Summary: Reno will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. Cloud finds this out the hard way. A prequel of sorts to "Snapshots."

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII characters belong to SquareSoft, now known as SquareEnix, I think. Whatever the case, I don't own them.

Tactics

A Final Fantasy VII Fanfiction by ntc

Mission objective: Cohabitation with Cloud

Early next morning saw Reno worshipping the porcelain god for a good thirty minutes before the green tinge in his face faded to a healthier-looking pasty white. The water and aspirin that Rude had passed to him were promptly gulped down, but just as promptly regurgitated into the toilet bowl. Reno groaned when the pounding in his temples began. He'd really overdone it with the alcohol yesterday and his body was now punishing him with the whole gamut of unpleasant sensations that accompany the mother of all hangovers.

When the action of opening his mouth was no longer accompanied by stomach-emptying nausea, Reno announced the next step of his master plan; a master plan which, to Rude's dismay, included him.

"There's no way I'm talking to Strife on your behalf. Do me a favor, Reno, and leave me out of your insane plans."

Reno utilized his best pleading voice, going so far as to include a faint hint of a puppy-dog whine. "Aw, come on. Show a little support to your partner here! I'll even do your weekend shifts for the next six months, what d'ya say?"

"Tempting but… No," said Rude flatly.

The whine in Reno's voice was more obvious this time. "Why?"

"I value life, Reno. Especially my own. After what you did to Strife, he might decide to take out his anger on me just because I'm associated with you."

"If it comes to that, I'll lend you my smoke bombs so that you can make a successful getaway."

"That's not the point!" Rude snapped. "I refuse to play the matchmaker in this disastrous courtship of yours. You're the one who needs to talk things out with him, not me."

"Alright, fine," grumbled Reno, pouting as fiercely as any ten-year-old who'd been denied access to his game console for a month. "At least help me out by arranging a meeting between us. I'll handle the rest."

"Why can't you go and meet him yourself instead of having him come to you?"

"You and I both know that he'd charge at me with that big-ass weapon of his swinging the second I step into his peripheral vision. If it's you, he's more likely to hear you out first before deciding to resort to violence. With any luck, he'll be in a less homicidal mood by the time he confronts me."

"That's easier said than done." Rude sighed. "I forgot to tell you that Strife is missing. Tifa Lockheart went into berserk mode yesterday trying to find him."

"Not anymore," replied Reno confidently. "He's now back in Seventh Heaven."

Rude gazed at his partner sharply. "How do you know that?"

"Easy. I planted a tracking device on his motorbike when he wasn't looking."

"Tracking device," Rude muttered, mildly impressed by the redhead's ingenuity and deviousness. "Anything else I should know before I confront him?"

"Oh yeah, as a precaution to stop him from leaving, I also sabotaged his motorbike with a little sugar in the gas tank."

"You did what?!" Rude went from mildly impressed to extremely horrified in the space of a heartbeat. "If Strife doesn't want to kill you before this, he most certainly does now!"

"Cloud doesn't know." Rude marveled at how calm and unconcerned Reno was. "And he doesn't need to know."

Almost afraid of discovering what further crimes his partner had committed (which was ironic, considering what their occupations entailed), Rude hurriedly stood up and made his way toward the exit. "I take it that you'll be staying in this inn for the rest of the day? I'll direct him to this place then."

"Thanks, man. Oh, and one more thing." Reno dug a set of keys out of his pocket and threw it at Rude, who deftly caught them in midair. "There's a package inside the safe in my apartment. My birth date opens the combination lock. Can you give it to Cloud when you see him?" Upon seeing Rude's face, Reno said, "Don't look so worried. It's just something that'll hopefully calm Cloud down if he decides to go nova on you."

xXxXxXx

The engine started, sputtered and died.

After several more failed attempts to start the engine, Cloud finally gave up and climbed off Fenrir. He spent the next few minutes glowering fiercely at the gleaming hulk of the mechanical beast, as if he could frighten it back into working condition if he glared hard enough. It was true that misfortune always came in twos or threes. As his luck would have it, the warranty for his motorcycle had expired last month. For the life of him, he couldn't figure out why the Fenrir would suddenly break down. It had been working just fine on the day he went out with…

Cloud had to abruptly cut off the thought in order to quell his sudden impulse to kick his motorcycle and punch the garage wall. He didn't realize he was capable of feeling such strong, negative emotions before Reno… Oops. Damn. Tifa would definitely be questioning him later about that fist-sized hole in the wall. Now, where could he find a spare plank of wood and some tools?

