Author's Note: As I was driving tonight, I heard Hinder's "Lips of an Angel" on the radio and I had to get home so I could write! So, as soon as I got home, I did just that. I sat down at my laptop for two-and-a-half hours, and this is the result! I really hope you like it!
P.S.: I know I haven't finished "...Dreams," but I haven't really been getting feedback on it, and I need more to keep writing! So, if you want me to continue it, help me out!!!
Thanks, and I really hope you like it!
Lips of an Angel...
Monogram
Laying in the dark, Mamoru found himself unable to sleep once again. He could not get his mind off of her again… Why had he been doing this? How much longer would he be haunted by the vision of her face, her voice, her beautiful smile and spirit? He sighed and turned on his side only to get a view of his girlfriend resting soundly. The sight of her dark hair and tanned skin only made him want to see her more. He quickly turned back over to avoid the sight that made him sick.
His girlfriend… The only person with that title should have been her. Not that there was anything wrong with Ellie; any guy should be lucky to be with her. But, she was not who he wanted. He wanted her, and only her.
Why was he constantly thinking about her?
When had he become obsessed?
Why couldn't he be with her?
When had he fallen in love?
He shook his head and wanted to cry, knowing it could never be. That flaxen beauty deserved more. She needed a man who could give her everything she deserved. He could never do that for her. She was too young. He was too old. She needed someone who could give her happiness that an 18 year-old needed. She needed to be free from the restraints of an obsessed, boring, old man. She didn't need him.
But, by gods, he needed her…
And, with that last thought, his phone began to ring quietly in the background. He looked at the soft glow of the alarm clock on his nightstand. Three o'clock in the morning? It must have been important. He looked over at Ellie, still sleeping, and rose from his bed. He crossed the room and closed the door behind him, never once looking back at the girl cracking open one green eye and wondering why he would never truly belong to her…
He moved to the plush leather couch and sat down, cautiously picking up the receiver. After a short pause, he answered in a questioning voice.
"Hello?"
There was a pause and he wondered if this was some sort of prank call, before he heard a quiet sob…
"Hello?" he repeated. "Who is this?"
Finally, a soft response could be heard, "Mamoru…"
"Usagi…" It was her the one who so occupied his dreams, nightmares, and thoughts throughout his days. "Usagi, are you alright?" He repeated when he realized the sadness in her voice.
"Mamoru… I don't know why I called… I just couldn't - I couldn't…" she trailed off.
"Usagi, why are you calling so late? Are you OK? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?" he threw the questions at her, terribly worried and curious as to why she was calling him at this time.
"Mamoru, I - I'm… I'm sorry I bothered you… Where you asleep? I mean, of course you were, look at the time… I'm sorry I woke-"
"No," he interrupted her quickly, "You didn't wake me. Please tell me what's wrong, Usagi…"
"Nothing… Nothing's wrong. I just… I wanted to talk to you."
"Oh, Usagi… Are you sure you're alright? You sound like you've been crying…"
She sniffled slightly on other end, "I'm sorry, I'm sure I woke your girlfriend… I don't know what I was thinking calling you at a time like this…"
He shook his head violently, then remembered that she couldn't see him, "Please, don't worry about her. You didn't wake her."
There was a silence and Mamoru simply listened to her soft cries. Finally, she seemed to settle down some before speaking again.
"I - I don't know why I called… I just - I wanted to hear your voice…"
Mamoru smiled slightly before answering quietly, "It's good to hear your voice. I couldn't sleep…"
"Me neither." She paused. "I couldn't stop thinking of you."
That very statement from her took his breath away and he was very glad to have been sitting. "I've been thinking about you all night…"
She choked down another sob before responding, "I love you so much…" She said it so quietly, he wasn't really sure if he heard it.
"Usagi, please… Don't say that…" It wasn't what he really wanted to say, but he could never gather the courage to tell her what he was feeling.
"Do you love me, Mamoru?" It was a blunt question. It was a simple question. But, why did the simple questions always seem to be the most difficult to answer?
"Usagi, please…"
"Do you love me, Mamoru?" It was more forceful this time, demanding an answer.
How he wished he could find the courage to lie to her… But, he never could, and she knew that. "You know I love you, Usagi…"
"Then why can't we be together?" The question was more forceful than he could ever imagine coming from her.
"Usagi, please don't ask me that… I could never explain it to you… You could never understand…" The heartbreak he heard in her voice broke his heart.
"Then make me understand!" She was screaming now and the pain he heard was enough to make want to cry, to give in to everything she could ever want in the world.
"Usagi… I do love you… So much… You're just…"
"Don't you dare say it! Don't you use that excuse with me, Chiba Mamoru! My age is just an excuse! You're afraid… You're so afraid of what we could be together, you just want to give up on us before I ever get the chance to get too close!" While her tone had dropped, she had never sounded more confident and mature in her statements than she did now.
"Usagi, I'm 25 years old. You're 18," he seemed like he was trying to convince himself more than he was her.
"What does that have to do with anything? I can make my own decisions and I know what I want! I want you, Mamoru! Why can't you accept that?" She sounded so sure of what she was saying, that she almost made him doubt himself.
