at you…dressed like that," Kakashi mumbled. Then he added, "And I used the word 'dressed' lightly."
"We must act soon, though! Your delicate flower is trapped somewhere in this same facility, no doubt! You must rescue him with the POWER OF LOVE!" Gai announced loudly.
Thinking of rescuing Iruka, Kakashi broke the glass and picked the largest shard, waiting near the door. At first Gai stood ready, too, but then that got a little boring. He sat down and watched the rain slant in from the broken window. He hoped someone came to feed them soon.
"Do you think they've escaped yet?" a young man asked his companion. His friend tossed a card down onto the table between them. They were playing Go Fish.
"I hope so. The other two got out pretty fast," his black-haired friend replied.
"I wish they'd hurry up with it," the first man said. Another Rain ninja came into the room and sat down with them.
"Hurry up with what?" he asked.
"Oh, hey, Ling. What's up?" He tossed a card. "We had a Grass hostage and some Leaf ninja, but the big boss just signed a peace treaty with Grass so…"
The third ninja laughed.
"Easier to just let them escape instead of having to escort them back in this nasty weather?"
"Got it in one," the second ninja said with a lazy grin, tossing another card onto the table.
"You two managed to catch all four of them?" The newcomer asked doubtfully.
"Not at the same time. Two came back to rescue the first two, and didn't have a chance against us in this rain, so we captured them for show. They gave us a bit of trouble, though, so we thought it'd be funny to take their clothes. Again, easier to just let them escape, and then we can laugh watching them run off in their underwear."
"These guys must be complete noobs if they're still in there. How long has it been?"
"Oh, about an hour or so."
"I kind of liked that dude's boxers. Icha Icha's friggin' awesome. Got any fours?"
"No. Go fish."
"Kakashi?" Gai questioned. Kakashi, still standing by the door, turned warily to look at him.
"What?" Kakashi asked sharply.
"I know you're the genius here, but it's taking a long time for your plan to work. How 'bout we just go out the window?" Gai asked. Kakashi blushed, and realized too late that his mask didn't hide it. "You didn't think of that?!" Gai said incredulously. "And here I am thinking you had your reasons for doing it this way!" Kakashi's blush turned to a glare and he stormed past Gai to push the window open.
"Shut up, Gai," Kakashi snapped. Gai wisely held his tongue and followed after him. They walked for a while.
"But Kakashi…what about Iruka? Think he's still trapped back there?"
Kakashi stomped through the muddy streets of the deserted looking village.
"Checking for obvious escapes is basic. He'll have left already. I'm NEVER going to hear the end of this. If anybody asks, we were attacked by a small army of Rain ninja that locked us up in a stone cell…with NO windows!" Kakashi shouted over the rain. Gai jumped around a big puddle (even though he was already soaked) and nodded. He was afraid that if he spoke, he'd burst out laughing at his rival's mistake, and he was too good of a friend to do that.
He'd do it later, at the bar, where he could tell the story to everyone.
Elsewhere in the facility, three men looked up from their card game.
"Well, there they go," one of them commented, gazing out the window. Ling squinted.
"Is that big guy with the bowl cut wearing a G-string?"
"To be fair, he was wearing a spandex body suit. You can't wear something that has seams with that."
The other two gave the one who'd just spoken a strange look and then went back to their game.
Tsunade glanced up at them sharply when they entered. Kakashi winced. Iruka stood by the window behind her desk, looking superior and amused at the same time. Kakashi winced again.
"Despite a mission report that claims, in ridiculously bad handwriting I might add, that you fought off a small army of Rain ninja and escaped from a dungeon with no windows, it has come to my attention that this was not the case. Iruka found the first sign of the hostage while tracking, which is supposed to be your expertise, Hatake," Tsunade gave him a stern glare, "Then the two of you failed to protect the hostage and Iruka from a handful of low level Rain ninja. Then, Iruka managed to escape, with a hostage, quickly and effectively. You two sat in a room with an unlocked window for two hours like big idiots. Iruka escorted the girl back home and reported in two days early. You two got lost in the storm and ended up practically naked in some poor farmer's field. Gai, G-strings are not part of the standardized uniform. I'm going to let the Icha Icha boxers slide."
