-1Unraveled

by Kat

He stepped out from the elevator, his eyes drifting to Jason's door. He fought against the need to see her. It wouldn't be a good idea. He knew he looked bad. The reflection of his bruised face on the limo window had surprised him. Jason would want details and if Carly saw him...

No. He'd visit her in a few days when his bruises and cuts had healed some.

Forcing his feet toward his apartment, he reached the door, stopping when he realized it was slightly ajar. He glanced down the hallway, reaching into his jacket for his gun. His fingers gripped onto the handle tightly and he pulled it silently from its holster. Slowly, he inched the door open, peering cautiously around, he stepped into the room. He froze as his eyes caught a flash of blonde hair on the couch.

Lowering his gun, he moved unsteadily forward, his eyes never straying from the prone figure. He reached her side, staring at her profile as he stood above her. His fingers reached out, barely touching the silkiness of her hair. He pulled away immediately, retreating quietly from where Carly slept to his desk. The phone was in his hand instantly and he punched in the familiar numbers. It rang twice before a sleepy voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Sam. Is Jason there?"

"Yes." Her voice was awake and alert. "Hold on." He heard muffled voices and Jason came onto the line a second later. "Sonny, what's wrong?"

"Did you know Carly is here in the penthouse?"

There was silence followed by a deep sigh and what Sonny assumed was Jason getting to his feet. "No. I didn't know she was. I'll come get her…what? Sam…stop…SAM-"

Sonny waited for a second, hearing the distinct sounds of an argument. Sam returned to the line. "Sonny, is she awake?"

He glanced behind him at the sleeping form. "No. She's asleep."

"Okay, well let her stay there. She's been having a hard-Jason stop it-she's hasn't been sleeping well. Maybe she just needed familiar surroundings. Can you let her stay?"

Sonny rubbed his head, sighing. "Of course. I hadn't thought-yeah, it's fine. But can you make sure to come by in the morning.

Sam's voice tensed. "Why?"

He blinked in surprise, never having heard that tone in her voice before. "If you have to know, I don't look my best, Sam. I don't want Carly to wake up and see me looking like I do."

"Oh Sonny. I'm sorry. Of course. Jason will be by early."

"Fine. I'm sorry I called so late. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sonny?"

He paused. "Yeah?"

"If you don't face this, it's going to get worse. Just remember that."

Before he could respond the line went dead. He knew what Sam had meant. Hanging up the receiver carefully, he took off his jacket making as little sound as he could. Ignoring his instinct to look at Carly, to take her in when she wasn't staring at him with those deep, sad eyes. He walked away, stopping at the stairs for a moment, controlling his urge to glance at her beautiful face again. If he did…he wouldn't be able to look away…he wouldn't want to. He knew that. One step up and he stopped flat, hearing her low whimpers. He took another step but her whimpers turned into low, pained sobs that broke his heart.

He knew about her nightmares. Max had reported to him that there wasn't one night since her release that she didn't wake up crying or worse yet, screaming. He clutched the railing, understanding now why Jason had chosen not to tell him. It ripped at him to hear her pain.

Damning himself, he returned swiftly to her side, aching at the pained look on her face. He knelt next to her, one hand reaching but not quite able to touch her face. His fingers shook as they pulled back and he sat, positioning himself by her head.

"Baby? Can you hear me?"

Her whimpers rose and he reached up, fingers barely tracing her cheek, comforting her as best he could. He couldn't risk waking her with the way he looked. "Shh. It's okay. I'm here, baby. I'm here."

Her face shifted, rubbing against his hand as it did and he heard her deep sigh and the one mumbled word that was distinct. "Sonny."

"Yeah sweetheart. It's me. Just sleep. I won't let anything hurt you. It's okay, honey."

Her whimpers died away as he continued to whisper soothing words to her, hoping they reached her wherever she was at…

Her feet clicked against the hard marble floor, echoing in the vast space of the almost empty church. She caught glimpses of Jason's face, staring at her from his seat with cold dead eyes.

"You did this Carly. It's your fault."

She wanted to speak, to scream that she had no idea what she had done but her voice stuck in the throat. Her feet continued their walk down the long aisle, her eyes remained fixed on the black casket at the front. Her heart pounded in her head, her eyes filling with tears as she got closer. She closed her eyes, praying it wouldn't be him, begging whatever god was listening…this wasn't happening. She opened her eyes, finding herself in front of the casket, she reached to open it and felt the ground give beneath…

…she stopped her screaming as her feet hit hard dirt as she tumbled forward. Her hands fell into the snowy ground, her voice choking out a sob of pain. This was a dream. She knew that. She also knew she could never control it. It was her punishment. Her hands reached up blinding, feeling the cold stone, and her eyes jerked up seeing the name engraved on the headstone…

Michael Corinthos, Jr.

Beloved father, son, husband and friend

"No…." she touched the engraving tenderly, her chest heaving with the weight of grief. "No…no…nononononono…nono! Sonny!!!" Her scream ripped from her as she pounded the hard marble….

…she found the knife lying on the floor where she had dropped it when Jason had found them. Her eyes drifted to the empty chair in the room and down to the dried blood that stained the floor beneath it. Her head shook as she pushed away the images of Sonny strapped there, helpless, tortured…

She remembered all the cuts…the stabs…watching his blood drip out…remembered the coldness of her heart…her voice ringing in her head…

"You always hurt the one you love."

Her knees buckled at the image of his face, his eyes staring at her with love…even as she took his life one wound at a time. There was another voice….the one telling her it was her job. That she needed to do it.

