This is the story of the attempt to uncensor the censored--especially when both Natsume Hyuuga and Ruka Nogi have been feeling quite horny towards their love interest, Mikan Sakura. Who would be able to claim the girl first? NatsumexMikan & RukaxMikan pairings ahead.
Author's Note: There will be lots of suggestive words and terminologies in this fanfiction. This fic is not intended for minors. EXPECT LOADS OF OOC-ness and perverse comments. This fanfic is perverted, horny, perverted, horny, hornier, weird, very weird, really really weird….and whacky. If this thing has a plot at all, let me know. It was written out of spontaneity and boredom. You've been warned. After lots of consideration, I revised a few parts and decided to convert all five chapters into a one-shot. To those who haven't seen this before, enjoy!
OOC – Out of Character
YAOI – Man to man sexual relationship
o--O
THE STORY OF CENSORS
Genre: Parody/ Romance
Shamelessly Written By: WizdomGoddess
o--O
Part 1: Natsume Shoots His Load
--
"When you're over the hill, that's when you pick up speed."
Quincy Jones
--
Oh what joy it is to fly towards the heavens! At least, that's how it felt to Natsume. He savored every moment his body mocked a nuclear explosion; his world spun the way he never experienced it before. Gathering his strength was not enough to tolerate the incredible sensations causing bizarre tingles on his skin. A few minutes ago, they moved so fast enjoying each thrust as he listened to her arousing screams of pleasure.
He gazed at his partner, taking in every detail.
Mikan looked dizzy, beads of sweat glistened on her forehead. At that moment when she took an upside down position, she clung to his arm and gripped it tightly. Her touch was the epitome of exquisite softness that nearly unleashed his self-control. He had to hold himself back. His mind ceased to function moments ago; his heart thumped wildly against his chest. He never imagined he would be enjoying it this much. How the hell did he get himself into this bliss?
Oh yeah…it happened just a few minutes ago…
"Natsume-kun, would you like to ride…me?" she had asked. Did he just hear her say it seductively? Or was it just his hormones?
Natsume was startled. "Say what?"
"You're out of it again!" she exclaimed, placing her hands on her hips…her perfectly round succulent hips. Natsume couldn't help but stare at her longingly. He could also feel his private part betray him along with his rationality.
Mikan sighed deeply. "I asked you if you would like to ride in the rollercoaster with me!" she repeated, growing a bit impatient. She tapped her foot continuously. It didn't help that a few earthworks emerged from the soil beneath her – it freakishly reminded him of something else – except it was bigger than a worm.
"No." he ejaculated.
"Please?" she insisted, a tear forming at the rim of her eyes.
So there he was, comfortably seated beside a frightened Mikan who had just gripped his arm as the coaster approached another loop. He never expected he would enjoy the ride this much. He looked at her once again, only to be greeted by her excited olive-eyes. It was satisfying to see Mikan so happy…This isn't too bad, I guess, Natsume thought to himself.
As soon as the ride ended, Mikan flailed her arms towards the sky, revealing a good view of her cleavage to her male companion.
Natsume's jaw hardened – along with another part of his body.
He tried to hide the fact that he felt uncomfortable beside Mikan. He wasn't sure how long he will manage to suppress his sexually-aroused state. Who wouldn't feel that way? The girl he has fallen deeply in love was on a date with him after five, yes, FIVE years of waiting for her to be mature enough.
And God did she grow well.
"Natsuuume! So where will we go next?!" she exclaimed in excitement. God, he wished she was excited over something else…. An evil gleam crossed his eye followed by a naughty smile.
"Wherever you want," he replied, pretending to be uninterested but secretly taking in every detail of her features. It took him years before he finally mustered the courage to ask her out. Although their relationship wasn't serious, they have been dating for almost a year now.
Natsume lingered his gaze over her body. Her outfit covered so little, especially with the short plaid skirt that looked so freakin'good on her. He had to be more honest with himself.
He wanted her badly.
His body longed for her touch, her caresses--her luscious lips.
He wanted to make loveher.
Mikan latched to his arm, giving him a good feel of her breasts. God, they're so soft…he muttered in frustration. If she keeps this up, I don't know what I'll do. I don't think I can keep this arousal in check any longer… His mind raced as another evil plan formed in the midst of his thoughts.
Mikan sank at the foot of the tree while Natsume settled beside her. "I'm exhausted!" she exclaimed, looking at him gratefully. "Thank you for coming to the amusement park with me, Natsume." He simply nodded in reply.
Natsume scanned the area and realized they were isolated from the rest of the crowd. No one was around. He glanced at his watch. 8:00 pm…
By this time, most of the people must have already left the park.
It was time to put his plan into action.
"Hey, Mikan."
"Hmm?"
Natsume moved closer to her until he could feel her skin press against his. Their closeness made Mikan blush furiously.
He placed an arm around her. Her breathing became short and inconsistent, her body stiffening with his touch. "Relax…" he murmured softly in her ear, "It's going to be alright…" He brought his palm to her cheek and quickly tilted her chin towards his face. Their lips met in a deep passionate kiss.
Natsume laid her down on the grass as he gently stroked her silky hair. The gentleness of the kiss soon turned aggressive as he moved his hands all over her body, feeling every part of her and crying out lust with every stroke. He slid his palm over her thighs, lightly squeezing it in the process. Mikan moaned erotically as she pulled him closer. "Mmm…Mikan," he growled, "I want you now…"
At this, Natsume let his fingers slide up her skirt to caress her. As he reached for her underwear, he suddenly felt something hard against his fingers. "What's wrong?" Mikan stuttered, still dazed from the intimacy.
He broke the kiss hesitantly. "Um…Mikan…" he began, "What the hell are you wearing?"
Mikan looked confused. "Wah?" she looked at him, puzzled. Then it dawned on her -- her underwear felt odd and heavy all of a sudden.
Without thinking, she lifted her skirt giving a full view of her…
"STEEL PANTY?!" Mikan cried out in horror. It even had a chastity belt with the glow-in-the-dark words "Censored" written all over it. She looked at Natsume frantically. "…but…but…it was cotton this morning!"
What the hell?! How did that happen??
Natsume groaned. He was so close to taking her. Somebody out there must hate him!
