Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There

Disclaimer: I still do not own the show or the characters or anything.

- Luke's point of view -

It doesn't make any sense to me; why we ever got together, why we aren't together now, why I'm on my way to her house. I feel like I just follow along, letting people say what they will, do what they will. I don't need answers, I don't need explanations, I just need to please everyone. I hate that I live my life this way, but it's the only way I know how to live. I've been like this ever since my mom got sick.

I can't ignore the nauseous feeling in my stomach. It doesn't matter that the sound of her name makes me angry as hell, the thought of her being in trouble instantly turns my viewpoint into 'hero mode'. It doesn't matter that she bails on me, I'll always love her. I've been like this ever since she walked into the diner, and that was six years ago.

I pull into her driveway, using every ounce of my will-power to not ram into his motorcycle. I make my way across the front lawn, and as I reach the porch steps, I can hear her screaming, but can't make out her words. I reject the idea of knocking on the door, and just open it. I step inside and strain my eyes in the darkness. The only thing providing light in the room is the small lamp in the corner. I then turn my head in the direction of the kitchen when I hear her voice, "You're pathetic! Every thing you do, every decision you make-"

I walk through the entryway of the kitchen and grab Christopher's shirt in fist fulls at the reaction of his hand slapping her across the face. I push him hard against the wall, knocking a chair over in the process, and immediately noticing his drunken state.

"Stop! Luke, let him go!" I ignore her protests as Chris tries to free from my grasp. The kitchen lights immediately turn on, and the first thing I see is Lorelai's pleading face. Her voice is shaking, "He didn't mean to hit me, just let him go."

I hesitate before loosening my grip and stepping away from him, my jaw becoming tense as he smirks and straightens out his shirt. It doesn't go unnoticed that he avoids looking me in the eyes, "Get outta here man, this is between me and Lorelai."

I can't control the anger in my voice, "There's not a chance in hell that I'm leaving, Buddy!" I turn my head to face Lorelai when I hear her shaky breath. She's wiping the tears from her eyes and standing there, exposed and defenseless. She lifts her head and looks up at me, her vulnerability hits me hard, and I finally come to terms with the true meaning of that night.

She then turns to Chris, "There's a room at the inn. Take it or leave it, either way you're leaving this house."

He shakes his head and scoffs before pushing past her and heading towards the front door. She turns around to face him, but doesn't follow. I notice her body slightly jump at the sound of the door slamming shut, before she turns back around. She looks up at me, and I speak the first words that come to mind, "Are you okay?"

She sniffles and nods her head, "Yeah, I'm fine. I've never actually been slapped in the face before, but I imagined it would feel something like this." She manages to pretend to be fine for three more seconds, and then she falls apart, and the tears emerge from her eyes. Her shoulders shudder as she sobs softly, and I take no hesitation in embracing her.

I pull her tightly against me, and feel her tears seeping through my flannel. I rest my chin on her head and try and reassure her that everything will be okay. I know these words mean nothing to her, I know things are far from being okay, but I don't know what else to say. My eyes widen at her muffled words, "I'm so sorry, Luke. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay."

She pulls away from me and shakes her head as she stares at the ground, "No, it's not."

I watch her as she turns on her heels and makes her way to the livingroom. She takes a seat on the couch, and continues to slowly shake her head. The room is still dark, and the moonlight shining through the windows make the tears on her cheeks glisten. I take a seat beside her and admit, "You still wanted to be with him -- that night. You felt like you had to start this with me... you didn't have to."

She avoids my eyes as she stares around the room, "I wanted to Luke, I did. I know it's hard for you to believe me, but I love being with you. I love being your partner, I love being your girlfriend, I just - I have my doubts sometimes." There are a few moments of silence as she gathers her thoughts, "I jumped... that night. I was unsure... but that feeling passed as we started a relationship. You have to understand, it wasn't until he called that I started rethinking-"

"Because you still love him."

She shrugs her shoulders, "There are feelings there -- for him. But I can fix that. I can with time." I remain silent as I listen to her, "He's always been this possibility, a place to settle, a person to fall back on. I can't explain it - we were so young-"

"Lorelai, I know, I get it."

She lifts her head to look up at me as a new wave of tears emerge, "I know that you feel like I played you -- but I didn't. All these feelings I have -- they're real, Luke. I love you."

I pull her closer as I wrap an arm around her, and gently kiss her forehead, "I love you, too." I feel her body loosen as her breath steadies, and she becomes more relaxed. "You know, I'll never let him touch you again, Lorelai."

She whispers back, "I know."

"I'll never let anybody hurt you."

"Ditto."

TBC

ggandothlover: Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it. I'm trying my best to make the writing realistic, mostly the dialogue. It's tough though, because Lorelai has never really been in a situation like this on the show, it's hard to write without having anything to use as a guide line.

lemon-scented candles: I know! It's almost creepy! Like some scary town that takes over a girls' life! I mean, are there no other graduates from an ivy league school? Are there no other graduates in general?! It hasn't really hit me until now, but it seems like in all seven seasons the town has been abnormally connected to Lorelai and Rory. It's one thing if Babette and Patty and Kirk etc., want to be there, but the preview for next week showed the whole freakin town! LOL, it really is weird.

Sarah: Thanks for the review, and in truth, I was boycotting the show too. I feel like I missed so much because I hardly watched any of the episodes, I probably watched about six. It got to the point where I would look at the clock on a Tuesday night and be like, "Oh, wow, I missed Gilmore girls." I mean, I used to be anticipating new episodes all day long - all week long, and now it doesn't even phase me. I'll definitely be watching the season finale, but odds are I won't like it very much.

GGLOVER91, softballgurl109, xgilmoregirlx, and Afw: Thanks for reviewing!