Welcome, one and all, to once again another crazy crossover fan story by me, Maverick Hunter Cyros (just one of many names I go by in this internet world). You might remember me from such unfinished stories like A Humorous World of the Transformers, Irken Prime, and probably the most infamous of all, the various incarnations of the series Red vs. Blue: The Pokémon Chronicles. Well, if you've found this story by now, I bet you have a pretty good idea what it's about too.

I won't bore you much longer, so here are the disclaimers. Red vs. Blue and all it's original plots, characters and jokes are brainstormed, written, produced and gold mined by Rooster Teeth Productions. In addition to this machinema, the video game series Halo and all of it's elements are property of Bungie and to a further extent, Microsoft. And finally, the video game series Pokémon and all the franchises included are property of Game Freak, the Pokémon Company and most of all, Nintendo. That is to say, I own basically nothing except to general idea of this fanfic and any original characters I decide to throw in that appear more than one or two chapters. In closing, I'm just doing this to have fun and see just how much trouble I can cause by combining to two series; it's like a laboratory experiment, but without the mixing of acids and water, so it's safer… to an extent.

Addressing those who have followed my previous versions of this story, I'm going to say now that they will not stay up on my profile much longer. Eventually, after a few chapters or so, I will take them down permanently. This will most likely not occur until the end of the month, so by January 1st, 2007, the four versions of Red vs. Blue: The Pokémon Chronicles will be taken down, as well as a few other of my stories (most likely all of them, as I will not be working on them anymore). So to those who have waited for more content on those actual stories, I have to say I am sorry, but I feel like continuing those now would be an unnecessary challenge. And yet, I thank you for your positive reviews as well are your patience.

Now, here's a quick overview of some writing styles you'll see:

(Bold and in Parenthesis) – Scene and time changes
"Underlined Quotes" – Radio voice-over
"Italic Quotes" – Thinking

Red vs. Blue: You Have a WHAT in your Pocket?!

LAST TIME, ON RED VS. BLUE (Episode 77)

"A baby?! Wait up! I wanna see!"

"Donut, get back here! Wait for the ship!"

"But Sarge, we don't even know when the ship is gonna get here! It's coming all the way from Earth! That could take days, or weeks, or months, or even years!"

KER-SMASH!!!

And now, the continuation…

Episode One: Light Fuse… Pray for Death

(Underneath Blood Gulch, sometime after Episode 77 and before Episode 84)

Private Franklin D. Donut was not having a good day. More accurately, his day was going just fine up until something feel from the sky and landed straight on top of him. After that, he blacked out for who knows how long and had only recently reawakened. With a mighty headache to add to the injury as well.

"Uhh… what happened?" He looked around at his surroundings briefly, trying to ignore the pain stabbing through his skull.

"Where am I?"

Seeing nothing at interest, he moved forward and into a large cavern. His eyes soon caught sight of two prone figures, lying on the ground.

"Oh, maybe they know!" he proclaimed. As he got closer, he saw the duo made not attempt to acknowledge him. Nor did they move a muscle. Donut soon came to a simple conclusion and said, "But it might be rude to wake them up. I'll just wait here a while."

Meanwhile, while Donut foolishly hummed like some kind of weird greenish gnome, just a scant few hundred meters from his position, evil was afoot.

"So, is it ready?" asked a deep, yet gravely, male voice

"What?" The second voice was higher than the first, but still male in nature.

"I said, is it ready?"

"…is what ready?"

"What?! Are you some kind of moron?!"

"Seriously, I don't remember what we're doing!"

Two armored soldiers faced one another; one in red armor, the other in blue. It was the one in red who took a deep sigh of frustration and talked to his companion.

"Alright, I'm only going over this one more time, so pay attention. Or else."

"Er, yeah, yeah! Or else!"

The red soldier took a glance at a nearby device and nodded slowly. "This bomb here is designed to blow up and destroy everything down here, and on the surface. That means the guys up there will be gone, and the boss will pay us after he collects the reward! You got it?"

The blue soldier took a quick look at the bomb and said, "Oh yeah! The giant bomb! Erm, I think it's all set. Don't see anything wrong from here."