"Natsume! Mikan!" an all too familiar voice called out, a silhouette appeared a distance away. He was running towards them.
It was none other than Ruka Nogi.
o--o
Part 2: Ruka Tries It Lemon Style
--
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin
--
Ruka knew he just bothered Natsume in his promising moment with Mikan. However, he felt neither a single trace of guilt nor shame.
After all, he interrupted them on purpose.
He had seen their intimate moment when he passed by. Good thing I decided to get out of the house and go here, he thought in relief. Who knows how far Natsume would have gone with Mikan if he wasn't there? A shadow abraded his gentle features. There is no damn way I'm going to let him have his way with her. Even though he is my best friend, Ruka whispered to himself. Not in a million years.
Natsume shot him a dirty look. He saw right through his intentions.
"I think I disturbed you two…" Ruka remarked, a little too casually, looking from an irritated Natsume to a flushed Mikan.
"You think?!" Natsume replied in frustration. Ruka decided to play it safe. He proceeded to tease Natsume by winking at him. "You'll have other chances, Natsume. Don't fret…," he advised his best friend with a grin.
Natsume shrugged and swiftly looked away. "Fine," he mumbled and shuffled on his feet. He turned to Mikan in his usual hostile manner. "I'm going home."
Mikan scampered to her feet. "Okay Natsume!" she replied, walking towards her date. She tiptoed and gave him a huge smack on the cheek. "Thanks! I had a wonderful time!" Natsume enjoyed every second of it, especially when his best friend's jaw slightly dropped open.
As soon as Natsume left, Ruka turned to the girl standing next to him. We're finally alone!
"So…" he started bashfully, "Are you going home by yourself?"
Mikan dusted off her skirt and turned to him. "I guess I don't have a choice now, do I?" she smiled at him radiantly.
Mikan studied his features and observed that he was making different facial expressions all at once; he shifted from one foot to the other. Ruka looked as if he was trying to make up his mind about something. What could it be?
"Ruka?" she queried, dense as ever. "Is anything the matter, hmm?" Mikan had outgrown her habit of adding the "pyon" to his name ever since they started dating. At first it was merely casual – they could see other people if they wanted to – but Ruka could think of no other girl but her.
Ruka deliberated exactly 5.28765 seconds and gradually took her hand. "I'm staying in a nearby hotel," he explained, reflexively scraping his cheek to hide his nervousness. "I was wondering…would you like to come over?"
His eyes beseeched her own.
He had asked so nicely that it was hard for her to resist. "Oh, I'd love to!" she professed. For some reason, she has been feeling rather enthusiastic that day. "So what kind of hotel are you staying in?"
They walked together, enjoying the company of the other at the profundity of the night, hand in hand.
"Oh you know, just the usual," he told her, his imagination filled with ideas beyond a passionate kiss.
The moment they stepped inside the hotel, they were greeted by an all-too-friendly hyper middle aged attendant who stopped them on their tracks.
"Welcome to the irresistibly grand hotel embedded with luxurious and distinctive antiques, home of temptations! Each room even comes with a grand luxurious bed with such arousing atmosphere that could turn on even the most impotent of customers!" she drabbled, looking from Ruka to Mikan with a knowing smile, "I'm sure you two will enjoy it." She wiggled her eyebrows at them maliciously.
"Impotent?" Mikan wondered, turning to him for answers.
Ruka rubbed his forehead. I think I'm getting a headache…he grumbled in his thoughts. Damn, this woman will give away my plans…He glanced at Mikan, who seemed a bit flustered.
Ruka smiled at her gently. "She just needed a place to stay…don't put any meaning into it," he explained to the attendant, he turned to Mikan for affirmation. "We're not here for any reasons other than that right, Mikan-chan?"
"Not here for what?" she asked innocently with wide curious eyes, still dense as ever.
"Never mind."
The attendant looked disappointed. "Ah well then…" she said with reservation, "I guess you won't need our latest promo of free condoms." She bowed at them politely and shot him a notifying look. "Don't blame me when something happens!" She proceeded to walk away.
"W-Wait..." Ruka stammered.
Mikan blinked. "They give away free condoms here?" she said, a bit stunned. She grew serious. "Ruka! Why don't you go after her?! It's such a waste if you don't get one!"
Ruka was stumped. He was suddenly in cloud nine. Did she say what he thought she said? Did she just encourage him? Does she want him that way too? Whatever it is, he knew of only one thing to do. "Mikan-chan, please stay here," he directed, running after the attendant.
"That's more like it!" Mikan clapped. She couldn't believe Ruka would miss out such an opportunity!
She felt proud that she had just encouraged him of a once in a lifetime prospect.
…What are the chances he'll get another free condominium in his life?!
--o
…won't end up doing that huh? Ruka pursed his lips in rumination.
Ruka smiled in gratification. Mikan was now in his arms, on his bed, under the sheets, in her presently-cotton underwear, together with him. Somehow, Mikan mistook the bottle of Viagra he had been saving for a bottle of exotic juice and gulped down every drop of it. It got her drunk to the point that she started being so forward with him physically. Being the love-struck man that he was, Ruka eventually lost his self-control and pursued her.
The next thing he knew, they were on his bed enjoying the warmth of each other's bodies.
Oh Mikan…I love you so much…he cupped her sleeping face and moved his gaze downwards, tasting her vulnerable motionless body with his eyes.
I want you badly too…He silently contemplated their situation; it was then her eyes shot open.
"Mmmm…Ruka?" she murmured softly, turning him on. She let out a slight hiccup and looked disoriented.
Oh great, she's still drunk.
"Mikan…I think we should stop this."
"Stop?" she asked, voice obviously presided by sedatives. He felt her wrap her fingers around him; and this time, it wasn't his hands she had her fingers on.
"Don't you think it's a little too late for that?"
Ruka groaned. He ensued to roll over on top of her and detained her lips hungrily with his.
--o
….
….
….
….rewind!
--o
"Don't you think it's a little too late for that?"
Ruka groaned. He ensued to roll over on top of her and detained her lips hungrily with his. Then he stopped.
What the hell?!
Ruka blinked. "What the heck happened? What kind of lemon is this?"
Maybe he suddenly developed amnesia? Here he was about to make love to the girl he loves and he couldn't remember a thing? Bullshit!
