A/N: Ok... New year one-shot! Everyone loves some GaaraSakura fanfics during the holidays and I think it might be nice to have a new year one shot!
WARNING: This one-shot has manga spoilers so don't flame me...
Now enough crap! And on with the oneshot!
New Years's Oneshot: Change
All one can do is create his own path through hard work.
Without being a loner and taking the easy route...
So, someday I maybe...be like...
To bond with and live for this village.
Through hard work I want to be respected by everyone.
Now... theres something I understand a little better.
Hate. Sadness and even happiness...
To be able to share it with another person.
I learnt that.
I wish one day, that I can be needed by someone.
Not as a frightening weapon.
But as the Sand's Kazekage.
He cursed inwardly at the blonde's life as he paitently took another sip of the stuff inside his glass. How much he would give just to be in his room in Sand right now. Just sitting on the balcony and looking at the moon. Instead he was stuck here like an monkey in a zoo because he had invited him over to this...
Thing.
He still not used to the noise yet. The constant chatter from the woman on the other side of the room was annoying him and the chatter only got louder as he tried to move from my spot by the blonde. What the heck was that guy thinking in inviting him to something as a nuisance as this? Wasn't he aware of Shukaku growling inside the red head trying to rip their insides to shreds? Gaara was sure the Kyuubi is aching for blood as the racoon is. He sure is pretty talkative at the moment. More than normal; but if he wants to kill anyone in this room he doubted he would even get one puddle of blood from these people. The whole place was full of Jounins, Chuunins and some Genins. No doubt they would stop the impending killing spree as soon as he start and he would be kicked out of Konoha for good. Probably out of Sand again. Just after when he thought he had managed to fit in just a little bit to the people.
They were no longer glaring at him behind closed doors nor were they throwing kunais and shurikens at him when he walked pass or shouted things at him from across the street. They had answered him briefly when he asked some questions and loked him in the eye briefly as well. That was all Gaara had wanted anyway, any sort of connection between them and him were all that he wanted and he finally felt a little bit of acceptence into this world he had somehow landed in.
He was a bomb. A bomb that could be set off in so many ways and could destroy a city in one second of destruction. He was a man made object. He had no feelings. He was strong. Emotions were weak. He definately didn't want to be weak. That was when this fact came crashing down in a single second. All these things wiped clean from his head and he was programed with a new purpose. One that he decided. One he chose. One he now accepts as his destiny.
He wanted to share his emotions.
He wanted to be part of the people.
He wanted to feel what he thought he lost.
He wanted to be...Human.
Some would call this a stage of growing up but he said it differently. It wasn't growing up. He already grew up long before he hit puberty and he was more mature than an elder even he didn't want to show it. He had learnt the basics of life as a child and built ontop of it. He grew taller but that was a different type of growing up.
He shaked the crystal like solution in his glass again and watched it swirl in a waltz and he sighed again. This party did him no favors and in truth he hated it to an extent. The people still looked at him funny and this time around it actually made a difference to him; they used to look at him the same way. That was the thing that annoyed him so much. He had tried to change and all they do is look at him the same way and not even change something as simple as a look even when he had known he had changed to an extent.
He had tried to hard.
Worked so hard to be the guy he was today but still they treat him the same way they were a few years back. The same feeling of fear spreaded through the room like wildfire and the disgust was like a killer germ invading a whole crowd of people. It hurt him more then ever knowing that these people might never change the way they look at him and thats that. He used to be able to stand it; just to avoid their eyesight and not become an eyesore. In a way, back then he did them all a favor by vanishing more than appearing. He spent chunks of his time away from human contact and it somehow kept the world peaceful. If the world was peaceful with one less monster than he was more than happy to stay away. he had said to his brother about his dream. He intended to fulfill that dream.
They say dreams were for dreamers.
He said that he would never be loved. He would never be cared for. Never know what it feels like to have friends.
He was wrong.
