a/n: Re-posting this chapter--had to fix those errors that were driving me mad---sorry it's not a new chapter!

It had been three years. Three long difficult years. Sometimes when she sleeps at night she misses his touch, misses his smell, hell she even missed his snoring. But it was over. She had to move on. She couldn't do this to herself anymore, it was too hard and it wasn't fair.

She understood why he left, she didn't like it, but she understood. What she didn't understand was why he never answered her letters; all 24 of them had gone unanswered. She wrote him every month giving him updates on her life, on their life. She will never forgive him for making her go through this alone.

Kathy had gotten a job in Denver Colorado. His kids wanted to go; they were excited about the move. He couldn't let them go with out him. He had to go. He had to be with his children---with her children.

He didn't ask her to go; she should have taken that as the first sign. The last night they spent together was bitter sweet. He held her in his arms and told her he could never love anyone the way he loved her. He told her that the love they had was the kind that survived even after death, soul mates. That is what said, soul mates.

She laughs at that now. Fucking bastard. He broke her heart, but it was more then that, so much more than that.

She turns over in her bed and stares at the clock, the red light mocking her. Another dream about him. When would the taunting stop? She feels like a damn fool for still loving him. How can she feel anything other then hate for the man? How can she still love him after everything that has happened? And then she remembers why...She hears a noise and jolts out of bed and runs into the room next to hers.

"Momma." She looks down at her beautiful daughter. Dark brown eyes rimmed with red and tears look back at her.

Olivia sits down next to her on her bed and pulls her into her lap cradling her small body against her body. "What's wrong sweetheart?" She asks as she rubs circles on her back.

"No feel good." The girl whispers against her mother's shoulder

"Do you want to come sleep in my bed?" She asks already knowing the answer.

"Yeah." She says softly.

"Ok peaches, lets' go."

"Wait…can Ella come too?"

"Of course." She says kissing her daughters forehead.

SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU

"Hey Liv."

"Hey John." She says smiling up at her partner.

"I can't believe Cragen has us working on a Sunday, especially when it is just to finish paperwork…." He is cut off.

"I don't want to hear about how it is some sort a conspiracy Munch. Not in the mood."

"Late night last night? Hot date?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

"I wish." She giggles, "Ava had a fever, so of course Ella got one too."

"Awe. Poor things. Where are they?"

"Up stairs sleeping in the crib."

"You really have great children Olivia. You have done a remarkable job raising them. They are too cute, the spitting image of you." John says with a smile.

"Why thank you John. It's been hard; I'm not going to lie about that. However when I see their eyes look into mine…it's like…indescribable."

"Still no word?"

She rolls her eyes.

"I can't believe he would do this to you Liv."

"You're telling me. I can't believe he hasn't at least called you guys, you know? He just packed up his life here and peaced the fuck out. See-ya later New York."

"He's a jackass Liv, a real fucking jackass. You deserve better then him."

"Thanks Munch." She says with a small smile.

"So how was your date the other night?"

Munch had babysat the girls so Olivia could go out with Michael. Not his first pick for her, but he seemed decent enough. She had been dating him for the past 3 months; even though she would never admit that they were actually, 'dating'.

"It was good."

"You got home pretty late."

"It was a long movie." She says with girlish grin.

"Ya-eah." Munch says smirking at her.

"IT WAS!" She retorts.

"What ever you say Liv. I'm done, you?"

"Not so much." She says looking at the few files that remain undone.

"Want some help?"

She smiles, "Thanks for the offer but I think I can manage."

"Okay, see you tomorrow Liv."

"Night Munch."

She goes upstairs to check on her girls. They are beautiful. They have big brown eyes, bigger then hers, and thick long dark brown hair that curls at the end. They look exactly alike; after all they are identical twins. And while everyone says they are little Olivia's, all Liv sees is Elliot in them.

She wrote him the day she found out she was pregnant. She told him she was scared, more like terrified. She told him she didn't think she could do this with out him. He must have thought it was a trick, for him to come back to her. It was the only thing that made sense to her. After a month went by she sent another letter, she included the sonogram photo. Still nothing. She wrote him every month for 24 months. She told him all about the girls, his girls. Every thing that had happened that month. When the girls were born she would included photos of them. Ava and Ella 1 day old.