"Did I catch you at a bad time, Strife?"

Cloud whirled and his fierce glower found a new target in the burly Turk who had just stepped into the garage. "What do you want?"

Rude held up both palms in a placating gesture. "Don't kill the messenger. I'm just here to tell you that Reno wishes to, uh, talk to you. Face to face, preferably."

A deep growl arose at the back of Cloud's throat. "Keep him far away from me, Rude. Because, right now, I don't think I can hold back from killing him if he gets within the range of my sword." Mako-blue eyes glinted like the sharp edge of a deadly blade. "I won't hold back anymore. I will really kill him this time."

"You're doing it again, Strife."

"Doing what?"

"You say you want to kill him, but at the same time you're asking me to keep him safe from harm. It's because of that damned ambivalent attitude of yours that Reno still hasn't given up yet. You only have yourself to blame for what happened."

"What are you talking about?" Cloud demanded. "What ambivalent attitude? I've threatened countless times to skin, gut, skewer, strangle, decapitate, maim and neuter that bastard if he so much as comes near me! Where's the ambivalence in that?"

"Pah! Empty threats. It's like shooting rubber bullets. You might as well not bother."

"They're not empty threats!" bellowed Cloud, his face flushing.

"The fact that Reno is not skinned, gutted, skewered, strangled, decapitated, maimed or neutered right now proves that they're empty threats," Rude pointed out logically. "If you're serious about wanting Reno dead all along, why did you save his life?"

A grimace of embarrassment crossed the blond swordsman's pale face, as if Rude had just accused him of running around nude in public. "Just because I want him dead doesn't mean I want him… dead." Cloud dropped his head onto his splayed fingers. "I'm not making any sense, am I?"

"No, you're not," Rude agreed. "You sealed your fate when you rescued him from that burning building. You've foolishly given him hope and now... Now, he'll never give up. He'll never give up on you."

"You told him." Cloud's tone was accusatory, even angry. "I told you not to tell him!"

"I didn't tell Reno anything, He deduced that on his own."

Cloud snorted in disbelief. "Pull the other leg. It has bells on it."

"Reno possesses more cunning, quick thinking and street smarts than you give him credit for, Strife. Rufus Shinra isn't a man who tolerates fools on his staff." There was an undertone of anger in the bald Turk's voice. It would appear that Rude was offended by the implied insult to his partner's intellect. "Reno acts like a fool only when it comes to anything that concerns you, and only you. Haven't you noticed that by now?"

"What?" Cloud stared at him, eyes wide with incredulity. "Are you saying that it's my fault that he behaves like a spiteful, crazy prick?"

Rude did not even hesitate when he answered, "Yes."

"Get out of here. Now!" Cloud was so furious that his whole body was trembling. "I don't want to explain to Rufus why there's suddenly one Turk short on his staff."

"I don't presume to know why Reno does half the things he does, and I've known him better than most people. Who are you to label him as spiteful or crazy when you don't even know him that well?"

"He… Do you know what he did, Rude? Do you have any idea?"

"Reno said he burnt something important to you."

"If you know, then why are you…?"

"The keyword here is said," interrupted the Turk. He pulled a burlap sack from over his shoulder and dropped it on the ground. "I've been asked to return this to you."

Cloud eyed the sack warily. "Return?"

"I'll be waiting outside while you check to make sure nothing's missing. Give me a yell when you're done." With those parting words, Rude retreated outside and lit up a cigarette while he waited.

As Rude had predicted, it wasn't long before a thunderous roar of outrage erupted from within the garage. "What the hell? What the hell?!"

When the blond swordsman emerged from the garage, he looked, if it were at all possible, even more pissed off than he was before. So much for Reno's claim of the calming effects of the item. "Rude! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"As I've said, I don't presume to know why he does the things he does." Rude gestured towards the black car that was parked across the road. "Do you wish to speak with him now? To find out his reasons yourself?"

xXxXxXx

"Does it amuse you to put me through the emotional wringer like that, you sick bastard? Do you find it funny? Is it all some big, frigging joke to you?"

