Dance With Me

Description: As a college freshman, Sora faces a choice: the brotherly bond he has formed with his roommate or the possibility of love with a sophomore who loves to dance. AU, Amazing Grace crossover. SoraxRiku, LeonxCloud, ChristianxJustin, J'nelxIrene.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all the Final Fantasy games belong to Square-Enix. Amazing Grace and its characters belong to me as do the entire N'Darie race, their culture, and their language. If you would like to use my characters, by all means do so! Just read the book first. :)

Warnings: I'm only putting these down once, so read them now. This fic is rated T for language, yaoi (male/male relationships), and talk of suicide. If you shouldn't be here, go now.

One: Rights and Lefts

Rights and Lefts: An eight-bar figure for two couples.
1-2: Cross the set with your partner by the right hand.
3-4: Cross up and down the set with your neighbor by the left hand.
5-6: Cross again with your partner by the right hand.
7-8: Cross again with your neighbor by the left hand. Couples end in original places.

I never knew that college would be so complicated. Sure, I knew about the insane number of fabulously interesting courses that would be available to me, and I knew I wouldn't know how to even begin picking just four or five a semester. And yeah, I expected to be overwhelmed by the beauty of the place having lived most of my life in a city that didn't have very many trees much less a rose garden and an outdoor amphitheater. And okay, I thought I might have trouble fitting in a bit although that was mostly leftover anxieties from high school where I didn't fit in at all. But I never thought I would have so much concern for my roommate in just one week.

Don't get me wrong. Justin isn't loud or obnoxious or messy. He doesn't smoke or drink, and I haven't been sexiled and I don't expect to be. It's just the opposite actually. He's so quiet and introverted and just … never there. Mentally. He's always there physically. The guy never goes out except for meals. Okay, it's just freshman orientation, but still, there are things to do, people to meet, and Justin doesn't want to do any of that. He just wants to sit in our room and either read or play music.

I'm really getting worried. I have this terrible foreboding whenever I'm with him. I don't want a single that badly.

And because I'm so worried, I've been spending more and more time in our room with him instead of going out with my new friends. Now why, Sora, you ask, would you be so overly concerned for a guy you just met? I don't know. I guess I'm naturally sensitive and sympathetic. I was the guy everyone came to with their problems back in high school. And I mean everyone. Oh, I didn't have many friends, like I said, but that didn't stop people from seeking me out for advice or a shoulder to cry on. And I cared about them all because that's the way I am. I guess.

So anyway, it was the day that the rest of the college came back, and I was lying on my bed with my hands behind my head and my eyes shut. Outside the room, I could hear the thumps and bumps of upperclassmen moving into their rooms and the talk of old friends getting back together. Inside the room there was nothing but music. Truly amazingly beautiful music courtesy of Justin. Oh yeah, when I said he likes to play music, I didn't mean on his stereo. I meant live music on his violin. And he is good.

Only after the final notes had completely died away into the silence of our room did I open my eyes and look at him. "That was really beautiful," I told him. "What's it called? Who wrote it?"

He rested the instrument in his lap with a soft sigh. His eyes did not meet mine - they rarely did - but he smiled slightly. Whoa. Justin smiling? That was a rare sight.

"I wrote it," he answered me in his quiet voice. "It's called 'Kerri', after my sister."

Surprised, I sat up straight on the bed. "Really? You wrote that?" I asked in admiration. When he nodded, I gushed, "It was fantastic. I loved it! And you named it after your sister? Older or younger?" This was the first time he had even mentioned any member of his family, and believe me, I had tried to get it out of him many times before.

"Younger."

"She must be really flattered."

He sighed again and turned in his seat on his bed to look out the window. His voice even quieter than before, he said, "She doesn't know."

"She doesn't? Why not? Haven't you - ?"

"Sora! Jay! You two in here?"

I turned just as Irene appeared in the doorway, a smile on her face like always. I smiled back. I couldn't help it. She just had that effect on people. Well, on everyone except Justin, that is. Her joyful personality hadn't been able to crack through his walls of solitude and misery, but she was trying. She was my secret partner in Operation: Get Justin the Heck Out of His Shell.

Her sparkling black eyes found mine, and she said, "I'm just about to head down to dinner. You two want to come?"

"I'd love to. Justin?" I turned to him expectantly, but he just shook his head.

"I'm not hungry."

