A/N: Well, long story short, I've decided to split the events preceding Chapter 3 into a separate Chapter 2.5, for the sake of shortening the length of the next chapter ahead of time. Mario and co. have arrived back in Rogueport, and they won't believe where they will have to get to next for Crystal Star number 3! Spicy hot sauerkraut.
--
Chapter 2.5: Super Filler Chapter of Questionable Necessity!
After leaving the Boggly Woods and arriving back at the site of the crumbled green pipe deep within Rogueport Sewers, Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Flurrie knew exactly where to go next…The Thousand-Year Door!
As the group of four proceeded on to their next destination, Mario loudly sang, "DA-NA-NA, DA-NA-NUH, DA-NA-NA-DAH-DAH, DAH-NAH-NUH, DA-NA-NUH, DA-NA-NAH-NUH-NUH! DA-NA-NA, DA-NA-NUH, DA-NA-NAH-NAH-NAH, DA-NA-NAAAAAAAAAAH, DA-NA-NAH-NUH-NUH!!"
"SHUT UP, MARIO!" the three partners yelled in unison.
"Okay, okay," Mario replied, walking up to the Crystal Star Shrine before the mythical door. He held up the Emerald Crystal Star, and the glittering jewel triggered another super-duper flashing sequence, which in turn triggered the location of the third Crystal Star on the Magical Map, which then triggered Koops to do the Hokey-Pokey for some reason.
As Mario and co. prepared to depart for Prof. Frankly's house, the Mailbox SP in his pocket began to rumble as a rendition of an old Super Mario Bros. theme played along.
"Whoa, hold up, Mario!" Goombella called out. "You need to pee or something?"
"Uh, I'm confused," said Koops. "What's with the music? Mario, ah, did you swallow your MP3 player or something?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Koops!" responded Mario, who had been checking the person that sent a new e-mail. "…Whoa! Holy smokes, it's from Princess Peach!"
"Oh, my!" cried Flurrie. "Open it, you dashing doofus! Open the message!"
My Dearest Mario,
So very nice to see you again! Well…not literally, but you get the drift.
I am currently uncertain as to where I am being held captive, but what I do know is that I've been captured by dastardly renegades known as the X-Nauts. You may already know who they are by now…If you do happen to, I pray you escaped from them safe and sound.
I'm not completely alone around these parts. I'm held in some sort of hi-tech robo-fortress, and I'm being accompanied in a room one hallway down by a very weird computer nicknamed "TEC", who tends to enjoy seeing me take showers.
"HEY!" screamed Mario. "NOBODY spies on Peach's regular showers like a filthy, slimy voyeur but ME!!"
Sweet old Mario, I really anticipate your rescue of me…Please find out where I am and come, before it's too late! I must go now.
Love,
Princess Peach
"Love?" howled Koops, laughing maniacally. "Mario's got a girrrrrrlfriend, Mario's got a girrrrrrlfriend!"
"Apparently," growled Mario, "you've forgotten about the conceited broad who lives with your dad back at your sissy village of Koopas with ridiculously long names."
Mario and co. continued to argue on their way out of the sewers and to the front door of Frankly's.
--
Frankly's House
"Hrrrmmmmmm…I seeeeee…very interesting…" Frankly muttered absentmindedly, his gaze fixed on the Magical Map. "HRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMM……"
"Dear professor," Flurrie groaned, "you have been doing nothing but loudly grunting and saying random phrases such as, 'very interesting', 'I see', and, 'I'm hungry for a Shroomburger' the past two hours. Have you actually found out anything about this next location, darling?"
"DON'T RUSH ME, HIDEOUS BLOB!" screamed Frankly. "…Now, let's see…Ah-HA! Goombella, Mario, Koops, McFlurrie…You must all go to the glamorous glitzy floating city of GLITZVILLE! That happens to be where the Gold Crystal Star is located."
"Glitzville, eh?" murmured Goombella. "I've heard of the place once or twice…or A THOUSAND TIMES! I FRIGGIN' LOVE GLITZVILLE!!"
Frankly, taken aback by Goombella's outburst, replied, "Really, now?"
"Yeah!" Goombella said. "We went there on a junior high field trip. There were Hoggle's delicious hot dogs, cotton candy, Hoggle's delicious hot dogs, awesome Glitz Pit fights, Hoggle's delicious hot dogs, champion fighter Rawk Hawk, Hoggle's delicious hot dogs, Hoggle's scrumptious hot dogs, a souvenir shop, Hoggle's delectable hot dogs, and…what else…oh yeah! Hoggle's lip-smackin', finger-lickin' great hot dogs!!"
"That's lots of hot dogs," Mario remarked, backing away from Goombella as though she was beginning to creep him out.
"But, uh, we still aren't sure how we're gonna get there in the first place," said Koops. "Isn't it, like you said, a floating city?"
"Yeah," said Frankly, "but you have a shining opportunity to get up to Glitzville nonetheless—right here in Rogueport! See, there's a Cheep Blimp service that can be found in this dump of a town just north of Rogueport's west side. Find a blimp ticket, take a ride, and BAM, you'll be in Glitzville without breaking a sweat!"
"Smashing!" exclaimed Flurrie.
Frankly then frowned, however. "But getting a Cheep Blimp ticket 'round these parts isn't going to be simple. See, the only shady types around Rogueport who actually have enough dough to afford an average ticket would be…"—Frankly gulped in nervousness—"…Don Pianta and his west-side syndicate goons!"
"Don Pianta, eh?" inquired Mario. "Sure sounds like a friendly guy, judging by the name and the fact that he's one of those nifty Pianta fellows!"
"Don't judge a don by his cover, Mario," warned Frankly. "He's no friendly Joe to just about anybody in this run-down area, except his prized daughter Francesca Leone Apollonia Pianta and his boot-licking underlings."
"Don, schmon!" Mario said, chuckling and waving his hand as if this information was a load of nonsense. "I knew a guy named Don in high school, and he'd always 'offer' me some lunch money every day! This Pianta guy can't be any worse."
"Fine, whatever," mumbled Frankly. "Good luck finding that Crystal Star in Glitzville, now. Don't say I didn't warn you…"
Following a heavy sigh from the professor, Mario and his friends closed the door to his house and were prepared to take off to the west branch of Rogueport when they noticed a house next to Frankly's with a Shine Sprite symbol on the front. Mario, who had collected six Shine Sprites on his adventure already in events not worth describing, walked in quietly. He immediately smiled upon seeing who lived within the house.