Mikan blinked as well. "I don't know. I didn't feel a thing! It's like somebody re-winded our intimate scene…" she sulked. "I doubt we even started…"
"Damn." he glowered, moping at the bottom of his heart.
Once again, he turned to Mikan. "Want to try it again?"
"Sure."
--o
….
….
….
….rewind!
--o
Once again, he turned to Mikan. "Want to try it again?"
"Sure."
Ruka felt nostalgia and realized what just happened. Fucking censors, he cursed under his breath.
Suddenly a note fluttered on their bed. Mikan picked it up and shook her head. It read:
DON'T PUSH YOUR LUCK, LOVEBIRDS.
Mikan turned to Ruka, who was now growing frustrated by the minute. He grabbed her by the waist again. "This time, I'll take you," he said more forcefully.
"Ruka!"
--o
….
….
….
….rewind!
--o
"Ruka!"
Mikan looked quizzical. Didn't she say that just a while ago? Another note fluttered on their bed. She quickly picked it up and read, "YOU'VE BEEN WARNED, IDIOTS!"
"Ruka, don't you think it's hopeless to even try?" Mikan sighed heavily, followed by a series of hiccups. I should watch what I drink from now on… she reminded herself.
She received no answer from Ruka. She turned and saw the reason why. "Oh my! Ruka!" she exclaimed, covering her mouth in disbelief.
Ruka was tied up in chains and gagged like a cocoon, with a huge signboard behind him that read in big, bold letters: CENSORED.
o--o
Part 3: Natsume Gets Fucked
--
"Sex is the last refuge of the miserable."
Quentin Crisp
--
"Damn it!"
Natsume slammed the receiver for the hundredth time. Right now, he could care less about the versatility of his phone. He was worried sick. Where the hell was Mikan? She should have been home by now!
He furrowed his hair, extremely irritable, and threw himself on the couch. He snatched the remote control lying on the floor and turned on the television. He hoped he could distract himself even for a while. Recently, he had been thinking about nothing but that bubbly, annoying girl with a smile forever glued on her face.
Damn that girl, he thought to himself, she's not even around and she still bothers me. Since her loudness couldn't possibly annoy him when she's not around, it was her constantly popping image in his mind that did. He thought about her, day and night. He tried to keep himself busy but his attempts did not help him that much either. He thought about her everywhere: in the living room, in the bathroom, in the bedroom…especially in the bedroom.
He slapped himself. He was thinking about that again! His sexual hunger is driving him crazy! For the next minute, he tried to pull himself together and forced his eyes to look at the television show. Maybe there was something good on air that could help him get his mind off his dilemma.
"Are you sure?" came the voice from the television.
"Shhhh…don't worry about it. My idiotic husband won't find out about this…mmf."
"Oh Erika, I love you so much."
"Ohhh Richard! I love you too, even if I'm stupid enough to believe you. I just want you to fuck me now!"
"Oh baby! Yeah, that's it! Do me! Do me!" the female actress inside the boob-tube shrieked. Not one of those R-18 telenovelas again dammit, he cursed. He was definitely not in the mood for stupid soap operas; he never did like them. He pressed the remote and turned to another channel.
"…and look! The male alligator begins to mate with the female…see that? Ohh very nice!" cried out a silly-looking man wearing a stupid safari suit.
Once again, Natsume pressed on the remote. Dammit.
"Do you feel pitiful because you have no sex life? Buy the XXX Penis-enlarger!...,"
Click!
Natsume turned off the crazy television and sighed in frustration. What ever happened to good television programming?
All of a sudden, the phone rang boisterously--much to his delight. Finally, that must be Mikan!
He picked up the receiver. "Hello?" he said gruffly.
"Hello Mr. Hyuuga! This is your friendly DJ from 69.1 radio station, the number one sex station on air…!"
Natsume instantly hurled the telephone across the room and burned it with his fire-alice.
--o
The next few days went on with Mikan suffering the consequences of her actions.
"Natsume…!" she whined, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him. Natsume had been ignoring her for two whole days and she wasn't about to stop pestering him. She wanted to know why he was acting so bitter towards her and heck she would follow him to the ends of the earth if she has to!
"Natsume! Please talk to me! Did I do something wrong?" she pleaded yet again.
Natsume clenched his teeth. He realized it was useless trying to ignore her; she won't rest until he speaks to her again. That girl had the unfaltering determination far greater than that of a horny hamster. He stopped in his tracks and glared at her.
"Idiot," he said in a harsh tone.
Mikan looked hurt. "Natsume…I'm really sorry if I did something wrong," she stammered, her eyes dreary. "But, why are you treating me this way?" She placed a hand on her shoulder but he simply shrugged it off. Her heart shattered from this hostile gesture.
"Natsume…" she said for-who-knows-how-many-times that day.
"…"
Natsume tilted his head sideways and looked at her at the corner of his eye. Maybe he was being too harsh on her…it was then he finally decided to confront her. She won't leave him alone anyway, even if he tried to get rid of her. Might as well tell her, right?
"You don't know anything," he started voice stern, expression precarious. His eyes gazed at her with such power that…
Natsume crossed his arms with a sigh and faced Mikan. "You know, this drama is getting lame," he grunted. Screw you, WG! Why do you have to make me sound so pathetic?!
Mikan nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I know."
"Fuck me?"
"Okay!"
At that Natsume grabbed Mikan and pressed his mouth hard against hers; tongues lapped hungrily at each other. He humped against her openness and she responded by wrapping her slim legs around his waist -- enjoying the feel of his hardness. They kept on savoring each other, hands desperately groping each other's bodies--completely forgetting the fact that they were still inside the classroom while their classmates watched in horror.
"Oooh! They're so kinky!" Kokoroyomi-kun squealed, now older, but still sadistically jolly. Nobody even noticed Sumire faint on the floor as they gaped at the oblivious, horny couple.
o--o
Part 4: Ruka Likes it Kinky
--
We must reckon with the possibility that something in the nature of the sexual instinct itself is unfavorable to the realization of complete satisfaction.
Sigmund Freud
--
Somewhere in the Northern Forest, Ruka was having a raging kind of mood himself.
"IMAAAAI! OPEN IT UP! I NEED YOUUUUU!"
