--Sirius—

Lily's breathless as she comes to the door and I smile slightly as I wonder what havoc Harry is creating now, but she smiles when she sees me before saying apologetically, "I'm sorry, James just left-"

I make a face of mock horror before shrugging. "Devastated as that leaves me, I was actually hoping to see my godson."

Her smile widens but doesn't quite reach her eyes as she ushers me inside.

It always hurts me a little bit to see Lily now. Actually I think hurts isn't the word so much as unsettles. Of everyone in the Order- really of everyone we graduated with- she's unquestionably the most changed. A lot of people say I have no appreciation for subtlety, but it's all the little things about her that were always most striking- the way her eyes would glitter like they held some secret, the defiant tilt of her chin as she stood up for something or someone, her unchecked excitement every time she discovered something new, something better. She could never be dull, a part of that girl survives, somewhere deep down where not even the war can touch it, but just because she still has more life than 99 percent of the people I've ever met doesn't mean she's anything like she used to be, and I know that everything that's happened since we graduated has hurt her far more than even Dumbledore for some reason I don't wholly understand- maybe it's because she's seen more than us, maybe it's because she didn't used to really believe this kind of evil existed and now she's been forced to, maybe it's all part of her survival strategy- in which case it's working- but still-

At first, right after graduation, I think we were all glad that she had 'mellowed' a little, even James, who had always been the biggest proponent of her fire. It helped her as she rose up through the ministry, as she became nearly unbeatable in battle, as she thought of things none of the rest of us could have dreamed of with that quick mind-

But her quick wit, something I used to alternately despise and adore her for depending on whom it was directed at- sometimes I wonder if that's gone forever.

Through her pregnancy and right after Harry was born it seemed like she had gotten some of it back, the unconscious joy, the perpetually glimmering eyes- but now, recently, maybe because she's scared about Harry's safety or maybe because of the news about Frank and Alice, she's retreated into herself again, always calm, always kind, always ready… but not quite Lily.

I know James feels it too, but oddly enough I don't think it bothers him as much as it bothers me… he's accepted it, and though we've never directly discussed it I think he viewed it as inevitable and so it didn't disturb him. God knows nothing could stop him loving Lily, but…I guess I just didn't see it as all that inevitable. And I wish I could change it somehow but I know that's impossible-

A coo from a crib informs me that I've been lost in my thoughts too long and I reach out without hesitation to hold my godson…

Who promptly punches himself in the face, then looks shocked before blowing a raspberry at me as I struggle not to laugh. Lily smiles, but it's still that strange ghost of a smile I'll never get used to before a knock sounds loudly from downstairs. She goes toward the door at once but I reach out an arm to stop her, saying definitely, "I'll get it, you're tired."

"I'm not-"she protests halfheartedly, then sighs, nodding, seeming to realize that I know that she was out till dawn tracking Bellatrix Lestrange. "Thanks."

I swing open the door without checking who it is, James and Lily don't have enemies- at least, not who would come in the daytime-

And I'm stunned, caught halfway between anger and disbelieving laughter at who I see in the door.

"You're not welcome here," I say definitely, hoping to mitigate a real confrontation since he hasn't drawn his wand, and swing the door shut, surprised when he says a low and firm "Alohomora" without the use of his wand and the door swings open again while he pushes just roughly enough past me and into the house.

I've drawn my wand and turned on him before I even contemplate what to say, barking instinctually, "You'll rue the day you decided to come here, Snape-"

"Is Evans in or should I just leave before I'm forced to become suicidal due to your mundane prattle?" he has the nerve to articulate almost lazily and my eyes narrow as I seethe,

"There's no one by that name here, Snivellus, or are you really that far behind the times," stunned as his face shifts, just for a moment, into something nearly resembling humanity and I take advantage of that second to send him back through the door he came through with a firm "Levicorpus!" unsurprised as he draws his own wand, hissing,

"If you're telling me Lily isn't here, I see no reason to endure your snide-"

From nowhere I hear an unexpected, angry, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" and I feel a small surge of relief, because though I'd rather die than admit this to anyone, I don't have much confidence that I could single-handedly defeat the man we used to call Snivellus and is now unquestionably one of the most powerful dark wizards of our time, poised to become Voldemort's right hand man- but I know that Lily will have no trouble. It should probably wound my ego to know she's better than me, but at this moment it only brings relief as she comes rushing down the stairs-

And inexplicable says, calmly, downright kindly, "Severus, please come in."