"EEEEK! ARE YOU A FIREMAN!?" cried none other than the ancient spell-casting magician, Merlon. "I HAVE A PATHOLOGICAL FEAR OF DOPES LIKE YOU! Outta my house! OUT, I SA—Wait, I recognize you…"
"Merlon!? What's up, home-slice?" Mario joyfully said, slapping high-fives with Merlon. "You helped me out so much in my previous paperlike adventure, and now you can't remember who I am? What a silly billy!"
"Heh, well, Mario," replied Merlon, "I'm no silly-billy. I simply got paranoid for a sec, that's it…Who are those new partners of yours? Oh no, are THEY firemen?"
"What made you, uh, think THAT?" Koops asked in confusion.
"…Sorry," muttered Merlon, sighing afterwards. "See, Mario, my old tent in Toad Town with the spinning roof burned down a short while ago. I called the town firefighters, but they just sat around eating cheese sandwiches and reciting terrible stand-up routines to me when they drove over. Naturally, I freaked out and then tried to save the tent myself, but she was already doomed to crumble…I've always feared firefighters ever since."
Goombella and the other two partners were now inexplicably crying fat tears over his recount of the incident, but Mario simply asked why Merlon was now in Rogueport.
"Well," the old magician began, "I had decided to move my business over to this crappy town after that tragedy, conveniently in time for the start of your new adventure involving the Crystal Stars! Aren't coincidental events in video games awesome?!"
Mario, giving a thumbs-up, happily said, "You bet!"
Merlon straightened up and looked a bit more serious. "So, it'll take three Shine Sprites out of your grubby little pockets to upgrade one of your freaky new friends. Got any?"
"Six, in fact!" replied Mario, tossing each one out of his pockets and onto Merlon's magic table of magicness.
"Peeeerrrrrfeeeect!" cried the magician. "Now then, which two partners shall be upgra—"
Without hesitation, Mario picked Goombella and Koops! Flurrie frowned in disappointment! And so, Merlon did some bizarre magic ritual involving phrases like "SHA-ZIBBY!" and "SHA-ZOOBY!" And Goombella and Koops learned Multibonk and Shell Shield, respectively! Both of them now had 15 HP! Too many exclamations!!
"Then you may go!" Merlon shouted firmly, throwing the four heroes out the door by their feet.
--
Rogueport Plaza
"You'd think old man Merlon would be more courteous than that…" muttered Koops, rubbing his left foot in pain.
Mario and co. headed across the center square of Rogueport, and stopped before reaching the overpass to the west side when they noticed Luigi, who had just oddly been standing next to the Item Shop. The younger Mario Bro, clad in his blue overalls and green clothes as always, turned around to see his brother out of nowhere.
"Bro!" yelled Luigi as the two siblings walked up to eachother and slapped high-fives. "You'll never believe the trials and tribulations I've suffered through the past couple of days…"
Mario snorted. "What happened? Did you find the Lord of the Dust Bunnies in our attic, or something?"
Luigi, frowning at Mario's smart-aleck questioning, went on to say, "Actually, I began setting sail for my second solo quest!!"
"What is it this time? 'Luigi's Spring Cleaning'?" inquired Mario.
"Seriously, knock it off," the younger brother snapped fiercely. "As I was saying…
"So, Mario, when you began setting off on your treasure hunt with Peach, I was loafing around the house once again, thinking that this would be yet another Paper Mario adventure in which I wouldn't do diddly-squat. That all changed five minutes after your departure, though!
"Ya see, I had just finished a quick and dirty battle with the Lord of the Dust Bunnies in the attic when Parakarry came right back and notified me of another letter he almost forgot to drop off. As he flew away, I took one look at the envelope and saw that it was addressed to…ME, bro! ME, for once! A man named Minister Crepe, hailing from the faraway Waffle Kingdom, informed me in the letter of the tragic kidnapping of Princess Éclair, the young ruler of the land. The letter ended with a plea for help from none other than LUIGI, baby!!"
Mario, who fell asleep while picking his nose ten seconds into the story, popped the bubble forming from his nostril and snapped back into attention with the other dozing partners.
"…Anyways," continued Luigi, "I locked the house up tight, got to Toad Town in a flash, and boarded the nearest boat for the Waffle Kingdom…
"So, as soon as I leapt off the edge of the boat and onto the first patch of dry land, I made a dash for Éclair's castle in the distance! Meeting Crepe there, he further informed me on the details of the beautiful young Waffle princess' kidnapping, saying she had been nabbed without warning by the vile Chestnut King, a beastly ruler who desired to control the kingdom with his iron fists. I gallantly accepted his second plea for help, and I was swiftly given the base to…an incomplete compass."
"And just how the heck would the base to a broken compass help you in any way?" asked Mario, getting suspicious as to how valid this story was.
"That's the other thing, Bro!" Luigi said. "Crepe then told me that the gadget I held in my hands was the Waffle Kingdom's other prized treasure…THE MARVELOUS COMPASS!"
Mario winced and quickly shielded his ears for a moment.
"I was instructed by the minister to look for the other six lost pieces of the Compass," Luigi continued, "and whaddya know—the wonderful thing still worked…but only slightly. With the single remaining fraction of the compass powering the base, it was able to point me in the direction of my first destination—Rumblebump Volcano!"
"Bumblebutt Volcano?" inquired Goombella. "What happened there?"
Luigi cleared his throat, and then began speaking again. "After bidding farewell to the castle's subjects, I valiantly set off for the village at the volcano's base. While there, I spoke to the villagers, and I mutually agreed with their desire to get rid of the behemoth controlling the volcano once and for all—I for a Compass piece, and they for the volcano to go back to its dormant state. And, get this, Bro…This little guy over here agreed to help me up the volcano! Ain't he adorable?"
The "little guy" in question was a furious-looking, light-brown Blooper, who turned over to Mario and co. "What the heck do they want, you klutz?" he angrily asked Luigi.
"Guys," Luigi said, ignoring his partner, "Meet the brave Rumblebump fighter, Blooey!"
"Doesn't look like much of a regular Blooper to me," remarked Koops. "What, ah, happened to him?"
"What HAPPENED to me? WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?!" cried Blooey. "I'll TELL you! This green-clad plumber bucko here was 'fighting' the fierce living statue at the summit of the volcano that was guarding a Compass Piece, then he stupidly TOSSED ME AT HIM!! THAT is what happened!"
"So…" muttered Mario. "While fighting that statue boss in Crunkjuicemump Volcano, you tossed Blooey to defeat it? That's what you're suggesting, Luigi?"
"Yep!" Luigi said, looking much happier than his Blooper partner. "In order to hit the villain's weak spot—a jewel embedded in its forehead—I jumped with all my might and threw my faithful buddy at that very point! The cad was vanquished, and the second piece of the Marvelous Compass was mine!!"
