Theme 12: Winter Break

My brain is fried from studying for my Astronomy exam. My view on Astronomy is: everything I knew about the stars and the planets became null and void when they kicked out Pluto. Pluto's not a planet now, huh? What is My Very Energetic Mother supposed to Serve Us now, huh? Fuck you, Astronomy!

Ok, I am calm. I am tranquil. After tomorrow, I never have to think about Astronomy again. Of course, once I'm done with this exam, I still have two more to study for…bleg.

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Iruka had learned his lesson by now. There was a certain way Christmas traditions had to be explained for those who had trouble comprehending complex ideas (aka his students and certain high ranking jounin). When explaining Santa Clause to this years crop of mini-ninja, Iruka started out by telling them the man brought presents. After that, in their minds, the jolly old elf could do no evil.

"So, he travels around in a sleigh." Konohamaru stated skeptically after Iruka finished telling his class the basics. Iruka nodded.

"And this sleigh flies." Iruka nodded again.

"But it's pulled by rain-deer?" He asked. Iruka nodded a third time.

"How do the rain-deer pull the sleigh if it flies?" the young Sarutobi asked, clearly proud that he had found a flaw in his teacher's logic.

"The reindeer fly as well." Konohamaru looked like he was about to protest, so Iruka took a preemptive strike. "Santa uses them for steering." Konohamaru nodded as if that made the whole illogical scenario make sense.

"We should go on a hunt for flying rain-deer on out fieldtrip tomorrow, Iruka-sensei!" He shouted (without raising his hand, the rebel). The rest of the class cheered. Iruka quieted them down, and told them they were welcome to look for flying reindeer as they walked through the forests of Konoha for their winter fieldtrip. Hey, if it got them excited about Christmas, what harm could it do?

MERRYCHRISTMASMERRYCHRISTMASMERRYCHRISTMAS

The next day, Kakashi watched his lover trudge in to their shared apartment after work and flop down on the couch without a word. Kakashi abandoned the weaponry he had been sharpening and maneuvered Iruka's feet so he was sitting with them on his lap. He began rubbing them in slow circles. Iruka moaned.

"Bad day?" The Copy Nin asked. Iruka grunted. Yes

"Reindeer hunt didn't go well?" Another grunt. You have no idea.

"Want to tell me about it?" A grunt and a growl. Shut up and keep massaging.

Kakashi decided to wait until Iruka had eaten dinner, taken a hot bath, and had a little more time to relax before he pressed the issue any further. He wasn't a genius shinobi for nothing.

MERRYCHRISTMASMERRYCHRISTMASMERRYCHRISTMAS

"So, what happened?"

Iruka gathered his class around him in the forest clearing. "Alright, can anyone tell me how we can minimize the tracks we leave, so that enemies can't follow us?" He asked. Moegi raised her hand. Iruka called on her.

"Iruka-sensei, where are the rain-deer?" She asked. Iruka sighed.

"They must be scared of all the noise this class is making. Now, can someone answer my question?"

"Wouldn't we have seen them if they flew away?" Hanabi asked. The children began to murmur to each other. No one volunteered to answer Iruka's question.

"Class, I need you to pay attention to me, otherwise we can turn back right now and have a quiz." Iruka threatened. The children made a valiant effort to pay attention…

…until Konohamaru shouted, "Hey, I think I see something over there!" He ran off in the direction he'd pointed at. His classmates followed.

Iruka ran after his young charges, thinking gleeful thoughts about how many detentions he was going to assign Konohamaru, whether he was the honorable grandson or not.

"Iruka-sensei, look, it's a rain-deer!" They shouted at him when he reached the throng of academy students.

"Really? What are the odds of finding a reindeer in Konoha?" Kakashi asked. Iruka smacked him upside the head for interrupting.

"I don't know. I don't know why the hell it was there." The chuunin growled. Kakashi was silent.

And sure enough, there it was, a giant, horned reindeer, slumbering there on the forest floor.

"Oh, I wanna see it fly!" Moegi shouted. The other children shouted their agreement.

"Yeah, make it fly!" They begged Iruka. Iruka was more worried about making sure the thing didn't wake up and charge at them.

