Phoenix Rising
by: Roony
rating: T
summary: After 'Crossroads of Destiny', Zuko doubts his choice and decides to abandon Ba Sing Se to find his own way. Zuko-centric.
a/n: Hey guys. I've become an Avatar fan since the first season, but this is my first Avatar fic. Hope you don't mind long chapters, because these are all going to be rather large. Heh. Uh, anyways... Hope you enjoy!
"Brother dear, if you could do me the slightest favor…"
I knew that tone. Azula wanted me to do something she knew I'd find…unpleasant. I turned from the window, irritated that I had to be yanked from my reverie by her of all people. Not that I could show any disagreement, and for that I loathed myself. How had I gotten under her thumb again?
The visions of what had happened in the crystal caverns flashed in my mind's eye. Uncle… I'd betrayed him.
But what could I have done? I am a prince. Azula gave me a chance to return home. She even gave me encouragement and told me to ignore whatever abuse Father would give me. Azula has never done that for me.
"What is it?" I asked her, keeping my tone neutral.
"Aw, Zuzu," she chided with that cold smirk of hers. She ruffled my hair-something else she used to do before I'd ceremoniously shaved it. I hated that. "For someone about to be taken out of exile, you don't look very cheery."
I scowled at her sarcasm and turned back to the window. Before me I saw Ba Sing Se. A great city. A city about to be claimed by the Fire Lord, already fallen to the Fire Nation.
"What do you want, Azula?" My words came with resigned pity. I pitied an enemy city. Had a truly changed so much in only a few short months? I didn't want to believe it.
"I think it would be more fitting if you would call me 'Princess'," Azula remarked thoughtfully, "Seeing as how I am ruler here and you lost your title when you became a fugitive."
Though my brow furrowed in anger and I could feel the sparks forming in my hands, I only clenched my hands to hide them. I closed my eyes and counted to ten.
…As Uncle had told me to do.
Fortunately, I was spared the degradation of having to refer to Azula as anything other than her name, since she continued with her orders for me.
"Seeing as how our Father will be arriving in all his Majestic Glory within the week, we have some very serious work to do. We have to clean house."
I nodded. Though, a felt a chill snake its way down my spine at the mention of 'cleaning house'. Worry drifted towards Uncle. I thought of him in his small cell, sitting there. Probably cursing my name.
"So," Azula went on in that commanding tone, "I'll need you to pitch in." She put her finger under my chin and used it to turn my face to her own taunting smirk. "Be good and I'll put a very good word in for you, Zuzu."
I jerked my head away. I hated it when she touched me. I also hated when she called me that childhood name, but I kept silent.
"Some prisoners have to be dealt with. It would just be so terrible if Father arrived and thought I'd gone soft." I stiffened and must have appeared startled, because next she said, "Oh no, Zuzu, you don't have to worry about Uncle yet." A cold smile crept over her features. "I'm sure Father will want to take care of him on his own."
I felt ill. My face could testify as to what it meant for Father to 'take care of' you.
"I have some recent subversives that have popped up recently." She gave a shrug. "Without Long Feng's little lantern tricks and the Earth King having escaped, it seems that some tongues have loosened up. While those tongues have already been cut out, we still need to contain the problem." She put a hand on my shoulder and I suppressed a flinch.
"Find out what they know, then make them forget." She studied me for a moment. "I trust your time on the road didn't cause you to loose mastery in that?"
Mastery in what? Intimidation? Interrogation? Perhaps even torture? I swallowed.
"No," I answered. I remembered. I knew that much because I'd tried just about everything to forget.
"Good," she said appraisingly as she patted me on the back. She turned and began to depart. At the door, she paused and turned back to me. "It's good that you've returned, Zuko."
I stood at the window, staring after her. Azula. My sister, my rival, my hunter, my superior, my godsend…
The greatest evil I'd ever known.
--------------------------------
I went down to the jails, where a mixture of Dai Li and Fire Nation soldiers stood at their posts. One recognized me-I'm not an easy face to miss.
"Prince Zuko, Princess Azula alerted me to your duties. Please follow me. I'll brief you on the way."
I was rather taken aback by being addressed as 'Prince' once again. How long had it been since one had addressed me by that title and meant it as one of respect, of superiority, as birthright? I followed the solider-he was of the Fire Nation-down a corridor lined with cell walls.
