DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to DC Comics. I just fantasize about them.
CONTINUITY: Oy. Um...it's early Teen Titans vol. 3, I guess.
NOTES: Fanfic100 #47, Heart and Psych30 #11, Castration Anxiety. This was inspired by someone else's fic, but I can't tell you whose until the end. Also, there are two endings to this story, because I couldn't make up my mind.
Tim stared at the teenager backing away from him. "Uh, Kon? Is something wrong?"
Kon swallowed several times and bumped into the door. "I've just gotta go...uh...shine the Tower's aerials." With a burst of superspeed, he opened the door and took off. "See ya!" he hollered over his shoulder.
Tim frowned. That, he thought with remarkable restraint, was odd.
Fortunately the Tower was quiet and most of the team was conducting routine maintenance. (Nobody asked Tim what he was doing. He had them well trained.)
The life of a Teen Titan being what it was, Tim first set out to eliminate the most obvious possibilities:
Tim pulled up feeds from all the cameras and watched Kon's interactions with the team since his arrival that morning.
"Whoa," Kon said to Cassie, "it is so not my turn to patrol the East Side. I did it last week and it's boring. I'm going to do the Alcatraz flyover, 'cause it's my turn."
That took care of Kon losing his memory.
Two hours later, first patrols done, Kon proceeded to lose at Vice City to Bart for the 85th consecutive time. Okay, Tim thought, so Kon probably hadn't been switched into someone else's body. Nobody else could lose that game so badly, even playing against Bart.
As the feeds ran in the background, Tim went deep into the sensor logs, cross-referencing with the Towers sophisticated anti-intruder systems. Everything he could access said that Kon was the same half-Kryptonian clone he'd always been. Even the brainwave sensors showed his patterns to be the same. There was no evidence of any alien (that is, non-Kryptonian or human) influence.
Obvious possibilities resolved, Tim heaved a deep breath and went on to a more difficult portion of the plan: talking to his teammates.
Bart was most likely to know what was going on, so Tim tracked him down in the basement, where he was rearranging the storeroom into some kind of pattern that would probably only make sense to him.
"Hi, Robin!" Bart dashed by. "What's up? Did you read that the Pres--"
"Bart!" Tim held up a hand and the speedster skidded to a stop in front of him. "Have you noticed anything odd about Kon lately?"
"You mean the way he's avoiding you and jumping at every loud noise?" Bart dashed off and shifted a pile of rocket launchers to the other side of the room.
"Uh, yes. That's what I mean."
"No idea." Bart grinned. "Maybe he's just having a bad day. I read this book called--"
"Is he avoiding anyone else?"
Bart paused for a millisecond or so to consider. "Nope."
"So you have no idea what I might have done?" Tim found it paid to be very precise with Bart.
"No idea. But I'm sure whatever it was will blow over. Maybe it's a Kryptonian thing. After all, we don't know that much about Kryptonian biology or culture."
"Thanks." Tim kept his scowl internal. It wasn't Bart's fault he'd opened up a whole new area of possibilities, each one more difficult to test than the last.
It was possible Kory might know something, as she was a great deal more perceptive than most gave her credit for. Unfortunately, she'd left early that morning to liase with the Outsiders and wasn't available for anything less than an emergency.
It was unlikely Kon had confided anything in Beast Boy or Wonder Girl, since both made Kon nervous for different reasons. Raven probably knew what was wrong, but she might not tell him if she considered it private, and besides, she scared the bejeezus out of him.
Tim paced the confines of his room, considering his options. His relations with Cyborg were strictly professional (by his own choice) and he hated to break that rule.
In some ways, Cyborg reminded him of Dick, although Cyborg kept his need to make the team a family much better hidden. Tim didn't particularly want to feed that delusion, but he also didn't relish having Superboy avoid him forever.
He shied away from the thought, but he didn't have so many friends that he could afford to lose one.
Cyborg had three sensors plugged into the main console when Tim finally ventured out to find him.
Tim coughed politely.
"Yes, Robin?" Cyborg asked, retracting two of the sensors.
"I was wondering if you might know what's bothering Superboy. I'm concerned that if we have to go into the field under these conditions, our operational efficiency will be too low."
Cyborg didn't respond for a moment and Tim gave him a sharp look. "Hmm," Cyborg finally said.
Tim tilted his head. He was trained by Batman--he could outwait anyone.
Cyborg's lips twitched and he was almost certainly laughing at him. "I do have a suggestion, but I hate to mention it."
"What is it?"
Cyborg waited a beat. "You could just ask him."
Tim flailed for an explanation of why that was absolutely absurd. "He's avoiding me," he finally said.
Cyborg snorted and turned back to the console. "The network won't clean itself."
Tim wanted to stomp out of the room but he went to his quarters quietly instead, pacing for another half an hour before he went to an auxiliary control room and jiggered the sensors to find Kon.
Kon was in the gym, which was perfect, since it had a lock for when workouts might be dangerous to bystanders.
Slipping in while Kon was on his second set of pullups, Tim activated the lock and stepped into Kon's view.
Kon's hands slipped on the bars and he dropped off, floating in mid-air with an odd expression. "Uh, hi. I'll just go and let you--"
"Kon." Tim was getting exasperated. He'd wasted a large portion of his day and he was getting tired of it. "What is the matter with you?" He'd intended a much more subtle approach, but lost tempers and subtlety never go together.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Kon said, floating to the ground and backing away.
