Hi! First, I want to apologize to anyone still interested in this story. I left it on hold for many reasons, one of the main being my extreme annoyance at Grey's Anatomy latest seasons and the fact that I developed a rather strong dislike to Derek, so it was kinda hard to write him. Still, it was brought to my attention that I said I meant to finish this story and I don't like to go back on my word. So, I'm going to finish, probably faster than I had first thought I would. Here's the next chapter; right now, I'm thinking I can wrap up this story properly with another chapter and an epilogue. I do not have a beta reader though, and English is not my first language, so I want to apologize in advance to any grammatical mistakes, but at least I'll get the story done ;-p

Again, my sincere apologies to anyone I left hanging. I hope this chapter makes up for it, and I'll post the next parts as soon as I can.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, never mine.

Chapter XV

::Hello?::

"Hey… Callie Torres?"

::Yeah, this is her.::

"Hey, Cal. It's Roan Montgomery… Addie's brother?"

::Hey, Ro! Long time no see! How's everything going?:: Roan felt silent. He had thought the whole conversation in his head; he knew Addison's friends deserved to know about the situation and had decided to call Callie, so she could let everyone at Seattle know. Still, it was harder than he though it would be.

"Umh…"

::That was a stupid question, wasn't it?:: he could hear the trepidation in the orthopedic surgeon's voice, ::Of course it's stupid,:: Callie continued ::otherwise, Addison would have called me herself.::

"Callie…"

::What happened?::

"Callie…"

::Cut the BS, Roan! What happened?!::

"She… Callie, Addison had some complications…"

::Did she lose…?"

"No. But they had to deliver earlier…"

::They delivered before thirty weeks?!::

"They had no choice. If they hadn't we could have lost them both."

::And… who did we lose?::

"So far? No one." He sighed, thanking to God that he was telling the truth and that so far his family was intact, "Matt is up in the NICU… he's going to be spending a long time there, but at least he's stable. The doctor's think he has a pretty good chance of getting through this. And Addison… she's in a comma right now."

::Comma?!!::

"Yeah… she seized, so they had to perform a c-section and she hasn't woken up yet. She should soon enough, though."

::Is she…?::

"Physically, I think she's as good as can be expected. We're still praying for the best… but we have no reason to panic yet."

::Besides the whole delivering Matt earlier part?::

"Yeah." Roan gave a soft laugh in spite of himself. He really did like Addison's friends and could understand why his sister was so fond of Callie, "Besides that."

::I'm guessing this is why Shepherd disappeared…::

"Yeah. I assumed Richard would have told you…"

::Probably didn't want to say a thing before he had some facts.::

"Probably. Anyway…"

::Anyway, I just paged Miranda and Preston to tell them, then we'll probably collectively go to Webber's office to make sure he didn't know before kicking his ass for not letting us know sooner. Afterwards, I'm asking for a couple of days to fly over… Miranda would probably insist in coming, been godmother and all.::

"Callie, you don't have to…"

::Yeah, I do. I promised Addie I would be the cool aunt and that I would fly over to meet Matt, and I'm keeping my word.::

"Fine. She'll like to wake up to that."

::Of course she will! Now… they're both weak but they're doing fine, right?::

"Right."

::Ok. Then I want to know just how cute Matt is.:: Roan laughed again, remembering his nephew's little hands and big eyes.

"He's… insanely gorgeous. Insanely gorgeous."

::Who… who does he…?::

"Mostly Mark. There's a whole lot of Addison in there too. But he's going to be a MiniMark."

::That's good.:: Callie exhaled, ::Addison will love that.::

"Yeah. Speaking of Addison…"

::You totally need to get back to her. Thanks so much for calling."

"It's okay. I'll see you, Callie."

::Sooner than you'd hope. Take good care of our girl. Bye, Ro.::

Roan pocketed his cell phone. He knew he should have made that call sooner, but amiss everything that had been happening, it had slipped his mind. But as he had been sitting by Addison's side and remembering their last night at Seattle, he had jumped to his feet, realizing he had neglected to call her friends.

It had been two days since Derek had come running through the hospital's corridor, demanding to know what had happened to Addison. In these two days, Addison had yet to wake up, as much as they both had hoped she would already be awake by now. The doctors kept telling them not to freak out just yet, and both men were trying their best not too. Still, Roan had been practically living by his sister's bedside. Up in the NICU, Derek had been spending the better part of his time by Matt's incubator. Every few hours, they changed positions, so that Derek could tell Addison every little new thing he had learned about Matt and, in turn, Roan could tell his baby nephew every single embarrassing story he could recall about Addison.

It had surprised Roan, truth be told, that Derek had opted to stay by Matt's side. He had figured the minute Derek Shepherd arrived to New York, he would claim his post by Addison's bed and not leave her out of his sight until she finally opened her eyes. But Derek had trusted him to take care of Addison while he did the same for the baby. Given that both Addie and Derek… and Mark… were all so known and loved among the NY medical community, it had taken very little to convince the Chief to let Roan and Derek stay all day and night. Furthermore, Derek usually remained in the room while the doctors examined Matt and was never shy about reading his and Addison's charts by himself, much to the annoyance of the other doctors.

When Roan had asked Derek why he had chosen to stay with Matt instead of Addie, he had been surprised by the serenity with which his answer came: it's what Addison would have wanted.

Roan knew Derek was right.

Addison would have worried so much more about her son being taken care of than about herself. She would have undoubtedly demanded that both Derek and Roan stayed with the baby. But as it was, neither man was willing to let either Addison or Matthew unattended; besides, their arrangement worked just fine.

If Roan was true to himself, he preferred it this way.

It was not because he didn't want to spend time with his baby nephew; in the few hours the child had become a real part of his life, Roan had been surprised by how much he already loved him. That baby boy that looked so much like Mark Sloan but with enough of Addison Montgomery in him was going to run circles around him and he knew it. It was not that he didn't want to be there for him.

It was just that… now, more than ever, Roan was starting to believe.

