HELLO! and sorry for the wait... I don't even want to know how long its been... my partner in crime has abandoned me (i think) for the summer...(sigh) anyway, i have brought you a brand spanking new act!! i know season 3 was a long time ago, but remember replicators and city flies away! okay, and on with the show!
atlantian - man, i loved your review! of course the reviewers are why we have six acts... and we'd defend ourselves with keyboards and the like! thanks!
fififolle - oh yes, SIX acts! the characters hate me right now... and i'm glad you enjoyed the last act! it was fun to write!
highonstargate - hello, you're new to me! welcome to madness!! as you see, many of my updates are super late, but i hope you stick with it!
Athena's Owl - lol, maybe some day we will have a christmas special! (when i get back on track...) hope to see ya soon!!
sparklyshimmer2010 - ah, so u and eri are one and the same! sweet! i'm glad you enjoyed it even tho you dont know many of the songs...
Thanks to you all! I blame my lack of writing on college prep and such... getting ready to go to college is SUCH a hassle!! i hate it. but this makes me feel a little better!! And now, drum roll please! (drum roll) Act 5!
Act 5
Still shocked from the end of Act 4 and the Broadway singing Ancients, AT-1 is still standing around star-struck.
Sheppard: What the--?
McKay: Yep… that was damn weird.
Ronon and Teyla are slack-jawed. Their image of the Ancestors has just been ruined.
Teyla: Wha… what?!
Ronon: Since when do the Ancestors sing?
Sheppard: Apparently since when Zero took over… like 10,000 years ago.
McKay: Oy.
Beckett: HELLO!
Everyone jumps.
McKay: What?
Beckett: I need some help here; I think I got an exploding tumor.
Sheppard and McKay: An exploding what?
Beckett: TUMOR!
AT-1 starts to chuckle.
Ronon: That's possibly one of the funniest things I've heard all day. Can I see it?
He runs off to poke at the tumor… so does Teyla who is intrigued.
McKay: That's great! An exploding tumor! I love it!
Sheppard: I know!!
Suddenly we hear an explosion.
Beckett: Damn it!
Ghost Beckett floats to McKay and Sheppard. Teyla and Ronon come back too, looking a little charred.
Sheppard: Hey doc, I can see right through ya.
Ghost Beckett, dryly: You don't say?
McKay, taking in the situation: What happened to you guys?
Beckett: Ronon poked the tumor.
Ronon: It went BOOM!
Sheppard, also dryly: No kidding.
McKay: There's a reason he said it was an exploding tumor. You're not supposed to poke it!
Teyla: It was cool though.
McKay sighs.
Ghost Beckett: Well, I gotta float on. See you all later!
He waves and everyone waves back.
Nightpheonix, waving serenely: God, I'll miss him.
Seanait: He comes back…
Nightpheonix: I know, but I'll still miss him.
Seanait: I know.
Sheppard: AH! Where'd you two come from?
Seanait and Nightpheonix: Thin air.
McKay: Oh, don't start that again!
The writers grin and Rodney gulps.
Sheppard: Soo… what's the theme for this act?
The writers look at each other confused.
Seanait: Umm…
Nightpheonix: Yeah…
McKay: You forgot, didn't you!
Seanait: Yeah sort of…
Nightpheonix: Yeah… definitely.
Seanait, agreeing: Yeah, definitely forgot.
AT-1: Come on!
Seanait, shrugs: Guess you'll just have to make it up as you go along!
Nightpheonix: You guys are good at it… and so are we!
They grin again.
Nightpheonix: The only restraints are that Beckett's dead…
Beckett's voice: Am not!
NP, looking annoyed: Beckett's dead…
Beckett's voice: I'm gettin' better!
We hear a muted thud in the heavens and a slight chuckle.
NP: Beckett's dead, the Replicators are gonna attack, and the city's gonna fly away.
Seanait: This all has to happen in the next two acts – this one and the next one. Oh yeah… and Rodney might croak.
McKay: MIGHT!?
Ronon: Cool.
McKay, raging: NO! NOT cool! I'm gonna die!!
Seanait: QUIET!
Everyone goes silent.
