Chapter 4
Her own graduation was at the normal time of 6 years with the rest of her year-mates. Her marks in kidou and footwork saved an otherwise mediocre grade. The first she had some actual talent at – her marks there were nearly the highest in her entire class. The second she had an aptitude for, but it was probably helped by the fact that she and Hisana had been taking dance lessons for the last couple years. Come to think of it, Hisana had commented on her gracefulness as well, reminding her of something Renji had once said. Perhaps she did have some elegance.
Some students went on to the Royal Guard. (Rukia had heard through gossip that Renji had tried for their entrance exam, but had failed.) Some of the noble children went back to their families. Many, many more tried for the Gotei 13, Rukia among them. The exam was grueling; she left feeling like she had made a poor showing, and was completely exhausted.
A few days later, a letter arrived at the house, congratulating her on the completion of the exam, and contained the details of her passing grade. She was amazed at having passed at all, but her skill with kidou and footwork once again saved her. She would have to train some more; Byakuya-sama was sure to comment on the disappointingly low grades otherwise. Rukia sighed to herself; best not to delay the inevitable. Scroll in hand, she went off in search of her brother-in-law. He was home today, and would probably appreciate receiving the news immediately.
She should have guessed that he would be found with Hisana. It only made sense, really – he was not home at this time of day that often, and when he was, but not working, then nineteen times out of twenty he would be with his wife. Such was the case today; she found them sitting side-by-side next to the koi pond, their arms just touching. Hisana was so much smaller than he was, their height evening out a little though she still only reached his shoulders. Rukia hesitated at the end of the path, wondering if the news was worth the trouble of interrupting an obviously private moment between them, when Byakuya-sama twisted, sliding his arm around Hisana's back and using his other hand to lift her chin to place a lingering kiss on her lips.
Definitely not worth the trouble. Rukia turned around and headed back to the house. They were both far too proper to allow such an open display of affection, even on the family property. She was fairly certain that her brother-in-law had known she was there, but she wasn't entirely sure that he wouldn't have done the action in front of anyone else anyway. It was certainly an effective way to ensure their privacy. She would just leave the scroll on his desk and maybe catch him later.
After placing it neatly in the center of his impeccably tidy desk, she returned to her room and stood in the middle of the open floor space, staring at the closed sliding doors that led to the outside gardens. Her eyes slid away from the papered frames to the items within her room – the unfolded futon, neatly made up for her use later in the day. The chests that held her clothing. A small decorative table that held a small bonsai, which was up-kept by one of the gardeners. She sighed to herself; it all seemed so meaningless.
Her eyes fell on the small stand placed against one of the inner walls, the slightly curved scabbard of her zanpakutou resting serenely between the cradles. The sword brought a smile to her lips, and she found her feet crossing the distance to kneel before the stand and lay her hand lightly on the cool surface. It hadn't been all that long since the soul inside the blade had made itself known to her, and the memory was still fresh in her mind.
She was a cold woman, surrounded by ice and snow, dressed and painted in the starkest white. The only spots of color were the black of her hair, the red circles upon her cheeks and her red lips; her long sleeves were lined in red, the obi-jime and obi-age were red, and what appeared to be blood stained the pristine kimono from the center of her heart all the way to the hem. Her gaze was so cold and unfeeling, as frozen as the landscape around her, and Rukia had been awed by her very presence. The woman had looked down at her as if she were less than worthy of that honor. Rukia had been momentarily cowed, but then the last 5 or 6 years of being looked down upon had given her a strength she had been suppressing for far too long. She would not be intimidated.
The woman had given a barely perceptible smile, and vanished. In her place was an upright katana, the blade and hilt as purely white as the woman's robes and the snow around them now. Attached to the end of the hilt was a long white ribbon that fluttered and twisted in a non-existent wind. She reached out to grasp the hilt, and as her fingers closed around the wrapped handle, she felt an incredible rush, and a sense of completion. There was a distinct voice echoing in the back of her head – "You are worthy."
