A/N: Okay, here it is. I know, I totally promised that the Merric/Neal chapter of Bitter Regrets would be out a long time ago, but track is taking up my life, and my grades are kinda suffering. Anyway, this is a new take on one of my favorite scenes. Words in italics are flashbacks. Words in bold are actual text from Page.
Disclaimer: I own nothing until Santa brings me coal for Christmas. Then that'll be all I have. Though all I wanted was my very own Nealan of Queenscove.
Neal hovered outside of Kel's door, contemplating what he was about to do. He had to offer her an explanation, to be sure, but he wasn't sure that he really would follow through with what he had planned. After all, what good could come from it? They were just pages; Kel still was on very, very rocky ground with The Stump. It would be death for the both of them if any of the other pages found out. Joren and his friends would surely find a way to get both of them expelled; Cleon, Merric, and Faleron's reactions would be better, but only just. He knew of all their crushes in Kel. It would betrayal for him to act without telling them. It was their unspoken code.
Still, Kel wouldn't be able to really understand why he had spoken up earlier. He had to say something, he mused, thinking over that day's events, he just didn't know what to say.
He had been standing in Windfire's stable, savoring a few moments of calm before he had to report back up to the page's wing. Faleron's voice, while quiet, was still audible over the soft, silky sounds of the curry brushes. "Kel, I'm still not sure about that catapult problem. If I fetch it to lunch, would you take a look at it?" His voice sounded thick—Faleron was proud—he probably was embarrassed to be asking for help. Nevertheless, everyone knew that mathematics was his weakness, and Kel had a better intuition for these things than even himself, after six years at the university.
"You don't have to ask, you know," That was Kel's voice, emotionless and even. She still didn't really feel comfortable with the boys yet; she didn't know where she stood with them. Every word that came from her mouth must have carefully crafted to not offend anyone. He admired her control, her ability to be able to calm people with her words.
"Mama raised me polite," Faleron said, good-naturedly. Some of the tension between them was lifted, he could tell. But the easiness did not last very long.
Garvey, forever the instigator, just had to start something. "So, Faleron, you're friends with her now because you can have her whenever you want?"His heart went cold. He heard Kel and Fal arguing, but he couldn't hear the words. His hands were numb.
So, after a year of endless fights, it had to come to this? Back before Kel, those few months that he had been here, they had joked casually about the girls in the city, and the young women who came to court to be married. He never would have fathomed that it would have come to this so soon. How dare he? How dare he insult Kel? Kel, who was the most mature, honest, and honorable of all of them?
Garvey's words struck a chord somewhere in heart. He was seething with rage. This was different from when he brashly made snide comments; he just couldn't hide his impatience with idiots. This was different. The words seemed to want to explode out of his mouth. His hands were shaking as he fought to sound casual. "Joren is so pretty. Say, Garvey, are you two friends because you can have him?"
It was unforgivable. A person like Joren-or Garvey-could never live with themselves if they did not react, to reassure everyone of their "manhood." Never mind that they were still little boys, only fourteen. Still, he felt the blow of words towards Kel as if they were physical blows aimed at him. He had never felt like this before. He had to say something, had to protect Kel.
The fight was more intense than any of their previous skirmishes. Joren and Garvey burst from their stalls, swinging their fists. Cleon, Owen, Faleron, Merric jumped into the fray. Horses burst from the stalls, pulling the brawlers apart. The look on The Stump's face when he found them all was almost too much for him to ignore. Almost, because he was too busy berating himself.
How could he have been so stupid? It was obvious to him why he had done it. Probably to the other boys too, though he couldn't be sure. They were only boys after all. They were ten, eleven, twelve. What did they know of such things? But the look that they had given him could wither a forest.
He would have never done such a thing at the university. But somehow being here with the younger pages made him feel that he had to prove his feelings to his friends. In that way, he reminded them of his age difference. He had concocted fake crushes, acted perfectly, but he had never meant to reveal his true feelings.
What was it about Kel that made him so protective of her? She wasn't like the other court girls, who were fragile, emotional, delicate. In fact, her self-reliance sturdiness was what he liked most about her.
Enough. He had to do something soon, before they would all meet for the nightly study group. He raised his hand to her door frame and knocked gently. The door opened quietly after only a moment. Kel stood before him in stocking feet, her face still red from scrubbing. "Neal," she started.
"Can I come in, Kel?" he asked softly. She nodded her head. He stepped smoothly through the doorframe, and reached to close the door. Kel sputtered, breaking the silence between them.
"Neal, you can't…Lord Wyldon!"
"Kel, the Stump cannot hear what I'm going to say."
She gave him a quizzical look, but relented, sitting back onto her bed.
"Kel, about today…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say what I did. I know it just made things worse…"
She stared at him. Was that all? "You didn't have to apologize for that. You just lost your temper. I understand." Kel said quietly.
He was baffled. "You do? Then you know did it because I…I…" Love you. But he couldn't say it. Instead, he leaned down towards her and kissed her lips softly, then fled.
When Kel blinked, he was gone. She felt her lips. They didn't feel any different. Had it really happened?
But then she saw a note left on her floor that read: I'm sorry for this too, Kel. But I can't say that I didn't mean to do it.
Kel picked up the note carefully and smiled.
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