Reno had rehearsed in his mind what to say to Cloud upon meeting him, but all his preparations were for naught when the accusations started flying towards him like poison-tipped arrows. "Uh, hi Cloud."

"Answer me, you… you! I'm running out of adjectives to describe you. None of it does you any justice! Why did you do it, Reno?!"

Was there any answer he could give that wouldn't set the blond off? Probably not. Reno decided to counter the question with another question of his own. "Why did you save me from the fire, Cloud?"

"What? You," Cloud was momentarily pushed off balance by the question but he recovered quickly. "Don't change the subject! This isn't about me! It's about you!"

"No, it's about us," Reno asserted.

"What the hell are you talking about?! There is no us! There's you, trying to make my life a living hell for your own sick pleasure; and there's me, trying to live my life in peace!"

"Okay, fine! I apologize, dammit!" Reno spat angrily. Strange, his apology had sounded much more contrite when it was rehearsed in his own mind. "It wasn't meant to happen that way!"

"How was it meant to happen?! You told me you burnt those things when in actual fact you didn't! Why?"

"I already told you that I was a liar!" Reno hollered. "It's your own fault that you decided to believe me that time, Shorty!"

Cloud was stunned into speechlessness. Reno's twisted logic actually made some kind of weird sense. But it wasn't the redhead's retort that had stunned him so much as… "What did you call me?" Cloud whispered.

"Shorty. You know, as in vertically-challenged." Reno peered at him curiously. "Why? Did I hit a sore spot or something?"

Cloud was shaking his head in confusion. "Zack never called me Shorty." Zack had called him Spiky mostly, and Chocobo-head occasionally; but never Shorty. The SOLDIER had known how sensitive Cloud was about his height.

"Well, no surprise there, Einstein!" Reno's voice turned harsh and nasty as jealousy surged through him. "If you're capable of pulling your head out of your own ass, you'd notice that I am NOT ZACK!"

"Reno," said Cloud sharply.

"WHAT?!" Reno was past caring about how his irrational behavior was ruining his chances with the blond. Even the mere thought of Cloud thinking about Zack was enough to send him into a fit of rage. Was Cloud deliberately trying to drive him up the wall by uttering that name to his face?

"Shut up." Cloud suddenly reached up and seized a lock of red hair between his fingers, causing Reno to jerk his head back in surprise. Zack hadn't been the only one with long, messy hair. "You. You're the one." Cloud swallowed. That wasn't a dream. He hadn't been dreaming. He had been remembering.

Reno looked confused as hell; not that Cloud blamed him. "I am the one?"

Cloud let go of Reno's hair and staggered back as if the weight of the knowledge was a physical blow. Perhaps. Perhaps this was the reason why he couldn't find it in his heart to hate Reno, no matter what the Turk did to him. For the longest time, he had felt safe in Reno's presence, despite their being on opposite sides of the AVALANCHE vs. Shinra conflict. Cloud never knew the reason for his implicit trust of the redhead. Until today.

"What do you mean, 'I am the one'? The one you worship? The one you can't live without? The one you want to have hot, steamy man sex with? What?" prodded the redhead unabashedly.

Cloud slapped a hand against his forehead and dragged it down his face in disgust. No, he couldn't deal with this right now. For the sake of his own sanity, he needed some time away from Reno so that he could sort out his jumbled memories. He needed time to work out exactly what Reno meant to him; both in the past and in the present.

Cloud took a step toward the door, but Reno immediately moved to block his path. With a snarl, the blond twisted to sidestep the other man, only to have his progress halted by a hand clamping down on his left arm. Cloud clenched his free hand into a fist, but couldn't quite bring himself to deck the redhead across the jaw. Rude was right. He was only capable of empty threats after all.

"If you want all your appendages to remain attached, you would let go of me this instant, Turk," Cloud hissed, wishing fervently that Reno wouldn't call his bluff.

Reno's grip on his arm only tightened further in response. "So you're just going to run away? Like a coward? Nothing ever gets resolved if you keep avoiding the issue, Cloud."