Irene shook her head at him, her black waist-length hair fanning out behind her. "Jay," she scolded with a pout, "you shouldn't be skipping meals." Man, she was pretty. Even when she was pouting. If I were interested in girls, I so would have asked her out by now.

Another smile graced Justin's pale face, but this one was fake. I could tell. "Guess I'm afraid of the Freshman Fifteen."

"You're gonna get the Freshman Negative Fifty if you don't eat." Sighing, she appealed to me, "Sora, do something with him, will you?"

"What do you want me to do? Tickle him?"

"If it will help, yes."

"Okay, okay," Justin cut in, raising a hand weakly in surrender. "I'll come. But give me a few minutes, okay Irene?" He shifted his eyes to her briefly; they were blue like mine, but a lighter, softer shade.

"Fine," she conceded. "But you'd better keep that promise, or …" She thought a moment for an appropriate threat. I could tell the second she found one; her eyes got all bright and scary-like. "Or I'll sic Selphie on you."

Both of us snapped our heads to her with expressions that screamed something along the lines of "Oh God, please no, anything but that!" She laughed at us and, with a final wave, walked off to dinner.

I turned my body and my attention back to Justin, but he had given himself to his violin again, absently plucking the strings. I swear he kept his soul in that thing. "Jay," I said, using Irene's nickname for him, "I'm getting really hungry. I'll wait for you, but don't take too long, okay?" Without waiting for a reply, I stood up and wandered over to my bookshelf to find something to read to pass the time.

"Sora."

I looked back to him, my eyes widening in surprise. Was he starting a conversation with me? "Yeah?"

His eyes had found mine, and my heart ached at the amount of sadness in them. What is in your heart, Justin? Why are you so unhappy?

"Can you … ? I need …" He faltered, but I waited patiently for him to find the words. "Why should I go?" he finally settled on.

"Why go down to dinner?" I clarified. After he nodded, I said, "Well, apart from the obvious fact that your body needs nourishment to function, I think you should go to hang out with us. You know, your new friends?" He looked away, unsatisfied with my answer, but I pressed on. "And we may make some more tonight. You never know. Maybe you'll meet a girl or something."

That got his attention, but not in a good way. His whole body seemed to wilt as he murmured, "No. No more girlfriends. I don't want to go through that anymore."

More new information. I crossed the room to sit down on my bed again and face him. For a long moment, I sifted through ways to get him to elaborate but without seeming pushy while doing so. Finally, I asked, "Did you have a lot of girlfriends before?"

He ran a hand through his short white-blond hair. "Dozens," he whispered.

"Dozens? Plural?"

He nodded. "They all wanted to 'fix' me. Each one was going to be the one to take my sadness away for good." He shook his head slightly. "It never lasted long."

I blew a breath of air out with full cheeks. "Yeah," I thought out loud, "I can totally see that happening. So many girls have that maternal thing going. They see a guy with problems and they want to make it all better, with milk and cookies to boot." Justin smiled at that. Twice in one day! Go me! "And you being so good-looking doesn't help things either."

His eyes finally tore themselves from the floor to stare into mine. "Good-looking?"

I grinned at him. "What? You don't think so? You've got that awesome platinum hair that brings out your eyes, and your face is just perfect. Like a classical hero or something. Adonis. Or Orpheus! Yeah, Orpheus and his violin." I grinned some more, pleased by my own analogy.

Justin was blinking at me. A small, forced smile worked its way into his lips. "The way you say that, Sora, I might almost think you were … gay." He had noticeable trouble getting out the last word.

And you'd be right, I thought. But what I said was "And what if I am?"

Horror filled his entire face. Terrible, soul-crushing horror. It was the most emotion I had seen in him yet other than sadness. I think I preferred the sadness.

His words poured from his mouth in a rush. "If you were, I'd have to request an immediate room change. Homosexuality is a sin, Sora. A sin! It's a completely indecent and immoral act. A disgusting practice. An affront to God. A -"

"Okay, okay, I was just kidding, I swear!" I cut him off with raised palms and as much assurance in my voice as I could. Mentally, I smacked myself. Justin was Catholic. Seriously Catholic. He had hung a fricking cross over his desk and placed a Madonna next to his bed for Heaven's sake.

Note to self: never let Justin know you're gay.

"So," I tried after a long awkward silence, "dinner?" He looked at me for several minutes more, probably trying to see if there were demons in my eyes or something. But then he nodded, much to my inner relief, and together we left our room to join Irene at dinner.