Crash and burn, a jag fanfic

"Crash And Burn"

AN: The unexpected sequel to "I don't know you anymore" you asked for. Who am I not to give you, my faithful readers, what you want. This story contains the lyrics of another Savage Garden song called "Crash and Burn".

Special note to Virago: For the second time you totally burnt down one of my stories. Now I can take some constructive criticism any day, but yours isn't constructive at any rate. You simply dislike the character of Mac, which is your right. But I do like her, don't regard her as almighty and I do see Harm's faults as well. He's not a saint either. In fact, they're both TV characters, nothing more, nothing less.

Anyway, thanks for thinking I've got talent, but I also have the freedom to do with it as I see fit. If you don't like my stories, just do me a favor and don't read them! Or at least start writing yourself if you think you can do a better job!

To my other readers: Sorry for the note above guys, I just got a little fed up!!!

On with the story…after the disclaimer: Since they are, as already established, just TV characters, they're not mine. Neither is the song. Neither are Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones from Savage Garden. That's it.

Now we can go on with it…

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

The top row of green tiles above the bathroom sink were still broken. Like so many things about this house, it had always irked her, as had Mic's attitude about it. For weeks, she'd asked him to do something about it, at least give it some thought, but nothing ever happened. And the tiles remained broken. And she remained irked. Even too much so to take action and fix the damn tiles herself.

Brushing her teeth, Mac gave herself a good mental kick. No use getting upset anymore. She was moving out anyway. Yesterday, she'd signed a lease on her new apartment and today she was ready to pack.

For a while after her now ex-husband had left, she'd figured she could just redecorate, erase the memory of Mic's presence, but much as she'd tried to envision it, this house was simply alien to her. As hostile as a building without a soul can be.

She'd decided to sell. Found herself an apartment just two blocks away from her old one. She'd found herself falling in love with its simple, relaxing appearance, further enhanced by the fact that her old neighborhood, so soothingly familiar, seemed to welcome her back with open arms. As soon as she'd signed the contract, she'd felt her mood lift.

Full of energy and renewed resolve, she grabbed two boxes and glanced around to locate the best place to start packing. She ended up in the living room, where her bookcase stood.

Systematically, she took the books out, read the title and put them on either the "Keep 'm" or the "garage sale" pile.

Within the hour, she'd cleaned out the bookshelves and was now ready to commence on the drawers underneath. As every household has one, this was her personal 'Bermuda triangle'.

Whatever had disappeared in there during her marriage, was never to be found again. With a mixture of dread and anticipation, she ventured on the discovery of the lost items.

A pair of tweezers. Some paperclips. A nail file. A pack of gum. Two elastic hair bands. Notes from phone calls made some times ago. A shopping list. A birthday card. Half a picture…wait.

The picture was of herself, holding baby AJ at his christening. She instantly knew who'd been on the other half. As well as why it wasn't there anymore.

Mic's jealousy, though not entirely ill-founded, had always been a thorn in her side, one of many reasons for their marriage to fail.

She'd never cheated on Mic…well, maybe except for the kiss she and Harm had shared on the Admiral's porch. Still, that stood in shrill contrast to the numerous occasions he'd cheated on her. And not just by kissing either.

Somehow though, that knowledge, painful as it was, wasn't nearly as crushing as the discovery of this picture. And the memories that came flooding back

Mic had cut her out of her old life, pretty much the same way as he had ripped off the image of Harm in this photograph. Her relocation from both her home and her job (which was basically the same), his refusal to join her at birthday parties, the schemes he came up with to prevent her from going somewhere alone …he'd tried to break all her ties to the only family she had known.

It wouldn't have been such a problem if he'd become her new family, but he'd failed at that too. Now that their marriage was over, she finally understood she was alone. For not even Bud and Harriet were the friends they once used to be. She didn't blame them. Mic had very conveniently invited some of his relatives over to come on vacation in the same weekend as little AJ's birthday. Since they came all the way from Australia, she convinced herself she couldn't let them down. So she stayed home, went to bed late and even forgot to call.

She called the next morning, sent him a big gift the next afternoon and even though Harriet had politely called her to thank her, her tone of voice indicated she was terribly disappointed that her son's godmother hadn't shown.

At least his godfather had.

And of course, that was the one true reason Mic hadn't wanted her to go.

It was her biggest regret. Not just forgetting about her beloved godson, but relenting so much power to her husband, thus enabling him to control her every move. Even while he was out with other women.

Unconsciously, she'd been crumpling the picture in her hands. Now, she smoothed it out, wishing the other half was still attached.

