Alright, this is the prrolouge of a story after things change. This just Terra POV, telling what really happened when you saw her in those episodes. This story is going to switch POVs a lot, right now, it's terra's obviously. This story also ties up a few loose ends, and gives subtle hints to unknown mysteries, you just have to keep your eyes open. So this right now is not after things change, it's actually before, but all the chapters after will be after fyi. So enjoy and don't forget to REVIEW!!!!!

I don't own teen titans

Everyone has a voice in the back of their head, don't they? To me it just meant that I was going soft, I guess I was, but you know, they were my friends. In fact I don't blame them for attacking me, that scene did not really look that good. Each thing added up until I couldn't take it anymore, I was a bad guy, I couldn't turn back! And even if I did, well, I don't think I would earn their trust anytime soon or even become a titan… again. Alright, I'm sure you're confused, I am too, but I can tell you what I know. I went with Slade, yea I know, I'm so horrible, it was the worst mistake of my life. I don't even know why I joined him.

Flashback:

"Slade was right you don't have any friends."

Oh yea, that's why, well it was still stupid, I could have turned around that very night, I could have gone back and killed him, no one needed to know what had happened. I don't know what my pretty little blonde head was thinking, I didn't even hate the titans, to be honest, I loved them, they were my friends and family and one of them was so close to being so much more. I was torn, between two people who had helped me. Now you have to understand why I went to Slade in the first place before you jump to conclusions.

Flashback:

"Earthquakes, avalanches, mudslides, every where you go you try and do good and everywhere you fail…but it doesn't have to be this way, I can help you, child."

Every time I lost control, I could feel myself die a little bit more inside, literally! I felt excruciating pain almost everyday; in fact I almost lost my life one time. But that was nothing compared to what had happened to people, I had spent my life on the run, I was a criminal before I even met Slade. One day, when I was nearing Jump City, I had lost control, a giant rock slide had formed, and I accidentally killed a man. Instead of turning myself in like I should have done, I ran… again. I found the teen titans. They were nice I fell head over heels in love with Beastboy, but I didn't trust them… not one bit. They were the superhero type; they didn't know what I had done. Why do you think I wanted Beastboy to keep my secret? Because they would piece it together, it was on the news and from the moment I walked into their territory, I could tell that Raven kept an extra eye on me. I don't blame her. Anyways, back to me almost dieing, I was running away after I blamed Beastboy for telling Robin (which I knew he didn't do I just had to get out of there) I was in the desert and I had just made a fire. I was sitting around it just… thinking, bad idea. Anger, sadness pain kept on filling into my eyes and it didn't really help that I was hung over from the last time I had lost control. Everything around me started to tremble, an earthquake was forming, bigger and bigger, I was floating, and I was in pain, a lot of pain. I was holding my head, thinking that squeezing my temples would make it go away, I was starting to black out, my life was flashing before my eyes, which just made me lose control even more, my whole body was numb, my head felt like it was going to explode, it was getting harder and harder for me to breathe, my heart was racing so fast I knew my body could not handle it, but then it happened. Slade, he had followed me, he threw something at my body, it neutralized my powers, I sighed out of relief, but then I fell, on my head, and I blacked out. Even if Slade is an annoying stalker, he saved my life, and that was my debt, I was so thankful when I woke up the next day, and then he said he was going to teach me. Now put yourself in my shoes, your powers get lose everyday causing you and innocent people pain, you have no where else to go, you don't have any friends, you have no family, technically your already a villain and your legs are tired from running… uh, yea I was going to let him help me! Now I know what you're thinking, 'how could she do this to the titans' right? Well, I had only been with them for a day, not even, half a day, he told me I had to kill the titans to repay him, I was indeed uncomfortable with the situation, but this man had done so much for me, and I said to myself that I would get over it.

Flashback:

"So, which team am I on?"

This question still haunts me, because I still don't know. It wasn't a matter of picking volleyball teams, oh no. Think about it, I haven't seen the titans in about three months after spending half a day with them, I run away and no one knows where I went, and they knew Slade was after me, and after all this time I come back and the first thing I say is "what team am I on?" Hello! I was partially undecided whether I was evil or not, my mission was to join the teen titans, so who's team am I on?!?! This is also why I get headaches, and I'm sorry but I have to give Raven a round of applause, she was the only one who really figured it out, but then she lost it, but then she trusted me. God damn it Raven! I was counting on you, to stop me, to put me in my place! Well anyway, you kind of saw the rest; six months had passed, for those of you who didn't know. Six months! You think I would have stopped myself by then, but you also have to take into consideration that I had spent more time with Slade too. The titans and Slade were my two best friends in the whole world. So every other night I would sneak out and tell Slade what I had learned and every day I would spend with the titans. I didn't realize it, but the titans grew fonder to me as each passing day, but a little bit of that fondness was taken away every time I met with Slade. I liked him, I thought he was pretty cool… kind of creepy, but still pretty cool, he was smart, I actually got him to open up one night, but I won't bore you with those details. So when it was time for me to rat them out, I was just extremely nervous, I wasn't feeling to much regret actually, okay that's a lie, but for only one person.