The memory was an oddly happy one. She could feel the sword's presence at the back of her head where she'd heard it that first time, though there were never any words, and rarely anything more than the sensation of sharing that much of herself with someone else. The teacher's words came back to her – spending time connecting with the soul inside the sword, which was really just an extension of their own spiritual energies, would deepen the bond and increase their chances of reaching shikai, and forcing the soul to materialize at will. The truly exceptional students may even reach bankai. Rukia didn't hold any delusions about reaching that stage, however; if her marks were any indication, even shikai would be an accomplishment.
She shook the negative thoughts off with a deep breath, grasping the scabbard in her hand to pull the sword off of the stand. She would go and practice right now. Maybe her marks would be taken in a better light if Byakuya-sama were to find her still practicing despite having passed.
A maid was waiting for her when she left the dojo a few hours later. Byakuya-sama wanted to see her. She was tired and hungry and in need of a bath, but she had to go... A little nervous, she dismissed the maid and made her way to his office, sheathed sword in hand.
He gave her permission to open the door as she was settling herself on her knees before the closed wood-and-paper frame, sword placed before her. She swallowed heavily and pushed the frame aside, placing her fingertips together on the tatami by her knees and bowing over them. She could feel his cool grey eyes sweeping over her as she announced herself, seeming to take in everything in just one glance.
"Congratulations on your success," he said, in an absent tone of voice, and she heard the rustle of paper. "I am glad to see that you aren't neglecting your training. You may go."
Rukia blinked, confused, and dropped into another bow. "Thank you, nii-sama." She reached out to pull the door shut again before getting to her feet. He'd been nicer to her in the past; what had she done wrong to cause him to be so curt? Was it because she'd entered the gardens earlier, wanting to share her news? She made a face as she headed for the kitchen. On the one hand, he'd congratulated her and expressed a kind of pleasure in her work ethic, but on the other, that condescending dismissal! Oh, how she wished she could just pop him one!
She felt better after eating some plain rice, even though dinner would be in about an hour, judging from the position of the sun, and headed back to her room to place her sword back on its stand and retrieve a change of clothes before heading to the bathhouse. It really wouldn't do to turn up at the table smelling like something left to lie in the hot sun for four days, after all. When she got there, there was a kimono neatly folded on the shelf; it looked rather like Hisana's, but she wasn't sure. If it was anyone else in the bath, she didn't feel like sharing, even though it was an odd time of day to be taking one anyway. Rukia rapped on the door lightly, turning her head to listen. "Nee-san?"
Soft footsteps approached the inner door, which slid open far enough for Hisana's face to appear. She looked surprised. "Rukia... Ah, I'm almost done, if you wanted to wait or...?"
"Can I come in?"
Her sister smiled. "Of course." She disappeared from the small opening, which remained open as Rukia undressed, folding her clothing neatly and placing it on the shelf next to Hisana's. After retrieving one of the washcloths kept in the bathhouse and feeling a little self-conscious, she pushed the door the rest of the way open and stepped inside the bathing area.
The older woman had her back to the door, perched on one of the stools as she washed her legs. Rukia slid the inner door closed behind her, free arm held across her chest, and crossed the wooden floor on silent feet to take a seat on another stool. She prepared her bathing in silence, lost in thought.
Hisana broke her concentration, scooping water over herself to rinse off. "I hear you passed the entrance exam," she said, smiling. "Congratulations."
"Thank you," Rukia replied, somewhat absently.
Her sister started talking about something else, but Rukia was not paying attention at all. After a moment, she turned to face Hisana and blurted, "Nee-san, why did you marry into the family?" At the older woman's shocked look, Rukia made a face and clapped a hand over her mouth. It sounded so horrible when said aloud; she hadn't quite meant to say it at all, let alone phrase it like that.