Seanait: I said might die, emphasis on the "might."
McKay starts to protest, but Sheppard clamps a hand over his mouth.
Nightpheonix: Man, your lives sound pretty crummy right now.
Seanait, looking mildly surprised: Yeah, it kinda does suck.
Both writers: Good luck!
They slip back into thin air.
McKay: This stinks.
He sulks. The team exchange secret smiles.
Sheppard: Oh, McKaaa-aaay…
McKay, through gritted teeth: What?
Sheppard begins to sing sweetly: The sun will come out… tomorrow…
McKay: No! NO!
Sheppard: Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow, there'll be sun…
McKay: Stop! Anything but that!
Sheppard: Jus' thinkin' about, tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow,
'Til there's none.
McKay: LALALALALA! I can't hear youuuuuu!
Weir steps up and joins Sheppard, putting in her own solo.
Weir: When I'm stuck with the day that's gray and lonely
I just stick out my chin and grin and say, ohhh…
Sheppard and Weir: The sun will come out, tomorrow
So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow
Come what may...
Sheppard, in an incredibly high little girl voice: Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ya, tomorrow!
You're always a day away!
Rodney takes his fingers out of his ears and stares strangely at the colonel.
McKay: Jesus, that was high! Are you sure you're not a eunuch?
Sheppard responds by taking a lemon out of his jacket pocket, pegging it at McKay, who runs offstage screaming in a little girl voice to surpass Sheppard's. John and Elizabeth continue, now accompanied by Ronon and Teyla.
Sheppard, Weir, Ronon, and Teyla: The sun will come out, tomorrow
So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow
Come what maaaaaaaaay...
The entire cast (excepting McKay) steps out onstage and joins in a massive, Broadway-style finale.
All: Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ya, tomorrow!
You're always a day away.
Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ya, tomorrow!
You're always a daaaaaay…
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
The audience erupts. There's a standing ovation given and the crew, except McKay, bows, beaming triumphantly. They've successfully pissed off McKay.
Sheppard: That was fun!
Teyla: Most breathtaking!
Ronon: And very satisfying.
Weir: No, deeply satisfying. Now, where's McKay?
The audience settles down.
Audience member: I think he went that way!
The team trots in the direction of the audience member's finger and they goes through several new backdrops.
Sheppard: Wow, these are new.
Weir: McKay must be deep in the bowels of Atlantis.
They come across a secret lab and before they can open the door, a blue light flashes inside.
The door opens with a sigh and Zelenka strolls out, rolling his eyes.
Zelenka: Oh, hello Doctor Weir.
Weir: What on Atlantis just happened in there?
Zelenka: Well, McKay zapped himself… again. Dumb fool. What else is new?
Zelenka starts to go off into what exactly went wrong in their calculations and how Rodney just pressed a button. Suddenly, Zelenka lets out an abrupt sound.
Zelenka: Meep!
He covers his mouth.
Seanait's voice: Remember, you lost your part Zelenka!
NP's voice: You don't know any of this!
Both writers: Now behave!
Zelenka, sighing: I don't know what happened; he just blew himself up again…
Zelenka walks off, swearing in Czech. He gets zapped by a lightning bolt and he takes off running.
Sheppard, thoughtfully: Never piss off the writers.
The team: Amen.
AT-1 and Weir go through the door to find Rodney on the ground, on his back. He looks a little crispy.
McKay: I'm good. I'm OK.
Ronon: Uh huh… that's why you're on your back, right?
McKay: Right.
Sheppard and Ronon help McKay up.
Teyla: How do you feel?
McKay flexes some joints.
McKay: Not half bad actually.
Sheppard: "Not half bad"?
McKay glares at him.
McKay: Actually I feel great! I feel like I could fly!
Teyla: Umm… Rodney?
McKay: Yes?
Ronon: Why are you taller than me?
McKay: I… what?
He is floating.
McKay: AHH!
He crashes to the ground.
Sheppard and McKay: WHOA!
Weir: That was very cool, but don't you see this as a bit of a problem?
McKay: Uh… nope.
Sheppard: Are you serious?
McKay, floating again: Yup.