Blooey then erupted with a furious scream. "JUST WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU INSINUATING, YOU INSANE CREEP?!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. "YOU TOSSED ME AT THE STATUE'S JEWEL, AND YOU FECKIN' MISSED! I went flying into the lava bed because of you!"
"So that explains your golden brown hue, darling?" Flurrie sympathetically asked. "Dear me…Mario, your brother is quite the abusive type to his partners…Good thing I'm traveling with you. Tee-hee!"
"Eh? Wha? What d'you mean, 'abusive'?" Luigi stammered. "We both came out of it just fine! I now have two compass pieces, a new buddy at my side, and I just recently sailed back here to Rogueport for a lunch of Choco Cake, Spicy Soup, and Shroom Fry! I feel like a new plumber, a new adventurer, and a new man!"
"That 'new man' phase won't last much longer if you boil me again…" Blooey furiously murmured. "Oh, my poor white body…Never will I be known as the fearsome 'White Torpedo' again…"
As Blooey floated over to a street corner to pout, Mario and co. said a hasty goodbye to Luigi and headed back for the west-side overpass.
However, they had once again been halted by an elderly Toad woman kneeling on the ground and looking for something.
"DON'T MOVE!" the woman yelled at our heroic plumber. Mario stopped right in his tracks, scared half to death already by her sudden shriek.
"Oh, crud, crud, crud…" she continued saying, slinking across the dirty street like a worm with a mushroom head. "Where is my contact lens? It fell somewhere around here…DON'T YOU DARE MOVE, PLUMBER BOY! I'LL GET IT!"
Mario, who continued to stay on the same spot, then noticed a tiny lens near the entrance to Rogueport's west side, and inched toward it. "Hey, ma'am," he started to call out, "your lens is right over—"
And then, the worst possible thing happened. A single tiny clinking noise broke the silence at this very spot of the town plaza, signaling broken glass…
Mario and his partners, however, were baffled as to how the lens could have broken when the plumber was still quite a few feet away from where he saw it.
The old woman turned extremely slowly towards our hero, and with one bloodcurdling scream, said, "YOU!"
Mario's eyes widened.
Koops gulped quietly.
Goombella started sweating.
Flurrie jumped a foot in the air with surprise.
Luigi, in the middle of drinking up the last of his Spicy Soup at the Inn, gasped.
Kammy Koopa, who happened to be hundreds of miles away at the moment, also somehow gasped with fright.
"Kammy, what's the matter?" Bowser inquired.
Kammy, now shaking on her broom fearfully, muttered, "…I felt…a disturbance…of the highest order…"
The Shadow Sirens, wherever the heck they were, started panicking.
Grodus drummed his fingers quietly on his armrest, quietly singing along to a Tupac song on his MP3 player.
Peach gasped in surprise and took a shower for no reason.
TEC silently mused the meaning of the bloodcurdling scream he'd just heard, and then giggled as he watched Peach take a shower.
Koopie Koo and Koopley frightfully withdrew into their shells.
The scream was not heard in Hooktail's Castle, as Hooktail was still dead. Why'd I even bother describing this area, anyway?
The Punies, terrified by the scream, all ran off a nearby cliff and then inexplicably came back to life two seconds later.
Now that that's all out of the way…
"YOU BROKE MY CONTACT LENS, JERK!" yelled the old Toad. "I, Zess T., will not stand for this!! You WILL get me another lens before you even dream of getting to the western branch of Rogueport. HUMPH!"
"But…lady…" Mario spluttered, trying to find the right words. "But I…I wasn't even next to the thing! It couldn't have just now brok—"
Mario's explanation was cut short when he noticed the shattered lens, still a couple feet away.
"Now just HOW did that work?..." he angrily muttered to himself.
"Please, Zess T.," Koops said, "we can, uh, get your lens later. Right now, uh…it's a need of the highest order for us to get to West Rogueport right, ah, now!!"
"Nope! I'm not going to stop blocking this pathway until I get that lens," Zess T. stubbornly responded, walking in front of Mario each and every time he tried to get past her.
"What the heck?!" Mario yelled in frustration. "We REALLY need to get over there! Get outta my way, grandma!...Ugh, stupid developers…WHY, oh WHY did they have to make her unavoidable?!"
Goombella sighed heavily, and then said, "We have no choice, Mario…Let's go to the Item Shop and see if they have a contact lens in store."
Mario and co. stormed off to the nearby Item Shop in Rogueport Plaza, saying hello to the shopkeeper, Plenn T., as they entered.
"Welcome, welcome, to the one and only Toad Bros. Bazaar!" Plenn T. said happily. "What can I do ya for?"
"50 coins," Goombella responded jokingly. "Lay it on me, babe!"
Plenn T. stared in confusion at the Goomba gal for a very long time, and then quietly turned back to Mario. "So…what do you need, Mario?"
"A contact lens," Mario said quickly. "Got any?"
Plenn T. then rolled his eyes, as if he knew exactly what Mario needed one for. "Oh, great…Hey, Thriff T.!"
Plenn T.'s brother, Thriff T., stumbled out of the storeroom, asking what was needed.
"We've got another victim of Zess T.'s here," Plenn T. said.
"Oh, right," Thriff T. responded, chuckling. "And lookie here, the new victim's none other than Mario Mario! Here, dude, I'll get you a lens…"
"What the?..." muttered Goombella. "…So, you guys saw this coming? We don't have to inconveniently wait for a while until you ship a new lens here for us to get when we come back?"
"Of course, little lady," replied Plenn T. "See, you wouldn't BELIEVE how many people have inexplicably stepped on one of Zess' dropped contacts over the years. She always goes screamin' and pitchin' a fit about how each and every one of them owes her a new lens. I swear, she drops at least one stupid lens every week…Anyway, to prevent inconvenient losses like those, me and Thriff T. ordered hundreds of contact lenses a while ago so that we'd always be in stock for her. They're all in the storeroom, and my bro is getting one now."
"How convenient!" gushed Flurrie.
"Indeed," said Plenn T.
As soon as his older shopkeeper brother finished his explanation, Thriff T. calmly came out of the storeroom and handed a fresh contact lens to Mario and co. Each of the four adventurers then left the Toad Bros. Bazaar and smugly walked over to Zess T.
"What is it now, Crunchy McStompalompadingdong?" she snapped.
"Here's your new lens, you old ha—er—old, yet strikingly beautiful woman!" replied Mario, smiling and placing it straight onto her left eyeball.
"Uh…gee…I don't know what to say," she said, a broad smile beginning to glaze over her crabby face. "That's so…thoughtful of you…to give me a new lens! I'M CURED! YEEEEEEEEAH, BABY!!"
Mario rolled his eyes impatiently.