Hisana blinked a few times, clearly at a loss for words. "Why?" she repeated a moment later, thankfully not angry at all. "I suppose... because I fell in love." Rukia just stared at her, keeping her hand over her mouth lest she say anything worse. A moment later, Hisana's cheeks coloured and she lowered her head. "I don't know if you can quite appreciate my feelings for Byakuya-sama," she continued in a soft voice. "He has shown me nothing but kindness and given me so much, I wouldn't know where to begin to thank him, assuming he would even accept it." She lifted her head only to look away, blinking furiously in the dim lighting. "I hardly deserve his love, any more than I deserve your forgiveness."
Silence fell between them again; Hisana's clearly from an emotional outburst, and Rukia's in uncertainty. She lowered her hand to her lap and looked at the towel clutched tightly in her other hand. She wished that that particular topic would quit coming up. She counted herself fortunate to have survived Inuzuri and could not find the will to dislike someone for an event she couldn't even remember.
Hisana collected herself quickly, clearing her throat and shaking herself slightly. "Some day, Rukia, you will find someone who stirs your heart so and you will understand." She offered Rukia a brave smile, though the wetness in her eyes and the faint trembling in her chin did not go unnoticed.
They finished their respective baths in silence before taking a brief soak in the tub. Rukia dwelled on Hisana's words; the only person she could think of was Renji, and the only thing he stirred in her heart was the desire to drive her fist deep into his stomach, or maybe his nose. They'd barely spoken since his graduation two years earlier, but she maintained that that was just as much his fault as hers; she just didn't want to talk to someone who's head resembled a fat tropical fruit and was obviously filled with the insides of that tropical fruit too.
She ended up leaving the bathhouse feeling no better than she had earlier.
The reason for the call to her brother-in-law's office became apparent as she joined the family for dinner. Usually, she was able to take more private meals with just Hisana and Byakuya-sama, but tonight, a large collection of the family was going to be eating with them. She tried not to wrinkle her nose when she saw one of his aunts, a bitter old woman with a seemingly endless collection of thinly-veiled insults aimed at Hisana, and Rukia after she'd joined the family, and not enough sense to keep them to herself in public situations. Her sister was unfazed by the rude comments that many of the extended family directed at her, and she tried her best to emulate that calmness, but it was difficult, especially on days like today when her emotions had been on a wild ride.
The meal progressed in its usual excruciatingly slow manner, seeming to take more time than was customary. After the third pot-shot at Hisana from the aunt, Byakuya-sama casually turned the topic to Rukia's acceptance into the Gotei 13, focusing his gaze directly on her as he asked what division she'd considered entering. She nearly choked on the bit of fish she had put into her mouth just as he started talking, swallowing it whole without tasting it at all. She was pleased that her answer was steady and delivered in a firm voice, even though she hadn't thought about any division at all yet. He suggested the 13th, and then changed the conversation again. She knew in her heart that the 13th would be the one she went to, and that pretending to consider any other division would be just that – pretending.
The very next day, she put in her request, and three days later, she had her reply. One week after taking the entrance exam, she stood in the 13th divisions offices, in a room that was completely unfurnished. Some of the lower seated officers fawned a bit over having a member of a noble family there. It made her uncomfortable, as she was a noble in name only. She was sure her background was as plain as some of theirs, and asked them to just treat her normally, like any other new recruit – which was just what she was.
"Of course!" the most senior of them enthused, backing out of the room with a series of small bows. "Please wait here, Kuchiki-san, the captain will be right with you." The door slid closed in front of the man's ridiculously smiling face, leaving her alone.
She sighed to herself. Being a Kuchiki could be so troublesome. She longed to be just "Rukia" again.
She could hear them whispering on the other side of the door, conscious of the conversation when she heard her name. Not all of the words, but enough to know that they were definitely talking about her. Something about noble families and pets. Her face scrunched into a kind of scowl; did they not know that she'd made it in on her own merit?
Just as she was considering if it was worth creating waves on her very first day and opening the door to give them a piece of her mind, a deep, rough voice did it for her, breaking through the hushed conversation with ease. "Get back to work, you lazy dogs!" the owner admonished. "Do I have to make you carry water again? Get out of here!" There was the sound of running feet, but she barely had time to register that as the door banged open, making her jump.