Teyla, disbelieving: You… the hypochondriac.
McKay, gleefully: I know!
Ronon pulls him out of the air.
Ronon: Stop that.
McKay: Sorry.
Sheppard: No you're not.
McKay: Would you be?
Silence.
Sheppard: No…
They start walking back through all the backdrops up to Weir's office.
McKay: I kinda feel all-powerful.
Weir: Now don't get deluded.
Ronon: It's too late for that. He might not be able to fit his head through your office door.
Weir, muttering: I know.
Teyla: Why McKay of all people?
Ronon: Why? You jealous?
Teyla: Maybe, but that's not the point. Why McKay? He's insufferable!
Sheppard: And this is different… how?
Rodney is happily bouncing from floor to ceiling in Weir's office.
Teyla: Good point, but this is worse!
Sheppard: Touché.
Ronon and Teyla: Huh?
Sheppard: It's French for "point" and it basically means "good point."
Ronon: So why didn't you just say that?
Sheppard glares at Ronon as he smiles innocently.
Weir: ANYway!
Team: Sorry.
McKay reaches for his laptop and it comes sliding over to him. He stares.
McKay: Whoa.
Sheppard: Yeah…!
Weir, thinking: If we could only get started. I kinda want to know what's inflated Rodney's ego… and what's making him fly.
McKay: Sorry, 'Lizbeth… go ahead.
She stares at him.
Weir: I didn't say anything.
McKay, confused: Yes you did, you just said that you'd like to get on with the conversation.
Ronon: No she didn't.
Teyla: I concur.
Sheppard: She definitely didn't.
Weir: Can you read my thoughts?
McKay, weirded out: Did she just say something?
Teyla, Ronon, and Sheppard: Nope.
McKay: WHOA!
Weir: You can read minds too… interesting.
Sheppard: That's cool!
McKay: This is so cool! I feel like going into song!
Weir: What? You can sing now too?
McKay sticks his tongue out at her. A faint drum starts in and Sheppard sighs reluctantly.
Sheppard: I shall impersonate a man.
Come, enter into my imagination and see him!
Chubby, hollow-faced, eyes that burn with the fire of inner ego.
He conceives the strangest project ever imagined...
To become a physicist
And sally forth into Atlantis righting all wrongs.
His name: Rodney McKay of Atlantis!
McKay, all stoic: Hear me now,
Oh thou bleak and insufferable world,
Thou art dumb and debauched as can be;
And a doc with his banners all bravely unfurled
Now hurls down his orders to thee!
I am I, Doctor McKay,
The Lord of Atlantis,
My destiny calls and I go,
And the wild winds of science
Will carry me onward,
Oh whithersoever they blow.
Whithersoever they blow,
Onward to glory I go!
Ronon, whispers: Please tell me McKay did not say "withersoever."
Teyla: Oh… he did.
Ronon face-palms.
Kavanaugh: I'm Kavanaugh! Yes, I'm Kavanaugh!
I'll make my own way until the end.
I'll tell all the world proudly
He is stupid! I hate him!
McKay, shoving Kavanaugh back: Hear me, Ancients and Wraith
And serpents of sin!
All your dastardly doings are past;
For an awesome exper'ment is now to begin
And McKay shall triumph at last!
Weir, quietly: "Dastardly"?
Sheppard: He is having waaay too much fun with this!
Suddenly, McKay and Kavanaugh begin a musical struggle – they are both singing at the same time… almost in counterpoint. The team watches in fear.
McKay: I am I, Doctor McKay,
The Lord of Atlantis,
My destiny calls and I go,
And the wild winds of science
Shall carry me onward,
Oh whithersoever they blow!
Kavanaugh: I'm Kavanaugh! Yes, I'm Kavanaugh!
I'll make my own until the end.
I'll tell all the world proudly
McKay is stupid! I hate him!
McKay and Kavanaugh: Whithersoever they blow,
Onward to glory I go!
Sheppard, quietly: Oy… talk about ego! McKay as Don Quixote...!
Weir: Feel that testosterone flowing!
McKay and Kavanaugh open up into a fist fight.
McKay: I can totally kick your ass in spatial physics!