Cool breeze swept through the lonely balcony and the long red robes of the standing fugure blew silently and the blood coloured fabric made soft sounds against the wind. He leaned further on the balcony and closed his ehyes briefly. There were days like these he could just spend wasting until he was pleased; he felt like the wind could blow all the worries away, no matter how big and lumpy they were. His closed dark eyelids fluttered at a smell. A distant yet close smell. It was one of flowers. Too many to name. Ever since he first came to Konoha for meetings with the fifth hokage for the alliance treaty renewal he had always seem to smell flowers wherever he went. It wasn't like he walked around flower shops alot but he had seem to always smell the scent of many flowers whenever he was alone. It was strange in so many ways than one.
On the first day he had smelt a distinctive flower.
On the second day he had smelt two types of flowers.
Each day he smelt something different apart from something familiar.
The smell calmed him down somehow. It seemed to sweep into him a new feeling. Just like he was out under a smell just meant for him to enjoy. He would often come out alone into a place somewhere quiet to enjoy it and whenever the wind would come to embrace him he would gladly welcome it. Some days he wouldn't smell it; as if it was taken away from him forcefully he would sink into a mini depression and wait for the smell to come to him again. It was his obsession. His need.
Once again he stood alone waiting suprisingly patiently for his daily intake of his poison. His obsession and be sated.
Destiny never failed to deliver.
So many different smells.
So many unidentified smells invading his nostrils and he sighed in satisfaction and almost purred at the momentarily release of his emotions.
It calmed him.
It sated him.
It moved him.
The smell got stronger as he leaned forward more, trying to catch as much of it as possible.Not wanting to waste a second of that calming smell and release. The wind's choir slowed to an end and the silence was broken by a voice just behind the man in red.
"You might fall out if you lean anymore forward... As much as I believe that Shukaku could save you from that fall I think it'll still hurt..."
Gaara turned around quickly and put on the concentrated death glare at the intruder to find the smell not disappearing like it did when someone came along but still curling itself around him like a blanket. She wagged an eyebrow at him for the funny look he was giving her and the red head qjuickly replaced his look with a smirk.
"Hmmmm... What brings you here? Uchiha isn't here for you to stalk and he sure lasted longer here in Konoha than I thought. The minute I saw him I knew he was going to-" he was cut off by a sudden banshee like scream.
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP ABOUT SASUKE!"
The tears rolled off her eyes and her body head increased rapidly like fire. The makeup on her running down her face and the dark eyeliner drew its marks on the pale skin as it rolled down silently. She glared at him with her eyes and the pale green shone with a fierce look that had rolled off in waves. She was hurt. Way hurt. What did he understand about Sasuke? What did everyone understand about Sasuke?
She felt like an idiot.
A baka.
He called her annoying.
He ignored her as much as possible.
He hurt her.
He hurt Naruto.
He betrayed their village.
She was defending him.
"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING GAARA?" She shouted at him and kicked the balcony door shut to avoid the incomming blonde that would no doubt try to stop her from trying to do anything harsh.
"I know quite alot actually Haruno..." He looked calmly at her and regarded her quickly. She was not mentally stable at the moment and if she starts to fight then it might prove to be a problem. The hokage had already warned him his actions were watched and any sort of killing would immediately cancel any sort of treaty if the matter involves him releasing Shukaku. He breathed the air and tried to calm down, he sniffed gently and tried again.Something was wrong. The scent.
It was... masked.
He quickly shifted and tried to deal with the matter at hand.
"Haruno he left. Accept it. He was always like that. He was destined to be alone. You can't change that. No-one can change what they are... No matter how hard they try..." he looked down and thought about the people inside. They couldn't see the effort he made to try to fit in. Trying so hard. Just to fail. He spoke of his own failiure. His own hopelessly inside.
No matter hard you try...
It seems like you never change...