Harm. Her other half in so many more ways. It had been a few weeks since she'd seen him last. After his first visit in years, they'd gradually and carefully became closer again. Sometimes it felt like walking through a minefield, but at least she was sure that he would meet her halfway. That he would be there whenever she needed him.

Like now.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

He had both hoped and expected her to call, but had refrained from doing so himself. Purposefully, he'd stayed in the background while she found herself another place to live. Her voice on the phone when she informed him about 'the perfect place', so full of new hope, had ignited his. Not only was she moving out, thus letting her old life behind, but she was moving back to her old familiar surroundings, which meant she again would be a lot closer to him.

But he hadn't offered her a hand in the packing, knowing how important it would be for her to get at least the idea of being in control back. He knew that she would handle things the Marine way, which meant she would start the packing straight away. He also knew that the same Marine wouldn't ask for help easily. But most of all, he understood why. So he waited, hoping she would call and allow him to come over to help her after all.

It was late morning when indeed his cell-phone rang. Caller ID told him in one simple word it was 'Mac'. He couldn't help but grin.

"Hey Marine. You done packing already?"

"I wish…I think…Harm, could you come over. Please?"

The hesitant, slightly sad tone of voice didn't escape his attention. Over the years, he'd learned all the different nuances of her speaking by heart and he immediately caught on.

"Sure. I'll be on my way. I'll even bring us lunch."

"Thanks, that'll be great…see you soon?"

Such hope, such fear in her voice. How could she think he would disappoint her? Oh right, force of habit.

"Very soon…hang in there, okay?"

"Okay…" Dial tone.

He knew better than to let her know he'd sensed her discomfort. They weren't there yet. In the past few weeks, they'd taken some small baby-steps toward repairing their friendship, but he was realistic enough to know that it would take more than just some superglue and paint to cover up the cracks.

In the long year that had gone by after her wedding, he'd had plenty of time to do some serious soul-searching. So now he possessed some new knowledge about himself. One thing he'd learned was that it was in his nature to go for the extremes. Not only in his career, but in his private life as well. As a result he was either too restraint or too overbearing. Especially with women and among those, the most with Mac.

With this new insight, he'd decided he would need to keep himself in a very firm grip and let her take the lead for now. Set the pace she was comfortable with. All he had to do was follow. It was hard, but it would probably work out better than coming on too strong or letting too much go by.

But she'd called and he was needed. It was more than he could ever ask for. He wasn't happy that she seemed distraught, but all the more happy that she chose him again to come to her rescue.

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day

What took him so long? Sure, she knew it was only eleven minutes and twenty-four seconds ago she'd ended their call and that it was impossible for him to be here already, but she didn't feel like being rational.

So what took him so long?

She needed him. For a long time, needing someone had felt somehow wrong. First of all because she was a Marine and she was supposed to be able to look after herself in more dire circumstances than this. Second because she'd made her decision to get married and now she had to deal with it. What was that saying again? You made your bed, now you have to lie in it? Well, a lot of lying had been done, and none of them in their own bed. She laughed ironically.

Not knowing what to do with herself, she jerked herself upward and started making some coffee. She didn't feel like having coffee, she certainly didn't need to get more hyper than she already was, but she needed to do something or go stir-crazy waiting.

What took him so long?

Finally, she heard a car pull over and she practically ran to open the door, feeling slightly embarrassed at the same time for being so ridiculously relieved to see him.

Before he had a chance to knock, the door was opened and a track-suit clad figure hurled herself in his embrace, all but knocking the bags of food out of his hands.

Carefully, he guided her inside, where he put the bags on the counter before giving her the proper hug she apparently needed from him. She clung to him like he was a life-saver and little did he realize that it was exactly what he was to her at that moment.

After a while, she let go of him and managed to produce a rather shaky smile. Her bottom lips was quivering slightly and it took all of his resolve not to kiss her pout away. In order to slake some of his need to touch her, he gently brushed his thumb over her cheek to wipe away a stray tear. His heart jumped when for just a moment, she leaned into his touch, big brown eyes looking up at him with a trust that hadn't been there between the two of them for way too long.

Now he at least felt safe enough to ask her what had gotten her so upset in the first place. But first he had to cheer her up a little.

"Hey…you feeling better?"

Another watery smile and a nod was his answer.

"Good…you hungry?" Maybe some food would help. It always had before.

She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "When have you known me not to be hungry?"

He grinned. The first hurdle was crossed, though he wasn't anywhere near an answer to his question. His concern wasn't to be put on the backburner yet.

