Phobos
Throw him a Powderpuff Girl's themed birthday party.
Clap and cheer when he ties his own shoes.
Paint 'Phobos is the bestest!' over the entrance to the palace.
Take him to see a four hour ballet
Keep him awake by regularly kicking the back of his chair
Convince him to take a leisure carriage ride through the countryside in Elyon's pink carriage.
…after you tip off the rebels
Buy him a hot pink Gameboy.
Be sure to give it to him with the W.I.T.C.H. game in it.
Inform him that he's playing it all wrong when he keeps making Caleb jump off a cliff.
Hide all the toilet paper in the castle. Blame Raythor.
Switch his 'fairy dust' with Pixie Stix
Tell him you thought it always tasted like strawberries.
Inform him that Cedric and Miranda have been snogging in his throne room
Knit him a sweater.
Whenever a Lurden passes by, say, "Watch out for the Orcs, Legolas!"
Nerissa
Play Keep-Away with her seal
Dangle the Heart in front of her while she's tied down
Tease her that Will's gonna give her back the Heart
Tell her your grandmother would've made a better Keeper of the Heart than her
Insist everyone can tell her boobs are implants
Give her a novelty mug that reads "Mom of the Year!"
Teach her to surf
Tell everyone her hair is a wig ("The Mage was bald, remember? BALD!")
Set her up on a blind date with Phobos
Be sure to follow with a video camera
Get "I'll Put a Spell On You" from Hocus Pocus stuck in her head
Dye her hair bubble-gum pink
Ask her how old she is whenever she least expects it ("You're son is so cute! How old are you?")
Remind her that she owes Kadma money on a fifty year old bet.
Buy her a pet venomous snake. Tell her you can see the resemblance.
Thought Process: Chapter 4
Claire: Hm...the world of Alagaesia from the Inheritance trilogy?
Stray: (suspiciously) You wouldn't happen to have a crush on anyone there, would you?
Claire: (sheepishly while hiding cell phone & making sure it's shut) Of course not...
With the Witch Co. Arriving at The Xavier Institute
Phobos: Well, now where have they gone, oh smart one?
Taranee: Let me see...(uses telepathy) I got zip
Will: Well, where else could they go? They've already tried going to LOST Island-
Aldarn: Which turned out to be Gilligan's Island, for them...
Taranee: PPTH...any ideas?
Hay Lin: (after a minute) Yeah, I got nothing.
Irma: (off topic) Why couldn't you guys have let me stay with that cute Australian?!
Cedric: Oh, get over it!
Caleb: Irma, I can't really see you with that pretty boy.
(If Claire were hearing this conversation...) Claire: Chase is not a pretty boy!
Irma: (thinking out loud) Maybe Sawyer's still following us...
Taranee: (points at X-Men) Maybe we can ask these odd spandex clad people.
Somewhere in Alagaesia...
Stray: So...none of this really looks familiar...
Claire: We're in Alagaesia! You know, the Inheritance trilogy; Eragon and Eldest...
Stray: Oh...and we're in the middle of nowhere why?
Claire: (slightly evil smile) I've got a plan. We'll just have to sit here for a while...
Xaviers...
Will: (recounting the epic so far)...and then we ran out and found you guys here. Have you seen them?
X-Men: (look at each other and blink in confusion)
Kitty: (totally off topic, swooning over Caleb) Wow! He, like, is really hot!
(Cornelia wraps up Kitty in vines which she merely phases through)
Scott: (still talking to Will) Surprisingly this is not the most bizarre thing I've heard in my life. And that's saying something. I think they said something about Australia...
(In foreground, Kitty blows raspberry at Cornelia and phases instantly as Cornelia throws several items at her with her telekinesis)
Phobos: (ignoring catfight) They already went to Australia!
Taranee: Maybe it was Alaska?
(Cornelia throws green burst of magic at Kitty which makes her tangible and then football tackles her)
Rouge: No, no, no…maybe it was Afghanistan?
Voice: They're going to Alagaesia.
(Everyone except Cornelia and Kitty who are still going at it turn to top of stairs where little blonde girl is standing)
Irma: Who are you?
Layla: My name is Layla Miller. I have the power to advance slow moving plot lines!
Hay Lin: (blinks) Really?
Scott: According to Matt Gardner anyway. And still not the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
(Drake finally musters up some balls and goes to separate Cornelia and Kitty who are now wrestling on the floor)
Nightcrawler: (checks watch) Oh, jhit! Ve gotta be dere when Jean comes back or else she's blow the planet to smitherines!
Storm: You better be going to Alagasheesha-
Layla: Alagaesia!
Storm: -before you loose them again.
Will: Thanks for your help! (They depart, Drake and Caleb dragging a very unhappy Cornelia with messed up hair)
Scott: (turns to Layla) How did you know that they were going there?