Ruka banged on Hotaru's secret "Mikan-proof" laboratory door, its whereabouts unknown to everyone--except Ruka, who just happened to know the place for no reason at all. "Darn you Imai! Are you deaf?! I said I want to come in NOW!"
Still, he received no response. The door remained tightly shut.
Ruka groaned. A couple of squirrels dashed and stopped at his feet, carrying an uncanny amount of nuts in between their puny jaws. They managed to squeak a sweet hello to Ruka, but he was too busy to notice his animal friends at the moment. He had a much greater purpose to fulfill: A biological need that had to be satisfied right away.
"DAMMIT HOTARU! OPEN IT I SAY!" he banged yet again.
To his delight, the door began to rumble. A monitor emerged from the door and an image of Hotaru appeared on its screen. She looked annoyed--extremelyannoyed.
The television-like device beeped and the bulb on top of the laboratory door turned bright red.
From the screen, Ruka saw Hotaru cross her arms.
"What do YOU want? And how the heck did you find my secret laboratory?" she asked suspiciously.
She lifted an eyebrow, and then the other. Then the first eyebrow she lifted went higher, the other brow soon followed. Her eyebrows returned to their original position. Then she repeated the process all over again. Hotaru alternately lifted her eyebrows; this went on for a couple of minutes.
Ruka blinked. Wow, what an eyebrow raise…she's THAT annoyed with me? He thought. He shook his head vigorously. He had no time for his conscience right now. His mind registered and spoke of only one thing…
"DAMMIT, LOOK HOTARU, I'M HORNY HERE. DO YOU NEED ANY BETTER EXPLANATION THAN THAT?" he barked at the monitor.
"…"
"I NEED YOUR HELP! MIKAN, BED…NOOOW!" the blonde howled into the air, spitting a few drops of saliva on the screen.
Hotaru's face contorted and glanced at the teeny transparent dews on the screen. "Yuck," she said in disgust and sighed. I better let him in before he gets even more mindless than he already is…she thought, rolling her eyes at the desperate, hormone-driven Ruka Nogi outside her laboratory door.
On the bright side, maybe she can make a huge profit from this…
Hotaru covered her lips and grinned evilly.
"Fine," she simply replied.
Whhrrrrrr. Whhhhhr.
Ruka watched the monitor shrink into a tiny cube. It retracted towards the metallic silver-painted door. The red bulb on top of the door flickered green.
Whhrrrrrr. Whhhhhr.
The laboratory door finally whooshed open. Ruka rejoiced silently and stepped inside. The door automatically shut behind him with a loud bang, causing him to jump in shock. Her unmistakable snicker rang throughout the empty hall, decorated with several cameras aligned in a neat row, attached to the ceiling.
"Wait a second, Ruka. I'll be right there." Her voice echoed.
Ruka nodded, knowing Hotaru was probably watching him from somewhere. "Okay."
I think she overdid it with the security…he remarked inwardly.
Walking by the armies of video cameras aligned on both sides of the hallways, he reminded himself not to do anything stupid. Once he makes a wrong move, Hotaru would no doubt, sell his embarrassing moment to the whole Alice Academy population.
Step one of his plan to use Hotaru Imai, Mikan's best friend, as a bridge has succeeded. She finally heeded to his request, and soon, Ruka will finally be able to make love to Mikan without those damn censors. With the genius Hotaru on his side, who could possibly censor him? He began to daydream again…an image of a nude Mikan giving him a flying kiss from his bed dominated his thoughts.
Then Ruka shuddered. What is this feeling? It felt like someone was watching him…
He looked around and realized a nearby camera has focused on him.
Ruka narrowed his eyes at the camera. It moved closer…and closer…and even closer, a solid wire-like thingy and some cables were attached to it. To his astonishment, it stopped a meter away and focused at something on his lower body. He looked down and his jaw dropped: A huge bulge had formed on his pants, exactly where the zipper was located.
Oh shit!
He mentally cursed, covering the denim mountain…the hardness of it all…with his hands. He turned a glowing shade of red and growled at the camera.
"DARN IT! HOTARU YOU LITTLE…!!" Ruka hollered. Someone laughed from behind him. He turned around only to see Hotaru wagging a finger in front of his face.
"Ruka, Ruka, Ruka…my sex-driven friend. Do you always shout when you're horny?" she asked, doing her lengthy freaky-alternate eyebrow raises again. "If you keep on doing that, you'll turn Mikan deaf once you get her on your bed"
She rolled her eyes, putting her hands on her hips.
Ruka rolled his eyes too, mocking her. "WHAT ARE YOU NEW? EVERYBODY SHOUTS WHEN THEY'RE HORNY. DUH!"he retorted, rolling his eyes in the other direction this time.
Hotaru rolled her eyes yet again, mocking him. "Oh really?" she replied sarcastically, "If you're as horny as you say, you're a pathetic excuse for a man. Imagine being defeated by censors." She rolled her eyes over and over again until her left and right eye rolled in opposite directions. (Author's Note: freaky…)
Ruka didn't seem to notice this and spat a comeback. "OH YEAH? AND YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP THESE CENSORS?" He rolled his eyes over and over again too until he was cross-eyed.
Realizing something went wrong with their eyes, both violently shook their heads until their eyesight returned to normal.
Both cleared their throats.
A smug look crossed Hotaru's pretty face. "Ofcourse I know how to stop those censors!" she answered knowingly.
Ruka's face lit up. "I'M IMPRESSED! SO YOU'LL HELP ME?"he begged.
Hotaru nodded, smiling an evil smile. "Of course I will. I will bring you to the anti-censors room." She motioned him to follow her.
She's got an anti-censors room? Whoa…Ruka thought. It was quickly replaced with the constantly popping image of a nude Mikan. He followed her instinctively, failing to notice the evilness in her smile.
So the naive Ruka trailed behind Hotaru--unknowing of the secret, evil plan she had in store for him.
--o
Mikan banged her head on the desk, sulking and unsatisfied.
Just when Natsume was already unzipping his pants…who else had to barge into the classroom?
"MIKAN! NATSUME! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!!" a shocked Mr. Jinno stood in the doorway, his disbelief obvious from the growing quantity of wrinkles that formed all over his face.