He believed, sincerely, that Derek Shepherd might finally be a man worthy of staying by his sister's side. And if he was that man, then he would end up being the closest thing Matt would ever have to a father.

If Addison couldn't be there… if Mark couldn't be there… then it was a good thing that Derek was.

He looked back at his sister's pale face, still immobile in her bed.

God, he just wanted her to wake up. She HAD to wake up, for all the three men in her life…

"Come on, Addie." He whispered, "Cut it out, okay? Wake the hell up."

Nothing in her expression changed and Roan let out a long breath as he sat by her bed again.

"Remember that time, when we were kids, that I broke my arm?" he took her hand in his and allowed a sad smile to break through his face, remembering times and people long gone, "I was, what, twelve? And you seven. Dad took us to the park and I complained the whole time that I was too old to be going to outings to the park with my father and baby sister. And of course, that got you all riled up, complaining that you were not a baby. All this while you were holding that ridiculous doll with the big head and weird hair? Not your most mature look, honey, but I'll let it go in account on you been seven and all. We got to the park and you raced to the swings, I sat on a bench hell bent on not talking to either of you. Dad went to the swings with you to make sure you wouldn't get lost since I was not really moving. About ten minutes later, while dad was distracted, I decided to leave. But instead of going home, I made it to this huge tree… I decided climbing the tree was way cooler than hanging around with you. I climbed a few branches, I actually got way up, I was rather proud. Anyway, dad noticed and screamed my name until I called back from the top branch. He ordered me down but I refused, because I was convinced I could make it to the top of the tree. Dad yelled for me to come back down again, but I told him no and started climbing again. Obviously, I fell on my ass." Roan laughed, remembering how his hand had slipped and he had lost his footing on the branch.

"Anyway, dad kinda managed to catch me, but I lost consciousness for a couple of hours. When I woke up, I had this pretty cool blue sling for my broken arm, dad was pretty upset about me going off by myself and not climbing down when he told me to. And you… well, you were still clutching your ugly doll and your eyes were all puffy. I remember that the most, you know? I felt so damn guilty… and then you started crying and climbed to my bed. Remember that, Addie? You climbed so that I could give you a hug with my good arm… and you told me to never do that again. I promised I wouldn't and I didn't. But when mom came and took you home, before I was discharged, I remember talking to dad. You know what he told me? That you had been crying the whole time because you were afraid I was not going to open my eyes ever again. Back then I kinda laughed it off, said that you were a silly girl or something." Roan took a deep breath, "It's not so silly anymore. I'm not laughing it off. If this is payback for back then, I got the message Add. Please, PLEASE, wake up. I'm afraid, okay?" he did his best to stop the tears, but he could already feel the warm moistness in his cheeks, "I'm afraid you wont open your eyes ever again. You gotta wake up before I lose my freaking mind."

Roan wasn't surprised when she didn't wake up. He had spent enough time by his sister's still body that he was starting to get use to the silence. That was actually one of the things that bothered him more. Addison was always so vibrant and full of life; it was wrong to get use to seeing her this… quiet. This lifeless.

"Fine. I'll wait a little bit longer. But you better wake up soon." He muttered, placing a soft kiss on Addison's forehead. He didn't like waiting anymore than the normal man, but he guessed in this case, patience would have to do. Still, though, he was starting to run out of that, so she better wake up sooner rather than later.

== == == A == == ==

"Addie?" Derek made his way into the on-call room. He had been doing some charts when one of the nurses had approached him, to tell him that he better get in there. Apparently, she had spotted his girlfriend making a run for the room, looking rather upset. Derek had dropped what he was doing in a second, worry about Addison foremost in his mind. They had been together since medschool, and had managed to get into the same Surgical Program. They were in their first year; so, they were interns, the much needed slaves the medical care of the world needed to work efficiently. Without interns like them, who would get the Neurosurgeons and Cardiothoracic Surgeons the coffee they so needed to save lives?

Obviously, been an intern was hard, specially, for Derek, who had such a healthy self-esteem. It was hard to accept that after been THAT guy in medical school – the brilliant guy, the one that was talented and admire, who also happened to be rather good-looking and have the hottest and smartest girlfriend in the whole university – he was all of a sudden a nobody. He was glad, though, that he still got to be around Addison. Even if he was nothing to all the hotshot surgeons, he knew that to her he was always this perfect guy – her 'prince charming', she had once called him.

That they were in the same program, even under the same resident – notorious Doctor Richard Webber from Seattle – meant that they could be there for each other. Unlike most of the other interns, they didn't need to drown their sorrows into alcohol or one-night-stands. They had each other.

"Addison? Baby?" he called again. He caught sight of her, laying on her side in one of the beds. Her shoulders were shaking, a clear indication that she was crying. She was also hugging herself, arms around her waist. Her knees were bent almost to her chest and her long beautiful red hair was spilling from the French-braid she had worked on so hard before they left their apartment that morning.

"Addison!" he rushed to her, trying to take her in his arms. It surprised him that she fought his embrace; he was usually the one person that she trusted would protect her. Now, though, she wasn't even facing him, "Addison! It's me! What's going on? Addison!" finally, her eyes focused on him, as if becoming aware for the first time that Derek was the person invading her personal sanctuary. All of a sudden, she flung herself into his arms and he was only too happy to offer the comfort that she needed. He hold her as tight as he could without hurting her, all the time kissing her temple and muttering soothing words to try and help her calm down. After a good ten minutes of crying, he felt Addison's breathing starting to calm down. The hysterical cries became sobs and finally small whimpers and hiccups, and her embrace became less crushing; Derek realized that it was more about the crying exhausting her than she actually feeling better, so he continued his ministrations until her cries stopped altogether and her body stopped shaking.

"It's okay, love… I've got you. I've got you." He felt her nod against his chest and he smiled, knowing that she was almost ready to talk. He rubbed her back lovingly, until Addison pushed softly against his chest, trying to face her husband.