I feel my mouth drop in shock as twenty equally unlikely possibilities flash through my mind, starting with Lily secretly going to the dark side and ending with her being under the imperius curse-

But this is Lily alright, somehow, indefinably, looking more like she used to than I've seen her in years, eyes gleaming even as she snaps, "I wasn't aware that you felt you had the right to deny or allow persons access to my house, Sirius," continuing to look at Snivellus, her eyes still glowing in that incomprehensible and maddening way-

I snap out of it enough to bluster, "James would support me here. He would kill me if he thought I had let Sn-" I pause, then finish somewhat awkwardly, "Snape into his home."

Her eyes flash and her chin tilts defiantly before she snaps, "Oh, please do get James to come here and say this house isn't OURS and that I can't invite whoever I want inside."

And from nowhere the Lily I used to remember is back, totally, incomparable wit biting me in the ass, but it would be just my luck that at the second this would happen her cheeky defiance would be turned on me as she continues, eyes flashing once more and letting me know there will be no argument, "Sirius, I think you should go now."

--Lily--

Every single time I see him I notice how he looks, but if I'm telling the truth this is the first time I've worried what he might think about how I look, what he himself might be seeing. I watch his eyes roam almost hungrily over my body, settle on my face, know I should probably be scandalized or offended or something by the thorough once-over, but instead I'm blushing as I assess him what I can only hope is more subtly. He's gained weight and it suits him, at least he doesn't look like he's going to fall over at any instant now but his eyes- they're harder than I've ever seen them, but they're still not cruel, they're tortured…

I know this isn't a social call, know that with everything being how it is right now he wouldn't be here under any circumstances if my very life weren't at stake, and I know that should make me scared and nervous and angry, but all I want to know, my traitorous seemingly-intelligent mind betraying me beautifully, is

"How've you been?"

My voice echoes so loudly in the silence that I cringe.

"Busy," he answers curtly and I don't know whether to laugh or cry about the obviously true but totally ridiculous answer, when he knows that's not what I meant at all-

And I know I'm frowning slightly but I can't help it as I deadpan back, "That much was obvious."

For a fraction of a second he starts to smile, I imagine at my continual ability to banter no matter the circumstances but it's gone as quickly as it comes. Again there is silence as our eyes meet and I realize belatedly that we're both waiting for the other person to speak… but the truth is, even now, in this ridiculous, terrible situation I'm just wanting to soak him in, enjoy him for as long as possible, especially when I never thought I'd see him alone again, so the thing is, if he's planning to wait for me to speak he's going to be waiting a long time because I'm in no rush-

But my face falls again as I realize there is a rush, at least for me, and probably an even greater one for him, god only knows how many minutes he might have… seconds even… but at the same time I know he came to tell me something, he won't leave till he's said it, and so I wait and I remember.

I've only seen him once since I had what I now call my 'mid-war-emotional-breakdown'… god, it's been so long... His notes stopped coming after that night, though I wasn't sure if it was because he was being watched more closely or because he was afraid of what he might be tempted to say. I know he probably hoped I would think he stopped caring, that he views me as a weakness and wishes I would do something to help him stop caring- but the thing is, I know he cares, even if he can't show it at all. Just like I care even though I hide it from everyone but Dumbledore and sometimes even then-but I think it's a strength, not a weakness, I wish so much he could realize that too-

Anyway though. The only time I saw him since then was when the Order had received intelligence about where Voldemort's headquarters were. We infiltrated at three in the morning, expecting it to be empty.