"…It had to be HIM of all people…" Mikan muttered. If Narumi was the one who walked in, he would have left them alone and watched instead. But noooo, it had to be the notorious Mr. Jinno!
Mr. Jinno had the worst timing in the whole wide stinking world.
He had scolded the lovers and put Mikan in detention as punishment.
That's right folks, only Mikan.
Why?
Mikan bawled and started hitting her desk. "THIS IS SO UNFAIR!! JUST BECAUSE HE'S A TOP-STAR STUDENT AND THAT FREAKY PERSONA HAPPENED TO PASS BY ASSIGNING HIM A NEW MISSION, I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS DETENTION!" she screamed in all caps, tears threatening to flood the poorly ventilated detention room. She had to escape! She will not tolerate being in this prison!
She looked around. There was a small tightly shut glass window—nope she can't get out there. She glanced at the tightly shut and rigorously chained, steel doors--can't get out of there either. She was already sitting at the lone desk and the room was practically empty--it seems that there was no escape route.
She bawled yet again.
--o
Ruka's eyes widened.
"THIS is the anti-censors room?" he asked his lavender-purple-indigo-violet-eyed companion, staring at the collection of handcuffs, chains, maces, and bondage suits. Dumbfounded, he moved his gaze towards a long table with a huge collection of vibrators and weird looking vulva-shaped devices. What the..? This isn't right! This is too kinky!
"Imai, what the hell is this…stuff? I'm not going to be censored with those things! I'm going to be totally cut off! Deleted! Discarded! Nada! No more Ruka Nogi!" he choked, eyes bulging out as his gaze landed on a mouth-shaped thing with the label "Magic BJ: Great assistance for masturbation." What is this woman thinking? He thought in amazement, wondering if he was seeing a side to Hotaru that he never knew.
Hotaru smirked and turned to him. "Don't you know anything? Your main problem is that you don't move fast enough."
Ruka looked uncertain. "Fast enough? Are you sure?"
"Sure I'm sure."
"How sure?"
"Infinitely sure."
"How sure are you that you're infinitely sure?"
Hotaru sighed. "Are you in doubt of my skills and intellect? I know EVERYTHING, duh!" she replied, pretending to look offended.
"No! It's just that…I still don't understand what the heck you're trying to say…," he reassured her, pretending to look concerned. He wasn't about to let his last hope to get Mikan on his bed slip away. Hotaru was already his last resort.
Hotaru closed her eyes and shook her head. She opened her eyes after a long pause, sending him an exasperated stare.
"What I'm trying to say…is that you need to practice your speed...your motion! You need to get her before you get censored. It's that simple!" she explained, walking towards one of the vulva devices, picking up one and droned on about the mechanics.
"You insert mini-Ruka here…then it will do the rest of the work." She looked up and grinned at him.
"WHAT!" he exclaimed, completely shocked by Hotaru's choice of words.
Mini-Ruka? Since when did she come up with a nickname! He thought, mouth hanging open.
Ruka took a step backward. "You're not expecting me to insert my…you-know-what…there? That won't work!" he replied, hoping Hotaru will let him off the hook. Darn it…what came over me and I decided to ask HER for help? She's evil! His brain wailed. He noticed that Hotaru was giving him an evil smile. Gosh, she's freaky. Mommy…
Hotaru turned on the female-sex-organ device and it started to vibrate, imitating the real thing, teasing him. OH SHIT!…Ruka thought as his eyes bulged out. For some reason, he felt tempted…not to mention he knew his body was already growing excited…
Ruka noticed that Hotaru had covered her mouth, staring at his lower body. He hastily covered his denim mountain again.
"DON'T STARE!"he demanded furiously, blushing in embarrassment. He added. "I AM NOT GOING TO DO THIS!"
"Oh really? Mini-Ruka isn't so mini anymore. Is that excitement I see?" she probed, holding the vibrating thingy in front of his face.
Ruka groaned and gritted his teeth.
"DARN IT HOTARU! Stop that thing!" he pleaded in desperation.
Hotaru realized he had his guard down. She dropped the vibrating thingy and cuffed his wrists, a long chain attached to the handcuffs. His lower jaw dropped to the floor when she tied it to a pillar.
"Um…Hotaru…what are you doing?" he asked, looking at her suspiciously.
Hotaru ignored him and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Hmmm…maybe you do need more assistance in your training. Will Amanatsu do? She's just like Mikan you know."
Amanatsu?
Ruka's eyes dilated.
"DAMMIT! HOTARUUUU!!"
--o
The birds chirped merrily outside the secret laboratory.
The sun was shining, illuminating the green grass and the green leaves of the trees that were stretching out into the sky. The bushes rustled and a series of muffled animated bellows came from the other side of the laboratory door.
The dormant bulb at the top of the door suddenly turned bright green.
When it opened, Ruka stood in the doorway. He had a goofy, spaced-out kind of look on his face. His tongue was hanging limply at the side of his mouth…and he seemed really dazed but really happy.
What the? What just happened?
"That…was…great…" Ruka stuttered, pleasure evident in his tone. He hobbled his way into the forest, instantaneously bumping into trees.
The moment he was out of sight, Hotaru peeked from the doorway.
She had a triumphant look on her face. She knew they were out there…watching…waiting…for something to happen.
"Come out! I know you're all out there!" she shouted.
Hotaru picked up a stone and threw it at one of the bushes.
The bush shrieked a loud "OUCH!" and a reader emerged from it, rubbing the newly acquired bump on her head. Several other bushes rustled and one by one, more readers slithered out of their hiding places. One particular reader who had a paper bag covering the face and head, the word 'lurker' written on the paper bag, seemed to find it amusing and funny to pop in and out of the bush.
A few feet away, another person, obviously a fan of GA, had a signboard covering her face. Hotaru knew she was a girl, judging from the fact that she wore a trendy sundress and several pins of Mikan, Ruka and Natsume were attached to her flowing skirt. The word 'anonymous' was written on the signboard in big bold black letters, followed by a happy face, and a period written before an exclamation point.
Hotaru heard a shriek from a tree and looked up just in time to see two angry squirrels chase another reader from branch to branch; the poor reader seemed to have mistaken their hoarded nuts for popcorn.
Hotaru shot everybody an I-Know-Something-You-Don't-Know look and the readers spontaneously groaned in disappointment. She looked around some more, looking for the author in order to spite her. She knew she was there…somewhere.
