A/N: OMFG. Inspired by adorable hand puppets that I can't afford.
Warnings: Serious crack.
::What's That, Shukaku?::
Kankurou gaped in awe at the audacity; Temari was turning cherry with the effort to suppress her oncoming giggle fit. And in an amazing display of emotion, Gaara's eyebrow twitched.
With Naruto around, such familiar scenes were becoming obscenely common.
"...What is it?"
The blonde grinned. "I'm glad you asked." His hands fiddled for a minute, until one was gloved with the fluffy representation of a certain tanuki demon. "It's Shukaku! In puppet form!"
Kankurou snorted, but kept a close eye on his volatile little brother's reaction. Temari nearly choked trying not to laugh.
Gaara stared. "Why?"
Naruto giggled, and hopped from foot to foot. "Well... y'know how Shukaku tries to talk through you sometimes? Well, I thought that'd be terribly inconvenient, y'know? Y'know, one body, two dudes inside. You can only look like one at a time, right? Otherwise that's just ugly.
So... now Shukaku can have a little body of his own—'dattebayo!"
Gaara blinked. "You want to seal Shukaku in a puppet?"
"Tch— no! See, see, look! This is how it works—" Naruto shoved his puppeted hand in the unflinching redhead's face. "Ya put the puppet on your hand, so when Shukaku wants to talk, you can animate it— like this— so it looks like a miniature Shukaku is talking to ya!" All the while, Naruto's fingers worked the puppet in a little dancing diatribe. "It'll totally fix the problem'dattebayo!"
Gaara failed to see that there was a problem at all, and he thought the puppet would be a ludicrous solution to any problem. But Shukaku was already warming to the idea, after all, what all-powerful demon could resist any adorable effigy of itself?
He was compelled to take the puppet.
Gaara's siblings' mouths fell open in shock as Naruto bounced giddily on the balls of his feet.
Gaara had put the puppet on his hand.
"So? So? Try it out!"
Gaara frowned. He didn't think what Shukaku was saying in his head was exactly appropriate to come out of his own mouth. So he amended it a little. ('Hey, he back-talked that whiny demon, 'who's hand controls the puppet, huh?')
"Grr," Gaara said, "I'm Shukaku."
Naruto giggled, completely ecstatic like only the childish could be.
"Why the hell is this thing so fluffy and soft?" he had deepened his voice, roughening it to imitate the demon's brazen quality. "I am the demon of the sand, and no demon of the sand is fluffy and soft! I should be coarse and mean! Grr, grr!"
Naruto laughed. "I knew it! It works perfectly!"
Needless to say, that was not what Shukaku meant to say. Gaara smirked as the demon cursed him off repeatedly.
'Well, I certainly can't say that.'
Shukaku cursed some more.
"Hello, Shu-chan!" A high-pitched voice greeted the puppet. "I'm Panda-chan!" Said plushie was procured from its warm place peeking out of Naruto's collar. Gaara scowled at it, jealous.
But Shukaku had something even more colorful to say. "Hey, there, sexy," Gaara made a clicking noise in his throat that he didn't know he could do, and the puppet gestured, stud-like. "Why don't you come over here and stroke my adorable, fluffy tail." Gaara winced inside, maybe he should have cut that part out completely when he translated and censored Shukaku's voice in his head.
But Panda-chan was being coy; and sauntered right up to the bold hand puppet. "Well, don't you think you're hot stuff. For a fat ass."
Shukaku gasped; and the puppet covered its mouth, righteously offended. "I'm not fat! It's all the sand!"
Panda-chan giggled. "Aw! Poor little thing, did all the big, mean bijuu make fun of you on the playground 'cuz you're fat?"
"Why you—"
"But don't worry," Panda-chan patted the back of Gaara's hand, in other words, Shu-chan's ass. "I think you're cute. That's one big, fluffy tail ya got there."
Shukaku was instantly gratified, all indignation forgotten. "Ya wanna touch it?"
"Oh boy, I do! Shu-chan— oh my! Sexy, sexy— Humpa! Humpa!"
Kankurou watched, stupefied, the gratuitous puppet-plushie sex that ensued. Temari had to turn away, riffling through her pockets, to find a tissue to staunch her presumable nosebleed.
Needless to say, after Naruto had humped Gaara's hand with a plushie, Gaara decided he liked hand puppets.