"What did you bring me, Sailor?"

She snatched a brown paper bag away from him and shrieked when she hauled her favorite dish out of it.

"A Beltway Burger. You're a hero, Harmon Rabb."

"If I can save you from a heart attack after you're done, I will be. Right now, I feel I'm only contributing to your timely death."

"Spoilsport. What do you get to eat?"

"I made myself a vegetarian pasta-salad."

"How can you eat that? It's so boring, it's so…healthy."

"Well, one of us has to keep up some strength. You're gonna need all the help you can get when you need at least a double bypass for all your clogged arteries before you reach forty…"

"I'll have kicked your six all the way to Yuma before that'll happen."

"Yeah, I'll bet."

"Just shut up and eat your rabbit food. And let me enjoy the yummy goodness of my burger."

As to prove a point, she took a very unladylike bite.

"Okay, you eat the rabbit, I'll eat the rabbit food," he relented.

"Whatever." She took another bite, not caring if she spoke with her mouth full.

"Such a waste. She was such a beautiful woman…a brilliant future ahead of her. If only she would have listened to her best friend…"

Okay, so he couldn't help himself. She made a very easy target. Right now, she was staring at him with an endearing mixture of exhaustion and patient acceptance.

"Harm…what are you doing?"

"Writing your eulogy, you know, for your upcoming funeral."

"Well, don't order the wreaths yet, Flyboy, unless of course your little health speech is gonna bore me to death…"

"I think the autopsy is gonna reveal the actual cause of death, Mac. And it won't be boredom."

"Neither will yours, Squid, if you don't stop right now. Remember, Marines can kill with their bare hands and leave no trail."

They looked at the other one, grinning like idiots. Boy, he'd missed this. Again, his thumb came up to her face, this time to wipe away some ketchup from the corner of her mouth. She shivered beneath his touch, leaned in again ever so little.

With all the discipline ever learned as an aviator, Harm again held back the urge to kiss her. It was not what she needed right now. This wasn't the time nor the place to become anything more than what they were. Or were becoming.

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

With their lunch finished, Harm stood, looking around him. She hadn't done all that much packing yet, so it had to mean something had disturbed her. He knew Mac well enough to know that if anything, she was a hard worker who could dedicate herself to any given task without preamble.

For her to slack it like this, something severe had to have happened.

Mac busied herself with the cleaning of the kitchen. Since they hadn't used any plates, it wasn't all that necessary, but she didn't wanna face the concerned look yet. She wasn't sure how he would react. Much as she loved to have him in her life again, she hadn't forgotten how cynical or sarcastic he could be sometimes.

Without asking her, Harm had moved into the living area, where he spotted several boxes packed with books, and a loose drawer resting on the coffee table, several items having been taken out.

One of these items was half a picture. He knew instantly when it was taken, and who'd been standing next to her at the time. His heart cracked just a little at the thought of literally being cut out.

Had she done that? Did she want to start her marriage with a clean slate? If that was the case, he couldn't blame her for it, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"I wish I knew where my other half was."

Startled, he turned around. He hadn't heard her come in. But he had heard the word 'my' in her last remark. It warmed him and instantly he knew that the tearing of the picture wasn't her doing.

In fact, its prominent place on the table suggested that it was the cause of her distress.

He opened his arms to her again and she immediately stepped into his embrace. With her head resting against his chest, his steady heartbeat calming her, she started explaining.

"When I found that picture this morning, I suddenly felt so…so disconnected. It was like I finally saw how isolated I've allowed him to get me during this year. I missed AJ's birthday, I skipped the traditional events we all used to celebrate together…and carving pumpkins without you was no fun at all. And Mic just didn't get into the spirit, he was always complaining about how much he missed Australia, trying to make me feel guilty for not wanting to leave the US. Every chance he got he would remind me what he had given up to be with me."

She looked up at him, searching for affirmation. She got it with a simple nod and a barely there brush of his lips against her temple.

"And now I'm alone. I gave up on my marriage. I lacked the courage, the energy, the willpower to fight for it. I let him go, he set me free, and here I am. Alone."

He tightened his grip.

"You're not, Sarah. You never were."

"But Harriet…and Bud…I let them down. They…"

"They won't turn you back. You'll have to take the first step, but they'll be glad to have their friend back. So will the admiral. And Mac? So will I."

His eyes, so clear, told her he wasn't lying just to pacify her. This time it was her hand that reached out for contact, gently caressing his cheek.

"Thank you." It came out as a soft whisper.

"You're not alone, Mac."

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

THE END

Hope you enjoyed!!!