"I… I'm fine now." She gave him a weak smile and the color came back slowly to her cheeks, "I'm… sorry. I'm so sorry, Derek…"

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

"I'm supposed to be stronger than this… I'm a surgeon. I'm supposed to handle things…"

"You're tough as nails, Addie. But in those rare occasions when you need to cry or you feel blue, I'm the one who's supposed to comfort you, so this is just fine, alright?"

"Okay." She tried smiling again, but he could still see the sadness in her eyes.

"Are you ready to tell me what happened, now?"

"No."

"Addie…"

"I'm never speaking to Doctor Webber again."

"Why?" Derek knew that their mentor was not only a gifted surgeon but also a decent man; still, he couldn't keep his brain from reviewing about a hundred different ways in which the elder surgeon could have reduced his wife to this state.

All those options made Derek feel like hitting something.

"He… he lied to me!" Derek could see Addison was starting to get worked up again. Still, this time her tears felt silently and she seemed angrier.

"He lied to you?"

"About… about… Emery!" she almost choked at the mention of the name he knew too well. Emery Langdon was a two-week all girl that had been under Addison's care her whole life, literally. Addison had been in the delivery room as Emery was born; the baby had been premature and had a rather weak heart. Addison had devoted herself completely to Emery's care and she had come to love the baby girl.

"Emery? Is… is Emery okay?" Addison couldn't even manage to answer; she shook her head and Derek understood. Emery had died, "Oh, Addie. I'm so sorry…"

"I have been taking care of her for weeks! I… I did everything I could…!"

"I know. Doctor Webber knows…"

"NO! He lied! He did this!"

"What…? Honey, I know you're upset, but you can't blame Webber…"

"You don't understand! He told me to stay by her side! He told me I was responsible… that it was on me if the baby died or not…"

"Addison is not on you…"

"I fell asleep! I spend the last 50 hours by Emery's side… I fell asleep and when I woke up…"

"Oh, Addison." He wiped her tears softly with his thumb, but she was still trying to talk.

"No! Derek, he played me!"

"What?!"

"He… he told me I had to take care of Emery…"

"I know…"

"No, you don't! He knew Emery was going to die anyway!"

"What?"

"He knew Emery was going to die! He… he told me… her liver and her lungs where also compromised… Doctor Hansen couldn't operate on her heart… she was going to die either way… and… he didn't tell me! I tried every single thing! I revived her five times! I… I pumped every single medicament known to man into her! I fought so hard! And he knew! He knew!"

Addison dissolved once again in tears. Derek embraced her again to help her settle down. He couldn't understand why Doctor Webber had chosen to do this. If the baby was going to die either way, why let Addison believe that she stood a chance in saving her? Why allow Addison to work so hard on her and get attached…

Oh.

The reason was becoming clearer to Derek.

Richard Webber would never hurt Addison like this over nothing. If anything, Derek was pretty sure that Addison was his favorite intern. They all still got treated like the help, but Webber more often than not chose Addison for her surgeries. Addison once mentioned to Derek that Webber had tried to convince her to go into General Surgery, but when informed that she was settled on Neonatal Surgery, he had recommender her himself to Doctor Brandon Arlington, Head of Neonatology.

But he also knew his wife. For as talented as she was, she always got too attached. He guessed it was inevitable, specially considering that she dealt with babies day in and day out. Still, it was a dangerous flaw for a surgeon to not be able to put distance between herself and her patients.

"He said…" she continued, "he said that I had to learn. That I would never become a great surgeon if I…"

"Didn't learn to put some distance between you and your patients." Derek hadn't realized he had said it out loud until he noticed Addison's eyes, huge and sparkling, focused on him.

God, he was done for it…

"So you're on his side!"

"No! Addison, I'm on your side! I'm always in you side!"

"No you're not! You think I can't handle it! You think I get too attached!" by now, she had pushed him away and was standing, pacing in front of him. Derek stood up, if only to remind himself that he was taller.

"I think you can totally handle it. But… Addie… you do…"

"I do…?"

"Get too close. You get too close."

"So I'm supposed to be an emotionless robot who doesn't care for her patients? Unable to comfort them or feel for them? I don't think so and you and Webber can bite me!" Derek almost laughed at her phrasing, but he knew better than that. As it was, he was already going to be sleeping on the couch for a couple of days, he was sure of it. She left the on-call room, the door slamming behind her.

As upset as Derek still was that Richard Webber had reduced his wife to tears, he knew that it was a lesson Addison had to learn. Addison knew it too, but she was too close to see things clearly. She was thinking with her heart instead of her head. That was one of the things that Derek loved about her, but he knew she needed to stop. She had way too much potential to let this flaw stop her.

Taking a deep breath, he knew what he had to do.

Probably a week on the couch…

He left the on-call room and found her by the nurse's station doing charts. He rushed towards her and, without saying a word, took her by the arm, guiding her to the elevator.

"Derek! What the hell…?!" she yanked her arm free but Derek simply snaked his arm around her waist and pushed her forward, "What's wrong with you? Let me go!"

"No."

"No?"

"No. We're doing this even if I have to carry you over my shoulder."

"What is 'this'?"

"Just come."

"Derek…"

"Addison!"

"Fine." She muttered and Derek could feel the venom in her breath. At least, she stepped into the elevator, albeit not saying a word. She followed him until she realized where he was taking her.

"Derek…" she sounded scared.

"Come on."

"I don't want to…"

"Trust me. Please." It took her a few seconds but she continued walking, his arm still encircling her waist. She stood motionless while they entered the morgue. Derek asked the attendant to let them see Emery Langdon, explaining that Addison had been her physician. The attendant let them to the baby's body and was nice enough to let them have a moment alone with her.

Addison was crying silently, her eyes fixed in the little form, still, in front of her.

"Look at her, Addie."

"Derek…" she cried, "why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I love you. Look at her." He allowed Addison a few more minutes of contemplation, before continuing, "She was a beautiful baby and she was lucky that you were the one taking care of her. You were kind and tender and loving to her. You are a great doctor and a wonderful human being. Emery was lucky to have you."