"I told you, you couldn't understand…"
"I won't let you give up on us, Mamoru…"
He couldn't think of anything that would dissuade her from continuing the argument, so he said the first thing that came to his mind, "I have a girlfriend, Usagi. I care about her."
He regretted it before he even finished the statement.
"You don't want me…" She paused, waiting for some response from him and gaining none. "You want her. You don't want me…"
At the pure, unbridled hurt in her voice, Mamoru wanted to kill himself. He couldn't say anything, though. If he responded, she would know. She would know that he couldn't live without her, couldn't take a single breath without thinking about her, that he wanted to be with her this very moment and for the rest of their lives. So he allowed the heartbreaking silence to continue to hang.
"I…" It sounded as if she would continue her rants, but instead, dropped her voice and answered softly, "I hope you're happy with her."
He was about to take back everything he had said, before he heard the dial tone.
He couldn't bring himself to hang up the phone, though.
Instead, he sat in the same spot, thinking about all that he had said, everything he wished he had said, and how much he loved her. Finally, he set the receiver back on the cradle, and placed his head in his hands. And for the first time since hearing of his parents' deaths, he sobbed openly.
He cried for the stupidity of his own actions. He cried for all the pain that he had caused her.And he cried for the loss of his dream of love and a family of his own. A family that he wanted to create with her.
He knew he couldn't go back to bed, not with Ellie sleeping next to him. That was her place. It always would be. Instead, he changed quietly, grabbed a jacket, and left his apartment.
Hearing the door slam shut, Ellie shot up in bed. She knew what that sound would mean. No matter how hard she may have tried, how long she may have held on to the shell of the man she had fallen so deeply in love with, she knew it was over. It was over before it even began. She never had truly had him, and now, as she left the apartment soon after, she admitted, she never would.
He belonged to her.
Walking down the dark, empty streets, Mamoru stuffed his hands in pockets and hung his head, keeping to his thoughts. He continued aimlessly down the streets. What was he doing? It was almost 5 o'clock and he had gotten no sleep. He needed to be at work in two hours. He needed to get back to his apartment and get ready…
But what about Ellie? He knew he couldn't face her. While she didn't know anything about her, he knew he could never look at her, kiss her… She was only a replacement. A replacement for someone he could never have.
Instead, he continued his walk and found himself in the middle of the park. How did he get here? He didn't even remember walking this far. He sighed to himself and moved to the park bench near the lake and sat, silently, watching the slow movements of the animals and the water in front of him. As he noticed the first peek of the Sun on the lake, he heard the rustling of leaves behind him. He didn't turn around, however. He didn't need to turn around to know who was behind him. It was her. It could only ever be her.
She stopped behind him, he could just barely see her out of the corner of his eye.
Gods, was she beautiful…
"What are you doing here?" she questioned.
"What do you think?" he responded more harshly than he meant to and winced at his tone.
She sighed and sat down slowly and cautiously next to him.
He allowed himself one quick glimpse at her, only reminding himself of how ethereally beautiful she truly was. The soft wind blew her golden waves of hair around her face, as she hugged herself to keep out the harshness of the cold. She was still in her pajamas, he noted, and he wondered how long she had been out walking herself. As he continued his glance, he noticed the flush in her cheeks and puffiness of her perfect, water-like blue eyes. There was a redness in the rims of her eyes and he wondered how she could possibly make crying so beautiful…
"Gorgeous…" he found himself saying and her perfect eyes jumped to his own and he felt himself melt.
"Don't say that, Mamoru… I can't take it…" The tears began again and all he wanted to do was take her into his arms, shielding her from all the pain she ever felt, all the pain he made her feel, and all the pain she would feel from the harsh world she certainly didn't belong in.
But, he never got that far. As they continued to look deeply at each other, she began to sob and threw herself into his arms. He was taken aback and it took him a moment to do what he had been dreaming so long of doing. Finally, he placed his arms cautiously around her, careful to not let her break in his strong embrace. When he was sure she was safe from harm, he placed his chin on the top of her soft hair and began to cry with her.
After the most heartbreaking minutes of their lives, she raised her head and looked at him, as he bent his own head down to avoid meeting her gaze. Refusing to allow him to hide again, she placed two fingers under his chin and forced him to look at her.
"Why do you keep denying me, Mamoru? If it's really her, then, I'll let you go. If I know that's what would make you happy, I'll leave you alone, and you can be with her. But, I have to know…"
Finally, Mamoru knew that he could no longer continue to resist everything that he wanted from her. "Gods, no, Usagi… Ellie means nothing to me… I love you, Usagi. It's always been you."
"Then, tell me what you want from me," she smiled at him in encouragement.
He cupped her face in his hands, "I want to be with you, Usagi. I want to be with you for the rest of my life."
She smiled brightly at him and rested her forehead against his, "I think I can do that."
And, as they soaked in the feeling of love they emitted, the risen Sun shone around them.
THE BEGINNING...
Author's Note: So? What'd you think? Let me know! My ego needs reinforcement! Should I continue it? Should I leave it here? Does it need changes? Tell me!
Until next time...
Monogram