Kavanaugh: Oh yeah? Well that can't compare to my specialty in string theory!
McKay, snorts: You call that a specialty? My three year old cousin can "specialize" in 'string theory' better than you! Especially since its called "M Theory" now!
Kavanaugh lets loose a gay gasp and McKay throws a right hook. Teyla steps in quickly and raps them both on the head with her sticks.
McKay: Ow! What was that for?
Teyla: Swearing.
She hits Kavanaugh twice more.
Kavanaugh: Watch it girl!
Teyla: And that was for threatening to blow the place up AND coming back to life!
Ronon steps up to Kavanaugh menacingly and Kavanaugh faints.
Weir: Finally! Someone dispose of him, would ya?
The audience cheers quickly.
Zelenka comes barreling into Weir's office.
Zelenka: Doctor Weir, I have—what happened?
Weir: Rodney sang, Kavanaugh reappeared and sang, they got into a fist fight, Teyla smacked them both over the head, and Kavanaugh fainted. We're removing him now.
Zelenka: Oh.
Sheppard: So, what was the news?
Zelenka: OH! Um, I… we need your help. We think Rodney may be dying!
AT-1: WOOHOO!
McKay: Hey! Stop that!
Chuck the gate tech: Hey, the Replicators are coming.
All: WHAT!?
Sheppard, glaring skyward: That's not supposed to happen!
Poof.
Seanait: Yeah, well, you were taking too long.
NP: Besides, this makes it more interesting! Two crises! Or is it crisises?
Seanait: Maybe it's crisi!
NP: Not that again!
They disappear into thin air.
McKay: Man, I feel like crap.
Manila whizzes by and bops McKay on the head.
Manila: You swearer!
She zooms off.
Everyone kinda stares in silence. What the heck was going on here?!
Chuck coughs.
Chuck: So… the Replicators are coming…
Zelenka: And Rodney… I mean, Dr. McKay… is dying.
Sheppard: Wow. This sucks.
Weir: How so?
Sheppard: Well, the Replicators are coming, which sucks all on its own and we'll probably need McKay to help fix the problem, but he's dying.
McKay, very pale: Yup…
He drops to the ground.
Sheppard: Great! Zelenka, what's wrong with him?
Zelenka goes to open his mouth, but nothing comes out. He lost his part.
Zelenka, sulking: I can't help you…
Sheppard appeals to the authors.
Sheppard: Come on! We kinda need help on this one! Zelenka's the only one that knows what's going on!
Authors: Nope.
Weir: Please?
Authors: Nope.
Seanait, thoughtfully: You know…
Nightpheonix: Yes…?
Chuck: Um, Replicators are attacking.
Authors: Don't interrupt!
Seanait: We're having a thoughtful conversation!
Chuck scampers off.
NP: Anyway, yes…?
Seanait: Zelenka could play Charades… that might be pretty funny.
NP: Yes, that would be ok.
The Authors: Go!
Zelenka signs for one word.
AT-1 and Weir: One word.
Zelenka signs for six letters.
Team: Six letters.
Zelenka wiggles his fingers, palms down, while lifting his hand up.
Weir: Jellyfish!
Ronon: Wraith wisp!
Teyla: Ghost!
Sheppard: Yo-yo!
McKay: Ascend…
Zelenka points and nods fervently at McKay.
McKay: I have to ascend… wait, you've got to be kidding me!
Zelenka: Nope.
McKay: Great… oh by the way, while you were all guessing stuff, I created a new math.
BOOM!
Weir: What was that?!
Chuck: Replicators!!
They all run to the Control Room. McKay collapses on the way over.
Sheppard and Teyla go back for him.
Ronon: Leave him! He's gotta ascend by himself!
Sheppard: He's dead…
They run to the Control Room.
The Authors: Get Weir away from the windows!!
AT-1: Why?
Authors: Spoilers! Can't tell you!
Weir has gone to look at the giant laser.
Weir: Ooh… pretty!
Sheppard: The shield's up then because we haven't been decimated yet.
McKay, weakly: You know decimated means 'reduced by 1/10'.
AT-1, with varying degrees of excitedness: You're alive!