"For three minutes I was blinded by the loss of my sight…" she continued. "But now, I see once again…Thank you, you graceful, stomping, mustachioed man…This is the fourth new lens I've gotten this month! I never realized how nice everyone here wa—"
"That's great and all, but we seriously need to get through," snapped Goombella.
A frown suddenly came back to Zess T.'s face. "Oh. Okay," she said plainly. "Have fun on your dumb journey, Mr. Contact-Crusher."
She ran back into her house to begin cooking stuff again as Mario and co. sighed with relief, finally stepping into the western branch of Rogueport……
--
Rogueport – West Side
...And immediately being mugged of their items and coins by a Boss Bandit running by. The burglar chuckled like a little green-hooded menace as he zoomed towards East Rogueport faster than you could say "XSKZZZSKDKFJOOOOSLDKFDJF".
Mario, who had been knocked unconscious by this for a few seconds, got back up and heard Goombella screaming, "HEY, CREEP!! GET BACK HERE WITH THAT CRAP!"
"Mario, dude…Get up!" cried Koops. "That, uh, Big Bandit stole half your coins and all your items!"
"Oh, crud," Mario whined. "How could this happen to MEEEEEE?! I've made my MISTAAAAAAAKES—"
"Don't," Goombella said fiercely, shutting Mario's mouth.
"Sooooooo," Koops said after a long, drawn-out pause. "…Where to?"
Mario, Goombella, and Flurrie looked at the area surrounding them. They saw a small park with gorgeous grass patches and a fountain, a recently-opened Pianta Game Parlor, some common houses, and an Item Shop, but nothing resembling the entrance to a cleverly-hidden syndicate office.
"Dear me, I have no clue how we'll get to that fearsome Don Pianta," Flurrie said, frowning.
"Hey, you!" Mario shouted, tugging on the back of a wandering townsperson's shirt. The person turned around, and Mario was surprised to see that he resembled Rowf, the Canadian badge shop owner from Toad Town. In fact…he WAS Rowf.
"Uh…" Mario stuttered, dumbstruck at seeing another old friend in Rogueport. "…Wow! What's been going on, eh?"
"MARIO!" Rowf cried. "Old buddy! Didn't see you wanderin' aboot at first. You're on another journey, yah?"
"Mmm-hmm," Mario responded, nodding slowly. "I thought you were still off selling stuff in Toad Town, though…"
"Oh, that," said Rowf. "See, I decided to let my boy Rhuff take care of the shop for a while during my business trip over here. Good way to build character for 'im, eh?"
"I'll say," Mario replied. "Hey, uh, while you're around here, I was wondering whether you may know anything about the location of a certain Don Pianta?..."
"Ooooh," muttered Rowf, shaking his head, "I've got no idea. However, I have heard some rumors floating aboot Rogueport that the boss of the Robbo crime squad in East Rogueport may know where he is. You need him for somethin', yah?"
Mario nodded again, thanked Rowf, and walked back to Rogueport Plaza with his buddies…
But not before being halted by two Piantas in formal gangster outfits!
"Yo, Sean," one said to the other, "you seen dis mustachioed fool around these parts before?"
"Can't say I have, Fittizio," responded Sean. "'AY, MUSTACHED MAN! Che cosa è il vostro commercio qui?" (1)
"Eh?" muttered Koops.
"I'll handle this," said Mario, pushing Koops out of the way. He then turned to the Pianta mobsters and said, "Out-a il senso, grandi scatti! Non potete - un vedere che stiamo provando ad ottenere indietro a casa a Rogueport orientale?! Siamo affamati, siamo ferireiti ed il fratello Ishnail del my-a che va renderci gli spaghetti di lotsa!" (2)
"Mmmm…" said Fittizio, stroking his chin in deep thought. "…Non lo imbrogliate, piccolo uomo rosso pudgy. Ishnail, dite? Suona come un ladro east-side sporco di Robbo me, Sean. Getti il suo outta dell'asino qui!" (3)
With that, Sean picked up Mario and his partners by the skin of their necks as the plumber shouted, "Ma non capite!" (4)
Fittizio leaned down towards Mario's ear and whispered in an icy tone, "Capisco molto bene." (5)
Sean threw the four adventurers out onto the street of Rogueport Plaza. "Arrivederci - arrivederci, sporcizia!" he called out to them. (6)
"What was that all about?!" Goombella said as she furiously dusted herself off.
"No clue," responded Koops. "I never, uh, bothered learning Italian. Perhaps I should have, for times like those."
"Don't you worry your pretty little heads over it," Mario muttered, brushing dirt out of his overalls. "I'm the Italian here, got me?!"
"So, dears, I suppose now we have to head east. Is that correct?" asked Flurrie.
Mario and co. followed Rowf's advice and headed for the overpass leading to East Rogueport. However, they were halted for the UMPTEENTH time this chapter from doing so, this time by a dirty, scruffy-looking Craw guard carrying a spear.
"Hold up, little bustas!" snarled the guard. "Ain't nobody gonna git past dis post o' mine without breakin' bread and payin' dat stuff!"
Mario tilted his head to the side, dumbfounded at what the guard just said. "Uh…Hey, Koops! You've been a chav for, like, ten years now!! Can you translate this mangy goose thing?"
"Oh, uh…sure thing!" Koops replied. The shy Koopa racked his brain for all of the street lingo he could remember, then turned back to Mario and said, "Okay, the guard says that nobody gets past him and into Eastern Rogueport without getting money and paying him."
"Why should we do that?" snapped Goombella. "He's probably some money-grubbing hobo dressed up in the actual guard's clothes!"
"What choo sayin', biznatch!?" the guard yelled at Goombella. "I'm da one an' only guard o' da east side of this Rogueport joint! Da real deal! I'm Gus, of the Robbo Gang!!"
"Koops, don't even bother translating that one," Mario said, flexing an arm angrily and pulling up his sleeves for a brawl. "This baby needs a whooping to put him into place!"
"Yeah!" Goombella cheered. "Forward, to East Rogueport! For the Blimp Ticket!"
"FOR THE BLIMP TICKET!!" yelled Flurrie, Koops, and Mario.
--
!!BEGIN BATTLE SEQUENCE!!
Mario HP: 15/15 FP: 15/15
Goombella HP: 15/15
Koops HP: 15/15
Flurrie HP: 15/15
VS.
Gus HP: 20/20
Mario uses Thunder Rage. Does 5 damage to Gus.
Koops uses Shell Toss on Gus. Does 3 damage.
Gus uses Spear Throw on Mario. Does 3 damage.
Mario uses Special Ability: Clock Out. Gus is immobilized for 3 turns!
Koops uses Shell Toss on Gus. Does 3 damage.
Mario hammers Gus. Does 2 damage.