She saw two sweating readers pulling a beautiful, oil-free, recently-nail-polished hand that was sticking out of a rabbit hole. A confused family of rabbits gathered around, their noses twitched.
Hotaru approached the commotion. "What's going on here?" she asked.
The reader shook her head in disbelief. "Well the author wanted the best hiding place and squeezed her self in there…," she explained.
"And now she can't get out," the other finished, and sighed in exasperation. "I don't know how she got her self in there in the first place. Really freaky!"
The hand sticking out of the rabbit hole rotated, its palm facing Hotaru. Slowly, its supposedly-drop-dead-gorgeous fingers clenched into a ball and lifted a third finger at her. It started to slap the earth, as if it was laughing.
Hotaru smirked, walked towards it--and stomped on it.
o--o
Part 5: Fight! Who should be the Alpha Male?
--
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams
--
Natsume shuddered. He had just finished another mission; and heck, he was damn relieved that it was over. Persona was acting really weird and he didn't like it a teensy weensy bit.
-flashback-
"I'm done."
His black cat mask still attached to his face, Natsume waited for Persona to acknowledge his presence.
But Persona didn't budge--not an inch. Natsume narrowed his eyes at the posterior of his superior: Persona was acting suspicious. What was he up to?
Persona placed his left hand over his left hip.
To Natsume's disbelief, the ebony-haired man clad in black started to sway his butt to the groove of the swaying shadows of the trees, humming a stupid foreign tune. Persona seemed unsatisfied with the moves. He started to tap dance and did the can-can at the same time, flinging his left and right legs alternately--complete with the medley.
"Jan jan jajajaja jan-jan!" he sung.
Natsume's jaw dropped, his mask came off in the process. What the hell!
"Hey…"
Persona froze and realized he was not alone. He glanced at Natsume, who was gawking at him.
He rotated, faced Natsume, cleared his throat, and frowned.
"You didn't see anything," Persona uttered.
"Right…"
-end of flashback-
There is no freaking way he'd want to remember that, but it was stuck in his memory no matter how much he tried to forget it. Who could blame him? Who wouldn't forget something like that! Persona, tap-dance, and can-can just don't mix: it's just plain wrong.
Natsume felt a headache coming.
And it did come--when someone bumped into him. Natsume fell backwards and landed on the floor.
"OOF!" he bellowed, his head hitting the pavement.
"AROOCH!" yelped the idiot who bumped into him.
Natsume rubbed the back of his head and glared at the person sprawled backwards in front of him. His angry expression turned to that of surprise when he realized that the person who bumped into him turned out to be his best friend.
"Ruka, you okay?" he inquired, staring at the sitting blonde-haired boy who was rubbing his sore ass.
"Uh…I think so…" Ruka replied, wincing in pain. He blinked, confused. 'What happened to me?' he thought, trying to recall the events that occurred an hour ago. All that his mind conceived after Hotaru dangled the freaky vulva-shaped thingy were images of Amanatsu, whipped cream, and a splash of something white. The next thing Ruka realized, he had bumped into Natsume.
"Natsume, have you seen Mikan?" Ruka asked all of a sudden.
"No…" Natsume said. His eyes shrunk into slits. Was his best friend planning to do something to Mikan? Whatever it is, he had to know. "Why do you ask?"
Ruka shrugged and avoided the invisible daggers Natsume shot at him. "Nothing. I just wanted to make lo…llipops with her," he answered, looking as innocent as he could.
Natsume crossed his arms and shook his head. Lollipops?
"Right," he said, unconvinced.
Ruka decided to change the subject. "The sun sure is shining more brightly today, isn't it?" he uttered.
"I guess so. I never tried looking at it. Did you?"
"…"
"…"
Natsume and Ruka stood up, straightened their backs, and faced each other with stern looks on their faces.
"Give her up."
Ruka blinked in surprise. "What?"
"I said you crack me up," Natsume replied casually.
"No! That's not what you said!" Ruka protested. He swore he just heard Natsume tell him to give up Mikan….didn't he?
"Did so…"
"Did not!"
"Did so…"
"Did not!"
By this time, a huge crowd had already gathered around the two arguing drop-dead gorgeous boys. Everybody looked curious and intrigued. Kokoroyomi, Sumire, Otonashi and Youichi watched among the crowd.
Sumire covered her mouth with her hands. "Oh my gosh, Ruka and Natsume are fighting!" she exclaimed in disbelief.
"Looks like it." Kokoroyomi replied, taking a bite from his half-eaten chocolate bar.
Meanwhile, Otonashi was making weird facial expressions: Her eyes were closed as if she was concentrating on something. "I see fighting…lots and lots of fighting…" she said in a low and knowing tone, shaking her head in dismay.
Some of the older boys started to chant. "Fight! Fight!" and a few hoots echoed from the back of the crowd.
Oblivious of the numerous people huddling around them, Natsume and Ruka continued their intimate conversation.
"Ruka, you're being OOC."
"Oh, and you're not?"
Natsume snapped his fingers. "Of course I'm not. I'm faaaar from OOC-ness," he replied haughtily, picking his nose and flicking a booger in the direction of some squealing girls near him. The girls' squeals of love turned to screams of horror as they scattered, trying to get out of the way of the booger's path. One lone fangirl attempted to catch it with her handkerchief.
Ruka ruffled his hair in annoyance. "And I'm telling you I'm not OOC too!" he yelled, scratching an armpit. Damn, I think I forgot to shave my blonde-haired armpits this morning…he mentally scolded himself. Kokoroyomi, who was reading his mind, chortled madly. Tears of mirth formed in his eyes.
Several girls from the Natsume and Ruka fanclub gasped while some fainted. A few younger boys started to chuckle. Youichi, now an elementary student, glared threateningly at the chuckling boys.
"That's it! I've had it! You're going down Ruka!" Natsume shrieked, clenching his fists.
"I've had it too! I'm listening to my testosterones this time!" Ruka retorted, doing a Kung-Fu stance.
"Prepare yourself Ruka!"
"You too Natsume!"
"The winner gets Mikan!"
"You're ON!"