"I should have done better…"

"There's nothing you could have done. You did your best but there was nothing you could do to stop her dying. And she died. And you deserve to be sad that you lost a patient, you get to be upset that a child die… but Addison, you have to get over it and move on to the next patient."

"How can you say that?!"

"Because we're surgeons. We take care of the patients, we bond with them and we do out best to help them. But we're their surgeons, not their families. We can't let ourselves fall in too deep with the patient; otherwise we won't be able to do this."

"I… I try not to…"

"I know. You gotta keep working on it. You have more empathy than most doctors I know and that's great, but you can't let yourself grow too close. She was a beautiful child, Addison, and you did your best. But Emery was a patient; she was not a relative or a friend. She was not our child. She was a patient."

"I… I know." She muttered, hiding her face underneath his chin. She took one last look at Emery's body, before turning into Derek's arms.

"Sometimes it's hard… with the babies…"

"I know. But you'll figure it out."

"You think so?"

"I do. And some day… some day you won't be looking over a patient. You will be looking over a little baby that's half you and half me… that baby you'll get to fall in love with completely, heads over heels. Okay?"

"Okay." She gave him a faint smile and pecked him softly. He walked her out of the morgue and they made their way back to the surgical floor.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too."

"But I still hate Webber. And you're so sleeping on the couch."

Derek sat looking at the small child in front of him. He couldn't help the adoration in his eyes as Matt's small fist encircled his finger. He took great attention in every single breath the baby took; every single movement. His favorite part was when their eyes looked; it was rare that it happened and he laughed every time, watching Matt attempting to focus unsuccessfully on him. But just seeing Matt trying to interact with the world around him had him in awe.

Never in his life had Derek felt this way. He had never understood when parents expressed their love for their children; he always assumed he would be a good father to a child, but also thought that parents often exaggerated when talking about parenthood.

He had been dead wrong.

He couldn't even begin to express the feelings that were cursing through him. There was nothing that came to mind that he would not be willing to do for Matt. He had fallen irrevocably in love with the small infant and there was nothing he wanted more than to finally be able to take him in his arms and hold him close to his chest. To feel the small form that had him so amazed against his body and see the recognition in the baby's face when his eyes met with Derek's.

Derek couldn't quite pinpoint the exact moment when he had started feeling like a father, but it had happened.

"I love you." He muttered, holding back tears at the emotion that rose in his chest, "I love you so much. I know you're not having much fun right now. But you gotta hold on. You hear me, ace? I want you to be a strong little boy for me and mommy. Can you do that?" the baby made a small gurgling noise and Derek laughed.

In the two days he had spent by Matt's side, his condition had continued to improve. He still had a long way ahead of him, but he was still breathing on his own, the medicines to help him develop his organs were working well and he seemed stronger by the hour.

He was a fighter, and Derek couldn't be more proud of him.

He thought about the adoption papers Addison had drafted and his heart almost exploded from his chest. This little boy in front of him could become his son.

Who was he kidding, Matt was already his son. But they could make it official. He could sign a paper and give Addison and Matt both the assurance that he was never going to be out of their lives.

He imagined nights of waking up in the middle of the night for late feedings, changing diapers or just giving a cuddle. He could picture Addison sitting in a rocking chair, Matt close to her chest as she sang to him and told him she loved him. One day, he would come home after hours of surgery, tired and ready to fall, and all of a sudden a little blond bundle would give his first steps towards him. One day, he would hear him whisper "Mama" and "Dada" in a small silly voice and watch him give them a beautiful smile he knew too well. There would be kindergarten plays, and school games, family dinners and vacations… Matt would grow up and get in trouble more often than not, how could he not? He was a Sloan. And there would be groundings and screaming matches. There would be heartbreaks and laughs… there would be a lifetime.

He wanted that lifetime.

All that had to happen for him to get it, was for Addison to open her eyes and Matt to be finally ready to be taken home.

Was that so much to ask?

"Hey." He was taken from his thought by Roan's voice.

"Hey. Addie okay?" he asked worriedly.

"The same."

"Oh."

"I came to relieve you."

"Oh… but…"

"Derek… you need to go to Addison okay? I promise Matt is in good hands. He's my nephew, remember?"

"I know. It's just that… that… he's…"

"He's your son?"

"Yeah." Derek couldn't help the smile that crept into his face. Hearing the words, his son... he had a son.

"Go. Your son and I have a lot to chat about." Derek nodded, giving the baby's hand one last squeeze. Matt was upset for a moment when Derek took his finger away, but seemed to calm down when he heard Roan's voice. Those few seconds when Matt would whimper at the lack a contact, were awful for Derek. He didn't want Matt to ever think – even for a second – that he was alone. As long as Derek was alive, that baby was never ever going to be alone. With one last longing glance at the child, he gave Roan's shoulder a squeeze and started his way towards Addison's room.

It really broke his heart to see Addison like that… but he still had the hope that maybe this would be the time she chose to wake up, and that chance alone was the thing that kept him going.

== == == A == == ==

Derek took a deep breath as he finally entered Addison's room. He d been hovering for a bout ten minutes and he knew he had to get inside at some point. He hated seeing Addison like that… he just hated it. It wasn't fair… he had promised her. A long time ago he had promised her that one day she would get to gaze upon a baby that was half his and half hers and that she would get to fall in love with him. First he had felt like he was failing her when he had been unable to fulfill his part in that promise. Now, he was pretty much doing all the gazing and falling in love by himself. Addison still hadn't gotten the chance to even meet her son.

And there was nothing that he could do and that was simply killing him.

He walked slowly towards her bed, taking her hand in his own. Her hand was usually so warm and soft. Now, her skin was dry and pale and her hands were cold. There was no way he could make his peace with the idea that this was actually Addison.

As difficult as it was watching Matt struggle, this was even worse. With Matt, at the very least he knew that the baby was progressing and getting better. At least he could see the small child interact with him and react to his presence. All the while Addison just seemed so… so quiet… so… no, he didn't dare continue that train of thought.

She would be fine and that was that.