It wasn't. Evidently that's when the dark side does all their important planning, which just seemed too clichéd to be believed but nonetheless-

I was three months pregnant, not enough to show but enough to make me cautious, or at least to make me think I would be cautious-

But if I'm telling the truth I wasn't cautious at all, I was the first person in the whole room to utter a spell, sending that Bellatrix bitch slamming up against the wall and sending the entire building into mayhem.

I didn't see him so much as feel his presence during the battle, but that sounds totally crazy and so I never say it out loud. Mostly I try not to even say it in my head. It was only toward the very end, when everything truly had gone to hell and I was starting to wonder if anyone even knew who was on their side anymore that I turned from the wizard I had immobilized at the same instant that Severus made a pivot and we were facing each other, wands raised, shoulders squared.

We both hesitated for only a second, but a second is an eternity in a situation like that, enough time to die and so too long to wait, and then we both turned again, away from one another, and continued on.

I know that doesn't sound like a big deal or anything, but I mean, I don't think there's any possible way to explain to someone who wasn't in that moment, how I just… couldn't.

And while I'm sure he would never say it like this, the truth is he couldn't either.

Actually, I really think that even if this war went for 50 more years and we didn't see each other once in all that time, we still wouldn't be able to.

But God help us all if this goes for fifty more years-

I snap back to reality, where we're both still looking at each other like we're trying to memorize each other and I know he's remembering too, not just that but other moments, other days-

I think sometimes, how ridiculous this whole thing is, that I don't hate him after everything he's done- and I've very closely followed everything he's done, even though I sometimes wish I could stop, even though I often don't want to know or to believe… but the thing is I understand why, how this has happened… and I know that even though the choices are his and there's no excusing that, it's because he thinks he hasn't got a choice, and I know too that he's been too far inside Voldemort's organization for a long, long time to think he can actually get out- that he might be right, they would kill him if he got out-

God though, he's mentioned all the time, both on their news and on ours, accomplishments and conquests, good things and bad- he's inventing potions like crazy and he's running two branches of the new ministry-

And they say he's killed a lot of the people on our side. But I notice things, smaller things, and I think it's interesting that none of his victims are children, none of them are muggles, and none of them didn't choose to engage him first.

Of course Voldemort wouldn't notice that, having no talent for subtlety but-

I sigh, realizing that I evidently am going to need to speak again before he will, even though I don't really understand why, but nothing useful is coming to my mind for some reason, of all the possible questions I can ask him all I really want to know is,

"Do you want a brandy?"

Again a ghost of a smile dies on his face almost before it's begun as he sneers, "I never took you as one for hard liquor."

I wrinkle my nose in distaste, hating how right he is. "Well I mean- I'm willing to have one anyway. You know. In the spirit of the thing."

He looks slightly uncertain and I realize even I don't really know what I'm babbling about anymore, as always he's thrown me off balance and as always, despite myself and all my better judgment I like it, as he shakes his head almost imperceptibly and replies,

"I thank you, but I'm not thirsty."

And again we're just looking, and for a crazy moment I don't even care why he's here, just that he is before I hear a small sigh come through the baby monitor and remember that more than just my life is at stake here-

"I am-" I begin with difficulty before taking a step forward and grasping his hands, not taking any notice of the fact that he doesn't squeeze mine back, "SO glad to see you. But- I mean," I flush despite myself, "I have to think that something's going on. So- tell me."

As his face grows suddenly tortured I shoot him a small, confused smile before I usher him toward the couch and turn my body toward him as our hands remain entwined. "Please- Severus. Whatever it is you can tell me."