Tim took a one-step running start and tackled Kon to the ground, sitting on his legs to keep him still. "Don't even think about it," he said as he felt Kon's TK kick in.
Kon's face was absolutely white. "This is a really bad idea."
Tim shook his head, not letting go. "Why?"
"I'm sure Batman's got you bugged," Kon blurted out. After the words were out, he stopped fighting and closed his eyes.
Slowly, Tim drew back, letting go of Kon's arms and sliding onto the mat next to him. Kon slung an arm over his face, but Tim could see his cheeks burning. "Batman," Tim said after a while, "does occasionally use tracers with his associates."
"No, I mean bugs. You know, listening in," Kon mumbled.
"Absolutely not." Tim was still perplexed. "I wouldn't allow it. I regularly sweep my uniform and equipment for all kinds of listening equipment that might have been planted by various people."
"Really?" Kon took the arm off his eyes.
"Really. I also sweep the Tower and...uh..." Tim felt his own face flush, "all of your uniforms and equipment as well."
Kon considered this, then sat up. "Oh."
"Then you can tell me what this was all about?"
Kon went red again. "Well, I...uh...Batman, he said he'd been listening."
Tim growled under his breath. "I can't believe he'd really say so--" He stopped, frowning. "So what if he was listening? What would he have heard?"
"Nothing!" Kon didn't look him directly in the eyes. "There's nothing for him to have heard. I mean, we're friends and..." He trailed off and looked around the room with an expression that clearly said 'Where's an alien invasion when you need one?'
Tim waited for his brain to stop imitating a supernova. Then he counted to ten in English, Spanish, Greek, Arabic, and Chinese. He tacked on Japanese as an afterthought. "Am I to understand," he asked with exquisite care, "that Batman in some way implied that we might be more than friends?"
"Sort of?" Kon looked in vain for that invasion.
Tim leaned forward. "What--exactly--did Batman say?"
Kon opened his mouth but nothing came out.
Tim used his best glare, the one he saved for special occasions and making Bart stand absolutely still. "Tell me what he said or I will make you regret it."
Kon opened and closed his mouth a few times, then the words came out in a rush. "He said that if I ever touched you he'd castrate me and he'd know 'cause he was listening."
Tim blinked. He stared at Kon--Superboy--a teenager with the potential power to level a city block with the touch of one finger, cowering in fear of Bruce. Tim's lips twitched and he tried to still them but it was too late.
Laughing aloud, he fell back on the padded floor. "You," he said, pointing, "you're avoiding me because Batman thinks you're hot for me? That's hilarious!"
--Ending #1--
Kon stood up and paced away. "It wasn't funny when he was looming over me like the dad from hell. I kept waiting for flames to shoot out of his eyes."
Tim snickered. "I think I'm the one who needs to worry about that, not you. Superman's got the heat vision, not Batman."
Crossing his arms, Kon turned and scowled. "It's not funny!"
"Yeah, I think it is." Tim finally managed to stop laughing, although it took some effort. "Kon, you made me waste the entire day over this. You owe me."
Kon was trying to keep up the scowl, but he couldn't manage it. "Owe you what?"
"I'll think of something." Tim put out a hand and Kon grabbed it, pulling him up. "Meanwhile, let's go get something to eat. And you can think of something to bribe me with so I won't tell Cassie."
Kon's eyes widened. "You wouldn't!"
Tim waited a beat. "No, I wouldn't." He grinned. "But you sure are gullible."
"Tiiiiim!"
--the end?--
--Ending #2--
Too fast for the unaided human eye, Kon was crouched over him. Tim sucked in a breath, all laughter gone.
"Funny, huh?" Kon asked, dipping his face so they were almost nose-to-nose.
"Uh..."
There was a look in Kon's eyes that Tim had never seen before. "I don't think it's funny at all."
And then Kon's lips were on Tim's and Kon's tongue was in his mouth and he wasn't sure where to put his hands, so he put them on Kon's hips and he was so warm and--
Kon pulled away. "Not so funny now, huh?"
Tim swallowed twice before he found his voice. "No, not really."
Resting his forehead on Tim's, Kon took a few deep breaths. "I didn't actually mean to do that."
Tim's hands tightened on Kon's waist. "What?"
"Wait!" Kon lifted his head. "I mean...I didn't mean I didn't want to do that, just that I didn't think you wanted to do that, which was why--"
Tim shut him up the only way he could: Grabbing Kon's head, he pulled him down for another long kiss.
When they finally stopped kissing, Tim asked, "Are you still worried about Batman?"
"Bat who?" Kon grinned at him.
"Glad to hear it." Tim grinned back. "So you won't mind if I mention this to him?"
"What?" Kon actually lifted two feet in the air, hovering above him.
Tim sat up and pointed a finger. "Gotcha!"
Dropping to the floor, Kon put his head in his hands. "I'm so doomed," he said.
"Probably," Tim said. "But in the meantime, come here."
Kon shrugged. "Well, at least it'll be a hell of a way to go." And with that he pounced back atop Tim.
--the end?--
Final author's note: This fic was originally inspired by BrownBetty's "Eight Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Ward Sidekick Partner: or Dude you sound like a NAMBLA member," which can be found on her LJ. Go and read! Tell her how hilarious it is!
Devotion By Robert Frost
The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to the ocean-
Holding the curve of one position,
Counting an endless repetition.