McKay, smiling: The Ancients didn't want me.
Zero: We didn't want his sorry ass.
Sheppard: Good, because we need it.
Zero disappears.
McKay: What's with the giant laser?
Teyla: Replicators.
McKay: Okay… what's Weir doing over by the window?
Ronon: She thinks it's pretty.
McKay, quietly: Oh…
Sheppard: Yeah.
Teyla goes over to talk to Weir while the "menfolk" straighten things out.
Teyla: It seems no-one knows the ways of a gentleman anymore, does it not?
Weir: Very true.
She sighs.
Weir: I bet Rodney does though!
Teyla: Dr. McKay?
Weir: Sure!
They seek him out.
Weir: Here, Rodney, have you seen the way the 'quality gentlemen' treat their ladies?
McKay, indignantly: Of course, I have!
Weir: Shall we show 'em how it's done?
McKay: Umm… okay…
Sheppard: Oh, come on, Rodney; give us a free show on the stage!
Weir: All right, all right, 'ow does it go now, Rodney? It's all bowin' and 'ats off and…
McKay: And "don't let your coat dangle in the mud."
Weir: And I'll go last.
McKay: No, no, I'll go last.
Weir, raising her voice: I'll go last.
McKay whimpers.
McKay: I'd do anything,
For you, Weir, anything,
For you mean ev'rything to me.
I know that
I'd go anywhere,
On your orders, anywhere,
For your orders, ev'rywhere I'd see.
Weir: Would you climb a hill?
McKay: Most any day!
Weir: Wear a daffodil?
McKay: Anything!
Weir: Leave me all your will?
McKay: Anything!
Weir: Even fight my Simon?
McKay: What? Hand to hand?
I'd risk ev'rything,
For one kiss -- ev'rything.
Sheppard to Ronon: Did he really just say that?
Ronon: I really hope not.
McKay: Yes, I'd do anything!
Weir: Anything?
McKay: Anything for you!
Weir: Ronon, you do everything you saw 'im do, and I'll tell you all the words you don't know, alright?
Ronon growls and Sheppard laughs.
Sheppard: Oh go on… go impress Teyla.
Ronon: I'd do anything
Weir, spoken: For you, dear,
Ronon: For you, Teyla, anything
Weir, spoken: For you mean…
Ronon: For you mean everything to me.
I know that
I'd go anywhere,
For your smile, anywhere,
For your charms ev'rywhere I'd see
Teyla: Would you lace my shoe?
Ronon: Anything!
Teyla: Paint a Wraith bright blue?
Ronon, sighs: Anything!
Teyla: Catch a kangaroo?
Ronon, puzzled: Umm… anything!
Teyla: Go to Olesia?
Ronon: And back again!
I'd risk ev'rything
For one kiss -- ev'rything --
Yes, I'd do anything
Teyla: Anything?
Ronon: Anything for you!
They all dance back and forth. Sheppard gets up and starts to dance with Chuck. They happily cavort around.
McKay: Come on, Elizabeth!
Weir: Would you help a cop?
All: Anytime!
Weir: Would you risk the drop?
All: Anything!
Weir: Though your eyes go "pop"?
All: Anything!
McKay: Umm maybe!
Weir: When you come down plop?
All: Hang ev'rything!
We'd risk life and limb
To keep Atlantis in the swim.
Yes, we'd do anything!
Weir: Anything?
All: Anything for you!
Chuck, hushed to Sheppard: Is she drunk… again?
Sheppard: I'm afraid so. She seems… a bit woozy again.
Chuck: Hmm…
A computer beeps… and Chuck miraculously hears it through the crowd's applause.
Chuck: Umm, sorry, but power levels are dropping. We ain't gonna last the night.
Weir: Crud, what do we do?
McKay, shrugging: I don't know… end the act?
Stage manager, offstage: Great idea!
The curtain comes flying down.
Thud!
McKay, moaning: Oww…
and that my friends is the end of act 5! with a little Oliver to end the act! one more act left and then Season 4! hope you enjoyed it! Act 6 should be out by the beginning of Season 5 (WOOHOO!!) Until then, toodle-oo!