Layla: (holds up Eragon book) Found it in Wolverine's room
Scott: Really? Well that is the most bizarre thing I've ever heard
Alagaesia...
Stray: (hiding off path) We've been sitting here for an hour!
Claire: (hiding off path) Shh! It's time for my plan.
Eragon & Murtagh: (come riding down the trail)
Claire: (stares at Murtagh dreamily)
Stray: Oh, for the love of...(pulls Claire onto path with her)
Eragon: What the- ?!
Stray: Listen, we could really use your help.
Eragon: (to Murtagh) Who are these people?
Murtagh: (shudders slightly) Fan fiction writers.
Claire: It's Murtagh!
Murtagh: (raises eyebrows)
Stray: (to Claire) Isn't there some fandom where you have no crushes?!
Claire: Wait, I gotta think...none that I can think of.
Murtagh: Why should we help you? You'll probably put us with some Mary Sues or something.
Stray: No, we don't write for your fandom.
Claire: Oh, I do!
Sun: (sitting in Claire's house reading that copy of the Inheritance trilogy) Hey, you write it with me!
Stray: (to Claire) Shut up! (to boys) Listen, we just need to get somewhere safe to lie low for a while.
Eragon: Why?
Claire: The characters of a TV show/comic book series are hunting us down.
Murtagh: What's in it for us?
Stray & Claire: (think)
Claire: Oh, I've got an idea!
Stray: The idea is?
Claire: Sun & I will reveal what's up with the drunken dwarves association!
Sun: (at Claire's) We will?
Stray, Murtagh & Eragon: You will?
Claire: (smiling) Yep!
Stray: Wait, huh?
Claire: Sun & I's story for their fandom.
Stray: Oh.
Murtagh: Wait, how'd you get that information?
Claire: Tortured Kate until she told me. Surprisingly, if you tease her enough about Jesse McCartney, she'll tell you anything.
Eragon: So...you're one of the writers of that story?
Claire: Why else would my name be Claire?
Murtagh: Duh, Eragon.
Stray: So, will you help us?
Boys: Hm...
Arriving in Alagaesia…
Cornelia: I was winning too and you know it!
Caleb: Don't worry, she not my type. I usually go for red heads or blondes.
Will and Co.: (stop in their tracks) WHAT?!
Caleb: (realizing what he's just implied) I mean…um…I love you?
Cornelia: (punches him really hard)
Matt: What if that creepy blonde girl was wrong? Where do we go from here?
Aldarn: Where the hell have you been! You've been MIA since chapter two!
Matt: Had a gig so I went back home.
Will: (glaring) You put your music over avenging the people who are annoying us to near insanity?!
Matt: Um…I love you?
Will: (punches Matt with lightning)
Matt: (rubbing arm in pain) Well they haven't annoyed me…
In a nearby cave…
Stray: (snickering) …yet
Claire: Yeah, that'll be fun. (whips out a laptop) Now, what could we do for him?
Eragon: What the hell is that?
Stray: It's...uh...
Claire: It's called a laptop. Please don't make me explain it.
Murtagh: Crap. Empire soldiers are coming.
Eragon: Now what do we do?
Claire: We stand and fight you sissy. Can I borrow your bow and arrows?
Eragon: (shrugs and hands over his bow and quiver)
Claire: Sweet! Let's kick some Empire butt!
Stray: What the hell is wrong with you?
Claire: (smiles and whispers) One, who wouldn't go for the chance to fight alongside of Murtagh? Two, I like bows and arrows. (normal voice) Let's go!
Murtagh + Claire: (walk outside and begin to kick some Empire butt)
Stray: And people think I'm crazy...
Claire: (shouting) We still do!
(Murtagh and Claire defeat the Empire soldiers)
Murtagh: (tries to strike a victorious pose but finds he can't due to the fact that Claire has latched herself to his ankles)
Claire: (sighing) You're so beautiful...and strong...
Murtagh: (under breath to Eragon) How did I agree to this again?
Claire: 'Cause Kate told me about the DDA!
Murtagh: Right, now about the Drunken Dwarves Association...
Stray: (grabs Claire's arm) W.i.t.c.h. plus cast at ten o'clock.
Claire: Your ten or my ten?
Stray: Doesn't matter. RUN!
Claire: But...but...Murtagh.
Eragon: Don't worry. You'll see him in your fic. Say hi to Sun for me!
Claire: Goodbye my love!
Stray: Less talking, more running!
Claire: Well, now where do we go?
Stray: (low voice) Oh, I'd say somewhere magical...somewhere where people with magic can back us up...
Claire: …Disneyland?
Stray: More British, less people in cartoon suits…hotter magic if you get my drift
Claire: Oh! Now I know what you mean…