I used every meditation technique I knew to not wonder if Uncle was behind one of those doors.
"The interrogation rooms are fairly simple, typically used for verbal questioning only, with very minor physical encouragement." He chuckled slightly, and I caught him glancing at my hands. "But with your fire bending talents, I can imagine that makes little difference to you."
"Very little," I replied quietly. I did not know what Azula had told this man nor what he assumed. And it occurred to me that I had no idea what was exactly expected of me by these men whom, I supposed, I was being given command over.
"Well this one may give you a little trouble, but not for long. The Dai Li's own system finally caught up. Once you've finished, they'll take over."
I didn't ask what he meant because I didn't want to know.
We finally stopped before a door that was a little darker than the others. I don't know if it was in the actual shading of the door or more of an aura of it.
"In here," the solider said as he unlocked the door and held it open for me.
Again, it was strange for such a courtesy to be offered to me. As I stepped through the door, I wondered if things could really be as they were. Could I truly become Prince of the Fire Nation once more?
"I'll wait outside," the soldier said casually, hardly glancing at the interior and the prisoner within.
I might have opened my mouth to say something more, but he shut the door before any more exchange could be given. Had I heard him lock it behind him? The room was dark for a moment, and I saw that the lanterns were dying. I sensed a figure at the table in the center of the room. I paused and waited for the prisoner to move or speak, but was rewarded with nothing.
Let's get this over with.
I conjured flames in my hands and sent them to strengthen the lanterns, not bothering to speak. I knew that my firebending and the revelation of my deformed face would be strongly intimidating to start with.
But, as I found, I was the one who was shocked to see who sat before me.
I found myself staring at…at an old hag!
She had gray hair more unkept than a lizard-parrot's nest, a nose crooked and slightly twisted, and a weathered wrinkled face marked here and there with spots and warts. She was hunched so that I suspected there to be a curve on her back somewhere. Her clothes were dirty and poor. I wrinkled my nose, having a distinct impression that she smelled
Was this Azula's idea of a joke?
In my astonishment, there was an awkward moment where I only stared at the hag and she in turn glared at me. Since I had betrayed myself to be speechless for the moment, the hag spoke first. She had a voice like claws on glass.
"So you're the 'fiery demon' sent to 'give me a glimpse of Judgement'?" She gave a rasping laugh that might have even hurt her. Strange that I was the one who felt stung. "I've seen rabbit-panda pups more scary than you!" She paused a moment, her beady eyes assessing me. "You're nothing but a boy! My grandson's three times the man you think you are!" She paused again, but apparently in thought. "Of course, he would be. If I had one."
I felt my old anger flare up within me. I am to be mocked by a decrepit hag? This was how I was to reclaim my honor? By taking abuse from this mad witch?
"Why are you here?" I asked quietly, letting my voice slip into the cold flow. I thought of my last ride as the Blue Spirit.
The hag hardly seemed impressed, let alone frightened. "You don't even know that? The question should be what in Ruko's name you're doing here!"
"Why are you here?" I repeated, not acknowledging the remark.
"If they were going to bother to drag me in here," she ranted on, gesturing awkwardly with her earth-bound hands, "They should've at least gotten someone who's not a completely useless fool!"
And suddenly I was gone. I wasn't in that room with the hag, I wasn't even in the Earth Kingdom anymore. I was at home; I was in the palace of the Fire Nation and Father was there…
"Azula, you see, was born lucky. Whereas you were lucky to be born!"…
…"How could I leave you to take the throne? You're hardly worth the ground you stand on!"…
…"You are hereby banished…"…
I heard myself yell, I am sure. And I knew that I had leapt across the table while conjuring a fireball in my left hand. Yet somehow I didn't understand how I had ended up grabbing the neck of the hag and brandishing my flame before her face. Her confidence and madness had evaporated. Now she only shrank away from the heat of my flame as much as she could.
"Let me explain exactly what will happen here," I said, by voice a cold river. "I will ask you questions. You will answer them. You are not here to speak, unless you are spoken to. If you break this arrangement…" I threatened the fire closer and she flinched. "There will be consequences." I pulled my fireball-consumed hand away ever so slightly. "Do you understand?"
