A Kunoichi and an Akatsuki Walk into a bar...

ALRIGHT. Before we get started, this is NOT an InoDeidara oneshot. It's pure speculation on the meeting of the two in a random coincidence. In my mind, it takes place inbetween the timeskip. If your inner fangirl or fanboy (SHANNARO!) is still screaming, go ahead, make it a pairing. I dare you.

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Ino hated being drunk. It was one of the many things she made known to all, regardless of their asking. She couldn't stand it. Drinking made you realize you were sad, and being in such pain over the years, she didn't like to be reminded of it, thank you very much.

But that didn't stop her from doing it anyway. Did hating the Academy stop ninjas from going to learn? No, sometimes we have to do things we hate. Yes, this was Ino's logic, and this was why she was in a dimly lit bar, warm from the four bottles of sake that she had downed fifteen minutes ago.

The bartender stared at her with a look of something like shock that she could finish all of that and be alive for such a young woman, and disgust that she had her head on the dirty table and her blonde hair was cascading into the bottles of empty sake. Everyone else had left, and he wanted badly to close up and go home, but maybe it was out of his pity and respect for ninjas that he went into the back room to clean up some more and left her be. It was a few minutes before the world around her stopped spinning that she thrust herself up, and raked a sake-stained hand through her frazzled hair. Her turquoise eyes rolled lazily to the door and narrowed, trying to focus on the blurry bar around her. It was gods know how late, and here she was, strong and newly confident Yamanaka Ino, drunk as could be in a filthy bar.

Tsunade would be so proud.

After rummaging through the pocket of her skirt and slapping a generous tip for the bartender for leaving the lights on, she rubbed her eyes hard, hoping that maybe it would help her dizziness fade. Yes, she hated being drunk, but she welcomed the overwhelming warmth.

Soon, the blurry surroundings and dizziness subsided just the tiniest bit, and she was able to stand, holding onto the walls as if she were clinging for dear life. She was just about to the door when it swung open, making her lose balance and fall to her knees.

"Shit!" She cursed with a sharp tongue, blue eyes blazing towards whoever was standing at the door. That temper of hers was going to take over, she realized, and whoever was standing at that doorway was going to get a piece of her mind. She began to stand, legs flimsy and weak, and pointed a weak finger in the direction of the door. "Who the hell do you think you are!" She growled, the alcohol slurring her crass words.

The shadowed figure turned, showing raised eyebrows and a smirk plastered on their face. He looked at her, assessing her.

"I wouldn't be talking to me like that, kunoichi...un." He said smoothly. She blinked a few times, and he got a good look at her.

Obviously drunk, blonde hair, bright blue eyes flashing dangerously. From the look of her headband, and seeing that he was in a Konoha bar, she was a Konoha kunoichi, about, say, thirteen? Underage, he was sure.

"Asshole." She muttered, and tried to push past him out the door, only to trip out of dizziness and fall right into him with a slight 'oomph'. He grabbed her and pushed her back up, and her eyes widened considerably at seeing him close up.

The first thing she processed was the robes. Red clouds burning into a black sky. Akatsuki, obviously. This was just her day, wasn't it. Next, the blonde hair with a hue that matched her own. Here she was, in the hands of an S-class missingnin. Life was obviously not on Ino's side today, that was for sure.

The first move was easy, twisting away, grabbing a kunai, and standing her ground. Something every ninja was taught. The basics, Ninja 101.

But, being drunk complicated a few things. For one thing, she couldn't form her chakra without it burning off easily, control gone. Her hands shook, and she could collapse at any moment. She glanced around wildly, hoping to god that maybe the bartender could save her.

Suddenly the tightness around her wrists lessened. She backed away, and threw a kunai straight at his one uncovered eye. She decided that maybe her inhuman strength would scare him a bit, but he was Akatsuki, and she wasn't thinking clearly at all. He raised his eyebrow.

"That's a nice little trick, kunoichi, un." He said in a regular tone, a little sarcasm biting at the edge of his words. She scowled.

