Hey everyone, it's another Ed, Edd, n Eddy parody. Yeah, I'm having writer's block with the second part of 'Jakrun' and I decided to put this up. This is a play on the episode 'Shoo Ed' where they 'pestify' Jonny 2X4; again, characters and such have been changed to fit the Jak universe.

Chapter 13: Shoo Jak

Ed: Jak

Edd: Torn

Eddy: Daxter

Kevin: Erol

Jonny and plank: Sig and poopsie bear

Sarah: Keira

Rolf: Damas

Jimmy: Vin

-X-X-X-X-

It was another normal afternoon in Haven City as Erol was searching through the city Junkyard for spare zoomer parts. He opened the trunk of a wrecked zoomer and began to rummage through the items piled up inside, throwing aside an air freshener. He then stopped when he spotted what looked to be a near-perfectly preserved gas pedal.

"Awesome; just what I was looking for," Erol said, grabbing the item. He suddenly heard what sounded like more rummaging from behind him and turned around quickly, shaking the piece in his hand. "Who's there," he shouted, seeing no one around but him. "This place gives me the creeps..."

Erol then turned his head and was frightened by the mysterious appearance of what he later confirmed as Sig's poopsie bear, knocking him off balance and into some more junk. He went to stand up but that caused the ironing board beneath him to begin to move, sending him down the slope of the junk pile and into some kind of blockade, where he flew off and landed inside another pile of junk.

"What'cha doing, Erol," Sig, who had also mysteriously appeared, asked as Erol tried to pull himself out of the pile. "Did you lose something? Maybe he lost something, poopsie! What's that, poopsie...poopsie says you should be more careful not to lose things," he said to Erol, who had by now gotten himself free.

"You're buggin' me man; take a hike," Erol fumed as he shook a toaster away from his foot. Erol then began to make his way back to the palace; and Sig followed him, pestering the poor commander even more.

"Did you lose this, Erol," Sig asked as he held up a toilet seat. Erol just shook him off as Sig ran off again. "Hey, Erol, poopsie found a bed spring! Hey Erol, do you like that shoe?"

Erol by now was trying his hardest not to grab the nearest heavy object and chuck it at Sig, as the wastelander came up behind him and said: "Hey, Erol, what'cha doin'?"

"Chill and hang with me," Erol said calmly after taking a moment to collect himself. "OVER THERE!"

"Really? Cool! Let's hang, poopsie; whatever that means," Sig replied as he ran off in the direction Erol pointed. "What a leach," Erol commented to himself after Sig was out of earshot and began to walk back to the palace again, hoping that the distractions were over. However, he had the inkling that he was forgetting something, and that suspicion was confirmed when he heard an engine coming towards him, looking behind to see Sig driving Erol's zoomer wildly. Erol gasped at the sight as Sig yelled: "Woohoo! Erol, we found a bike, we found a bike!"

"That's MY bike," Erol spat as he ran after the wastelander. "Get back here!"

(elsewhere)

"Relish the fine summer's day, Daxter," Torn said to the otsel as the two and Jak sat together on the stairs of the stadium. "Absorb the solitude of the city; the aroma of fresh-cut grass!"

"It stinks; I'm bored," Daxter replied.

"I forgot to wear underwear guys," Jak said randomly, earning raised eyebrows from the other two. Daxter began to sulk, when suddenly there was the sound of an engine revving followed by Sig speeding right for the two. zusing Jak as a ramp, he launching into the sky then landed on Torn and Daxter shortly after and sped off.

"Hi, Sig," Jak said as Kevin stumbled after Sig, panting heavily.

"Come back here with...my bike," he said, catching his breath.

Hi, Erol," Jak greeted.

"That guy's REALLY bugging me," Erol said to himself.

"Hey, check it out, Erol's talking to himself," Daxter whispered.

"Seems as though Erol's at wit's end," Torn commented.

"Man, I'd give ANYTHING to get rid of that twerp," Erol said. Almost immediately, Daxter's face lit up, to which Torn said: "Oh dear...Jak, Daxter's got that insidious look again!"

"Daxter should eat more vegetables," Jak said as Daxter scurried away towards the commander.

"Quit fooling around, Sig," Erol yelled as Sig drove by doing a handstand on Erol's zoomer. "Mess up my paint job and I'll pound ya...What are YOU lookin' at," he asked as soon as he spotted Daxter with a wise smirk and his arms crossed.