She looked away from him and took a deep breath. She knew what he was trying to say. She learnt it the hard way. Day after day she would look at that same picture. That same picture of Team 7 when they were Genins and when they had all been together. All bound by the same village, friends and the things that they think were dear. Kakashi, her, Naruto and Sasuke. She was a burden for them. They were the better. She was the worst. Everyday she would head out into the training fields and work until she was close to exhaustion and would collapse on the bed just staring at the ceiling thinking of what it could have been if she had been stronger.
Would she have been able to save Sasuke?
Would she be even worth him looking at her?
Just to be noticed by someone special.
That was all she wanted.
She should have known people never get what they want.
Unless they work insanely hard for it.
Thats exactly what she did.
Hours of work masked her confusion at her own helplessness and minutes of reading of different jutsus replacing useless minutes that she used to shed tears over things as trival as Sasuke liking her. Seconds she would take serious instead of seconds she would watse over what to wear to see Sasuke.
The world didn't revolve Sasuke.
A lesson learnt the hard way.
"What do you want Haruno? If you have anything to say to me then say it. I'm not going to waste my time standing here when I can..."
He cut himself off at the right time. What would he be doing instead listen to someone talk to him? Hardly anyone had the guts to stand next t him for more than 10 seconds let alone 5 minutes. It seemed like he was dirty. Sometimes he would feel that. The feeling that something dirty is on you. In this case he knew exactly what was on him.
Blood.
Blood of the people he murdered.
Blood from their corpse seeping into his sand as he licked the dribbles of blood that usually splatters onto his pale face.
Blood.
It was the one thing he couldn't wash away. As hard as he could scrub or spend time washing himself he always felt it.
The pain.
The screams.
The cries of help.
It stained his soul.
He would always be marked by it.
"You're wrong...Gaara...People can change..." She said boldly and looked into the pale eyes of the Shukaku holder.
"Yeah they do change. But for the worse." he said icily.
"They also change for the better." She finished off and walked towards him. His instincts were to flee. He had a problem with closeness and she was comming dangerously closer as each tick of a second passed through the sands of time.
"How about the Uchiha then? Is that for the better or the worse?" He was desperate now. The space between them were decreasing rapidly and each oen of his breaths became more hoarse and more forced as she was within arms length.
"We're not here to talk about Sasuke. We're here to talk about...You." She never broke the eye contact and he became silent with shock and disbelieve; what could she know about him?
" You changed. How about that?" She asked and stared at him for an answer. His eyes sharpened almost immediately, she was invading his personal history space and it wasn't something he liked in any way.
" How do you know if I changed or not Haruno? You don't know me. I don't know you. What if I haven't changed? I could kill you now if I wanted to. I could throw you off the balcony right now and tell the people inside that you slipped and my sand wasn't fast enough to save you. How about that Haruno?" He replied sharply and glared at the woman in front of him. He was bluffing on the threats but it should be enough to keep her at bay.
"You have changed. I know it. I'm not scared of you Sabaku no Gaara."
He wagged a non visable eyebrow at her and smirked at her in a grim fashion.
"Haruno, are you willing to bet your life for it? You might never be able to see your lover boy again if you believe that I wouldn't try to kill you again..."
"Sabaku no Gaara... If you think that I wouldn't be willing to put my life on the line then you underestimate me too much. I wouldn't come out of the blue to talk to you if I knew you were not 'harmless' or I could somehow keep myself alive..."
"Don't give yourself that much credit Haruno, I'm not 'harmless' and the question I asked you was a yes or no question." He smirked again and the woman's rage increased rapidly, the cool air no longer slightly cold but now warm under the watching moonlight.
" I've seen you change Gaara..." she said and smiled in the victory she won from some careful observations.
"So what do you do? Stalk me? Jeez... I'm starting to think thats why the Uchiha left... He must be damn freaked out by that stalking..."
" No...I don't stalk you as you would like to put it... You're just on my list to watch out for and I've just been keeping an eye on you for some...reasons..." She rolled her eyes at the thought of her stalking him. She was not in any way stalking him. It was just...simply keeping an eye on him like the mission said.
"Any you would like to share?"