Cragen knew immediately that the girls were yours as soon as he saw them. I guess the gig is up. He took one look at them and said they looked just like Lizzie when she was born, bald headed and blue eyed. I just cried. I never knew how much I could care for something like I care about them. I've only known them for a day, but it feels like a lifetime. All my fears that I would never love my kids immediately vanished. I wonder how mothers can't love their children, especially when they look at you with those innocent eyes. Babies are so innocent El. No matter where they came from…

EOBABIESEOBABIESEOBABIES

They smiled for the first time today, we were playing a game of peek-a-boo, and they both looked up at me and smiled. Talk about heart warming. I cried. I'm a mother El…can you believe it? I'm a mother that cries at the littlest things her children do.

EOBABIESEOBABIESEOBABIES

Their first tooth came in today! Front and center on the bottom. Both of them, same time. They barely cried. They are starting to move around on the floor, any day know they will be crawling.

EOBABIESEOBABIESEOBABIES

They said their first words today, "Mama" Of course I cried, Casey did too. They are so advanced El. They are going to be at the top of their classes. They are going to speaking in paragraphs before I know it. I can't even tell you how happy they make me. That one simple word made me feel complete.

EOBABIESEOBABIESEOBABIES

You should have seen them El. It was incredible. They were standing about a foot from each other just staring at one another. And then at the exact same time they both took 5 steps towards the each other, until they collided and fell on their bums. They didn't cry though, they laughed, and laughed. They are strong girls El. I wish you could hear them laugh; it warms my heart every time.

She told him how they were inseparable. That she had never seen anything like them. They were very smart girls, and had the biggest hearts of anyone she had ever known.

I wonder if Dickie and Lizzie were inseparable like the girls. Some nights when I go into their room they are in the same bed. They do everything at the same time. It is amazing to watch.

Everyone says they look just like me, I'll admit they do look like me, but once you get over the brown hair and brown eyes, they are all you.

Do you think about them El? Do you wonder about them? Do you lay awake at night wondering what they are going to be when they grow up like I do? Do you even care at all? I can't imagine not having them.

The last letter she wrote was returned to her stamped: 'Receiver has moved no forwarding address'. She cried herself to sleep that night. She hated him forever, and would never ever forgive him.

It killed her though, because he gave her the greatest gift in life, her children. And for that she could never hate him. She didn't understand though. They had dated for 4 months before he took off. He told her things that she once dreamed he would say. But it didn't matter in the long run, it was all fake, none of it was the truth. She had been played, by the man she had been in love with for 8 years. Played by the man she called partner, her best friend, her boyfriend. And that hurt like a sonovbitch.

The guys at work have been so great to Olivia. It if weren't for them she wouldn't know what she would have done. A single (terrified) mother of two. She did not sleep for the first year they were born. She was depressed, she was stressed, she was scared, she was hurt, but she was also a new mother. So at the same time when she was at her lowest, her children brought her to her highest. Casey basically moved in for the first 6 months. She helped with the feedings, the changing, and the cleaning.

EOBABIESEOBABIESEOBABIES

She kissed Ava's forehead, when her lips pressed against it she felt the heat radiate off of her head. She was burning up. Her cheeks were flushed. She reached into the diaper bag and got out the thermometer. She placed it into her ear. 103.4!

She tried not to panic, as she gathered up the sleepy girls. She held Ava and let Ella walk. She put the diaper bag around her shoulder and they ran out of the office.

She waited in the waiting room while the Doctors checked out Ava. She didn't understand why she couldn't be with her. She was only two! She was scared and she needed her mamma! She cried silently as she rocked Ella.

"Ms. Benson?"

Olivia shot up out of her chair, waking Ella in the process who was snuggles up on her chest.

"We are going to need to run some tests on Ava, and since Ella and her are identical it would be wise if we ran them on her as well."

Olivia handed over her baby girl, tears streamed down her face, this could not be good.

Tests…Ava and Ella.