"What about the timer then? Did you hook it up right?"

"Umm…" He glanced at the digital timer, which currently read fifteen minutes. "Looks like it."

"You didn't put it in upside-down, did you? I don't want to die because of you repeating something you saw on television."

"Nope, I didn't, see!" The blue soldier pointed at the top part of the timer which had the label "THIS END UP" on it. "So we're good to go!"

"Excellent. Let's arm this thing and run for it."

As the red soldier reached for the activation switch for the bomb, he stopped just as his eyes caught sight of something. Or rather, someone. In pink armor.

"…uh, hi! My name's Donut! Do you know where we are right now?"

The two soldiers looked at each other in confusion. In unison, they thought, "Where the heck did this guy come from," and cautiously approached him, guns ready.

"Wait a minute, why are you pointing those at me? What did I do?"

The red soldier stepped forward and said, "You're from Blood Gulch, aren't you?"

Donut immediately responded to the question, knowing well enough the answer. "Yeah, I am!"

"From the Red squad, right?"

"Right again! Man, you guys must be psychic or something!"

Before the red guy could continue, his companion jumped in and added, "So that means you're one of the guys that Wyoming wants dead!"

"Bingo!" Donut had thought for only a moment afterwards before he realized something.

"…wait, what?"

"Idiot!" the red guy screamed, smacking he companion with his rifle. "Quick, we need to kill him before he can warn the others!"

Donut stood still for another second before the realization of what was happening kicked it. "Uh oh."

He turned tail and ran, ran for his pathetic little life as two flunkies, one red, one blue, chased him across the cavern, guns a blazing

If Donut believed he was having a bad day, then by obvious logic, the rest of the Red squad would have to be having one too. It didn't help either that after a series of unforeseen events, a ship appeared in the middle of the canyon, Grif's sister showed up, Sarge was mistaken for a commander would died while on duty and that Grif's sister was actually sent by the BLUE Command to assist the BLUE squad.

And to make things worse, Sarge was overly pissed. And when he's pissed, no one is safe, not even Simmons. But for Grif (who Sarge hated with an undying passion) and his sister (who was technically a member of the Blue army), things were about to get very, very ugly.

"Well, uh… Sarge… at least, well… at least-"

"Simmons," Sarge said with a voice of venom. "Do yourself a favor and don't, say, a word."

Simmons took the advice and immediately shut up. While he stood next to Sarge, Grif and his younger sibling stood opposite from them. Grif's sister, donned in yellow armor, took this time to ask her brother a question.

"Psst! Hey, Grif? What's going to happen now?"

Grif sighed and whispered back. "In my experience with Sarge, one of two things. Either he beats up senseless and makes us do stuff, or, he kills us. …and judging by his expression, I think we're screwed."

His sister's eyes widened in shock, although her visor prevented anyone from seeing her expression of terror. "What?! I can't die now! I haven't even gotten to second base with anyone besides myself!"

"Seriously, stop saying things like that in front of me. Better yet, never say anything like that again."

"All right you maggots!" shouted Sarge. The siblings immediately stood at attention; facing Sarge with looks of worry and disappointment (Grif only had disappointment). "It seems like the devious plots created by the Blues has once again failed! You were very clever there for a while missy, but you forget that as a member of the Red Army, I've been trained to be a master military leader!"

"…Red Army? What-"

"Shut it! Now that disaster has been adverted, it's time to figure out what do with you, you… you damn dirty Blue!"

Grif's sister looked over herself for a moment before turning her head back up. "OHH, you mean there are two armies now?"

"Wait a minute," said Simmons. "When did you join the army anyway?"

"About two years after my brother… why?"

"A-hah! Just as I thought. YOU joined the army just after Master Chief blew up the alien armada and the Red and Blue armies formed."

"You mean we aren't fighting any aliens? Aww man!" she moaned.

"Quit the chatter, Simmons! All that matters now is what we're gonna do with Grif's sister! And Grif."

"What?!" the orange soldier shouted. "What did I do wrong?!"

"Guilty of being related to the enemy. You got Blue genes around there somewhere…"

"Sarge, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. And I've been hanging around Donut for years.