--Severus--

I had full intended to enter the house, coldly apprise her of the situation, and exit before she even had time to react, but as usual I've underestimated my own tendency to react to her, my ability not to be affected by her very presence-

She looks even more beautiful than before; evidently motherhood agrees with her- there's a half inch of shin exposed between her jeans and the loose top that she's wearing, and I can just make out a glimmer of red at her hip, and as I see it, even not being able to tell anything about it, I know she's done what she foolishly declared she would do, four, five years ago now- and despite myself I can hear her voice as though it were yesterday, as we walked down the barely lit corridor late one night, me trailing just a few steps behind her-

"I decided I want to get a tattoo, after I have kids, you know? Something representing all the houses, so that they'll know their father and I really think all the houses are awesome-" remember cringing at her goddamned Gryffindor all-loving-bullshit-esque-bravado even as I knew it wasn't bullshit, not from her, before I fired back,

"Not many wizards view the houses as equal," having no doubt, even then, that she'd marry some Gryffindor who probably thought their house was the center of the universe-

But as her ring catch the light and I despise myself for never being able to go five minutes in her presence without looking at them, I'm forced to admit she probably couldn't have found someone more likely to share her bleeding heart, everyone is special mentality than that prat Potter- that neither of them can understand the role of politics, of prejudice, that their son will doubtless be equally clueless-

And as the thought of the boy enters my mind I know I'm not able to keep the agony off my face as she just sits there, looking at me with concern on her face, not knowing that I've betrayed her, not knowing that within two minutes she'll be throwing me from her house-

"Sev, please," she repeats, grasping my hands tighter. "Are you in trouble?" Her brow furrows slightly before she asks candidly, if anything more fearless than I remember, "Am I?"

I open my mouth to tell her, but somehow nothing comes out and I'm reduced to merely nodding, feeling something flip over in the very pit of my stomach her expression only grows more concerned, and I know, instinctually, that her concern isn't for herself, it's for me, and she's wishing she could say or do something to ease my mind in some way, not knowing that I've delivered the information that may lead to her death-

"You are or I am?" she asks gently, encouragingly, unbelievably further tightening her grip on my hands before I manage to say softly, hoping my voice isn't menacing but not sure I even remember how to make it anything but,

"You are."

Her grip on my hand loosens slightly and as usual she's supremely foolish, of all the things she actually looks relieved, as though she's glad it's her and not me in trouble when everyone she loves would probably cheer at my death- when if she had any sense she herself would cheer at my death-

"Severus," she says gently, and god help me her hand is on my cheek, gently turning me to face her as though I can bear to meet her eyes at a time like this, when I've probably destroyed the only person ever to show me kindness, "I meant it. You can tell me. You have to tell me. What's going on?"

--Lily--

For a long moment I think he's really not going to answer me, and I'm really scared, not for myself but for him, it's obvious that whatever this is hurts him so badly and I wish so much that it didn't, that I could say something to comfort him but that's impossible when I have no idea what's happening. I was so scared he was in trouble but now that he's not I know it'll be okay. I have so many people who will help me, I'm so lucky but-

"Lily, I retrieved a prophesy," he says so softly I can barely hear him, his voice blank, but I know it's only that way because he's trying to hide his emotions, and he's really not succeeding anyway…

When he fails to go on I nod encouragingly, turning to sit Indian Style on the couch. "Okay," I nod, waiting for him to go on, relieved when after a long moment he continues, looking determinedly down at the floor.

"I delivered it to Voldemort."

I'm slightly startled at his use of the name, I don't think I've ever heard him say it before, but I try to act totally unaffected as I nod again. "I mean, I know I was pretty naieve sometimes, Sev, but I do know you work for him," I say, trying to lighten the tone of the conversation and failing miserably as he only looks more tortured.

"Why didn't you ever judge me?" he demands suddenly, unexpectedly, still not looking at me. "You should have, you know. I've done things I'm sure you find insupportable and unconscionable. I've-"

"You did what you thought was best at the time, like we all did," I say, meaning it as I place a hand on his knee, wishing he could know how well I understand, especially now, how well I always did- "And now it's all gone to hell. I will never agree with what you've done, but I'll also never say I don't understand." I shrug, wishing he would turn to face me as I continue, "Anyway, I don't make a habit of judging my friends. It's so much better to just enjoy them-"

And again I can barely hear him as he says softly, "I made a mistake, Lily."

