Forever
By Childhood Aspirations
Disclaimer: I do not own New Moon, or the characters, etc….
I don't know why it happened. I can't explain it. They were just there.
Tears. Huge tears, and lots of them. They just kept coming, and coming…
Like I said, I can't explain it. I hadn't been feeling particularly emotional earlier that morning, other than a faint sense of lethargy.
Of course, you might ask how one could possibly feel lethargic when one has a gorgeous vampire for a boyfriend, but a body can get used to anything. I mean, sheesh; I have already, I suppose.
Anyway, back to the tears…
I was in my room while this was happening, which was a blessing; at least I wasn't bawling during one of my classes, or at work. There's nothing like having everyone think it's that time of month for you…which it isn't, in case the thought crossed your mind…
To tell you the truth, I was kind of relieved that Edward wasn't there. Then I would have to explain to him why I was crying, which would be kind of difficult, since I wasn't even sure myself.
Let's see…
I was thinking about the future, I think. I was wondering what would happen after high school, and if Edward was truly going to make good his word and turn me, and then marry me, or marry me and then turn me, or something like that. I get hazy on the details.
Hmm… You wouldn't think any of that would give me reason to cry.
Uh oh. I think I just figured it out. Let me put this into perspective for you.
I'm sure you know of my history with my Edward. I love him passionately, and he tells me all the time that the feeling is mutual, though sometimes I have a hard time believing him. I mean, look at him, and then look at me, and you'll see my dilemma. He's so, so perfect, and I'm just so, so…not perfect.
The fact that I have a hard time believing is the problem, I think. In spite of everything, part of me still worries that Edward is going to leave me again, or that he won't turn me, but he won't leave me either, and I'll end up with a boyfriend who looks like he's 17 years old when I'm 80. Not a pretty picture.
Okay, I believe I've explained sufficiently where the tears are coming from.
Note that I said "are," instead of "were." They're still coming.
"Bella?"
I love his voice. It's so smooth, and warm, and velvety, and silky too. It amazes me that I can compare Edward's voice to two different types of fabric and find that they both apply. That alone should give you a hint as to how amazing my boyfriend is.
Wait…oh yeah, I was happy that he wasn't here. Now I do have to explain all of this to him.
Darn it…
"Bella, are you in there?" I can hear concern mixed in with the characteristically reassuring calm of his tone. I bury my face in my pillow because he's standing on the other side of my bedroom door, and he's going to come in and see me looking like this, and it's just going to remind me of how beautiful he is, and how ugly I am, and, and…
I'm rambling. It happens when I get emotional.
"Come in," I call through my pillow. I hear the doorknob creak as he twists it and pushes the door open. His footsteps are silenced by the combination of his graceful stealth and the carpet on my floor. If I didn't know better, I'd say he hadn't even entered the room, except after a moment I feel the side of my bed dip downwards, and then his cold hand is on my shoulder.
"Are you alright?" he whispers. "What's wrong? Charlie says you've been crying for at least 15 minutes straight."
I wince. That's embarrassing. My dad knows I've been crying. Darn it. Either I need a soundproof bedroom, or my pillow needs to be a more effective muffler.
"Bella, talk to me," Edward pleads. I can't resist him. Trust me, if he were begging you, you wouldn't be able to resist either. "Tell me what's wrong."
I sit up reluctantly, keeping my head lowered. He can still see the tearstains tracking down my ridiculously pale cheeks. That's enough.
He reaches out and brushes away the fresh tears. I shiver, chills running down my spine. "Why are you crying?" he asks me, his tone infinitely gentle. Trust me, I have no desire to break down again in front of him, but there are some things you can't control in life.
This is one of them.
Sobbing, I throw my arms around him. "Don't leave me!" I wail. It sounds utterly ludicrous, but that's nothing new from me, I suppose.
He holds me as a cry and gives a perfect sigh. "Bella, Bella, Bella…my Bella…" He presses a tender kiss to the top of my head. "What am I going to do with you?" The amusement in his voice has me slightly miffed. I pull away, sniffing, but he smiles at me. I ask you, how can one be angry with someone who smiles like an angel? "You know I'll never leave you," he continues, pressing his marble brow against my forehead and staring intently into my eyes.
"But, but…" I can't find the words to explain to him how I feel. Or maybe I'm just too ashamed. Edward's perfect, and I'm not. I don't think even being turned could ever make me perfect. How can he look at me and say those things with such confidence? And what if, for some reason, I don't get turned? You have no idea how far from perfect I'll remain if I'm not turned.
What if, what if, what if…
"I love you," Edward murmurs, lowering his head to place a feather-soft kiss on my lips. "I'll always love you. Forever. You know that, don't you?"
I don't feel like crying so much anymore.
The future is going to come, no matter what I do, and I don't know exactly what's going to happen.
But I don't need to know.
He'll still love me forever and…
…That's enough.