"No. Now you're just pulling us out of the topic. You have changed. I know you have. I've seen you change. Admit it!" She pressed forward to him and he stepped back. His sudden change in Chakra caused the pink haired woman to raise her eyebrow in a graceful semicircle.
" SO WHAT IF I DID CHANGE? WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU? I TRIED TO KILL YOU! I'M A MONSTER. YOU CAN'T CHANGE THAT FACT! NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU WORK TO MAKE THE CHANGES IT NEVER HAPPENS. PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU THE SAME WAY. THE SAME WAY LIKE YOU NEVER WILL BE ABLE TO BE SOMETHING DIFFERENT." He shouted at her and his eyes wide with emotions. He couldn't help but clutch his head right at that moment. The voices. They were comming back. They came to haunt him and take him to a place inside that hurts so much.
She ran over to where he had ran off to; at the corner of the balcony as he clutched his face with his hands and sunk onto his knees. His arms hugging his knees and his body shuddering in what seemed to be the icy cold winds. It was still warm yet the air...
It felt so cold.
He was alone...
Again.
She crouched down next to him and preformed a few hand seals. A bundle came into her hands and she shifted to shield the summoned object. Putting it behind her she slowly moved his head to face her, gently brushing his crimson locks and hushing him like a small child. He could do nothing but sink into the embrace, the feeling of another body pressed up against him...
Warm...
Alive...
Loved?
He had never experienced the thing they called 'Love'. As far as he was corncerned the emotion was fake and didn;t serve any meaning to the world. Even if it did exist it didn;t change anything in the world and that was that but now it seemed to seep into his bones through the fabric of his robe and seemed to melt down each resistance like melting chocolate. It was so sweet; so warm. Not like the cold bodies that had been pressed onto him when people had died.
" Hush Gaara...Hush... There's no-one here to harm you... Don't listen to the voices... Believe what you want to believe. You have changed..."
He looked up at her, the craziness that was once inside his eyes gone and replaced with child curiosity as he looked at her and sniffed the air. The scent was here again. He relaxed and breathed it in. It seemed so much more comfortable when she was here. The warmth seem to stay and everything would be okay, even if things looked as bad as hell she made everything good again.
" Why...?How...? How can you believe in changes? Why do think I've changed?" He asked her, he seemed almost desperate. It was like he was holding on to the brink of his life and the answer she gives determined he would fall or rise up.
" Gaara, I already told you...I've seen you change. I believe in changes... Because we all deserve a second chance in life... You've worked so hard to change... Don't shun it all away..."
"Second chances? Second chances for a monster?" He asked and shuffled lightly in her embrace and thought about all the things he had doen in the past.
These stains...
Blood stains...
They will never go away...
" YOU'RE NOT A MONSTER! SABAKU NO GAARA IS NOT A MONSTER IN ANY WAY! SHUKAKU IS A MONSTER BUT YOU'RE NOT ONE! THE THINGS YOU DID IN THE PAST IS GONE. YOU LET GO OF WHAT HAS PAST AND LOOK INTO THE FUTURE!" She shouted but it was in such a caring way he had to admit that it had its impact on him.
Could he really be forgiven?
"The future... There isn;t any future for me... As much as I want to change I can't change myself. No matter how hard I tried-"
She hushed him and she took the bundle from beside her, she had shifted its place due to the hug she had given him and was suprised that he had held on for so long. She shoved it to his side and he immediately turned and his he looked at it carefully.
Flowers.
He sniffed the air and he was overcome by the scent of the flowers. He sniffed again and he looked back at Sakura. It was the same scent. The same mixture of flowers that he couldn't name but seemed to blend together in a waltz of smells that smoothed him. She looked at him and smiled.