"Hyaaaaaaaaah!" both cried out and jumped. Everyone watched in astonishment as the two flew into the air in slow motion. A hush ran over the crowd as they watched the two boys slowly charge at each other.
"Gosh this is so weird…" Sumire remarked, "..and OOC."
Kokoroyomi shrugged. "The author overdid it if you ask me," he snorted, "HOW LAME!"
Suddenly, something sparkled from the sky and a huge signboard hit Kokoroyomi on the head, knocking him unconscious.
A few people gathered around the signboard, with an unconscious Kokoroyomi lying on the ground just beside it.
Sumire knelt beside the signboard, sweated, and read the words written on it out loud: Don't complain--it's either THIS or YAOI.
Everybody started talking at once.
"That makes sense."
"Figures."
"I think I prefer Yaoi," said a guy, smacking his lips.
"Eww man, you're freaking me out!" his friend replied, scooting away from him with a grossed-out look.
--o
"Ahh…ahhh…CHOOO!"
Mikan hastily placed a handkerchief over her nose and honked in it. She rubbed her runny nose, totally confused. Was she coming down with a cold? But it's in the middle of spring! She never got sick during spring! She was sneezing non-stop since the start of the day. Were people talking about her? She tried to remember if she did something wrong earlier that day. This is so weird…
When she turned right at the corner, her eyes widened at the huge number of people blocking the hallway.
Mikan gaped at the monstrous crowd. What is going on in there?
She tapped the shoulder of an older guy, who turned around and looked at her. "What is going on?" she asked.
"Well, Natsume Hyuuga and Ruka Nogi are fighting!"
"WHAT!"
Mikan trembled. Natsume? Ruka? Fighting? But…why? She had to stop them!
With a determined expression, she closed her eyes and squeezed her way into the crowd. She held her breath, just in case she comes across someone with a bad case of body odor--better sure than sorry right? As soon as she reached the front area, she desperately inhaled for fresh air. She heard several shouts and her eyes flew open, just in time to witness Natsume and Ruka with their arms bent, fists clenched, and eyes locked in a rage of battle.
She extended an arm and ran in slow motion towards her two closest guy friends who were about to beat each other to death.
"Noooooo! Stoooop!" she wailed.
The crowd watched anxiously and held their breaths--Natsume and Ruka were only a few feet away from each other. Some eyes followed Mikan as she ran dramatically towards the two angry young men.
Natsume narrowed his eyes, so did Ruka. To everyone's astonishment, he extended his right fist in front of Ruka, popping his second and third fingers out while Ruka's left hand flew open. They froze in paper-scissors-stone positions; Natsume had conjured up scissors while Ruka was paper. It only meant one thing: Natsume won.
Mikan stumbled and fell over, sweating profusely. Tiny beads of sweat formed on everyone's foreheads.
Natsume let out a victorious OOC-laugh. "Wahahaha, I won!" he announced. A few male spectators clapped in admiration.
Ruka pointed accusingly at Natsume. "Another round!" he challenged.
"STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!"
The two snapped their heads in Mikan's direction; she looked taken aback and disappointed. Involuntarily, their gazes journeyed down her body which was clad only in a white mini-skirt, a yellow tank top, and a pair of white leather boots.
"Hello Mikan…" Ruka managed to say, his eyes fixed on the generous amount of exposed skin in her thigh areas. He was horny again.
"Hey polka-dots…" Natsume uttered, staring at her chest that revealed a fair amount of cleavage. His eyes, along with his manhood, grew big.
Mikan pulled out a fan from nowhere and whacked it on Natsume and Ruka's heads.
She crossed her arms and frowned in disapproval. "Snap out of it perverts! You say hello to my face, nowhere else!" she spat.
"Natsume…" Ruka began, a huge bump forming at the top of his head. He faced Natsume, who had also developed a bump, and cleared his throat.
"What?"
"Let's stop this. Fighting isn't right…"
Natsume looked thoughtful. "Yeah…"
"How about we just schedule it? You take her Fridays to Saturdays. I take her Tuesdays to Thursdays?"
"Hmmm…works for me."
"It's settled then."
Mikan was growing frustrated by the minute. "DON'T YOU MEN THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN SEX, SEX AND MORE SEX?!" she screeched, her cheeks turning red in anger. All eyes turned to Mikan, some of the boys in the crowd snickered. Natsume and Ruka stared at her, astounded that she just shouted at them.
"Mikan…are you horny too?" Ruka probed, "You're so feisty today."
"I'm not feisty!"
"I think she is," Natsume added.
"I said I'm NOT!" Mikan groaned and shot them a hurt look. "What aboutMYwants, huh?"she demanded.
Natsume lifted a brow. "So what do YOU want?"
"Well…I want a sweet and loving relationship. Someone who will always be there for me, day and night…" Mikan started, her eyes gleaming with fantasy. She placed her hands over where her heart was supposed to be and closed her eyes dreamily.
Natsume pulled out two pieces of paper with the label "CHECKLIST: WHAT MIKAN WANTS" written at the top of the sheets. He gave the other one to Ruka. Both pulled out a pen and started to scribble checkmarks on their list.
"Go on…" Ruka urged her to continue, as if they were in some kind of counseling session.
"Well, I want a man who will listen and support me. Protect me and love me to no end. Make me feel really special and every time he looks at me, he would take me to another world…."
Natsume snorted. "And?"
Mikan glared at him and went back to her day-dream mode. "I want him to hug me securely in his arms, kiss me so passionately that I'll forget I exist, and touch me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world!" she finished and turned to the two, her eyes sparkled and added. "See? There's more to love than sex!"
Natsume and Ruka looked at each other and crumpled the checklists; they tossed the paper balls over their shoulders and laughed.
"Hey! What's so funny?" Mikan yelled in protest.
"What you said sounded like sex to me," Natsume remarked.
Ruka nodded. "Yup."
Several male heads in the crowd started bobbing their heads in agreement. Some of the girls shook their heads, annoyed looks plastered on their faces.
"Men…" a female spectator muttered.
Mikan felt her legs turn into jelly.
"WHAT! I CAN'T BELIEVE THE TWO OF YOU!" she exclaimed, forgetting how to breathe. She slapped her forehead in disbelief. Since when did these two become chauvinists? I don't believe this!
All of a sudden, somebody tapped her on the shoulder. Mikan jumped and turned around--it was none other than Hotaru.