Flashback:

"It's just that out of all the things that I could do tonight, I realized I just wanted to spend it with you."

Aww, I'm such a poet, in truth that was the worst night of life. The tension, secrets, the way I knew Beastboy was going to detest me after that one fateful night, all I wanted to do was put him out of danger. Yes I did really like Beastboy, and I mean a lot, a lot but I knew I couldn't have him, I was… imperfect at the least, he lived in such an ideal world. Something I had wished I had. I'm sure some of you are yelling right now "you could have had it!" Well, no I couldn't, ever since my birth I was cursed with the wretched powers, this wasn't a gift, it was a burden, sometimes I wished that I was like my sister, normal, after an earthquake that had killed my parents, my sister was put under foster care and I ran. This was my life! Sucky! It was hard enough getting up at the morning when you think to yourself, oh crap what am I going to do today? Beastboy, on the other hand, had a perfect life, oh boohoo he got in some accident as a child and now he's green, at least he could control his "gift" at least his friends accepted him! He had the perfect life, friends, home. Me and perfect just don't go! I felt like crying every time I saw him! He actually liked me, he tried to kiss me! Slade butted in though! He knew if I got close to him I would rebel, he had me under lock and key! Why didn't I see that? I am sorry! I want Beastboy back! I want that kiss! After that night I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I was so hurt, not by Beastboy's words though, by the fact that I would never be perfect, that's what made me put on the suit, that's what made me take the oath, that's what made me wear that badge with pride! Because I was already messed up, and I was jealous! A part of me really thought that I had hated them, I was supposed to kill them, I was ordered to kill them and just my luck Raven was first! I still remember that, her words cut me like a knife.

Flashback:

"I trusted you! We trusted you! We gave you everything and you treat us like dirt!"

I knew that! I was in denial, she was at my feet, and I wanted her dead at that moment for exposing what I had become! She was being dragged, down deeper into the mud, I was going to finish her, for good, Slade was watching me, listening to me, her face was under the squelchy substance that was thick and deep, she was under, I could have killed her! At that moment she could have been dead… I couldn't do it, she was my best friend, and I just couldn't do it. Under that wet dirt laid one large air bubble, at the bottom of that cliff laid soft sand as rocks mysteriously move out of her way. Down that one trench was a secret passage to titans' tower, not that big of a drop even though everyone thought that I had tried to squash them between the rock walls. Robin was a little harder since Slade was watching it all, when we were fighting, that camera was destroyed, I saw it being demolished, and here's a twist I destroyed it. I came closer and closer, I beat him up with rocks, yea it came down fast but not hard, he blacked out from shock and the bruises I had given him, but he could take it. Then I snuck back to titans' tower and stole one of his R badges that he keeps on his shirt and gave to Slade for proof. They were all surprised to wake up, alive, they simply thought that they were tough enough, or maybe their powers found a last minute escape, either way they knew that I had tried to kill them, and I let them think that. What surprised me is that they waited until the entire town had evacuated, which was a week later, I was beginning to worry that they had not survived, that that little voice in the back of my head was on break and that I had really killed my beast friends, I was so close to crying as I stared at my former home, I chocked to Slade through the ear piece that they were really gone, that we did, this was supposed to be a victory, but I certainly did not feel as though I had won. So many things were rushing through my head at that exact moment so many things it made me feel like losing control, when I heard a familiar sonic cannon, yea I fell… hard too, but just knowing they were alive made me feel so much better, at least that's what I thought. They weren't back to make nice, they were really mad and it was as if I could feel them screaming death through their eyes. I was scared, really scared, but all I could do was strike back. What scared me most about that fight was that… I was enjoying it, even if I was getting my butt kicked. That demon on my shoulder was in my head again and I wanted to fight back with all my might… I wanted them dead; I wanted their blood on my hands. What was going on, I didn't feel like that, I didn't want to kill them; well yes I did, but not really. I could feel myself resisting a stronger force and I was losing, it made me weak, it made me run… again. This did not make Slade happy; I get back to what I called my home for so long, celebrating my effort to stay alive. He had been my friend; I had always thought that a little part of him really saw me as a daughter, or at least a second cousin. One quick motion and I'm sent three yards back as my head strikes the wall behind me, I could feel myself throbbing, I looked up and it was as if everything had been shattered. It was as if to come home to your father and he were to beat you. I had been deceived, I felt like such a fool. I became frightened, he slapped me around beat me kicked me, anything that you can imagine, it happened to me. I could feel the cloth of my uniform coming off. I felt like attacking him, and I would but for some reason I wouldn't allow myself to. I just sat back and let the unthinkable happen to me. I was bleeding, and never realized how much it hurt to be betrayed. I scooted away from him for a moment as he began cussing me out he was coming toward me, I was frightened to say the least. Why am, I taking this shit from him? I was furious; anger was building up in the place of my regret. I wanted to walk out, and I would have to, but there's always a twist, isn't there? That suit, that cloth of Lucifer, it was a part of me, it was in me… I was Slade. I felt my heart shatter when he pressed that button. I felt the pain I had so long ago; I had the loss of control. It was a different kind of loss; I had given it to someone, someone who had betrayed me and my friends. Oh no my friends, the last time I saw them they tried to kill me. I was on my own. I can't even begin to describe how I feel I felt as though my soul had been sold to the devil himself, as if I were being tortured but still being forced to live, as if my life could burst with just a simple press of a button. I fell to the ground, trying with all my strength to resist, but I… I couldn't, God I hated myself for that, right when I had control, right when I had everything set, it all fell a part in front of my eyes. I fell to the ground crying, holding my throbbing head, wondering what had brought me to this, to this level, to this pain, to this life.