Reno was standing so close that Cloud was sorely tempted to head butt him to widen the space between them. Why couldn't the redhead just leave him alone? What right did Reno have to bulldoze his way into his life and expect things from him? He didn't owe Reno anything. He didn't owe anyone anything. "What can I do to make you leave me alone?" said Cloud wearily. "Tell me, Reno, and I'll do it."

Inevitably, Reno's mind became swamped by too many ideas (1) at the innocent offer. He doubted that Cloud was even aware of the position he had placed himself in by making that statement. In spite of what he would have liked to say in reply to Cloud's question, Reno also knew that what he truly wanted was the exact opposite of what Cloud was demanding from him.

"What I want is to not leave you alone. What I want is for you to stop trying to repel me in a knee-jerk reflex and let me into your life."

Cloud gaped at him, a stupefied expression on his face. The blond's open mouth was practically an invitation for Reno to delve his tongue into that sweet cavern, but his conscience (or was it his survival instincts?) forcefully reined in all his lecherous intents.

"That doesn't solve the problem, you idiot!" Cloud yelled in exasperation.

"I agree," said Reno, smirking lightly. "So my question to you is this: What can I do to make you accept me? Tell me, Cloud, and I'll do it."

xXxXxXx

A week later…

"I see that you've given in to Reno's request."

Cloud looked up from where he was doing his repair work on his motorcycle to exchange a glance with Rude who was leaning casually against the wall of the garage. "You don't sound surprised."

"I know my partner. You didn't have a snowball's chance in hell, Strife."

Due to the lack of a suitable comeback, Cloud merely grunted in response.

"So what did you make Reno do? He was a bit fuzzy on the details."

Cloud shrugged. "My condition is for Reno to keep his distance for a period of one year. If he can do that, I might consider letting him live with me."

"I'm surprised he agreed to that. I would imagine that Reno would've put up a major fuss, protested like mad and wailed like a banshee."

"He did," said Cloud with a twitch of his lips. "So, I gave him an alternative. He can either stay away from me for one year, or he can try winning Denzel and Tifa's approval instead."

"Ah. It's no wonder that he chose the former option then." Rude spent a few moments in silent contemplation before he spoke again. "I hope you're not underestimating Reno's determination, Strife. A year from now, you'll have to keep your end of the bargain, whether you like it or not."

"But at least I'll get one year of peace, right?"

Rude smiled. So, the blond was not as big a fool as he thought. "That was your intention all along?"

"Of course."

xXxXxXx

A year later, minus one week…

"Today's the day," said Tifa solemnly, as if she was seeing someone off at the funeral.

"Yeah," mumbled Cloud, dreading what the day would bring, but also somewhat relieved that the wait was finally over. Now he understood why there were prisoners on lifelong sentences who would much prefer the death sentence. Sometimes, the wait before the dreaded event could be just as bad as the event itself.

During the past year, he had slowly established his delivery service. With the profits he had earned from the job, he was able to rent an apartment of his own and move out of Seventh Heaven. Tifa had not been pleased with his decision, but she had bravely hidden her disappointment behind forced smiles. There were times when he wanted to apologize to her for the callous way he had spurned her hospitality, but she would always cut him off before he could say the words aloud. She had understood his need for solitude, and didn't try to contest it; unlike a certain annoying, intrusive and obnoxious redhead.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay? Do you want me to check up on you later today?"

"That won't be necessary," Cloud assured her, sounding more confident than he felt. "I've given my word, so I'm more or less stuck with him until..." His face fell when a thought occurred to him.

"What's wrong, Cloud? You look… ill."

"I just realized that I hadn't set a time limit on this whole trial of cohabitation with Reno. Damn, what was I thinking?"

"Does that mean you'll be living together until one of you decides to move out?" It was difficult for Tifa to keep the tone of envy out of her polite enquiry.

Cloud grimaced. "Or until one of us decides to kill the other. Yes."

"Don't worry, Cloud," Denzel piped up eagerly. "I'd be more than happy to help you get rid of that creep. Just say the word and I'll be there in a flash to kick him out of your apartment."