Koops uses Shell Toss on Gus. Does 3 damage.
Mario uses Fire Flower. Does 3 damage to Gus.
Koops uses Power Shell on Gus. Does 3 damage. Gus faints.
!!END BATTLE SEQUENCE!!
--
Mario and co. each stomped over Gus, who was now laying face-first on the street and unconscious, and hopped off of him to enter East Rogueport.
Each of them looked around at the area once again, but, as expected, they could not find a single clue as to where they were supposed to head to in order to make contact with Ishnail.
"Hey, you!" Goombella shouted, shaking Gus until he woke up. "Where's your stupid Robbo boss' hideout!?"
"Don't go hurtin' on a little old thug like me, woman!" cried Gus, who was now sobbing heavily. "I'll do whateva da heck you want, 'kay?"
Gus walked over to a thin crevice between the walls of the Trouble Center and the house of someone else to get to the Robbo hideout, and Mario and co. followed by using their Paper Mode ability. After getting through to the back side, they found yet another house hidden behind the area.
"Stay here," Gus instructed sternly, trotting over to an electronic device nailed to the hidden house's front door.
"PASSWORD?" asked the device.
"Thug life," Gus muttered into the speaker.
"ACCESS GRANTED."
And so, the door automatically swung open, revealing various groups of Bandits and Craws all cramped into the place. The dirty, low-down look of the place turned Mario and co. off an awful lot, and the smell wafting out from the door was even worse. Pinching their noses shut, our heroes walked in quietly with Gus.
"Who be dese joiks?" a Craw sitting near the front door snarled. This unenthusiastic greeting was coupled by hostile glances from everybody in the one-room building at Mario.
"Calm it down, Garf," Gus said to the Craw. "These are just some adventurers looking to speak with the b—"
"HEY!" screamed Mario, pointing at the Big Bandit that stole his coins and items earlier. "YOU BETTER COME HANDING MY CRAP BACK, YOU WEASEL!!"
The Big Bandit looked confused for a minute, and then…he started crying.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the Bandit sobbed. "Why'd you have to go an' call me a name like dat, dude? Take ya stuff, I don' need it anyway! WAAAAAAAAH!!"
"Wow," Goombella said flatly as Mario retrieved his stuff. "For a fearsome streetwise Bandit, you sure don't like name-calling."
"And that's exactly why I questioned Ishnail's reasons for taking him into the Robbo Gang," Gus whispered to Goombella.
"And besides," Goombella said, now talking to Gus, "you didn't mention that you talked normally, too."
"Ah, shucks," Gus said, chuckling a little. "Well, yeah, I've got no issue with talking normally…But, you see, we're thought of as heartless gangsters out there, especially by those slimy Pianta cheeseballs. I have to throw on the tough-as-nails image and the street jargon to really intimidate folks, keep 'em away, know what I mean?"
Goombella and Flurrie then started laughing wildly. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" howled Goombella, using Flurrie's hand to wipe a tear of laughter from her eye. "You're even worse at the wanksta act than Koops! AND THAT'S SAYING A LOT! WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA—"
Without a moment of hesitation, Goombella and Flurrie were then taken outside to "sleep with the Nibblers", if you get my drift.
Gus and Garf then came back in a few seconds later, the both of them dusting their hands off casually as Mario and Koops gaped in horror at whatever the heck just happened.
"Now dat dat's over an' done with…" said Garf. "BOSS!! Some mustachio's here to see ya!"
A voice from a door in the back of the large room shouted back, "If it's that no-good clean-sweep Don Pianta, tell him I have mononucleosis!"
"What da heck is mononucleosis?!" Garf yelled indignantly.
"…I have no clue," the voice responded.
Everyone in the main room slapped their foreheads.
"Besides, boss," Garf continued, "this ain't no Don come to see ya, no way. It's…ah…some Italian in overalls."
"I'm not falling for dat!" snapped the voice in the back room. "It's da Don disguised as some stupid fat plumber, isn't it?"
"WHY YOU LITTLE—" Mario hollered.
"Hold da phone, dere…" the voice interrupted. "…Dat don't sound like Don Pianta! Den again, he could be sportin' a nasty cold an' using it to his advantage…"
"MY NAME IS MARIO! MARIO!" the plumber screamed.
"Mario? Da famous dude always savin' dat Princess Nectarine broad?" the voice said excitedly. "I'll be right out, den!"
True to his word, Ishnail, leader of the Robbo Gang, walked out of the back room a few moments later, shaking hands carefully with Mario and Koops.
"Uh…" Koops began. "Just what species are you, anyway, sir? You look like a Koopa on top, but you have the features of a snail, too…"
"Well, er…" muttered Ishnail, quietly fiddling with the bridge of his sunglasses. "It involved a clumsy scientist and a botched experiment between me and a giant garden snail at da Kolorado Research Facility. I don't like talkin' about it."
"Kolorado and his associates are always quite the klutzes…" Mario said to himself.
"What was dat?" Ishnail interrupted.
"Nothing," Mario quickly replied.
"So just what do you bozos want?" inquired the Robbo leader.
"Ishnail, sir," Koops said, "we would like to, uh, know how we find Don Pianta's office around Western Rogueport."
Ishnail's face reddened a moment later. "WHAT DID YA JUST SAY?!" he cried. "You wanna look fo' dat no-good Don scum and his suck-up associates? Hmm…I guess I can tell ya meddlesome jerks for the price of 64 coins. PAY UP!!"
Mario shrugged, seeing as he had no other choice. He dug 64 coins out of his pockets—ironically, the same amount that was stolen and returned by the Big Bandit—and angrily shoved them into Ishnail's filthy hands.
Ishnail snickered. "Glad to see you're willin' to do business with me, mustachio!" he said gleefully. "'Kay, listen up, 'cause my throat's itchin' to rest, and I'm not going to repeat dis…In order to find Don Pianta's HQ, you gotta go to the Item Shop on da west side, and then you must buy a Dizzy Dial and a Dried Shroom—in DAT EXACT ORDER! Aftawards, da shopkeeper lady will ask ya what your favorite color is. Say 'yellow'. Got it? Y-E-L-L-O-W. She might trick ya with a different question, but regardless of what da question is, answer with 'yellow'! Now git outta my sight!!"
Mario and Koops did as they were told, and snuck back into West Rogueport in a Metal Gear Solid fashion to avoid Sean and Fittizio. Along the way, they notice Goombella and Flurrie slipping through a nearby sewer drain and went with them into the item shop.
As soon as the four heroes entered, the blue Boo shopkeeper, Peeka, said, "Oh, hey, mustached cutie! Welcome to Westside Goods! Where the store provides the items, and I provide the goods…if you know what I mean. How can I help ya?"