" You have changed... Didn't you notice that each day that you did something that you used to never do the scent would change and something new is added to it? I was on a mission to keep an eye on you. Since you came here for the end of year party I was assigned to be near you... Every single time you would show to be something different I kept track of the things you did. The first day... You got a cat out of a tree with your sand. I went to Ino's flower shop and brought a daffodil. I had put a jutsu on it to keep it alive and kept it wrapped up and alive. Each day that you changed ever so slightly... From talking to your brother and sister nicely in the morning to killing missing-nins at night I would buy a flower to show what you did and the change you worked so hard to make..." He took the bundle and stared at it. He was silent and could only indulge in the different sorts of flowers there were in that bundle. All sorts of colours, all sorts of shape and each seemed to grab his heart in a nice way.
"Gaara... This is my prove... You have changed...For the better... I believe in second chances... I believed that you have changed and you have."
He looked at her, no words were exchanged and they could only indulge in the fact that a bond between them was here. She could only look at the man that he became. No longer the feared Shukaku holder; but as a teenager. The crowd's roar inside was earth breaking and the count down began. The two didn't move an inch and continued to stare into each other's eyes.
10
The moved an inch closer, their distance only half a meter away and the cold yet warm breeze swept the floor silently.
9
The moon bathed the two and an endless yet wordless conversation was between them.
8
Arigatou
7
She reached for him, her palms open for him to take.
6
He looked from her face to her palms, his hands moved on their own and took hers, a cradle like space forming and their eyes met again.
5
He moved closer to her and she moved closer to him.
4
She broke of her right hand and stroked his cheek softly, the pale moon reflected onto his milky skin; making him look ethereal.
3
Her eyes were sparkled by the stars and her hair blew lightly in the breeze in a musical dance.
2
The space between them closed, there was no nervousness and no anxiousty between the two, it was as if they weren't affected by anything around them. All that was there was a new feeling. A soft and warm feeling.
1
Love.
0
Their lips met in a soft gentle way, his eyes closed and so was hers. They just took the time to feel that soft feeling and even though the flowers were crushed between them neither of them cared. All that mattered to them was each other and the feeling was breathtaking. Not like a fairytale. Not like a romance story.
All they felt was the love.
Real love.
They broke apart and still their gaze was locked on to each other.Simultaneously they said to each other:
"Happy new year..."
They say that new years marked the changes in our life and each new year is a chance for something to change. No matter how much wrong you have commited as long as you're willing to change you can always change.
He never believed it.
Now he had no reason to not believe.
After all, the greatest change in his life was during that new year's eve. The night he first discovered 'Love', the night all his efforts were rewarded and he truly believed that there was such things as 'Second Chances' in the world they lived in.
The man sat at the leather chair and the soft sigh echoed through the small yet comfy room. The sun was setting slowly like it always did and the splash of colours around it reminded him of many things. A time where colours used to be only Black and White. A time where everything seemed so lost. The time that things he always considered useless seem to kick him up the butt and gang up on him. The man smiled at the thought. His eyes followed the colours and the splashes of light lilac and some traces of blue captivated his gaze as he drank the last of his cup of water and looked absently at the shelf. The small shelf was covered with papers, documents and many other things but the thing that had managed to brighten up his day was the small vase of flowers that watched over him and soothed him with its colours and smell. It was the same bundle of flowers she had given him that day, the colours never withering and the smell never disappeared. It reflected his new look at this thing called: 'Life' and with each passing second time seemed to just flow like a river and gently swaying him to a relaxed state. He felt at peace and looked up at the still setting sun. The blue stripes that appeared once the sun left its place on the sky reminded him of a time.
The time he finally felt at peace.
On that night that he had first felt Love.
A/N: Wow... this kinda took me a long time since I had to think it all out and stuff... Its hard to just think and type cuz usually theres mistakes but I think this one-shot might be the best one I've done so far! Like always RnR (Read and Review) cuz I love to look at reviews and answer them!
I would like to say a VERY special Happy New Year to the people reading my other fic: 'Chance' and I hope they have a brilliant new year in 2007!
Thx for reading!
BlueSkyHeaven
(PS: I was going to make an xmas fic but I changed it to New Year because I don;t think the ninja community would celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ cuz all of the killing and stuff that they do on missions...)