"Thanks for the offer, Denzel." Smiling, Cloud reached out and ruffled the orphan's curly hair. Cloud found that he didn't have to bend down as much as before to make eye contact with the boy. Denzel had definitely hit a growth spurt in the past year."

"Here, take this." Tifa handed a coil of rope to him. At Cloud's questioning look, she explained, "I know how soft-hearted you can be, Cloud; so there will be times when you can't lash out for fear of causing serious injury to the other party, even when you may wish to. This rope will help you keep Reno in check without causing any physical harm to him."

Cloud studied the gift as if he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. "Uh, thanks. I think." The blond placed the rope in one of the compartments in his motorcycle before climbing onto the seat and starting the engine. "I'll drop by tomorrow morning to pick up any packages addressed to the outer suburbs of Midgar. I'll see you then."

Woman and boy watched silently as Fenrir drove off and disappeared into the distance.

"Damned if I'm gonna just stand by and do nothing while that pervert schemes to get into Cloud's pants," Denzel swore under his breath. "I'm staying over at Cloud's place this weekend."

Tifa lifted a hand to her mouth to hide a smile. "I don't think Reno would like that."

"All the more reason for me to do it."

xXxXxXx

"How did you get in here?" Cloud demanded when he opened the door to his apartment to find his home already invaded by the red-haired Turk that he had been dreading to see. A small hill of luggage bags and sealed cardboard boxes was cluttering up a corner of his living room. Cloud wasn't surprised to see that Reno still hadn't changed in the slightest, both in appearance and behavior.

"Through the front door," answered Reno as he continued to place cans of beer in the fridge.

Smart-ass. Cloud scowled. "You jimmied the lock?"

"I don't need to." Reno smiled fiendishly. "Your landlord gave me the keys to the place."

"He gave you the keys?" Cloud's tone was skeptical.

"After a little persuasion, of course. You see, the moment I threaten to show his wife incriminating photos of him drinking margaritas and licking salt and lime off a bar hostess's..."

"That's too much information!" Cloud raised his voice to drown out the rest of what Reno was about to say. "You could've waited for me to come back and open the door for you. Was the blackmail really necessary?"

"Look on the bright side. At least this way, we don't have to worry about paying the rent anymore."

Cloud shot Reno a disapproving glare which ricocheted off the immoral redhead harmlessly. "That's criminal, Reno."

"Your point?"

A dull ache was gradually making itself felt in Cloud's forehead. "I'm not in the mood to argue with you right now. Just… Just leave other people out of this, okay? I'm the one who agreed to endure this punishment. No one else."

Reno frowned. "You consider living with me to be a form of punishment?"

"Wouldn't you?" It was oddly comforting how quickly he and Reno had resumed their good-humored bickering. It was as if the year of separation between them had never occurred.

"You're only saying that because you've yet to appreciate the finer points of my character. You'll soon find out that I'm the best housemate a person can ask for." Reno tossed a can of beer at Cloud, which was easily caught with one hand. "For starters, your fridge will always be well stocked with alcoholic beverages with me around."

"That's only a good thing if I'm determined to become an alcoholic."

"Bah, there's just no pleasing some people," Reno complained in a much put-upon voice. The Turk opened another can of beer for himself. "Just drink up your beer quietly and celebrate this day with me."

"What's there to celebrate?"

"Our first day together." Reno deliberately kept the statement vague to allow Cloud to draw his own conclusions about what he meant. He tapped the beer can in Cloud's hand with his own. "Don't deny it. You've been waiting for this day as eagerly as me, haven't you?"

Cloud rolled his eyes at Reno's assumption. "I wasn't even expecting you to succeed in keeping your part of the bargain. Right until the very end, I was hoping that you'd slip up so that I wouldn't need to go through with this ghastly cohabitation business with you."

Reno snorted. "You're a terrible liar, Cloud."

"What makes you think I'm lying?" Cloud growled.

"The fact that you rented a three-bedroom apartment." It was quite amusing to see Cloud attempt to hide his faint blush by turning his face away. "Now why would you do that unless you're expecting someone, namely yours truly, to move in with you?" Reno smirked.

"I need the extra rooms," said Cloud defensively. "I use one of the rooms as a dark room to develop my photos."

"I'll buy that excuse for now. But what would you need the third room for?"