There was a long, horrible, tension-filled pause.
"The purpose of this mission was to make sure Iruka was still up to par. I have now decided that I was wrong about whose skills need to be assessed. Since your actions show a complete lack of knowledge regarding the most basic of ninja skills, I'm ordering you to spend two weeks each in Iruka's pre-Genin class, starting tomorrow. Oh, and Gai? I'm giving you a write up for the G-string."
"WHAT?!" Gai boomed. "But that means a pay cut!" Gai whined. Tsunade slapped her hands on her desk and yelled right back at him.
"I HAD TO PICTURE YOU IN A G-STRING! THAT'S JUST DISTURBING!"
Iruka snickered. Seeing that Tsunade was done, Iruka clapped his hands and gave Kakashi a sweet smile.
"Well then! Boys, now that you've had your scolding, it's time for us to be going. Class starts in a half hour, and we wouldn't want to be late, would we, Kakashi-kun?" Iruka asked patronizingly. Tsunade smirked.
"Don't get in any trouble, or Iruka will send you straight to me."
Sullenly, Gai and Kakashi followed after Iruka – their new sensei, it would seem.
Iruka looked up from his roll sheet. Sitting in the front row with his pencil perfectly sharpened and his paper ready to take notes, sat Gai. Kakashi was sprawled in the back, taking up three seats, reading Icha Icha Makeout Paradise.
"Kakashi-san! Sit up straight, and put that filthy trash away!" Iruka boomed from the front of the classroom. Kakashi peeked at him from behind the cover and then slowly lowered the book.
"But I'm doing my book report on it," he responded dryly. Iruka glared.
"You just lost recess privileges, Hatake. Now put the book away and pay attention! What kind of example are you setting for the rest of the class?" Iruka scolded. He went back to lecturing on proper throwing techniques for kunai, occasionally drawing a diagram on the blackboard.
A child in the front row raised his hand.
"Yes?" Iruka asked kindly. The little girl looked nervously to her left. Beside her sat Rock Lee, who was copying the child's notes.
"Iruka-sensei, he keeps staring at my paper!" the little girl complained. Iruka gave Lee a stern look.
"Lee, you've already graduated. Why are you sitting in and taking notes on throwing kunai?" Iruka asked reluctantly. Up until then, he'd just been trying to ignore Lee's strange presence in his classroom.
"Because I, too, seek the benefits of Gai-sensei's new training method! If I do not take one hundred pages of notes, I will run 200 laps around Konoha!" Lee boomed. Iruka was glad he'd taught the boy before he started acting like Gai.
"That's…special, Lee. Please don't look on Moegi-chan's paper, though," Iruka said. Iruka made a valiant effort to ignore Gai, who had broken into manly tears and caused the sun to set.
"My cute student Lee is inspiring in his willingness to try alternative training methods!" Gai said, clasping his hands together happily.
Iruka reminded himself mentally that it was only for a few more days. He turned back to the board and a kunai whizzed millimeters away from his ear, landing firmly in the wall beside the blackboard. Iruka spun, his face already turning red.
"HATAKE! Detention with Tsunade!" he bellowed shortly. His boyfriend merely glared. It was not until later in the lesson that he noticed the little note attached to the kunai.
Can I have detention with you?
Iruka huffed at the irony and went back to his lesson. When he knew Kakashi couldn't see, he smiled a bit at how well the ninja was taking the demeaning punishment. It was almost fun, and it warmed his heart to think they'd survived a mission together and come out strong. Maybe he'd let Kakashi get a little naughty while the other kids were out at recess.
He noticed the trash littered everywhere in his classroom and the dusty eraser in his hand.
Most likely he'd just make him clean, though.
A/N: Sorry this was so late in coming! I was on a roll updating (and finishing) my other fic on my livejournal, so this one got neglected. Hope you guys liked the ending, though!