As Peeka said this, she continued staring misty-eyed at Mario. Our favorite plumber simply needed to see the fake rabbit ears she was wearing to immediately be turned off.
"Hey, uh, miss," Koops said, "could we have one Dizzy Dial, please?"
"Anything for you li'l cuties!" Peeka joyfully said, giving Mario a Dizzy Dial as he paid for it. "…Seriously, anything."
"Look, ma'am, I didn't come here for you to hit on me in unimaginable ways," Mario said, gritting his teeth. "Can we also have a Dried Shroom?"
Peeka raised an eyebrow at this request, but reluctantly gave the Dried Shroom to Mario as he paid a few more coins. Without warning, she then fired four tranquilizer darts at all four adventurers.
"What the—" Mario began yelling. Unfortunately, he was already beginning to doze off in the blink of an eye. "Ugh…oh…noooooooot aagggaaaaaain…"
"Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix once again started playing repeatedly as mind-bending patterns glazed over our heroes' eyes, each of them angrily looking over at Peeka before they fell unconscious and were tossed into a nearby dumpster.
--
East Rogueport
Each of our four heroes woke up a few hours later, leaping out of the dumpster and running furiously back to Ishnail's hideout. As they got there, Mario didn't even bother with the password, simply punching the door off its hinges in a rage.
The entire main room became silent all of a sudden, with everybody fearfully looking at Mario, who was red all over, with wet garbage dripping from his clothes to the ground.
Ishnail, who was cleaning a cola glass, looked over at Mario and began giggling nervously.
"Uh…" the Robbo stammered. "…Pfft…hee-hee…Whoops. I guess, er…it was a Dried Shroom, and THEN a Dizzy Dial!"
--
West Rogueport
"You again?" Peeka wondered out loud as Mario and co. returned to Westside Goods. "…Ha-ha, okay then! You sure are persistent little cuties! I like that in a man—er—in a group of heroes!! How can I help you?"
"YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHAT WE WANT!" Koops screamed in a rare fit of anger. "GIVE US A DRIED SHROOM, AND THEN A DIZZY DIAL ON THE DOUBLE!!"
Peeka gave them the two items in the requested order, and then quietly started chuckling.
"What is it now?" moaned Flurrie.
"Right, so here it goes," Peeka responded. "Okay, plumber baby, what color is your underwear?"
Mario was baffled as to why the shopkeeper would ask that as an alternate question, but he remembered Ishnail's advice and replied, "Yellow."
Peeka's smile widened as she asked, "What's the color of your bedroom's wallpaper?"
"Uh…yellow."
"Right, okay then…What do you like best about a girl?"
"……Yellow?"
"Okey-dokey…"
Peeka went on asking peculiar questions to Mario, and it eventually became obvious to the partners that she was, once again, hitting on him with such odd things that she wanted to know.
"…What's your favorite song?"
"Er…'Yellow'."
"Oh, goody, I love that song too! Now then…what's the size of your—"
"YELLOW!" Mario abruptly screamed at the top of his lungs, as he was now sick of the questions. "IT'S YELLOW, OKAY!? YELLOW, YELLOW, YELLOW, YELLOW, YELLOW!!"
Peeka raised her eyebrows in surprise yet again, and then slapped her forehead, saying, "Ugh, what's gotten into me today? None of these were the right questions…Anyway, what's your favorite color?"
Mario walked up to Peeka, grabbed her by one rabbit ear, and said to her in a deathly quiet tone, "My…favorite…color…is…yellow. Can…I…see…the…stupid…Don…now?..."
Peeka trembled as she replied, "Y-Yeah…G-Go ahead…the door is part of the back wall…J-J-Just feel around for th-the knob!"
Mario stomped over to the store's back wall and eventually found the backdoor, walking up a few stone steps with the partners to another building…
--
Pianta Syndicate – Don Pianta's Office
"Anybody home?" Goombella called out as the adventurers went inside the office.
"Yes," said a low, gruff voice from the room's other side. "And in most traditions such as ours, it's more courteous to knock before entering da room, don'tcha think?"
"…Sorry…" Goombella murmured, looking over at the rest of the room to see two Pianta underlings next to the opposite wall. The Don himself was sitting at his nicely polished desk, frowning heavily at Mario and co.
Don Pianta resembled anybody else of his kind, except that he wore mean-looking sunglasses and a classic fedora outfit, coupled with a thick black mustache that could rival Mario's.
"What's up, Don Pianta?" Mario said, walking over to give the Don a high-five. "How's the big, bad leader of West Rogueport been doing—"
"AN' JUST WHO WOULD YOU BE?!" shouted one of the associates. "Walkin' in outta nowhere and askin' for da Don's almighty hand like dat!? Fo' shame…"
"Quiet, Tony," Don Pianta said calmly to the angry associate. "I'll handle dis fool…"
"But boss—" began the other associate.
"BUT WHAT, VINNY?" Don Pianta yelled. "CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF TALKING?!"
The associates, apparently named Tony and Vinny, backed down with disappointment. "Awfully sorry, boss," muttered Tony. "It's just, what with the recent events involvin' Frankie and your daughter…we figured you'd be too angry to speak straight."
"Anyway, Mr. Don Pianta, sir," Goombella began, "would it be possible for you to…ah…I dunno…hook us up with some tickets for the Cheep Blimp bound for Glitzville today?"
"WHAT DA…" Don Pianta yelled angrily. "…Listen up here, you sassy little chocolate chip, I'm not gonna hook ya up with no tickets for SQUAT if you just barge in an' expect me to do everythin' for ya!! You need ya little baby diapers changed or some crap like dat? I AIN'T GOT DA TIME!!"
"Seriously, dude," Mario snapped, "ALL WE NEED are a few MEASLY LITTLE BLIMP TICKETS!"
"You're not gettin' diddly-squat from Da Godpiantafatherthingy! He even said so," remarked Tony.
"You're da greatest, Don Pianta!" Vinny cried. "I love you!"
"Seriously, Vinny," Don Pianta mumbled, "what da heck's da matta with you?"
"Just doin' my daily suck-up routine, God—I mean—sir," Vinny responded. "Don't mind none…"
Don Pianta turned over to Mario. "Listen up, plumba boy," he said, "perhaps I can make an offa you can't refuse…involvin' da blimp tickets as a special reward."
"Yippee!" cried Mario. "What ridiculously easy little task do you have in mind for us?"
"Listen up, here," Don Pianta said. "Ahem…
"My beautiful young daughter, Francesca Leone Apollonia Pianta, recently disappeared with Frankie, my highest-ranked underling. Eloped, actually. They've run off to get married in Gawd-knows-where without my permission, and now I'm worried sick about my little sugarplum!"