"The extra bedroom serves as a handy guest room. Tifa stays over sometimes." Cloud knew that it was the wrong thing to say when veins suddenly stood out in Reno's neck like bicycle brake cables. The Turk looked absolutely livid with rage for a split second before the emotion was carefully hidden behind a cool mask.

There was a definite note of warning in Reno's voice when he spoke. "If we are to make this work, Cloud, you need to be aware of certain ground rules."

"Ground rules?"

"Yes. And Rule No.1 states that you are not allowed to engage in, speak of, or in any way hint of, any sexual escapades with other people in this apartment."

"First of all, Tifa and I are just friends. And second of all..." Cloud took a deep breath before he exploded, "If you haven't noticed, this is my apartment, you dolt! You're not in the position to establish ground rules of any kind!"

"Hey, if you don't follow the rules, I won't be held accountable for my actions."

"... What will you do?"

"Trust me when I say that you don't want to find out."

"Right." Cloud rubbed his aching brow. "It hasn't even been ten minutes, and you're already threatening me while I feel like strangling you. Twice. This is never going to work."

"It will work if we follow the ground rules," Reno insisted stubbornly.

Cloud decided then that it was pointless to argue further. He shut himself in the dark room to avoid Reno for the rest of the morning.

xXxXxXx

"Cloud?" When there was no audible reply from the other side of the door, Reno continued, "Um… I'm hungry."

Silence.

"We both saw how my last cooking venture fared. So, for the sake of this apartment and everyone living in it, I think you should do the cooking."

More silence.

"Or we can eat out," said Reno hastily, somehow sensing the ominous vibes that had started to radiate from within the room. "If you want."

Even more silence.

Reno sighed, swallowed his pride and shouted in a rush, "I'm sorry if I acted like an insane, jealous freak just now!"

The door creaked open to reveal a glowering Cloud, his unnaturally bright eyes glowing softly in the darkened room. "You should be."

"Look, it came out wrong, okay? Can you blame me for snapping like that when you so openly flaunt..." Reno shut up abruptly when Cloud's eyes narrowed in warning.

"Tifa is a respectable woman; and for you to even suggest that she's easy is a grave insult that would've earned you a hacked limb or two if I weren't feeling so charitable."

"Okay, I'll accept that she's not easy." Reno knew that he should drop the subject then and there if he knew what was good for him. But then again, since when had he ever listened to his inner voice of reason? "What about you? Are you easy?"

Cloud shook his head, partly in anger but mostly in amazement at the other man's audacity. "What is it with your ridiculous fascination with my sex life anyway? Frankly, it's starting to creep me out a little."

"Only because it's a complete mystery to me," lied Reno easily. "I'm just curious, that's all."

"Fine, if answering your stupid question is what it takes for you to stop pestering me about it once and for all, I've never done it, okay? Be it with a woman or a man. So there you have it. The truth about my sex life is that I don't even have one!" The utterly stunned expression on Reno's face would've made the confession worthwhile if Cloud didn't think that the Turk was most likely laughing his head off behind that blank look.

"Never?" Reno breathed in awe, as if he was speaking of something that was too good to be true.

Cloud could feel his cheeks warming up. "Go ahead and laugh. Don't bust a gut holding it in."

"Never?" repeated Reno. If Cloud possessed any telepathy, he would've picked up four distinct words blazing across the entire landscape of the Turk's mind at that moment-- Mission objective: Cloud's virginity. As the blond fighter didn't possess any telepathy, he only frowned in puzzlement when Reno's eyes lit up with irrepressible joy and eager anticipation.

"Can we drop this subject already?" He really didn't like the way Reno was looking at him, which was not unlike that of a starving carnivore eyeing a juicy piece of steak. "This will be the last time you're allowed to question me about my private life, got it?"

"Got it," said Reno, grinning so widely that his eyes had nearly squinted shut. "Anything you say, Cloud."

"Uh," Cloud found Reno's agreeable behavior to be even more unsettling and difficult to handle. He was almost hoping that Reno would start acting like an asshole again so that they could go back to yelling at each other. At least he knew how to react in those situations. "So, um, you were saying that you're hungry?"

"I'm absolutely famished," Reno purred, sidling closer to him.