"Hey." He finally managed, "It's me. Derek." He laughed at himself, "You didn't really need my help to figure that one out, right? Anyway, I'm sorry I'm not here with you more. I'm sorry… I hope you know it's not that I don't want to. I love you. It's just… as hard as it is, I would do it; you know that. I would stay with you until you opened those beautiful eyes of yours… but Mattie needs me. He needs one of us. I know that if you could, you'll ask me to stay with him, I know you're going to be that kind of 'mommy'." He sighed, his sad smile and downcast eyes betraying how hard this was. So, he decided to do what he did every time he was alone with Addie.

"I was just with him. God, Addie… he gets cuter by the second. Really, you wouldn't believe it… it's like not even fair to the other babies anymore. And he's a premie! Can you actually imagine what kind of beautiful we are talking about when he gets all chubby and can open his eyes the whole time and move around? I'm telling you, you did great in the whole genes department. And he's looking more like Mark too. Don't worry, you can still tell you're somewhere in there… he has the overall 'Montgomery attitude'. Seriously. Like he knows just how many kinds of amazing he is and how he is actually giving you the honor of his presence. I think it's Roan's doing too. But the face… the smile he's gonna give us… I'm telling you, Baby McSteamy all the way."

He laughed to himself, feeling a little bit more confident. Whenever he was with Addison, he felt the most comfortable discussing Matt. He was pretty sure Matt was going to be her favorite subject once she woke up anyway.

"So… Roan called Callie today. So, I'm guessing you can expect the whole Seattle deployment any moment now. And you should keep in mind that if Miranda Bailey is coming, it would be in your best interest to wake up before she slaps the coma out of you. Plus, you know how spoiled Matt is going to be with all this attention? He's already going to be cocky – sorry babe, but between you and Mark, I don't think that little baby ever stood a chance not to be – and now he'll know people actually get on planes just to meet him! Then again, he's totally worth it."

Derek stopped for a few instants. He was just gazing into Addison's face. God, she was so beautiful… and he was so in love. They needed this chance, they deserved it.

"You know… I'm not trying to pressure you or anything… but I was thinking… maybe once you're okay and the little guy is a little stronger… maybe then… you can come back home? Back to Seattle? I… if you want to stay in New York a little bit longer that's okay with me too… I'm just saying, the minute you're ready to make this… you know… official… forever… whatever you want it to be… I'm ready. I'm waiting. I love you. And this time it's for good Addison, this time I'm never ever letting go. Please, wake up…"

== == == A == == ==

The light was unbearable… why was there so much light? Where was she? She had to close her eyes immediately after she had finally managed to open them; there was just too much light. She could hear voices around her… almost frantic. A lot of voices she couldn't quite understand or recognized. Before all the noise she was pretty sure… she had heard him… she had heard him.

Mark. She thought, I want you back, Mark.

But as soon as she felt his presence, he was gone.

He was gone and every chance of being with him again was gone.

But she couldn't… there was a part of her that told her she couldn't let go. There was a huge part that knew that Mark wouldn't want her to let go either. A feeling… a morning spent together in bed in which his hand had covered her still flat stomach. A live they had created together and that they had intended to cherish forever. Mark had been stripped of that chance. But she still had some fight left in her, and for both of them, she had to be there for their son.

So she had kissed his last memory good-bye. She could still feel it, like a dream, his arms around her and his lips covering hers. His soft throaty voice as he whispered in her ear that he loved her, the warmth of his breath and the scratchy feeling of his beard. She could see his beautiful smile as he broke their kiss and the mischievous wink that made her knees go weak.

Mark was gone. But their memories together… those lived in her.

And in him.

A child she had carried for the both of them… a child that they loved.

She was fighting back… for their son, she had to fight back.

But… then… there was another voice.

A beautiful gentle voice that always seemed to know the right things to say. She knew that voice…

The voice of another lifetime.

Derek.

Derek was there… Derek was by her side and that made her feel peaceful.

As long as Derek was there she knew her son was not alone… and she knew, she still had a chance to live and love again.

She felt hands all over her body… she was a doctor, so she could recognize the movements even with her eyes closed. People fiddling with a series of tubes attached to her body; people reading over charts and machines. Hands probing her pressure, her temperature.

"Addison…"

She made a mental note to be kinder to patients that had just opened their eyes before sending in the medical troops…

"Addison, can you hear me?"

This time she focused on the voice calling her name. She took a deep breath and immediately her chest tightened and an uncomfortable feeling set up in her throat.

"Go slowly Addison. You gave us quite a scare. Breath very softly… in… and out…"

She followed the voice's instructions and this time the pain was lessened. She gave it another shot and opened her eyes. She recognized her doctor immediately and knew at once she was in the ICU. She was too weak to move her limbs, but tried her best to move her head, to show the medical team that she was aware of her surroundings.

"Wha…" she tried, but her voice came out like barely hoarse whisper.

"That's okay, Addison. Everything is alright." Doctor Connelly continued.

"I… the…" she was starting to panic. She was in the ICU and her OB/GYN was with her… did she have the baby? What happened to her son? Her body was numb and she couldn't even figure out if she was still pregnant.

"Relax, Addison. You had a flare up from the HELLP syndrome and started seizing. We had to deliver… calm down, your son is alright. Early, but thriving. I promise. At this point, it was you we were starting to get worried about. You've been in a coma for three days."

Addison tried to process all the information that was being given to her… three days? Her son had been alive for three days without her? She could feel the tears burning in her eyes; she wanted to see her son more than anything else in the world. She was afraid for a second; afraid that her son had been lonely…

No. There was no way her son was alone. Everything was coming back slowly to her… Rory. Her brother had been with her, she was sure that he would take care of Matthew.

But there was something… someone else.

She had heard his voice… it couldn't be just a dream.

"D-De…" she was rapidly getting frustrated with her inability to communicate efficiently, "Der…" she managed. And all of a sudden, there he was.