She risked the slightest nod. "Yes," she choked, her voice quavering, "Please, please don't…"
And then I caught my reflection in one of the lanterns.
I saw myself, towering over and threatening a cowering old woman with malice marring my features.
What in Ruko's name was I doing?
I released the old woman and backed away as I extinguished my hand. I stared at my hands and then back at my reflection in the lantern. For a moment, I thought I saw my father in the glass in my stead. I turned back at the old woman who seemed hardly aware that I had gone away from her. She still had her eyes closed in terror and I could see her shaking.
I felt a shame that I had never known before. It bore into me and seemed to infest me like a disease. What I was doing…it was monstrous.
Guilty and awkward now, I backed away to a corner of the room, unsure what to do with myself now. I glanced at the door. The Dai Li agent might have heard, or perhaps not. Since I could hear nothing but the old woman whimpering at there was no other sign of commotion from outside, I assumed that if he heard, he didn't care what was happening in here. And for that, a part of me wanted to kill him.
I turned back to the old woman. I couldn't leave this. Azula had given me a task. I had already gone too far to turn back.
I sat in the chair across the table, but averted my eyes from the old woman. She did not speak. Apparently, my threats had gotten through to her. And yet, I didn't want to ask her any more. Any interrogation now seemed pointless to me.
"My name is Zuko," I said quietly. I didn't know why I was speaking. But, though I spoke very slowly and very clearly, my words seemed to me to be tumbling out of my mouth like an avalanche. "I was once the Prince of the Fire Nation. My mother died to save me from my own murderous family. My father finds me a great disappointment. He gave me this…"
I touched my scar ever so gingerly, as though I thought it would begin to hurt me like when it had been fresh. I glanced to the old woman. She had stopped cowering, and was now peering at me with a mixture of suspicion and perplexity. I understood. I myself didn't know what I was doing. And yet, I continued.
"Then I was banished. I've been trying to reclaim my honor ever since. I've recently betrayed the only person in this world I thought I could trust. And in turn, I was the only one he trusted. Yet I don't regret what I have done."
I paused and looked to the old woman. For some reason, I asked her something and silently prayed for an answer. It didn't matter what the answer was, simply the existence of one would suffice.
"Am I damned?"
The old woman gazed at me. She did not stare and her face was not blank. In fact, suddenly all madness, terror, and otherwise weakness seemed to be gone. Her hunched back suddenly seemed straight, her face clear, her hair smoothed. I noted the transformation, yet I wondered if I was imagining it. It wasn't possible, after all.
She seemed to think for a moment, yet I had the strange feeling that she was purposely making me wait for a reply.
Finally she spoke, and though her voice was still raspy, it no longed screeched.
"Do you truly wish to know? Or do you want to answer for yourself?"
I thought. And before I could even come up with an answer, the door opened. Surprised, I looked to see the Dai Li guard standing there with a pair of Earth Kingdom soldiers. He seemed to be content that he was doing his job, yet was obviously confused at the…cleanliness of the room.
"Forgive me, Prince Zuko," he addressed, adding with a cautious smile, "But there are schedules to be kept. Princess Azula is being very strict with timing." He turned to the old woman. "Phuong Mizaki, you are to accompany these men."
"My surname isn't Mizaki!" I heard her snap. It was claws on glass again.
I turned and saw her as hideous as she'd been when I'd first arrived. I blinked and decided that what I'd seen had been a trick of the light.
The Dai Li guard rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Come on."
The old woman stood obediently anyway, walking past me without even a glance and the soldiers quickly took hold of her. I thought they were being rather aggressive to be apprehending a deformed old woman.
As they began to take her down the corridor, I exited the room and watched the leave. I saw her turn back to me once, looking me in the eye.
And in that moment, I knew I would never see her again.
I turned my back on the scene and headed back to the main entrance of the cells. I felt strange; unfocussed. I decided that I'd had enough of Azula's chore. Walking past the blank doors, again I wondered if Uncle was behind one of these doors. What was he thinking about, right now, in his small dark cell? Was he badly injured from his capture?
I steeled myself. To worry about Uncle now was only to further injure myself. I'd made my move, now I had to accept it and continue on.
I turned a corner, set on heading to the world above. I thought I heard a door open, and maybe a shout. I couldn't quite tell.
And then the world collapsed.
to be continued...