In the doorway was a tall man with a shock of dark hair that stood out every which way and a sour expression, dressed in the normal shihakushou and large badge tied about his left arm, which also sported a large tattoo. He lifted his right hand in a salute of some sort and loudly announced, "Vice-captain Shiba Kaien! Nice to meet you!"
Rukia blinked a few times, caught completely off-guard first by the conversation outside, and then... this. "Ah... hello," she stammered nervously. This maybe rated slightly less on the nerve-wracking scale than meeting a noble family with no inkling as to why they wanted to meet her in the first place.
His eyes narrowed and his expression soured a bit more, if it was possible. "'Ah, hello'?" he threw back at her, and stomped across the distance between them to place his hand firmly on her head. "What the hell is your problem?" he demanded as she squeaked wordlessly in surprise. "Is that any way to greet your vice-captain, who's just so courteously introduced himself? You're supposed to give your name and say 'nice to meet you'."
"Yes, sir," she agreed, trying to back away without actually moving. He was rather intimidating, being right in her face, despite being quite a bit taller than she was. She could feel her heart pound a little harder in her chest; she didn't think she'd ever met anyone quite like this, and she'd met a lot of strange, loud men in her life. The complete opposite of Byakuya-sama. All she could think of or concentrate on was the colour of his eyes, and the pronounced lower lashes framing them. She could have counted the individual hairs that made up his eyebrows, if she really wanted to, he was so close.
"Well? Your name?" His voice had a dangerous edge to it, as if he might make her carry water as he'd threatened the others with. Or worse.
"K-Kuchiki Rukia, sir" she managed to get out.
A brief pause.
"Ok. And?"
"Nice to meet you!"
He changed into a completely different person, letting her go and stepping back to give her a thumbs-up. "Good! That's the way, Rukia! Welcome to the Thirteenth division! Because our captain is frequently sick, I'm usually in charge! You can call me 'Captain Kaien' if you want!" He winked outrageously at her, matching perfectly with his wide grin.
"...I'll think about it," she mumbled, staring at him and trying to smooth her hair down with one hand as discreetly as possible. He was definitely one of the strangest people she'd ever met.
A month later, Rukia felt right at home in the 13th division. She looked forward to getting up each day and heading to the division offices. She was still a new recruit, so her days were spent mostly in training exercises. Once a week, small teams would go to the real world to keep their skills in konsou sharp. Eager to prove herself, she over-worked herself one day and was sent home early with strict instructions to rest. Hisana had sat at her bedside all afternoon, even when she was sleeping. It made her feel horribly guilty, so she took care not to let it happen again.
But aside from that, she couldn't ever remember being happier than she was right now. Ukitake-taichou was a kind captain, apologizing to her for not being able to welcome her on her first day personally and making himself approachable by all, and his lieutenant was just as approachable. Kaien-dono had apologized (in a rough, round-about kind of way) on her second day if he'd scared or intimidated her too much the day before. He was just that kind of person – direct and honest. Instinctively, she knew she could trust him with her very life.
On this particular day, Rukia was taking a quiet break away from everyone else, sitting near the edge of a stream. She had her arms loosely wrapped around her raised knees, staring at the water's edge without actually seeing it. She wasn't thinking about anything in particular, letting her thoughts wander. It was a lovely day, really. She wondered if Hisana would take a walk in the gardens today. Her sister hadn't been feeling well the past few days, opting to stay in bed in the mornings, though she seemed her usual self when Rukia got home in the evenings.