My brow furrows and I bite back the words 'I know you did,' realizing that a glorified 'I told you so' is no way to deal with the situation…

"Severus, if you feel that way, it ISN'T too late," I insist. "As long as you're still alive there's time to turn things around-"

His eyes flash up suddenly to meet mine and I instantly wish they hadn't as there's more agony in them than I think I've ever experienced in my lifetime before he hisses, "The prophesy was about your family, specifically your little boy. The Dark Lord has decided to kill him. You and James must go into hiding at once."

I blink in confusion as for a moment I don't understand and for another I don't believe… but I'm only human and then I'm leaping up as though he's burned me, still hardly believing the words even as I feel like someone has stabbed me through the heart. My first instinct is to kill him, to scream at him, to hurt him like he's hurt me, to do anything I can to relieve the pain his words cause me but I know that won't help so I just say slowly, disbelievingly, shaking my head as I try to stop the shaking of my legs as I utter uncomprehendingly, shocked at how betrayed I feel when I know- when I've always tried to make myself accept that he and I did choose different things, that our lives have diverged unspeakably, "And you gave it to him."

He looks at me, still tortured, and whispers, "Please believe it didn't occur to me that it was about you until after I had delivered it. I- I came here as soon as I realized how the Dark Lord had interpreted it. I- I had no idea-"

And in half a second I know he's telling the truth and I wonder how I could have actually thought he had done it on purpose, feeling nothing more than shame and a sharp sense of dread running through my body as I kneel before him, opening my mouth to apologize-

But one look at his face stops me. I never found him that hard to read, couldn't understand how stupid other people were when they failed, but looking at him now… It's obvious that he expects me to be angry, to turn my back on him like everyone else has, is confused as I grab his hands again and venture a small, understanding shrug. I'm not stupid, two million thoughts and feelings are warring inside of me, but gratitude for what he's done is winning- god knows what he risked to come here today-

And so I take a moment to evaluate the options before I reach out a hand to turn his face toward me again and feel a pang shoots through me as he flinches, clearly expecting me to hit him, at how he expects me to treat him, to hate him, even after all this time, even after all we've gone through-

"I believe you," I whisper and to my shock a single tear drifts down his cheek, landing on my thumb, before I continue, "I- really can't thank you enough for coming here. I know- you're risking a lot to tell me-"

"Goddamn you," he hisses, but he's shaking and I know he's only using anger as a defense mechanism, that if he could throw himself down on the ground and sob he probably would, 'What is wrong with you?"

And as his eyes flash to meet mine again I feel something shift, almost imperceptibly but very, very definitely as I feel like all the breath has been sucked out of my body, as though he's seeing through me and releasing feelings, discovering depths of myself I tried so had to forget about before I choke out, surprised at how breathy I sound,

"What's wrong with us both?"

And I know suddenly that I need there to be a release, we both do, that there should have been a release years ago, not just of all the emotion that's built up today but of all the ill-advised and uncontrollable feelings we've nurtured throughout this mess, all the thinly and poorly hidden longing, all the little moments that have been leading to something greater, something unavoidable-

And even though I know it's wrong, even though I accepted a long time ago that it could never happen, should never happen and even though I realize in the long run it might make things worse I feel no desire to stop the moment now that it's finally here, not when it's seemed inevitable to me that this would happen since we were sixteen years old… and then, as his hand reaches out to caress my cheek, surprisingly warm and still so graceful, so elegant, as his thumb brushes along my jawline, I suck in a sharp breath and allow my eyes to flutter shut as I lean into his touch. Excitement and suspense and yearning coil together deep down inside of me as I slowly reach up to cover his hand with my own…

And then our lips are pressing together and I know it's me who made the move toward him and I should feel bad, I should feel guilt and regret, I should be thinking about other things, more important things but… it's Severus. And that changes things.

For one thing, what could be more important than this?

--Severus--

For one sharp moment I wait in agony as her head tilts slightly to the left, as she leans closer, exhaling breathily as her free hand lands gently on my chest and I wait for the inevitable conclusion, after all these years and all this agony- and then her lips are fusing with mine and I feel like I can't breathe.