"And?" asked Mario.
Don Pianta then said, "…So here's da deal, uh…"
"Mario."
"…Mario: You gotta find my daughter and that jerk Frankie. Do it, or else you can kiss dose blimpy tickets bye-bye."
Mario, after hearing about this difficult task, abruptly popped a vessel in his forehead, triggering one of his famous destructive tantrums. He began running over every single square inch of the room, though he couldn't destroy anything due to the office's tantrum-proof rug and walls. While doing all this, Mario had also been charging repeatedly into the Don's desk on all-fours like a wild bull, making about three minor scratches in its surface as a result.
"WHAT DA HECK DO YA THINK YA DOING, JERK?!" screamed Don Pianta. "DON'T YOU DARE DAMAGE MY BEAUTIFULLY-POLISHED DESK LIKE DAT, LITTLE WORM! Dis thing was polished usin' da SWEAT of my labors, da TEARS of my family, AND DA BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES!!"
Mario stopped dead in his tracks.
"Okay, hold up there, Vito," Goombella snapped at the Don. "We have to find Francesca and Frankie for you?! What a load of blackmail! Get off your lumpy Pianta butts and find them yoursel—"
Goombella was immediately taken out by Vinny to "sleep with the Nibblers" once again.
"So, then," Don Pianta growled at Koops, Mario, and Flurrie, "are we on da same page now? Or does one of ya need to accompany Miss Goombella in da wet 'n' wild afterlife?"
Flurrie, sweating profusely with terror, said, "Very well, dear Don Pianta. We shall abide to your requests…"
It took some more threatening and violent tantrum-throwing, but Mario and Koops also agreed sometime later. The trio of heroes left the office to find the runaway Pianta lovers as the Don asked Vinny to bring him a cold submarine sandwich from the office's fridge. Vinny did as he was instructed, but as the pieces of the sandwich fell apart after he took it out, he yelled, "Whoops!"
"STUPID SANDWICH!" Don Pianta shouted. "Dat dumb thing betta stay together, or it's wakin' up tomorrow morning all nice and snuggled in da fridge with a Robbo's head……"
--
Rogueport – The Docks
After sneaking back out of West Rogueport and searching every square foot of the town aside from the entrance, Mario and co. had no choice but to return to the very same area in which Goombella and Mario first met, and where this quest began in the first place.
Meanwhile, not too far down by the edge of the docks, Don Pianta's daughter, Francesca, and his top underling, Frankie, were waiting anxiously for the arrival of the boat taking them to Lavalava Island for their abrupt wedding ceremony. As they stood anticipating the boat, Francesca turned around for a split second and glanced up at Mario entering the docks.
"Oh, no!" whined Francesca. "Frankie, sweetie! Someone else is coming!"
"What's da big problem, little sugar cookie?" Frankie sympathetically asked his worried girlfriend.
"He looks quite suspicious…" Francesca said as she began trembling. "Thick mustache, plumber clothes, an 'M' cap…You don't see many people who look like that around here! EEEEEK!! OMIGOSHOMIGOSHOMIGOSH WHAT IF DADDY SENT HIM HERE TO GET US?!"
Frankie turned around, looked over at Mario, who was approaching quickly, and muttered, "Aw, crapsicles…"
"Francesca Leone Apollonia Pianta?" Mario asked quietly, calmly walking up behind the Don's daughter.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! AWAY! AWAY!" screamed Francesca, smacking Mario silly with her purse. "What the heck do you want?!"
"Yeah, what is it?" questioned Frankie, raising his fists up. "No way are me and my little slice of pineapple pizza turnin' back now, you short little mustachioed creep! Git away from us!"
"SHORT?!" Mario screamed angrily. "That's it, young lady and young man, you're going right back to Don Pianta THIS INSTANT!"
"Sez who?" Frankie snarled.
"The Don himself," Flurrie replied.
"Oh, NO! Daddy knows we're still here now!" Francesca screamed. "Either way…hee-hee…the boat's coming in two minutes! You four creeps will never get us caught! I'm staying put with my darling Frankie."
Frankie agreed wholeheartedly, but then mumbled to her, "Y'know, snow bunny, I still feel a bit, uh, bad 'bout elopin' without warnin' and leaving da boss hanging like dis."
"WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING, FRANKIE!?" Francesca yelled at her undecided boyfriend. "No way are we giving up the eternal love binding our souls, regardless of the selfish needs of Daddy or this fat man here!"
Mario, furious at this stubborn Pianta girl's persistence, stormed off for West Rogueport, once again reuniting with Goombella through a sewer drain on the way.
--
Don Pianta's Office
After fighting off Peeka with a broken glass cola bottle, the group of four proceeded back through Westside Goods to the office of the Don.
"Finally!" shouted Don Pianta as Mario stepped through the door. "I've been waitin' here with Vinny an' Tony for a friggin' hour!"
"What are you talking about?" Koops angrily asked. "That was ten minutes in video game time."
"Well, we're talkin' real-life minutes here, not video game minutes," the Don snarled. "Now then, did ya find Francesca and Frankie?"
"We sure did!" replied Goombella. "They're over at the entrance docks. Go take that persistent slut and her man-whore down for us, will you?"
"Now, now," the Don said, "I'm aware they're both little troublemakin' tykes, but don't go talkin' smack about dem like dat. Hear me?"
"Whatever, Godpiantafatherthingy," Goombella mumbled.
"Tony! Vinny!" Don Pianta shouted, cuing the two to rush off for the docks. Surprisingly, they were back in a mere thirty seconds…in video game time, that is!
Francesca and Frankie, now both furious, were trying to fumble out of their grip, but it was no use; Vinny and Tony practically had arms of steel.
The Don began pacing back and forth in front of his associate and his daughter, shaking his head sadly. "Francesca, Francesca, Francesca……What am I gonna do with you crazy kids?"
"Make them both sleep with the Nibblers," Goombella remarked. "Y'know, just so both our groups are even."
"How many times do we have to tell ya to be quiet?" snapped Vinny, slapping Goombella upside the head.
"Look, Daddy," Francesca said, sighing deeply, "I know what I'm doing may be looked down upon by you as foolish…but me and Frankie love eachother with the intensity of a thousand flaming balls of flaming flame! The only way we can break away from your overprotective grip and your ridiculous Mafia-like lifestyle is to strike out on our own."
"Indeed, I DO frown upon dis elopin' business…" murmured Don Pianta, showing a hint of sadness in his face. "…An' I never figured it'd happen to me…My own daughter, runnin' off like dis! An' YOU, Frankie! You were like a son to me!"