Kaien-dono suddenly appeared in her vision, a scowl on his upside-down face and holding a pair of bamboo cups. "What's with the shitty expression?" he asked, sounding as if the look on her face personally offended him. Caught off-guard – she hadn't heard him approaching at all – she squeaked and jumped back, hitting her back against his legs. He made a face at her, the expression worse because he was upside-down. "Why do you always go 'ah' when you see me? I might get offended one of these days." It was true, she did say that a lot around him – but if he didn't insist on just appearing at her side and scaring her all the time, maybe she wouldn't squeak as much. He rolled his eyes slightly, placing one of the cups on her knees. "Here. This is for you. Drink up."
Rukia curled her hands around the cup as he was letting it go; she looked up to thank him, but he had already straightened. He only moved around her, and dropped to the grass next to her easily, sipping at his own cup and staring out at the stream.
The silence was only slightly uncomfortable as she pulled the stopper out of the top of her cup, placing the spout between her lips and sipping at the liquid inside. It was cool water flavored slightly with the tang of a citrus fruit. Delicious, and it eased the thirst she hadn't been entirely aware of.
"Hey," Kaien-dono said a moment later, quiet and serious – something she hadn't yet heard him be. "I know you probably won't tell me if I ask why you look so troubled, but I just want you to know, that as long as you're in my division, I'll stand behind you, no matter what."
Rukia turned her head to study him in a kind of surprise. He sounded so... earnest. It was a complete change from the kind of people she was used to being around right now. She was about to express her gratitude for the sentiment – and it was truly appreciated - but only got as far as the first syllable of his name before a pair of voices erupted behind her, totally drowning her out.
Kiyone-san and Sentarou-san seemed to appear out of nowhere, making a lot of noise and causing Kaien-dono to spit his drink out. They said some crazy things – among them, Sentarou-san told her to flick boogers at anyone who would use her Rukongai background to hold her back, and Kiyone-san accused Kaien-dono of saying things to make Rukia fall in love with him. It all ended when Kaien-dono got fed up with them, throwing his cup at them and threatening to suspend them for drinking on the job. Again.
Rukia couldn't help but laugh at their antics, feeling her heart swell with a feeling she could only call joy. Being here... had been the right decision. This was what life should be like.
Everything felt so right when she was around Kaien-dono. Despite his usual sour expression and rough way of speaking, he had a kind heart. He was a good judge of a person's limits and capabilities, and often stopped them for a break before they fell over in sheer exhaustion. He pushed people as hard as they needed to, he gave out the kind words to reward their efforts at the right moments, and he made himself approachable for any kind of issue or concern that anyone had. She threw herself into her training with more enthusiasm because he said she was doing well and improving fast. She wanted to keep on his good side, after he'd placed so much trust in her to go so far as saying that he would always have her back as long as she was in the division. She wanted to be worthy of that trust. She admired him for everything he was.
Perhaps 'admired' was not the right word. Rukia enjoyed being around him; he was like a warm ray of sunshine after you'd just spent the day indoors, or the first days of spring when the snow would start to melt and the buds would start to appear on the trees. She enjoyed his company so much, that she didn't really realize how often or how fondly she spoke of him in the evening talks with her sister. Hisana never commented on it, and only smiled in a knowing way. "It sounds like you're having a wonderful time," she would say, and allowed Rukia to keep chattering on.
It wasn't much more than a week later when, during one of the new recruits' training sessions, a huge commotion started outside the building. Kaien-dono called them to a halt in a hurry and left to see what it was about. A little confused and more than a little curious, the group followed him out, waiting at the edge of the outside veranda as the rest of the division surrounded a small group of shinigami. Rukia stood on her toes to try and see over the heads of everyone around her, but all she could make out was a tall woman with black hair pulled into a knot at the back of her head. She seemed to be the leader of the group. Some days, she hated being short.
"CLEAR OUT!" Kaien-dono bellowed, getting the attention of everyone. The crowd fell silent and parted before him as he made his way through the press of bodies.
The woman smiled fondly at him as he approached; that much was entirely visible from where Rukia stood. "As loud as ever," she said, teasingly, when he reached her.
"Someone has to keep these lolly-gaggers in line," he retorted before throwing his arms around her waist and lifting her off of the ground. She laughed, a sparkling sound, her hands resting lightly on his shoulders.