It seems pointless to lie now, that the moment is actually here, even if I never believed it could truly happen, that she would truly allow herself to kiss someone like me- and the truth is I've longed for this for years, since the first and last time that we paired together in Potions class and she threw her arms around me in casual delight as we finished the assignment perfectly, ten minutes ahead of everyone else, eyes sparkling as she declared my brilliance and my fellow house-mates snickered unkindly and I realized it would be much to dangerous to pair with her again, in so many ways-

I've dreamed of this so many nights, yearned for it, but the dreams can't begin to compare to the reality of this moment, her body pressing against mine gently, her hands twining in my hair almost tenderly as she fluidly pulls herself up off the floor and onto my lap, hand caressing my neck before she pulls back, just for a second, arches an eyebrow teasingly as she bites her lower lip, already slightly puffy from kissing- god, she's never looked more beautiful than this, hair disheveled, face slightly flushed, eyes virtually glazed over as they meet mine before she leans forward again as her tongue darts out to moisten her lips and then suddenly I can't think anymore at all.

--Lily--

I lean in to kiss him again without even thinking, oh my god, how can I be thinking when I'm totally not even breathing, when this is, without question, the best kiss I've ever experienced in my life, and I don't know if it's because he's so good at it, of if it's just because, I mean, he's Severus.

Oh god, kissing him is both exactly like I always knew it would be and nothing at all like I ever dreamed… but this moment is so much greater than me right now, I can hardly even enjoy it when I'm drowning in it, and it's nothing like any kiss I've ever had before, it's desperate and hungry and searching but at the same time it's gentle and teasing and tender and his hand is running down my spine, sending shivers through me as I press closer to him, and I know I hear myself moan as his tongue gently enters my mouth for the second time but I can't help it, oh god, I don't want to help it-

And then, before I even know what's happened he's giving a little push and I'm all too willingly falling backward onto the couch as his hand grazes over my hip and I archupward despite myself. My eyes dart open, and he's looking at me, I bet all this time he's been looking a me, god, why didn't it occur to me to look at him too when-

And, without my knowing or understanding how, the mood has shifted again, and I feel sharp regret and sadness and, somewhere, relief, as he stands up, turns away from me, leaves me shaking on the couch… but through the regret I know it had to stop then, before- before- I mean, I do love James, I do love James but- the thing is, it's different, and I-

God, we have to get back to safe territory somehow, if that concept even exists between the two of us…"Did you want to meet Harry?" I question suddenly, forcing myself back to solid ground, to a present that doesn't allow for moments of desire… where there's no time to revel in the unrequited or the exquisite even as we're dying of them as I jerk my chin toward the staircase. "James's friends come over a lot, but he still hasn't really seen any of mine."

His jaw drops and even though I know he'll never be able to express it I see the gratitude, the disbelief in his eyes, the familiar and simultaneous awe and mistrust at the word friend as I marvel at how quickly the mood can change between us, and god help me, I like that too, it makes everything so much more fluid, so much more layered- and so I stand and lead him upstairs.

--Severus--

I know now that I've done what I came to know I should get out of there as quickly as possible, that it's a miracle I got here without being noticed to begin with, that it was wrong to delay even for- even for whatever that was downstairs and I will my hands to stop shaking as I try to remember that Voldemort has been having me followed for the past month and a half for reasons I don't think even he fully understands, that there are more important things than what does or does not exist between Lily and I at stake here-

And I feel anger, sharply, toward both her and myself, though for what specifically I'm not sure- but even now, looking at her, the anger is fading and I hate that about myself, despise it-

"Hey kiddo," she coos as she lifts the baby out of his crib, and as his eyes blink open I expect him to start to cry, but instead he just smiles and lets out what could only be described as a ridiculous half-giggle before kicking his legs enthusiastically. "You remember how you met Sirius and Remus and Peter? Those are daddy's best friends from Hogwarts. This is Severus and he's mine," she says easily, and before I can even digest her words, think of something suitably deprecating and cutting to say in response she's neatly dropped the child into my arms, biting her lip slightly in that way I love as she appraises us before smiling widely.