"Hit me with your best shot, Akatsuki." She snarled, her drunkenness seeping into her words. "I may not look like much, but I could kick your sorry ass back to where you belong if I tried." She growled, her inner self beginning to take over, temper rising. He blinked a few times and closed his eyes, letting out a little sound that sounded something like a satisfied chortle. He put his arms up, showing he wasn't going to attack, but she didn't trust an Akatsuki in such close quarters.

"Listen up, un. You and I both know that if I attack and kill you, and yes, I will kill you," He said, looking at her pointedly when her eyes took on a new fierceness and a will to protest, "That my, ah, comrades won't give me a congratulations party, un. Those Konoha ninja will find out and that idiot Sasori will blame it all on me, of course, un. So listen up, un, kunoichi. We're at a truce—I don't kill you, and you don't say anything. I'll let you walk out alive. Just for tonight—we're at a truce, un." He said, thrusting out a hand. She blinked at him, and stared at his hand as he looked at her pointedly. There on his hands were mouths, smirking ominously. She cringed and he let out something like a laugh. Slowly, her hand raised to shake his. He smirked, the same smirk he had worn when he walked through that door. "Hn. I'm Deidara. And you're drunk, un." He said, blinking at the blonde-haired girl. She scowled.

"Gee, ya think?" She said. The alcohol was beginning to wear off, and she was feeling very, very tired. Suddenly, she felt more confident, although the weariness of the Akatsuki's strange behavior stayed. He laughed a bit, then turned to look at her, smirking.

"I'd say your hair looked like crap...but then I'd be insulting myself, un." He said, raising his eyebrow slightly. She rolled her eyes to get a better look at him, and raised her eyebrows also.

His hair resembled her own almost completely, minus the longer ponytail she sported. His hair covered one of his eyes completely, same as her own. She couldn't contain it. She laughed a little bit, despite her worry. He looked at her, obviously discontent with her outburst.

"What's so funny, un?! I could explode that hair right off, un!" He said, obviously offended. She shook her head, still laughing.

"No, it's not that. You just look like me is all." She said, pointing a finger and still laughing. This made him even more distressed. His face took on a twisted look of horror.

"No way, un! I do NOT look like a girl!" He said, standing up. She shook her head, hands raised, laughter dying away.

"Fine, fine, you don't." She said, still smirking. "Although you sure act like one." She muttered, to which he raised a fist angrily.

"You shouldn't mess with me, un!" He growled. She rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry, now you're acting like a man, all worked up over a joke." She said, waving it off dismissively. He seemed a little calmer, and sat back down.

"Just because I appreciate art doesn't mean I'm a girl, un." He said, rolling his one showing eye. "Sasori no danna always gets on my back about it. One day I'll just explode his head straight off...un." He said, raising a hand to show the mouths doing something like growling. Ino shuddered slightly.

"Art? Well it sure doesn't make you sound evil." She said, twisting a lock of her hair in her finger. He crossed his arms, his hands making a sound of slight protest. He smirked slightly.

"It does when it explodes into flame, un!" He said, looking at her dangerously. She raised an eyebrow.

"Not if you were just told what it does, and know the jutsu for your next battle." Ino said with a slight smirk. He scowled slightly, then shook his head.

"It won't help you, anyway, un." He said, pointing to his slashed forehead protector. "I'm an S-class missingnin, un. There's no way you could beat me." He said curtly. Suddenly he glanced out the door and stood up.

"It's late. They'll wonder where I'll have been...un." He said, turning to get up, then looking back at her. "Maybe we'll meet in battle, un. I'll wait for the day." He said with a soft laugh. She watched him, eyebrows raised slightly.

" My name's Ino...not that it matters to an enemy like you." She said, smirking slightly. He stopped, and grinned, his back still to her.

"We're the enemies, un?" He said, then he was gone. She blinked at the door, and suddenly realized that she no longer felt drunk. Funny thing, fear. Makes you forget being totally and utterly drunk.

She smirked at the door.

Akatsuki must be full of nutjobs, for some guy like that to be in it.

A/N: Alright, I couldn't help it! My inner fangirl attacked, but I don't want this to be a pairing story. It's merely a contemplation. Meh. Peace.