Her best friend looked as expressionless as ever. "You know Mikan. You should choose between them."
"But Hotaru…" Mikan began but trailed off when she realized an extra hand was resting on Hotaru's shoulder. She paused and realized that the hand belonged to Persona.
"AAAH! PERSONA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING BEHIND HOTARU!" she screamed in terror. What was Persona doing with Hotaru? Was he planning to kidnap Hotaru? NOO! She won't let him take her best friend away! Never in a million years!
Everyone's jaw dropped to the ground. Natsume and Ruka rushed in front of Mikan, intending to protect and stop her from doing something impulsive.
Natsume glared at Persona. 'What do you want?"
Persona tittered, smiling a crooked smile. "You shouldn't be surprised my dear delicious Natsume…" he replied, licking his lips. His fingers slithered around Hotaru's neck, traced her jaw-line, and ran them through her short hair. "Her evilness simply attracts me…she just hired me as her laboratory assistant. Don't you know?"
"WHAT!" everybody cried out, their eyes bulging out. Natsume and Ruka fell over.
Mikan felt unbelievably dizzy. "HOTARU! What were you thinking!"
"Don't talk too much, Persona." Hotaru commanded.
Persona cowered. "Yes my mistress. I'm sorry…," he apologized and knelt on one knee beside her; freaky bubbles appeared and floated around him.
Hotaru smiled and patted his head. "Good boy."
"That's just so wrong!" someone yelled from the crowd.
Hotaru ignored the comment, lifted her gaze and stared at her three friends. Then, she smiled knowingly at the two boys. "I've got the solution to your sex problems…Ruka…Natsume…" she began. "You two can have her at the same time with my help. I'll do it for free."
Ruka instantly looked suspicious. Hotaru? Help? For free? Hah! Who was she kidding? He won't fall for her obvious trick!
"What kind of solution?" he queried, narrowing his eyes. "You seem awfully generous today, Imai."
"I am not going to be a part of this," Natsume grunted.
"Yeah."
"How pathetic," Hotaru replied, shaking her head. "It's a chance of a lifetime you know. You should take it."
While everyone's attention were glued on Hotaru, Ruka and Natsume's interesting conversation, Youichi watched the forgotten Mikan a few feet away. Mikan sank on her knees; tears welled up the her eyes. Youichi approached her and sat on her lap, looking sympathetic.
"Onee-chan? What's wrong?" Youichi asked, peeking at her face. He reached out his hands and rested his palms on her cheeks.
"Nothing, Yo-chan. Forget about it. I'm okay…" she sniffed, forcing a smile. A few tears trickled down her cheeks.
Youichi frowned. "You don't look okay stupid…," he pointed out, brushing away a tear from the rim of her eyes. "I'll listen…"
Upon hearing this, Mikan gave in and bawled out loud. She grabbed Youichi and hugged him tight.
"I HATE SEX! I HATE HORMONES! I HATE EVERYONE!" she cried out, burying her face in Youichi's small frame.
By now, everyone was staring at the scene between Mikan and Youichi. Natsume and Ruka looked taken aback.
"Go on, onee-chan…"
"I hate being treated like a sex object!" Mikan said softly in between hiccups, her whole body trembled. "I may not be as smart like most girls and I may not be in touch with reality like most people….sure….I enjoy being intimate…but I don't want to be used in any way!" She let out another sob and tightened her embrace on Youichi. "Oh Yo-chan…why can't Natsume and Ruka just enjoy being with me without thinking of sex…."
"I don't know, Onee-chan."
Everyone grew quiet. Hotaru's expression softened. She watched Youichi and Mikan cuddle each other.
Natsume and Ruka looked at each other, guilt written all over their faces. Slowly, they walked towards the sobbing Mikan.
"Hey polka-dots…stop crying…" Natsume said, kneeling beside Youichi and Mikan and trying to get a glimpse of her face.
Ruka bent over and placed a hand on her shivering back. "Mikan…" he whispered apologetically. Mikan sniffed and he continued. "We're sorry…I guess we've been real jerks lately. All we've been thinking about are our trivial needs…we've been selfish."
A small smile formed in Youichi's lips as he held Mikan, and her cries slowly ceased; but still, she refused to move. Natsume knew she was listening. He decided it was his turn to speak up. "Mikan…" he said, hesitating in calling her name in front of a crowd, but did so anyway. "…I'm sorry. We've been acting like animals lately. You know we really didn't mean to hurt you."
Mikan lifted her head and looked up at the two young men peering down at her. "Really?"
Both nodded and smiled at her reassuringly.
Hotaru approached and sat beside her best friend. "They really care for you," she told her, grinning from ear to ear.
Mikan let go of Youichi and stood up, feeling relieved for the first time that day. She turned to Natsume and Ruka, her eyes gleaming with happiness. All three blushed furiously.
"Thank you. Natsume. Ruka."
"No problem." Ruka answered, looking away; trying his best to ignore the independent reaction of his private part. Darn it…
"Do understand Mikan. I can't deny that I still want you that way…" Natsume replied.
Mikan sighed and shook her head; but this time, she was smiling. "Fine, we'll work something out. How about over dinner?" she offered and started to walk away. Natsume and Ruka followed, walking on either side of her.
Natsume smirked. "Why not?"
"Want to go out with me tomorrow Mikan?" Ruka asked.
"Sure!"
As soon as they were gone, the huge crowd slowly dispersed and only Hotaru and Youichi were left at the site, watching the shrinking forms of the trio.
"I guess censors do have a purpose," Hotaru remarked.
Youichi nodded. "I agree. I think censors somehow promote morality...sort of."
"Hmmm...I wonder what will happen between Natsume and Mikan after dinner…" she looked down at Youichi, "Do you think Natsume will be able to make love to Mikan tonight…after dinner?"
"Who cares? They'll probably end up being censored anyway," Youichi replied with a shrug.
Hotaru laughed. "You're right."
"Want to watch them get censored?"
Hotaru pulled out her blackmail video-camera and grinned. "I thought you'll never ask!"
"Race you to the restaurant!"
"You're on!"
--o
The End.
--o
End Notes: I tried to make it as subtle as possible, especially the ending. Thanks for reading! Revised 12/5/06.