"Put me down!" she said, lightly. "You're setting a bad example."
"Ah, I don't care," he replied, but he did lower her back down to the ground, briefly touching his fingers to her cheek.
Then he turned back towards the building and yelled, "New recruits! Front and center!"
Rukia hurried with the others to present themselves, feeling a very odd sensation deep in her stomach. Once they were lined up, Kaien nodded approvingly. "Recruits, this is Shiba Miyako, third seat of the division. She also occasionally moonlights as my wife."
"Pleased to meet you!" the group chorused, bowing.
"It's nice to meet you all," she said with a smile, also bowing though not as deeply. "I hope Kaien-san hasn't frightened you all away just yet."
"I would never do that!" he protested.
She just smiled again, lifting her eyes to his. "Please excuse me, everyone," she said, raising her voice only far enough so that it carried without her having to shout. "It's wonderful to see you all again, but I must make my report as soon as possible." Apologetic but gracious, she made her way up into the building, glancing back over her shoulder at the people who'd traveled with her to make sure they were alright before disappearing inside.
Kaien-dono beamed a smile in her direction even after she was gone, before turning to assess the mass of people. Satisfied that he didn't need to yell at people to make sure the travelers were being assisted, he instead directed his attention at everyone else. "All of ya, back to work!"
Rukia tried to concentrate on her training for the rest of the day, and thought she made a passable effort. But as she was leaving, Kaien-dono kept her back until everyone else had left, and with a serious expression, told her that she had been distracted and pointed out some of the obvious weaknesses. She bit her lip and lowered her gaze to the floor as he spoke, hardly daring to breathe just in case she lost control of her emotions, which had been fluctuating all afternoon more than she thought, apparently. Kaien-dono stopped speaking abruptly; the sudden silence was pensive.
"Did I do something to upset you, Kuchiki?" he asked quietly a moment later.
Rukia shook her head, swallowing hard. "No," she replied, just as quietly. "I'm sorry; my mind was elsewhere... It won't happen again."
Another long pause. He seemed unwilling to believe her, but she just couldn't tell him about where exactly her thoughts had been. "Alright," he allowed a moment later. "See you tomorrow then."
She nodded quickly and hurried out of the room, unable to bring her head up even as she passed him. She half-ran home, one hand clasped tightly around the scabbard of her sword. It wasn't necessary; the long sheath wouldn't fall out of her sash no matter what she did – they had already tried – but it provided some form of focus in her madly-reeling world. She didn't know what she had expected up until the words "my wife" had reached her ears, but whatever it was, those two little words had shattered those expectations apart.
She was quiet and vague at dinner that night, only speaking when spoken to and frequently giving only the shortest answers possible. Hisana was obviously concerned by her lack of enthusiasm so suddenly after a month full of it, but didn't press anything and let her escape to her room after the meal without a word. She came by later, inviting herself in to Rukia's room, where the younger girl lay curled up in bed, and settled herself on a cushion. She was working on a bit of handiwork as she sat, which she did in utter silence, the sound of the needle and thread passing through the cloth with no more noise than the soft rustle of her sleeves as she moved. Rukia pretended that she wasn't even there, but deep inside, she was grateful for her sister's presence, and her silence. She didn't feel like talking at all, but neither did she want to be alone. When the light got too dim to see by, Hisana set the material down next to her, and continued to sit there until it was completely dark. Only then did she rise to her feet on her way out the door, and paused at the threshold. "Sometimes, a broken heart heals faster than one thinks it might," was all she said, followed by the soft sound of the door sliding open, and then closed, in its track.
Rukia tried not to burst into tears at that, burying her face deep into her pillow as they came anyway. She hadn't thought of it that way at all, but the words just seemed to fit. The outburst of emotion was over quickly and left her feeling tired. She still felt too wound-up to be able to sleep, but it came quickly, drowning out any remaining anxiety within the comforts of its dark domain.