Going Back To The past

By: Sendoh11

Disclaimer: I'd be happily swimming in money and never want to get out of it if I owned both Gravitation and Hikaru no Go.

Shindo Shuichi was currently looking blankly at a piece of paper. He quirked his eyebrow when he saw what was written on it.

Fujiwarano Sai

Sighing in frustration, he crumpled the piece of paper and threw it away. He had actually planned on writing lyrics with it, but instead of writing lyrics, he wrote Sai's name. Shuichi scratched the back of his head while sighing again, messing up his already messy hair in the process.

It had been a week since he played Akira. He remembered saying that he would play go again and would achieve the hand of god, but he was not really thinking about the consequences when he spoke. Now that he thought about it, he found out that it was not that easy. There were many problems lying ahead waiting for him before he can once again become a professional go player.

For one, Shuichi would have to quit Bad Luck if he wanted to play go again. He could not possibly be a singer and a pro at the same time. Not that he was really fond of singing. No, Shuichi never like singing.

To him, singing meant nothing but a replacement for go.

It was the same with Yuki. He was never in love with Yuki. Respect, and maybe even admire, but never love. Even so, Shuichi did not know why he wanted to stay with Yuki. Maybe it was because of the way Yuki treated him.

It reminded him how badly he had treated Sai. Maybe that was the reason-to feel less guilty towards Sai.

Even though Shuichi knew that it was not right to be clinging onto Yuki, especially when he was not in love with him, it could not be counted as cheating, since Yuki was not in love with him either. Yuki had allowed him to stay at his house was because he pitied Shuichi. Yuki said that himself, and Shuichi believed it. He did not want to think otherwise.

He did not want to be hurt again.

To put it bluntly, Shuichi was being selfish, very.

And Shuichi knew it too. He wanted to change, to think of others' feelings for once. Maybe he should let them know the truth, just tell them everything. But it was not as easy as it was when you were just thinking instead of doing it.

What if Yuki, Hiro and others hate him, or even worse, loathe him after they knew the truth? What if Waya and those he knew before did not forgive him even after he apologized? After all, it was his fault for lying to everyone.

The more Shuichi thought about it, the more frustrated he became, and Shuichi came very close to slamming his head onto his desk, not knowing that Yuki, who just came back, was looking at him quizzically.