"What are the up to down there… looks like they're chewing out their new recruit and Grif. Looks like he knows her too."

"Ooo, ooo, maybe they are part of a secret breeding program to make a race of yellow-orange super soldiers!"

Church slowly turned to face his blue companion, Caboose. "Caboose… I highly doubt that."

"What's up, bitches?" Strolling to the top of the base was their companion, Private Tucker, as well as his recently born alien son. "Did I miss anything exciting?"

"I thought you were off spending some alone time with your abomination of nature." Church gave an accompanying glare at the alien baby, who responded with a mean sounding honk! in return.

"Yeah, that didn't go as well as I planned. But hey, I taught him a neat little trick!" Tucker looked at his alien child and said, "Hey TJ: bow chicka bow wow!"

In response, "TJ" said, "Honk blarghie honk honk!" in the same way Tucker had said his line.

"That was a really neat trick, Tucker!" exclaimed Caboose. "Can he play dead?"

"If you don't get that thing away from me soon, he'll be 'playing' dead for the rest of eternity," warned Church. The cobalt soldier then resumed spying on the Reds.

"Hey, what's going on with the girl?" asked Tucker, whose superior eyesight saw what Church needed a sniper scope to see. "Why is their sergeant pointing a gun at her?"

"I don't know… she probably pissed him off or something. For some reason, I just saw Simmons digging him up from the ground. Sometimes I just don't understand them."

Tucker looked at the opposing team along with Church for several more minutes. He then turned and asked, "What are they talking about?"

"TUCKER, GODDAMNIT!"

"No harsh language in front of the baby, please," Caboose stated.

"Caboose, I swear to god that- wait a minute. The Reds are coming this way!

Bullets of different sizes flew through the air and bounced off various objects. Donut was thankful that the standard issue armor for both armies has a built in shield matrix for added protection, or he wouldn't have lasted this long.

Behind him, both the red and the blue soldier continued to fire at him, determined to take him out. While he wasn't entirely sure why, he remembered them mentioned someone named "Wyoming" was out to kill them all, and that the strange object they where working with was the key to that plot. Unfortunately, Donut was unable to find any path that lead to the surface, meaning his options were begin to severely dwindle.

"Aim for him, stupid! Quit shooting the rocks!"

"I'm trying, ass! The sight on this thing is crooked!"

"No, your sight is crooked you moron!"

"Well your brain is crooked!"

"That makes no sense!"

"I'm glad their concentrating more on each other than me…" Donut had to find a way away from those guys, and fast. He turned another corner and kept running, suddenly finding the bomb right in his path.

"I see him!" the blue soldier shouted. "Take this, you pink bastard!"

With a toss of his arm, a blue fuzzy thingy was launched into the air. Donut stopped for a moment to stare at it and thought one, single thing.

"Ahh, spider!!! Get it away!"

He dove out of the way just as the grenade came to where he was; and then attached itself to the exterior of the bomb.

"No, you idiot! You've doomed us all!"

The blue soldier looked at his partner sheepishly and asked, "Does this mean we're not going to get paid?"

Donut still ran without the knowledge of the grenade attaching itself to the bomb. He spotted the two bodies he had found before and yelled, "Hey, get up, it's not safe here! Hey, listen, get up! Hey!"

There was nothing anyone could do. The grenade reached critical and exploded, melting the casing and eating at the detonator inside

"What the hell did you say?!"

Sarge smirked at Church's cries of disbelief. "I said we have one of your guys! Who's a girl! Chalk one up for the Red Team!"

"I thought she was your guy! Look at her; yellow armor!"

"Nope, she's yours! Or rather, was yours! Who's the better leader now, punk?!"

Church stood in a stupor. The Reds had just come over to their base and started taunting him, revealing that the yellow armored girl that had just arrived a while before was in fact a recruit from the Blue army for their squad. And just to put salt in the wounds, Sarge claimed that she was now their prisoner, constantly motioning to her restraints. Add the fact that the ship that was SUPPOSE to belong to him was been commandeered by Sarge… well, the point was that things were going to shit pretty quickly.

"Hey! Hey!" Grif turned to his sister who kept whispering in a not-so-low manner. "Is this get up really necessary? I'm not into this kind of stuff!"