"I hear you'd give ANYTHING to get rid of Sig," Daxter said, getting grabbed by Erol shortly after.

"Get a life, dork," Erol said before tossing the otsel right back down on the ground.

"Stop tickling me, poopsie," Sig said suddenly as a sound similar to tires screeching was heard followed by a loud crash, Sig laughing joyously while Erol cringed in horror at the apparent sight of his Zoomer lying in a massive heap of twisted metal somewhere off-camera. A piece of the zoomer landed by Erol's feet, Erol picking it up and mourning the loss of his ride.

"So, you're telling me YOU can get rid of him," Erol said to Daxter.

"Goin' rate's a quarter," Daxter said, brushing himself off.

"I'll give you a nickel," Erol said.

"A QUARTER," Daxter yelled.

"A NICKEL!" Erol spat back louder, knocking Daxter to the ground again. "Get over yourself!"

"What's the big deal, cheapskate," Daxter grunted as the two butted heads.

"Hey Erol," Sig yelled suddenly, the two turning to see that the wastelander was now wearing the zoomer parts like a costume, earning another horrific stare from Erol. "I'm the zoomer pixie! Catch me if you can!" Sig ran off in another random direction to which Erol admitted defeat. Daxer held out his hand to accept the payment.

"Fine," Erol said, coughing up the cash. "But if that guy comes within TEN feet of me..." he continued, running his finger across his neck while making the appropriate sound effect, then walking away.

"There's gotta be like, 30 orbs here," Daxter said giddily.

"I'm a pixie; let's dance in the woods, poopsie," Sig said from behind the two, running merrily.

"I can see how Sig's innocent game-playing could wear on someone's nerves," Torn commented as he watched Sig run circles around Jak.

"Flutter around the mushroom, that's what pixies do," Sig shouted while skipping around the blonde. "Watch this, Jak," Sig said, bending around and after a brief moment, turned back with Poopsie stuffed into his shirt and a crazed look on his face. "I'm a two-headed monster, OOOH! Attack the mushroom!" Sig then began to crawl onto Jak, to which the blond said: "Boy, are you a pain in the neck, Sig!"

Daxter, meanwhile, couldn't help but get one of his famed scam ideas, stating: "Let's turn Sig into the biggest pest in the city! People will throw money at us just to get rid of him!"

Torn glared at Daxter while Jak stared on as Sig was now biting Jak's head and shoulders. "Come on, Jak, let's create a monster!"

"He's like a BAD ITCH, DAXTER!" Jak yelled, dropping to the ground and trying to roll Sig off of him. "Aaah, get him off! He is annoying my head," he continued, Torn attempting to rush to his aid.

(later)

The three finally rendezvoused at the Underground, using Torn's shed as a base to unveil their creation. Jak laughed a combination of stupidly and insanely as he lowered to table which supposedly held a new and improved Sig down to eye level.

"Ready," Daxter asked, Jak reaching over to grab the sheet.

"As I'll ever be, Dax," Torn said as Jak pulled the sheet off.

"Repulsive," Jak said. However, all they saw was Sig in a nice suit, making faces at them.

"A suit? Annoying? I spent TWO hours counterbalancing chains, and all you could come up with is a suit," Torn flared as Sig kept raising his legs up while Torn tried pushing them back down only to have Sig raise them again.

"And what's with you? It was the most annoying thing I could think of," Daxter replied.

"My FATHER wears a suit," Torn rebuttled.

"Exactly!"

"Well I suggest something a little more on-topic: Anchovies," Torn said as he pulled out a can of anchovy paste. "The person who invented this smelly, salty fish dish should've been imprisoned for the rest of their life!" Torn then proceeded to take a spoon and scoop out some of the abomination, stating to Sig with watering eyes: "Open wide please."

"I smell something fishy," Sig commented as Torn tried to get him to eat the substance. However, Sig kept wiggling around which made Torn start to lose his patience. "Poopsie says fish is..." Sig didn't finish his sentence because Torn used the opportunity while Sig had his eyes closed to force the food into Sig, using the spoon as a toothbrush.

"I glued a block of wood to Sig's foot," Jak said after he had done the obvious.