"You can have the leftover lamb casserole in the fridge." Cloud hid his apprehension behind a calm demeanor and fought down the urge to step back into the dark room. God knew what that could potentially lead to.

"I can think of other things I'd like to have for lunch."

Cloud had enough presence of mind not to respond to that statement. Using his enhanced speed, Cloud maneuvered his way around Reno and into the living room. "We can have lunch later. I think we should unpack your stuff first, don't you agree?"

Reno clearly looked disappointed by his reaction, but didn't choose to pursue the matter further. Cloud had an uncomfortable feeling that the Turk was merely biding his time. "Sure. Why not? Pass me that bag at the top of the pile, will you?"

Cloud complied with a great degree of enthusiasm, leaping at the chance to keep himself busy so that he wouldn't need to think about why his heart was currently beating at a post-marathon rate. However, he wasn't as calm as he pretended to be, for the bag slipped out of his unexpectedly clumsy fingers and spilled its contents all over the floor. "Sorry!" Cloud hurriedly knelt down to gather the scattered items up; shaving cream, comb, toothbrush, dental floss and… handcuffs?

Holding up the handcuffs, Cloud cast a disturbed look at Reno. "Why would you have something like this?"

"Oh, that," said Reno with a dismissive wave of a hand. "I brought them with me in case we have a use for them one day. Since you're so proficient in tying people up, I assume that you wouldn't be averse to some kink in our sex life."

Cloud blinked, not quite believing his ears. "Our... what?"

"What? Do you think I'm moving in here just to watch T.V. and do household chores with you? I have healthy urges that need to be satisfied. You owe me."

"Excuse me?" Cloud opened and closed his mouth several times before he found his voice again. "Do you actually think," Cloud was interrupted by a loud, honking noise from downstairs.

"Hold on a minute," said Reno as he walked towards the balcony. "That might be the delivery van with our new king-sized bed."

"Our new... what?!" Cloud nearly screeched.

Reno appeared not to have noticed the note of shocked outrage in Cloud's voice. "I even chose one with these sturdy bed posts that would be perfect for... Why are you glaring at me like that?"

"I like my own bed just fine." Cloud enunciated each word in clipped, dangerous tones.

"If we use your single bed, one of us will have to sleep on top of the other. Not that I mind, but I don't think you'd get much sleep with me squashing you all the time."

"Squash..." Cloud rubbed the bridge of his nose in an effort to ease the pain that had blossomed between his eyes. He now recognized the pain for what it was; strongly suppressed killing intent. "Stay right where you are. I'm just going to fetch something from my motorcycle."

xXxXxXx

On the top floor of the Shinra building, two men were taking turns using a pair of binoculars to observe the redhead dangling from the balcony of an apartment complex by a rope tied around his ankles.

"Aren't you going to help him?" asked the shorter man wearing a white, impeccable suit. "That's a distress signal if I ever saw one."

The taller of the two, who wore a contrasting black suit, merely shrugged. "I'm sure Reno must've done something to deserve it. Besides, this is what he wanted all along, so he might as well get used to it."

"I'm surprised at you," the man in the white suit remarked. "Your loyalty towards him had made me jealous on a few occasions. Where's that loyalty now?"

"You'd feel the same way if you'd been the one having to put up with his constant whining for the past year, sir."

"Ah. Let us hope that things will improve, now that he has finally achieved his objective."

"We can only hope, sir."

"Of course, there's a greater possibility that Reno's sexual frustration will make him even more impossible to work with from now on."

The man in the black suit groaned.

(End of fic)

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(1) The majority of which are X rated and best left undisclosed in consideration of the delicate sensibilities of anyone reading this fic.

A/N: Heh heh, this is my idea of a happy ending; though some of you may disagree. For the sake of our entertainment, Reno's suffering shall continue for years to come. At one stage, I was seriously considering writing a sequel to this fic with the new mission objective that was mentioned in this chapter. However, I doubt I have to courage to pull it off :P

Once again, I'd like to thank kazuhiko for taking the time and effort to proofread the last two chapters for me, despite the state of her health. I hope this story has been as entertaining to read as it has been to write. Thank you for all your support and comments. Cheerio.