Derek practically pushed Doctor Connelly out of the way and rushed towards her bed; she could feel his warm hand taking hers and he kissed it softly. She could read the fear he had experienced in his eyes. He was unshaven and his beautiful hair was all over the place. His eyes were shining, giving him the soft and tender look that had made her fall head over heels for him. He took a shaky breath and muttered something that she couldn't make out.

She didn't really need to understand what he had said.

She knew.

She hadn't even called him, she had been at her weakest, and he had come.

Her Derek had finally come home.

== == == A == == ==

Roan sighed in relieve as the nurses showed him out of Addison's room. She had finally woken up three hours ago, and now the doctors where running every single test in the book to make sure she was alright.

He had been in the NICU when he was told. He had been telling his nephew a very complex story of just how many times his mother had sneaked out of the house through the window, when a nurse had come over to them. She had given him a wide smile, her eyes drifting to the baby, and had informed him that Addison had woken up.

He could have kissed her.

Instead, he bombarded the poor woman with about a million questions. In his frenzy, he had managed to understand that the nurse didn't really have that much more information. Derek had been with Addison and all of a sudden she started to wake up; the doctors had immediately been alerted when Derek pressed the emergency button and were with her right now, assessing her condition. Roan had had the presence of mind to ask the nurse to stay with Matt so that he wouldn't be alone. She accepted and he smiled, relieved, stopping only to whisper into his nephew's incubator: "Mommy's awake, kiddo", before rushing towards Addison's room.

Obviously, he hadn't been let into the room as the doctors worked on his sister, and to his surprise, Derek had been kicked out too. His former brother-in-law mumbled something about Connelly thinking he was in the way and Roan could have laughed at his face. Still, he couldn't quite get over the fact that finally, everything was going to be okay.

Connelly had then come out and he spent ten minutes explaining him and Derek every single detail of what Addison's body had been put through. Derek had been interrupting the old man and asking questions, all while Roan had been practically bouncing by his side. He wanted to see Addison NOW.

Still, he knew that Derek was a doctor and it worked for the best that he had all the information necessary about Addie's condition. Derek had summed it all up pretty well: Addison had been put through hell, but she would be okay. Her body was healing and that would take time, but the important thing was that it would indeed heal. And while she was pretty weak for the time being, she hadn't suffered any brain damage.

It was then that all the worries that had taken residence in his mind since the call telling him that Mark Sloan had died had finally been alleviated. He had smiled as he had felt Derek's hand on his shoulder and couldn't believe what a difference it could make three days of hell to the relationship of two grown men. At this point, even if he was sarcastic and Derek was conceited, both men cared about Addison and Matthew. That was everything that mattered in their world.

She had been half sitting in her bed, resting against the pillows and looking slightly less pale than she had when she was unconscious. He could read the weakness in her body, but the spark in her eyes was almost completely back.

"Well, well…" he started, smiling as he rushed to her bed and kissed her in the forehead, "see who has decided to finally wake up!"

"Seriously Adds!" Derek took his cue as the other man walked towards Addison's other side, taking her hand in his, "This is like a whole new level of lazy! Even for you!"

"Ha ha." Addison's voice came out a little dry, but Roan had never been happier to hear it in his whole life.

"Seriously, though… Addie you scared the shit out of us." Roan muttered, his voice shaking.

"Yes, this better be the last time you pull something like this on us." Derek agreed. Addison gave them a soft smile and squeezed both their hands.

"I love you." She said softly. Roan laughed an immediately said it back. He saw Derek choking back the tears and he planted a soft kiss in Addison's cheek.

Roan had known that they had limited time before the doctors kicked them out. It was clear to anyone that Addison needed to rest, and he was keen in allowing her to recover from her surgery. So, they spend the time joking and trying to put on a brave face; Roan was pretty sure that after the last few days ordeal, Derek and he would be collapsing any time now, just not in front of her.

She had asked if he was okay, and there was no question about the he she was asking about. Roan could see the question clear in her eyes from the moment they entered the room, and had been kind enough to allow them to wind out before asking.

Roan hadn't gotten a chance to answer before Derek had started a long description of Matthew. Roan had been surprised by just how precise his portrayal was; he had Matt memorized from the baby's toe to the couple of hairs adorning his head. He had laughed as Derek went into detail about how sparkly his eyes were.

"Dude, he barely opens his eyes!" Roan laughed.

"But when he does, they're really sparkly!"

"Whatever."

"Maybe he just doesn't open them up so he doesn't have to see you ugly mug, Montgomery!"

After Addison had told them to quit it, Derek had continued. It became obvious that Derek was mesmerized by the way Matt would hold his finger in his whole fist. Roan was pretty sure that there was no way the baby's hold could be as strong as Derek thought, but he was willing to let it pass. He had trouble reconciling the image of the cocky annoying young man his sister had introduced them to with this man that was excitedly describing a three-day-old baby.

"He's better than okay, Addie. He's gorgeous."

"Yeah?" she asked softly, tears threatening to fall.

"Beautiful. Just beautiful."

There had been a part of Roan that had considered that maybe he ought to give them some privacy. There was a whole other part though, that was not willing to ever again leave his sister out of his sight.

Finally, it was the nurse that made that call when she ushered both men outside, claiming that it was time for Addison to rest. As they reached the waiting area, Roan spared a glance at his former – and apparently future – brother in law. Derek seemed like he had aged about five years in three days. There was a smile in his eyes, though. He seemed like a man that was finally breathing after forgetting to do so for a long time. He looked like a man that had finally remembered he was actually alive.

"You okay there, Shepherd?" he asked, just to make sure.

"Yeah." The choked breath in Derek's voice made him doubt that.

"She's okay, you know?"

"Yeah." All of a sudden, Roan noticed how pale Derek was becoming. He had been pretty animated inside Addison's room, probably because of the adrenaline running through his veins after she had finally woken up.

Now, though, Addison wasn't there.

She couldn't see him.

He didn't need to be strong anymore.

Roan took a deep breath as he took a couple of steps towards the younger man. Derek was looking straight ahead, not saying a word. Roan moved his hand softly and laid it on top of Derek's shoulder.