Even at this early stage I can tell he's going to look exactly like James and I briefly pity him- until his eyes flash up at me and I realize that, event thought they should be blue for at least another month, they've already turned a deep emerald green, are carbon copies of Lily's- and I feel a surge of warmth toward him before he reaches out a fist to yank on my hair and giggles in delight as he's able to pull it toward him. I look at him in what I know must be offended disbelief and Lily snorts slightly before reaching forward to disengage her son's hand, eyes meeting mine over his small body and for just one fraction of a second, as I venture a smile at her and wish I had smiled before as it causes her whole body to light up, I wonder how things could have been in a different life. In a different world-

And I'll never understand how she doesn't hate me, after everything is still looking at me with that open, trusting look, even through my guilt, even knowing I have to leave soon, that she's married, that this probably is truly the last time, at least until the war ends- if the war ever ends-

"Severus," she says softly, suddenly, coming to stand beside me and placing an imploring hand on my arm, "Come with me to Dumbledore. I-"she wavers for a moment but then meets my eyes as her voice grows stronger, "I know you regret joining Voldemort. I know you wish you could get out. If… recent events made this… clearer… to you then I'm glad, but you've wanted it for a long time. Let me take you to the Order." She looks down for a split second. "I've told you before that we want you, but Sev, we need you. We need you."

"To spy?" I question sharply, cynically, before she shoots me a knowing, almost flirty smile and murmuring softly,

"Among other things."

And I want to laugh but it's just not an option anymore in the world that we live in and so I just turn to her, nod somberly.

"I've always thought I would make a magnificent betrayer."

Her eyes light up even more, her smile is excited and free and open even as she says sombely, "Oh Severus, never that," before gazing at me seriously. "When can you go?"

And as I look at her, standing there, at the baby, both of whom are looking me with such goddamned foolish trust, something shifts inside me slightly and I'm finally able to say what I truly have wanted to say for the past five years but been too scared to say, too disbelieving- "If you tell me where he is I'll go now,"

I hardly believe that I've said it and for a split second I feel anger at her that she got me to say it before I feel a sharp pang of relief shiver through my body and feel suddenly like I might collapse. Seeming to notice my discomfort she gently removes Harry from my arms and places him back into his crib before handing me a sheet of paper with short, neat handwriting on it.

"Read it. Memorize it," she says seriously and I do, immediately, before she takes it back from me and throws it into the fire.

"Tonight at 9. if you can. Dumbledore, James, Sirius, and I will be there." she flinches just a little bit before shrugging, "Sirius might be angry to see you, but he'll get over it."

I arch an eyebrow disbelievingly. "You think so?"

She nods definitively, saying with a gentle, "I know so," before reaching a gentle hand upward to caress my cheek for the third time today, and suddenly her smile fades as she takes a minuscule step closer. For one sharp moment I wonder what will happen, and then the moment passes and even though there will be no further resolution, not tonight, probably not ever, I can see in her eyes that even now she feels it too, the exquisite longing, the downright agony, and I say without thinking, abruptly, placing my hand over her own-

"When the war is over-" and as her eyes flash up to meet mine I know she's completely grasped my meaning and know too that it's too much to hope that she'll respond to it as she shoots me a small, uncertain smile before softly, reluctantly pulling away from me and turning to walk out of the room, once more leaving me to apparte in my own time-

And then, shocking me, she turns just as she reaches the door, and her face is an intense, exquisite blend of poorly suppressed emotions as she whispers softly but definitely, nodding just once,

"Yes. When the war is over."

--

Thank you all SO MUCH for reading. I am almost dying as I wait for the seventh book to come out tonight and reveal stuff but regardless of what happens this has all been a fun ride and I will always believe in Severus/Lily in my heart!

Comments and feedback are treasured and thanks so much for reading!