Frankie was now quietly sobbing. "B-But…Boss…It wasn't my fault!" he whined. "I'm so sorry I let you down…Francesca suggested that we—"
"FRANKIE!" shrieked Francesca. "Don't you go pinning the blame on MY rear end! YOU clearly suggested eloping in the first place."
"Ugh…I guess there's no use in me tryin' to hide it," Frankie said, sighing. "Boss, da truth is dat we BOTH thought of running away…"
Don Pianta began rubbing his temple thoroughly. "Seriously, now," he said, "you two don't have to go—"
"BUT REALLY, I DESERVE MUCH OF THE BLAME!" cried Francesca. "Punish ME, Daddy! Let Frankie go! I pushed him into suggesting that we elope!!"
"NO, BOSS!" Frankie screamed, again on the verge of tears. "Take ME to sleep with da Nibblers! Or to unintentionally get shot to save your life! Or even to wake up with a Robbo's head in my bed! JUST LEAVE FRANCESCA ALONE!"
"DADDY!!"
"BOOOOOOSSSSSSS!!"
"DADDY!!"
"BOOOOOOSSSSSSS!!"
"DADDY!!"
"BOOOOOOSSSSSSS!!"
"DADDY!!"
"BOOOOOOSSSSSSS!!"
"DADDY!!"
"BOOOOOOSSSSSSS!!"
"DADDY!!"
"BOOOOOOSSSSSSS!!"
"DADDY!!"
"BOOOOOOSSSSSSS!!"
"DADDY!!"
"BOOOOOOSSSSSSS!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALRIIIIIIIIIIGHT AAAAAALLLLREAAAAAAADY!!" the Don roared, shaking the very earth with his indignant voice as Francesca and Frankie shut up.
"Seriously, though, Don," Mario said after waiting quietly on the sidelines, "I suppose you should just let the two of them go."
"Hmm?" Don Pianta muttered, turning towards Mario and co.
The partners agreed in explaining that they were certain of Francesca's and Frankie's love, and that they should finally be left to do what they desired with their lives. After several more minutes of crying, arguing, and a hilarious commercial break to ease the tension, Don Pianta quietly gave in.
"Fine," he whimpered, a tear streaming out of his eye. "Frannie, Frankie…you guys go out an' take on da world all ya like. It was wrong of me to hold ya back like dis. Mario convinced me of dat."
"Oh, Daddy!" Francesca joyfully cried, hugging her father as she said farewell to everybody in the office with Frankie. With that, the lovestruck duo rushed out of the syndicate.
"And…" the Don began to call out. He paused for a second, then heavily sighed and loudly yelled out to the two, "…And don't ever let me catch ya two in dis gloomy old place again! You have fun out dere!..."
Francesca and Frankie managed to hear Don Pianta as they ran off. Both of them took one last glance at the window of the office, then seemed to grow quite sad as they turned back away and left for the boat to Lavalava Island.
Now that all of that crazy business had been taken care of, Don Pianta looked over at Mario and co., saying, "Bah, what a soap opera that was! I'm proud of dem, though…findin' undying love and all…" He began sniffling quietly.
Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Flurrie began feeling a bit of remorse for the Don, but he suddenly no longer looked pleased to still see them.
"What're you four lumps doin' here dawdling?" he snapped. "I need some private time, here…I don't wanna see ya depressing faces 'round dis office ever again…Git out."
"Yeah, giiiiiiiit outta here!" Vinny shouted, motioning his thumb towards the door as he looked angrily over at Mario and co. "Whateva God—er—da Don says, GOES!"
"Later," Tony said, feebly waving back at the four adventurers as they received Cheep Blimp tickets and left the syndicate office with one last hostile goodbye.
"Sheesh, how dramatic was all that?" Goombella said as the door closed.
"I do feel rather sorry for the Don," Flurrie commented. She then sighed and said, "After all, it's such a terrible time when you have to let go of your best co-worker and your own child. You never want to, but you know that it's good for them…"
As the group prepared to re-enter Westside Goods, Koops took one more glance at the office as he said, "I'm guessing that that's how my dad and Koopie Koo would react to me leaving Petalburg if they were more overly dramatic."
Mario and co. almost silently slid through the barely-open backdoor to the shop, planning to become paper-thin against the wall and escape so as to avoid Peeka. Unfortunately, Peeka apparently had a sharp pair of eyes, as she immediately floated out from behind the items on sale and lunged for Mario. Her desperate lust for the plumber was now reaching a very disturbing new level, as she had crudely put on a pair of yellow boxer shorts, spray-painted herself yellow, splattered yellow on the walls of the store, and was cranking Coldplay's "Yellow" on a nearby boombox.
"I'M GETTING ME A PIECE OF SEXY PLUMBER, BABY!" Peeka shrieked as she headed for Mario.
Our heroes all screamed and dashed through the front door as quickly as possible, boarding up the outside of it with several nails, wood planks, and pieces of furniture from the dumpster to seal Peeka back up into the item shop from whence she came.
Finally, without breaking a sweat, the four of them ran for the departing Cheep Blimp at the Rogueport Train Station, hurriedly showing their tickets to the ticket-inspecting Cheep-Cheep and hopping onto the blimp at the last second.
With this final leap of speed, our four heroes breathed a sigh of relief, looking out the window of the blimp to see Rogueport shrinking more and more in size as they rose higher into the beautiful sky of white clouds.
"Amazing…" Goombella whispered.
"I concur," Mario said, whistling with awe.
"What a smashing sight up here!" exclaimed Flurrie. "Clouds of the utmost perfection, not a drop of rain in sight, and…LOOK!"
Koops took his face out of his air-sick bag just enough to glance over at where Flurrie was pointing to. This area happened to be none other than the crowded floating city of Glitzville, their very next destination. Mario noticed with surprise that the Diamond and Emerald Crystal Stars were faintly glowing.
The third Crystal Star was waiting…
--
A/N: Ooooo-hoo! Hooray for a cliffhanger occurring right before the beginning of the actual chapter! Hooray for typing over thirty friggin' pages worth of a filler chapter as well!! Glitzville is now in plain sight, but I doubt our heroes really know just what they'll have to do yet.
And now, translations for that brief conversation in Italian between Mario, Sean, and Fittizio…
1) "What is your business here?"
2) "Out-a the way, big jerks! You cannot-a see that we are trying to get back home to East Rogueport?! We are starving, we are wounded, and my-a brother Ishnail going to make us lotsa spaghetti!"
3) "You do not fool me, pudgy little red man. Ishnail, you say? Sounds like a dirty east-side Robbo thief to me, Sean. Throw his ass outta here!"
4) "But you do not understand!"
5) "I very well do understand."
6) "Bye bye, filth!"
In addition, don't forget to vote for the Yoshi Kid's color in Chapter 3! Friday's the cutoff date!