"Derek?"

Nothing.

"Derek!" he called him again, a little more forcefully this time. That finally got him Derek's attention. Roan couldn't help but feel sorry for him; his eyes were glazed and he looked like a lost puppy.

This must be that whole 'McDreamy' look thing.

"She's okay, Derek. This was bloody scary, but you know she's okay now. She's gonna stay okay. So is Matt."

"She… it was so hard, Roan. I thought… I…"

"I know."

"I thought she was never…"

"I know, Derek."

It all happened so fast. One minute he was talking to a shaken Derek Shepherd and the next the renowned neurosurgeon was on the floor. Derek felt on his knees and his face was covered by his hands. Even though, a strangled moan was audible and he seemed to be gasping for air. Roan had never seen this man like that… in all honesty, he had never even though Derek was capable of this kind of emotion.

Instinct took over as Roan kneeled by Derek's side. He pulled the younger man into an embrace, hoping to be able to give him the strength he needed to pull himself together. He couldn't help it as a few tears spilled from his own eyes as Derek cried pitifully. After a couple of minutes he felt Derek stiffen, and then he started to relax. He sighed, controlling his own tears, until Derek pulled out of his embrace. Nurses and doctors had walked by them the whole time, but they didn't seem to seem at all aware of the two men sobbing on the floor. Roan guessed that it was a rather common sight in the hospital

God… I hope it was at least a manly embrace…

"You okay?" he asked. Derek had his eyes fixed on the floor, but Roan could see the color on his cheeks.

He was pretty sure his were rather red too.

"Yeah. Yeah." Derek answered, still acutely embarrassed.

Roan looked at his hands, not really sure what to do next.

"Cool." He answered easily.

"So…"

"Yeah. So…"

"I never… you know, I've never…"

"I know. It's cool."

"Yeah."

"Me neither."

"Right."

"We should… stand up?"

"Yes! Good!" both men stood up abruptly, laughing at their mutual discomfort.

"Mmh… coffee?" Derek asked.

"Oh God, yes!" Roan answered as they made their way to the cafeteria in silence.

== == == A == == ==

"I WANT TO SEE MY SON!" Addison was starting to lose her patience. It had been two days since she had officially woken up from her coma and she was yet to meet her son. Apparently, she still needed to be under close observation, just to make sure that everything was alright. And Matthew had been so premature that the doctor hadn't felt it was in his best interest to move him from the NICU.

She was all for her son's best interest; still, she wanted to meet her baby!

"Addie, sweetie. Calm down…"

"Calm down?!" she turned her eyes menacingly towards Derek, "Are you seriously telling me to calm down?!"

"Mmmh… no?" he whispered and she could read the fear in his eyes.

Good. He ought to be scared. As far as he was concerned, he was one of the mean people that didn't let her see her baby.

She heard a mumbled laugh from the door.

"Shut up, Rory!"

"Shutting up, sis." He accepted at once.

Addison took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

She knew it was neither Derek nor Roan's fault. Still, she needed someone… something to blame. Something other than her body, that had failed both her and Matt.

"I'm sorry, guys." She whispered.

"It's okay." Derek reassured her immediately, taking her hand in his. She smiled, not quite believing how comforting the mere act of feeling his skin against hers was, "You have every right to be upset."

"I just… I need him. And he needs me. I don't want him to think I don't love him…"

"There's no way in hell he could believe that. Roan and I have explained the whole situation to him. He knows mommy loves him. Promise." Derek gave her his patented smiled, and had she been standing, she would have gotten weak in the knees.

"He's getting better, right?" she asked.

"By the second." Derek answered immediately.

"Calm down, Addie." Roan said, "You'll get to meet Matt in a few minutes; you'll see for yourself that he's a healthy happy baby."

"I just want to hold him so bad!" she sighed.

"That may be a little while longer. But you can hold his hand." Derek said excitedly.

"God! Not again with the 'strong hold' thing…" Roan muttered.

"Shut up!" both Derek and Addison admonished as the three shared a laugh.

"Doctor Montgomery?" a young nurse came into the room, pushing a wheelchair. Addison felt her breath caught in her chest.

Finally! I'm going to see him!

She had been extremely sad when Doctor Connelly had prohibited her from leaving her bed immediately after she woke up. She knew it was the right medical call; quite frankly, she would have done the same thing herself. Still, it was a whole different game when you were on the other side. All her medical training, her two-million-dollar-a-year hands and the dozen of degrees she owned were cold comfort as she was a woman, laying in a hospital bed, and in desperate need to see her son by herself.

Derek and Roan had fulfilled their part, though. They made sure that while one of them was with Addison all the time, the other one was to stay with the baby to make sure he knew he was not alone. Also, Derek had a Polaroid camera and they had brought her the first pictures of his baby boy.

God, he looks so much like Mark… Mark would have loved him so much…

No.

She couldn't continue to do this.

Mark would always be an open wound; she was going to miss her husband for the rest of her life. Still, she had to be done with the grieving and mourning. She had a son that needed her and one day would want her to tell him about his father. She had to be strong enough to do that. As much as she missed Mark, she had a huge reason to live now. She took a deep breath as Derek helped her into the wheeling chair.

Maybe even more so.

Derek was there.

She didn't even need to call him. She had asked for space and he had given it to her; but the moment he had heard she and the baby were in trouble, he had hopped in a plane and rushed to her side. No consideration to his job, the hospital, his life, his needs… none of the usual excuses he would use when they had been married.

Nothing.

Just a smile and a kiss and pictures of her son.

Can this be for real… is this the way it was supposed to end?

She had had a lot of trepidation when she renewed her relationship with Mark. What did it say of her marriage – the last third of her life – that she would end up with his best friend? Had her whole marriage been a mistake? Was Derek something she had to go through to find her peace with Mark?

And now, she had to face the same demons again. Derek was there… he had been there at the beginning and he wanted to be there at the end. Even though, there was no way she would ever be able to think of Mark as something in between. How would Mark had felt if he knew there was a chance she was going back to Derek?