Flashback:

"Terra?"

"Destroy me, quick!"

"What?"

"Come on! Isn't that what you came for?! Do It, now!"

I meant every word of that. I wanted him to kill me. It was going to happen eventually, and when I saw Beast Boy coming, I remember thinking to myself that he was my escape. I remember hoping that I pissed him off so much that he would want to kill me, Slade always got in the way, didn't he? It felt like I was being pinched in every part of my body with lightning. Something happened, something came up, it wasn't just a prison… it was a passage to my powers and feelings. It slipped out of my hand, the glow lit up the devil's hell, sending Beastboy flying into the air and bouncing off the wall behind him. I felt on last tear roll down my face as I made my way toward him. I didn't let myself hear anything; I just waited for him to press that button again. It was consuming my body, it was spreading, and I was trying so hard to resist, so hard to break free of his control. In that moment I hated myself more then I had ever had, more then when I killed that man, more then when I ran from all of my problems, more then when I had found out everything was a lie, in that moment, I let him take control. I was weak I told myself I couldn't fight against it, so I let it fill me. I remember feeling hatred, it was so easy to let him take control everything in my body was programmed and in that moment I didn't care. I was his puppet, I was the source of his power and I just let that happen and the worst possible thing had occurred. I was fighting Beastboy, and liking it. I just let myself be manipulated, not only my powers, but my emotions. He was making me enjoy such horror. It's all pretty much a blur I was in so much pain I don't like recalling these memories. But in the end, I had Beastboy buried under some rocks so he couldn't move while I was standing there; ready to stab him with a rock as sharp as a knife. I could feel the pain of resistance. Right when I was about to… to kill Beastboy, who should appear? The teen titans, YAY! Well this certainly helped my migraine go away. So I have a mad man with a control that could easily kill me, I have my best friend under a rock which I am about to stab him with, and then people shouting random things at me, oh, and Raven, right behind me about to kill me as well, death threats, people shouting redeem yourself! And people shouting redeem yourself and I'll kill you. I had a major headache that day.

Flashback:

"It's your life Terra; it's your choice, it's never too late to change."

Those were probably the only words that got through to me throughout that echoing and piercing cave. I closed my eyes and I thought about all I had done. More anger was rushing into me then ever before, but this anger was different, it was free will anger. I charged at him, with the rock I was ordered to stab Beastboy with. I was insane, I wouldn't let up. I kept attacking him like there was no tomorrow. Finally, finally, when I thought I had defeated him, I stopped and looked over the edge. The guy bounced up so high you would have thought there was a trampoline at the bottom. Hit me right smack dab in the kisser, that hurt. I was lying on the ground, defeated, hurt, rage consumed, when Slade came toward me. 'Yep, I'm gonna die here.' That's what I was thinking. I thought he was gonna stab me with knife, of maybe shoot me. But no, he picked me up by my armor, which made me mad, I don't know why though he held me up like I was the prize for his victory.

Flashback:

"You can't control me anymore!"

That was awesome! I finally had a say in my life! I was finally able to break free of his control. And what did I do? I killed him! That was probably the most fun I have had in ages, even if I was weak after. I was weak but still awake, still wanting to fight more, I hated him! But my powers, they triggered a volcano under the rock I really was the only one who could stop it. I hugged Beastboy one last time, knowing that this would be the last time I saw him. I let him go and I stopped the lava and I turned to stone. End of the story you were told. But you wanna know a secret? I was never turned to stone. Slade, he taught me how to use my powers, he trained me I still had that. The thing is, I didn't want to live in a place where they all knew my past, it would be too painful. It was difficult, but what I did was make it so they wouldn't come looking for me, I made it look like I had died. Created a statue of me fighting the lava in the exact same place, the statue wasn't stable though, the lightest earthquake could have just destroyed that thing. This was my chance to start over. What happened though, was that that armor sunk into my skin, there was no way I could get it off, even if I did break free of his control. I unwrapped the cloth of my armor, wore the baggiest shirt and pants I could find. Put my hair up in high pig-tails to hide the little dealies on my head. And what did I do after that? I ran.