Eyeing the bounds on her wrists, the orange soldier replied, "Just be glad he didn't kill you. And what did I say about saying stuff like that?"

"Not my fault I had nothing to watch but your 'special videos' for two years after you left."

"You did WHAT?!"

"Grif, shut the fuck up already!" yelled Simmons.

"Hey, screw you Simmons!"

On top of the base, Tucker watched as the two Red privates argued with each other. "Those two always bicker like a married couple, huh Church?"

"Tucker, I'm a littlebusy right now… I would appreciate it if you just back off."

"Okay, fine." Tucker walked away and ran into Doc, the resident medic of the canyon. "Say, you wouldn't know anything about child care, would you?"

"Well, today is your lucky day! I've been babysitting ever since middle school! I know all the tricks of the trade!"

"But what about actually child care? You know, with kids of your own?"

Doc paused for a moment before asking, "Is there a difference?"

Church kept arguing with Sarge over the situation, and frankly, he was getting pissed by it. He could just shoot him there and now, but as previous experience taught him, his aim with the sniper rifle was less than adequate. And he didn't really want to walk to the other side of the roof to get his battle rifle either.

"So, what's it gonna take to get my rookie back from you guys?"

"Nothing!" Sarge laughed at Church's stupid question. "We've already won so in your face Blue!"

"You know what; I don't have time to deal with this crap anymore. Since you have a prisoner and you lost one of your guys, and since our medic doesn't fight, the odds are even. We could take you out right now if we felt like it."

"Why don't you say that to me face, then?"

"I can see the shotgun in your hands, dumbass."

"Why you dirty-" Sarge recomposed himself and looked at his troops. "Lock and load, we end this today!"

Simmons looked at Sarge with a look of worry "But sir, who'll watch the prisoner while we storm the enemy base?"

"Let Grif handle it."

"But then it'll be two of us verse three of them."

"Good point. Oh well, let's get rid of her then."

"Does that mean you're setting me free?" Grif's sister asked with happiness.

"Nope; we're gonna kill yah!"

"What?!"

"WHAT?!" The second exclamation came from Grif. "You're actually going to-"

Sarge aimed his shotgun right at her face which, even at a meter away, would totally cause a fatal head wound. "Let's get this over with; I have a war to win!"

Church heard the sound of a weapon being loaded and glanced at the source. Indeed, Tucker was getting ready to do something. "Tucker, what the hell are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" the teal (or aqua as he had claimed) armored private stated. "I'm gonna rush right in and save her!"

"Why? Did you forget that their Sarge has a shotgun? That will kill you with one shot at close range?"

"But they're going to execute one of our own soldiers! That means one less person to fight with us!"

Church pondered for a moment at Tucker's plan, and then saw the real reason he was going to do something suicidal. "You just want to save her so you can sleep with her, don't you?"

"Duh," Tucker said plainly. "This is the opportunity of the lifetime! I save her, we both lose our virginity; everyone wins!"

"…as much as I would love to stop you and make your feel miserable, the fact that you may certainly die while trying this crazy plan of yours intrigues me even more. Ah what the hell, go get 'em; maybe I'll be bothered enough to send flowers to your grave afterwards."

In a flash, Tucker was off to save the day, and by that, Grif's sister. That's when the ground cracked open everywhere.

"Whoa, what the hell?!" Tucker kept his composure even as the ground shank beneath his weight.

The Red and Blue squads stood still as the ground stopped sinking. All over the canyon, fissures had appeared and various landmarks had either crumbled or tilted. The Red base had nearly flipped over on its side even.

"Simmons, what the Sam-hell happened just now?!" shouted Sarge, the execution of Grif's sister temporarily forgotten.

"Why are you asking me, I don't know!"

On top of the Blue base, Church looked over the canyon and sighed. "Something tells me this isn't going to be good."

"What do you mean?" asked Caboose.

A great rumble now filled the canyon as the pieces of broken ground began to rise upward. "Call it luck, Caboose. Really, really, shitty luck."

And that's when Blood Gulch, as well as everything in a five kilometer radius, was blasted into who-knows-where.

Next Episode: This Picture is Wrong…