As long as the baby and I were happy, he wouldn't have mind. I miss you, Mark. I love you. But you would want this… you would want a family for us…

Maybe this was the road she was supposed to go down to. She had spent a lot of time defining herself by the men she was with. All of a sudden, it had become painfully clear that while Derek and Mark would always be an important part of her life, the most important one was yet another man…

Matthew. God, I love you so much Matt. How can I love you this much?

She took a deep breath as Derek wheeled her to the NICU. Roan was walking by Derek's side and the nurse was still hovering around, although she was kind enough to not intrude in the private moment that was about to take place.

"We're here." Derek's soft voice called to her. She turned to him and could see his eyes dancing with excitement, "Ready?"

"Yeah." She nodded. She covered his hand with hers, mouthing a thank you for how wonderful he had been the last few days. He smiled again, taking her hand and kissing it softly.

She turned to her brother and noticed that he was standing a little bit back.

"Rory? You coming?"

"No." he answered easily, "You go."

"But… Rory…"

"Go in with Derek. I'll wait outside."

"You don't have to…" Addison started.

"Addie. Go with Derek. I'll wait outside and when you two come out, you can tell me all over again how strong the baby's hold is and how sparkly his eyes are. Go." he gave her a reassuring smile and she finally relented. She turned back to Derek.

"Let's go."

Derek pushed the wheelchair slowly, mindful of hurting her. She would have hopped out of the chair and run to the incubator, but that was a sure way to get herself banished from the NICU and that was a chance she was not taking. After what felt like hours – she was pretty sure it had been a matter of seconds in reality – she was facing the incubator.

My son. This is my son.

The baby was awake and kicking his little legs. She smiled, relieved in the knowledge that he was this strong and responsive.

Thank you, God.

She had seen his pictures, but nothing could have prepared her for this moment.

The first thing she noticed were his eyes. He had Mark's eyes; there was no question of it. She had fallen in love with those eyes and she fell like it was happening all over again. Mark's eyes had always been a weird combination of colors… from hazel, to green, to blue. She had loved his eyes, because it was in them that Mark was himself. There was no pretense, no bravado… whatever Mark had been really feeling, she had always been able to read it in his eyes.

And now, she was staring at those amazing eyes again.

She could see the Montgomery family traits in him as well, and also more of Mark, but at the moment, his eyes held her attention.

He made a gurgling noise and some of the ice that had formed around her heart after Mark's death melted immediately. She had never in her life heard such a beautiful sound.

"Matthew." She whispered. Just saying the word, saying his name, was so powerful. He was no longer inside of her; he was a little person, with his own life ahead of him. A little person that didn't know any better than to kick his small legs and make cute little noises; he didn't know any better than to look at her and Derek with complete an utter trust. He was this tiny, innocent and perfect being that she was going to get to take home. It was almost too much for her to process.

"He likes it when you talk to him." Derek whispered by her side. She had been so taken with Matt that she didn't noticed Derek was now sitting by her side.

"What?"

"He likes it when you talk to him. He likes to hear stories; turns his little head and looks straight at you while you talk. I know he's too young to actually 'focus'… but I don't know, he does it anyway. And when you're talking to him, he usually starts moving his hands, like clenching and unclenching them… that's your cue that he wants to grip your finger. Then again, I'm pretty sure that when he figures out that his mommy has pretty shiny red her, he's going to be aiming at that."

"And you know all this?"

"Yeah! Matt and I are pals! Right, Matt?" Addison watched in wonderment as the baby immediately turned at the sound of Derek's voice, "Hey, ace, remember how I told you earlier I was going to bring mommy in to see you? Well, this is her. She's kinda nervous to meet you, so I want you to be on your best behavior, okay? Atta boy." Derek smiled and immediately introduced one of his hands in the incubator, stopping to tick the baby's stomach. That caused another round of kicking legs.

"He likes that too." Derek continued, this time addressing Addison, "He doesn't like it when you tickled his feet though, trust me. That was the day we knew for sure his lungs were fine." She had to laugh as Derek turned his attention once again to the baby, "Now, ace, hear me out. Mommy is going to talk to you now, okay? So you lay nice and still and pay attention. We'll play later, I promise." Derek gave her an encouraging smile as she turned back to the baby.

He's looking at me… how did Derek got him to actually look at me…

"Hey, Matt." She started crying the moment she said the first word. This was finally happening. Derek caressed her hair, but made not move to contain her emotions. He knew she needed to let it all out.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry you woke up and I wasn't there. I wanted to be though, I wanted to be SO much… I'm sorry you got such a rough start. I wanted it to be better for you… I wanted you to be able to grow strong and big in my belly and then come out and immediately be in my arms… I never wanted to miss a second of your life. I'll never forgive myself for not been there… but I love you so much, Matt. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you and I never will. I miss your first couple of days… but I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. It's gonna be difficult for the next few weeks still… but I'm here, okay? Mommy's here and mommy loves you."

She timidly lifted her hand and introduced it slowly into the NICU. Matt seemed fine with the movement and that encouraged her. She could see her hand trembling, this was going to be the first time she would touch her son. She moved her hand towards the baby's face and softly caressed his pink cheek with one finger. Matt sighed contentedly and she laughed through her tears.

"He liked that!" she exclaimed.

"He likes you." Derek answered.

"God you're pretty. You're the prettiest little boy in the world…" his hands started to clench and she smiled as she moved her pinky so it would be closer to his reaching hands. Immediately he grabbed and Addison could feel him softly squeezing it.

"He's so strong." She muttered.

"Told you so." She could hear the laughter in Derek voice. She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. His arm went around her shoulders as he continued making small circles on the baby's tummy.

"Everything's going to be okay… isn't it Derek?"

"It is." He promised as he planted a soft kiss over the top of her head, "And Addie? None of this was your fault. And he knows you love him and he loves you too."

"And you just know these things?"

"I just know these things." She nodded.

You were here, Derek. You're still here. Thank you.