"Jak, WHY did you glue a wooden block to Sig's foot? Why these chains, and why the suit? Why Sig," Torn asked in a craze.

"Sig, people really like it when you say WHY all the time," Daxter said. Torn just glared at him.

"They do? Why? Why? Why, why," Sig asked.

"And people really like it when you poke them on the head," Jak said, doing said action to Torn why yelled at him. "See, Daxter likes it!"

Daxter stumbled back beside Torn, regaining himself when the two suddenly heard a "YEEEHAAAHH!" from Sig, staring in awe as something amazing happened off-screen.

"Sig! That's GOLD! Do it again," Daxter said.

"YEEEEHAAAAWWW!" Sig boomed, his fishy breath going right into Jak's face.

"Low tide," Jak said, waving the air in front of his nose. Sig 'yeehaw'ed one more time for good measure.

"Oh, man we're gonna be rich! Come on, Sig, let's get cracking," Daxter said.

"No problem, Dax," Sig responded, cracking his knuckles loudly.

"What a PEST!" Jak yelled, running away.

"That's disgusting," Torn added.

"MAKE HIM STOP," Jak yelled again.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I say rich," Daxter asked. "I meant SUPER RICH! Let's pester!"

(Meanwhile)

"Do you think swallows will visit our birdhouse? Keira," Vin asked. The two were currently relaxing in the forest near the big tree.

"We'd be lucky if a squirrel used it, Vin," Keira replied. She suddenly heard what sounded like pecking, shouting: "Vin! It's a woodpecker, do you hear it?" However, it wasn't a woodpecker, it was Sig, who was poking Vin on the forehead.

"Eh! Sig, what did I do," Vin asked shakily.

"Are you watchin' birds, Vin," Sig asked, his noxious breath drifting past Vin's nose.

"Fishy...breath..." Vin said, fainting. Keira then growled and lept at Sig, yelling: "You're asking for trouble, bub!"

"Poke, poke, poke," Sig said, poking Keira and knocking her off him. Keira recovered but discovered that Sig had disappeared.

"Where'd he go? Fathead..." Keira began, but stopped when...

"YEEEEHAAHH!"

"Jumpin' Jehoshaphat," Vin shrieked.

"YEEEHAAAWWW," Sig boomed, showing that he had now taken residence inside of the birdhouse.

"Keira, he's gonna scare the swallows," Vin said.

"Ergh, SIG, GET OUTTA THERE," Keira spat.

"Why," Sig asked, poking his head out then ducking back in.

"Cause I said so," Keira replied.

"Why?"

"Cause your bugging us!"

"...Why?"

"CAUSE YOUR STUPID!"

"Why?"

"Why doesn't he just go away," Vin asked.

"For a lousy 25 cents, let us get that Sig off your back," Daxter said, he, Jak, and Torn appearing at the scene of the crime.

"Get lost, Daxter," Keira yelled.

"But Keira...think of the swallows," Vin said. "Oh, Brother," Keira sighed.

"Swallows are beautiful," Vin said, forking over the payment. "Jak, fetch," Daxter said, snapping his fingers. Jak ran over to the tree and circled it before somehow pulling the tree down into the ground and getting the birdhouse to a reachable level. He then dove in, and after a short struggle, forced Sig out. He then busted from the house, carrying Sig over to the fence and lifting the wastelander over it.

"I'm having so much fun I can't stand it," Sig said with a laugh, Jak dropping him to the other side.

"Sig has left the building," Jak said triumphantly.

"Are we through yet," Torn asked.

"Just stand there and look pretty," Daxter said. "Next!"

(Later)

Damas happily sat on a tree stump in his backyard, enjoying a picnic while unaware of Daxter and Torn spying on him from behind his shed.

"I'm not sure about this, Dax," Torn said.

"What are you talking about," Daxter replied as the two ducked behind the shed to what looked to be a very large cardboard box resembling a cage of some sort.

"Tattooed Wonder, provoke our creation," Daxter said.

"Boy Daxter, provoke? Those tutoring lessons must be paying off," Torn said as he took a broom and pushed the bristle end into the window of the cage box thing.

"YEEHAAA...Poke poke...why, why...why...YEEEHAAAHH!" Sig said in between attacks on the broom. Torn pulled it out to reveal a now broom-less broom and just a stick.

