Epilogue

Sara sat on the small couch in her apartment. It was almost a week after they had returned from the seminar. A week after Ecklie finally had to taste his own medicine - although her joy about this subsided after a few days. Sara was starting to fear that Ecklie would try to get back at them. Once she was back on the job, she would have to be even more careful not to give him any reason to cause trouble. Only time could tell if it would work out…

At least she was starting to feel physically better. Her arm wasn't hurting so much anymore and the bruises slowly began to fade. She was also becoming a lot better at doing things with her left hand. Unfortunately she was also already starting to get bored. Sara had spent the last days mostly in bed, sleeping and reading. She was sure that she had never slept so much in her whole life. But her body seemed to need the rest.

Spending all her time in bed was also a good excuse not to see a certain therapist. She didn't know why but she felt kind of scared of calling Dr. Harper, the psychologist Alex had recommended. Sara had felt so confident on the last day of the seminar that she would call as soon as they were back home. That confidence had clearly faded over the last few days.

Sara, being the scientist she was, had tried to analyze the situation in order to find out why. Her conclusion was that she simply wasn't ready to start talking about all her problems again. She would have to start at square one again - everything from the beginning! If she had her first session she wouldn't even know where to start. After all she had quite a list of issues.

Sara sighed. Was that a reason or an excuse?

For the tenth time today she picked up the little note Alex had given her. Dr. Carol Harper. She had to do this! For her own sake! She had to do this. At least one session, she told herself. The CSI picked up the telephone which was lying at the table in front of her and dialed the number on the note. It started ringing and she waited. "Dr. Harper's Office, Michelle speaking." Suddenly overwhelmed with fear again she pressed the end button on the phone. She just didn't have the courage to do it …

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Catherine was fighting similar problems. She'd just had a long talk with Lindsey. It probably wasn't perfect, but it was okay. Linds seemed to have understood her point. At least she thought so...

The blonde was alone in her house. Her daughter had left to go out with friends a little while ago. Things seemed to be under control, right? She didn't need some psychologist to tell her that, did she? If this was true, why was she sitting in her kitchen with her phone and the note from Alex in front of her?

Was this really the best for Lindsey? To take the advice of a stranger, of someone who didn't even know them? Maybe it was enough to work with Alex rules. Listening, holding your temper, and thinking at least twice about the things you are going to say. That was a great basis, Catherine thought. And she had followed those rules in the conversation they just had - and Lindsey wasn't screaming at her or running out of the house. It went well. It was a civilized conversation – something they hadn't had in a while.

After a few more minutes of arguing with herself, she came to the conclusion that she had everything under control.

With that she grabbed the note, went to her bedroom and put it away in one of her drawers. Maybe she needed it one day – but clearly not right now. She sat down on her bed and wondered what Sara was doing at the moment…

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Sara took another sip of her water. What the hell was wrong with her? Could it really be so hard to make a simple appointment? She stood up and started to pace around her living room.

She had to do it today. Tomorrow she had breakfast with Catherine and the boys and she wanted to tell Catherine that she had made that appointment. She wanted to show her that she could do it. That she was really willing to fight to get her life back on track. But right now it wasn't looking good for her…

"Damn!" Sara cursed out loud. She ran her left hand through her hair and sat back down. She needed to convince herself to make that call. So what where the reasons why she had to do it? They were right in front of her.

Her laptop was sitting on the table beside the phone. A document was opened. Sara had digitalized Alex rules and had added a few thoughts of her own over the last days.

One was a list of all the things she had never told anyone. Among the not so short list were issues like 'sexual abuse as a child', 'abusive boyfriend' and the 'Grissom-Lady-Heather-Issue', as she had titled it. There were obviously a lot of things that would need the attention of a professional therapist. Even if she had never believed in it before, she was convinced by now that talking could really help. At least that was the feeling she had with Alex.

The other list Sara had created were reasons why she should get help in the first place. She didn't know why she wrote all that down, but it felt good and right when she had started. For her it was like the first step in actually talking about those things. In her list were for example 'drinking', 'cutting', 'other self-destructive measures', 'screwing up on the job', 'loneliness' and 'closure'.

So what was holding her back?

Nothing, she decided and picked up the phone again. She pressed the re-dial button and waited. "Dr. Harper's Office, Michelle speaking." Sara took a deep breath. "Hi, my name is Sara Sidle. I'd like to make an appointment."