"Class, we really should be going now. You've found the reindeer, and you did a very good job, but we've still got a lesson to learn."

The students were ignoring him completely. Hanabi strutted right up to the sleeping beast and poked it with a stick.

"Hey, I order you to fly!" She commanded. The giant animal snorted in its sleep and didn't even stir. Iruka sweat-dropped.

"Hanabi, get back here right now, or you'll get a zero for the day." He ordered. The little girl hurried back to his side. She might be bossy and stubborn, but the child was freakishly competitive about her grades.

"I wanna see it fly!" The children shouted. Iruka wondered how much chakra it would take to make enough kage bunshin to carry each student back to the classroom. Too much. Damn.

It was then that Konohamaru remembered the training weapons each child had been issued. They were blunt and made of hard plastic, but from such a short distance, they could sting.

The young ringleader gave a signal, and all the Academy Students whipped out their fake-kunai and shuriken and hurled it at the snoring behemoth of a deer. The horned herbivore woke as the first kunai met its skin and charged out of the clearing. Iruka had to tackle the student in its path to keep the small child from being run over.

Iruka stood up and dusted himself off. "Everyone, we are heading back to the classroom right now. You know you aren't supposed to use those weapons unless you receive instruction to do so from me. I've very disappointed in all of you." He lectured in his angry sensei voice. But before he could tell them how they were going to be spending the time they would've had for a Christmas party writing an essay on 'Why I should listen to Iruka-sensei on fieldtrips', he looked up at them. Every one of his students was staring at the ground where the reindeer had been sleeping with wide, tear-filled eyes.

On the ground, there was a splash of blood. Iruka heard the first sniff, then a second, and suddenly, his class burst out into synchronized sobbing.

"We KILLED it!" Moegi wailed at the top of her lungs. Birds flew out of the trees above her, startled.

"Now how's Santa gonna get here?" Konohamaru asked the skies above as he waved his arms melodramatically.

"What if he don't get our presents?" Udon speculated. A new wave of tears erupted.

"Kids, you didn't kill it. That reindeer is fine, I promise." Iruka tried to console them.

"This is all your fault, Konohamaru!" Hanabi shouted. The Hyuuga heir rallied the sobbing students behind her and launched an attack on the crying cloaked boy. Iruka had to fling himself into the riot to save Konohamaru from being mauled by wailing seven year olds.

By the time he emerged from the fray with a trembling Konohamaru cradled in his arms, he was missing his ponytail holder and he was streaked with dirt.

"Children, I want a single file line NOW!" He shouted, using his fiercest sensei voice yet.

"Hey, is that the rain-deer over there?" A student shouted. The class charged off into the woods.

"Wait, kids! That's-" the children ran through before Iruka could warn them. "…Poison Ivy…"

MERRYCHRISTMASMERRYCHRISTMASMERRYCHRISTMAS

"Sounds like your day was pretty rough." Kakashi agreed after Iruka finished his tale. "Are you going to be ok tomorrow?" He asked.

"There's only three more days until Winter Break." Iruka stated. He repeated it again like mantra. Kakashi worried when he saw the crazed light in his eyes.

"I've…I've made the reservations to the resort in Snow Country." Kakashi whispered to his lover, hoping to calm him down a little. "And I've got the right type of stockings packed to hang up this year. This Christmas is going to be better than ever."

"Three more days." Iruka repeated. "Three more days."

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"Only three more exams until winter break. Only three more."

I'm afraid this is the last in the series of twelve. I enjoyed writing these, and I hope you had fun reading. And just a note, this is kind of based on a real experience. I was working at a summer camp this summer, and the little kids were catching toads. One kid accidentally stepped on one and smashed it. I mean, guts were popping out, you could see its small intestine and everything. Luckily, it was still twitching. When the kid started bawling, I pointed to it and told him, "No, it's not dead. See? It's still moving. It's just playing dead." As if the thing would pull out its internal organs to fool a five-year old. He believed me, though, and stopped crying and ran off to find more toads. I had to toss the thing in the woods once he was out of sight. God, kids are gullible. Ya gotta love 'em. Most of the time…