"Stand back," Daxter called as he opened the cage, Sig leaping out. "Go get em, Tiger!"

"JAK," Torn scoleded, the blonde in question stopping after attempting to walk away with a bunch of Damas's chickens stuffed into his shirt.

"I love chickens, Torn," Jak said in defeat, turning around again.

"Yes, we know, Jak," Torn replied as Daxter giggled in the background.

Damas, meanwhile, was still enjoying his picnic unaware of the mayhem that was about to befall him, when Sig walked up to the scene.

"Sig the teddy-boy," Damas asked, surprised.

"Can I have a bite of your sandwich, Damas," Sig asked, his anchovie breath weaving it's way over to Damas's face. Damas took a sniff and seemed intrigued.

"Anchovie paste...19...52? A fine year! Hail to the anchovies," Damas commented. "Damas respects the stench!"

"Poke, poke, poke," Sig said, poking Damas. Yet again, the man seemed pleased. "Ho ho, Damas is honored by your knowledge of the wastelander's customary salute!" He then proceeded to poke Sig back, slapping his back a few times in the process as well as kicking him in the rear. He then picked Sig up and asked: "Did you catch my drift?"

"YEEEHAAAWWW!" Sig said, blasting fish breath right into Damas's face.

"You are full of pickles and beets today, yes Sig," Damas asked, still unfazed; though his hair could use some fixing.

"Why?"

"I invite you and your bear to join me! Come," Damas said, running off with a confused Sig.

"What just happened? Damas fell in love with the guy," Daxter asked, equally confused.

"It appears annoyance doesn't cross cultural boundaries," Torn added.

"This calls for drastic measures," Daxter said, running off.

"Drastic measures," Torn asked. "What does that mean, I ask you?" He then spotted Jak behind him apparently holding his breath for some reason.

"Jak," Torn asked; Jak just tried to be cool. "Jak!" Torn knew what the blonde was up to this time, but Jak just shook his head again. "Goodness, Jak, give it some air, man!" Jak forced himself to open his mouth, sticking his tongue to reveal he'd stowed away another one of Damas's chickens in his mouth.

Sig, meanwhile, was watching a strange game take place which was shown to be Kliever and Seem, Damas's pigs, licking his toes and feet.

"Are you keeping score, Sig? The sows have yet to win at this game," Damas proclaimed. "Amateurs I tell you!"

"I don't get it either, Poopsie," Sig said to his bear.

"Pst, Sig," Daxter whispered from the bush behind the wastelander. Sig leaned in and Daxter whispered his plan into Sig's ear, to which he responded: "Why?"

"Don't milk it, Sig," Daxter said, pushing Sig away.

"What're you up to, Daxter," Torn asked as Daxter dove to the ground. "Take cover," the otsel said, Jak and Torn looking worried.

"Tell me, Sig," Damas said after a good laugh. "Is Damas a hot shot?"

"Watch this, Damas," Sig said. He the cracked his knuckles again, along with his neck and possibly his shoulders. Damas's animals suddenly tensed up, the king looking behind him as Sig cracked his body again.

"Ah! STAMPEDE!" Damas yelled as his animals suddenly went into a hissy, running after him.

"Any minute now and Damas'll be begging to pay us," Daxter said as the man in question ran by, yelling: "Run for your lives!". "What'd I tell ya? Hey Damas, we can get rid of him..." Daxter began again, but was interrupted when Jak screamed and began running away, Daxter and Torn realizing the danger and followed suit. Unfortunately, they ran right inside of the cage from before, the animals following soon after and the door slamming shut, trapping them inside.

"Holy cow! Look, Poopsie," Sig said, marveling the display.

"Sig, I'll give you a nickel if you let us out," Daxter yelled to the wastelander.

"Hm...a quarter," Sig said, cracking his neck. The animals went crazy again, attacking the three inisde the cage.

"A nickel," Daxter yelled, wanting to win still. "Dax, give him the quarter," Torn pleaded.

"Two quarters," Sig said, cracking again.

"A nickel!"

"Three quarters!"

"A NICKEL!"

"A Dollar," Sig demanded, snapping his whole body. The animals once again frenzied, Torn and Jak hoping that Daxter would just give it up already and give Sig the dollar before anything else happened to them...

Should hopefully have the next real chapter up soon.