this is my attempt at a condensed RENT kind of thing. it probably sucks...but whatevs.
In the loft...
Mark: Hi, I'm Mark and he's Roger. We live in a crappy little place that I'm going to talk about for a while. Electrical appliances, posters, pretty damn hot trash can…okay, I'm done! Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas, yadda yadda yadda. Roger, smile while I push a camera in your face and rub in the fact that you suck as a songwriter!
Roger: Fuck off.
Mark's Mom: Mark, I am one of those moms people have nightmares about. Call me or I'll send those baby pictures of you to my entire address book. Your girlfriend dumped you for a woman. Bye!
Mark: at Roger Ha, you suck!
Roger: Fuck off.
Collins: Hi. Too busy getting mugged to talk.
Mark: …the fuck? Anyway, Roger, you still suck!
Roger: Fuck o—
Benny: Pay me, bitches.
Mark: To quote Roger: fuck off, Benny.
Benny: Yeah, whatever. How's the whole devirginization-with-Maureen plan going? You two still an item?
Mark: No. Go die.
Roger: Maureen's a lesbian now. Fuck off.
Benny: Ha, that's really amusing, although considering she was with you, Mark, it's not surprising. After all, a girl can only take so much of her boyfriend lusting after Roger.
Mark: You motherfu—
Benny: Gotta go. Coffin out!
Roger: (plays theme from ancient opera that no one in their right mind should know)
Power: (blows)
Mark: Shit.
Company: LALALALALALALA-RENT-LALALALA-BLOODCELLS-LALALALALA-FABRIC-LALALA
Maureen's equipment: (dies)
Joanne: Ooooooh shit...
On the street…
Collins: Wow, being beaten until you start coughing blood sort of sucks. Guess I'll smoke a little. (starts to light joint)
Angel: Yoohoo! Watch me prance in the seriously kick-ass sparkle jeans!
Collins: (drops joint and stares) Holy mother of Jesus…
Angel: Hey, hon. Come on, you're rather hot so I'll take you home, feed you, care for you, give you clothes and some amazing sex if you're nice…
Collins: (drools)…wha?
Angel: We'll work on articulateness later. Come on! (drags Collins off)
Back at the loft…
Mark: Rog, I'm going to go stare at Maureen's ass for a bit. Want to come?
Roger: Fuck off.
Mark: Suit yourself. Save that ancient coffee for me; Benny turned off our water and I think I'm going to need a cold shower. That'll have to do...(exits)
Roger: (bangs head against wall) Angst, angst, angst…
Mimi: knocks Anybody here? Don't matter, I'm coming in. Light my candle, you.
Roger: Fuck o—no, wait! That's the first ass I've seen that doesn't remind me of "The Dark Side of the Moon." Come back!
Mimi: (eyes Roger) Did I say light my candle, you? I meant light my candle, you gorgeous hunk of man candy…(waves bottom suggestively)
Roger: (lights candle, at the same time coming dangerously close to dropping the match and giving Mimi third-degree burns because he's staring the Mini-Grand Canyon that is her cleavage) Wait, AIDS coming to mind. Fuck off.
Mimi: Shit, I dropped my smack. Where is it? (gets down on hands and knees)
Roger: (stuffs hands in mouth to keep self from grabbing Mimi's butt)
Mimi: Oh, where is it? Please help me, mister…
Roger: Mmmf.
Mimi: Ahh, it's in your pocket. (grabs it) Thanks, sweet cheeks! (exits)
Roger: Holy shit, I need a cold shower. But Benny shut off our water…hmm…(uses three-day-old coffee) Ah, that's better. Mark'll have to deal.
dear god, i scare myself. oh well. review? between a couple other stories, i might not be able to update much, however, reviews might convince me otherwise.