Alcazar.

She felt the movement behind her before she heard his voice. "I knew you'd come back. Is it finished? Is he dead?"

Carly glared behind her to meet his cold stare, nodding her head in answer. She had killed Sonny. Her husband…her life was gone. She couldn't speak. Couldn't afford to lose her mind yet. She had only once chance. She knew that. His image floated across her mind…his smell surrounded her and she closed her eyes. She felt Sonny's touch and she opened them…seeing him kneeling in front of her. His face inches from her own. She gave him a watery smile, reaching out to touch him…

…and he was gone.

"You did a good job Carly. I knew you would. Now it's time to go."

Her eyes fell to the light gleaming off the steel of the blade at her side. Gripping the handle tightly, she felt it's weight, knowing what she needed to do to finish it all. "Yes. It's time."

She rose slowly, feeling his hand on her shoulder, and for a moment her stomach turned, threatening to betray her. She breathed in deeply, her eyes straying to the empty chair before she turned to look at his pale, dead face. "It's over."

He smiled at her. "Yes. It is. Now, we can be together."

Carly shook her head, surprising him. "No. Now you can die." She pushed the blade into his chest as he screamed….

She screamed, her hands and legs flailing wildly as she struggled to pull out of the nightmare…out of the memories…

There was a voice next to her, commanding her to calm down, and she opened her eyes, seeing Sonny's bruise and battered face. Like in her nightmare….in her memories….

"NO!!! No! Get away!! I don't want to hurt you!! Please!!!"

She pushed at his hands, breaking away from his side and wobbling as she took to her feet. The room closed in around her, her mind still half in nightmare, and she held onto the wall. "Oh god….what did I do? What?"

Sonny took a step toward her but stopped as she screamed.

"Don't! I did it! I killed you. I did!"

"No, baby. I'm okay. I'm here." He kept his distance…her wild eyes scaring him more then the screaming had. "See. Look at me, Carly. I'm here." He re-positioned himself so she could see him. "It was a nightmare, baby."

Carly cowered away from him, tears falling down her cheeks, her head shaking. "No it wasn't. I killed you. Stab by stab. Killed my husband."

Sonny shook his head. "It wasn't your fault."

Carly stared at him. "I let him in. I let him hurt you."

"No!" Sonny forced his voice to lower. "No. It was my fault. I should have taken care of you. That was my job Carly."

only a soul

threadbare as my own

could do the things I've done

scar so many lives

and make you feel like

you're the wicked one

Carly let a burst of mirthless laughter out, her eyes falling to the floor and back to his. "You can't say it, can you? It was my fault. Mine."

Sonny refused to look at the face, moving slowly toward the door, to the phone…She needed someone else. She needed Jason.

"Don't, Carly. Please. It's over now. Don't torture yourself."

She watched his retreat, knew he was trying to escape…could feel his pain from where she stood. Anger welled up inside…anger at herself…anger at him…rage at what had been done to them. "Say it Sonny." His eyes meet hers and his battered face turned into stone.

"Stop it Carly."

I lost myself

then I lost my life

though you did all the bleeding

and I can't reverse

how much it hurts

but it's only when I'm breathing

"I destroyed all we had. I lost everything. I made you hate me."

Sonny's face softened slightly. "I don't hate you, Carly."

"Why not?"

"What do you mean why not? It wasn't…"

"My fault. You keep saying that….but it's a lie. You're lying to me."

He stepped back. "I'm not…I don't hate you. I couldn't."

She smiled sadly, her mind clearing by the second, running shaky fingers through her hair. "I remember it all. Remember that room. The chair that held you. How I hit you….over and over…the knife cutting…sometimes plunging into you…"

His mind whirled with the memories and he shook his head, trying to find a way out. "Please Carly."

"I remember that too. How you begged me to stop….how you tried to save me from pain even when I was causing you the worst kind I could imagine."

His hands went to his head, holding it tightly, trying to stop the memories from returning…stop the pain from resurfacing…the hate from taking over…

I think I was strong once

now I'm held together

by the most fragile weave

and if I unravel any more

there'll be nothing left of me

He felt her next to him, her hands on his and glanced into her face, seeing her soul in those eyes he loved…those eyes that haunted him…and he felt his mind unfurl…felt what he kept inside start to come apart….

Sonny pushed her away, trying to move around her, to find room to breathe. He didn't want to do this. She couldn't handle it. His guilt, his anger and pain along with her own. It would break her.

"Go, Carly. Go!"

Something whooshed past his head and he whirled to look at her in time to see her pick up another frame and throw it against the wall. She screamed as she did. "Say it!!! Tell me you HATE me!!!! Say you blame me! DAMN IT!!!!" A vase whirred by his head, knocking down the picture on the mantel. "Tell me!!"

"Carly stop!!!"

She raged, her screams coming out in bursts as she picked up object after object flinging them around the room. "Hate me! Please!! Hate me!!!"

only a heart

threadbare as my own

could expect you'd still feel love

but even cloaked in my shame

I see you want me through the pain

something we're both guilty of

"NO!" Sonny shook his head, moving toward her, dodging as another vase flew at his head. He reached her side, gripping her arms in an attempt to stop her. "Carly. Stop. You have to stop hurting yourself."

She turned her rage on him, beating his chest, his arms, as she sobbed between words. "Why…why…hate me….you have to hate me…" She hit his face, the sound resounding in the room and he let her go. His face stung, red from her assault, his chest welling with pain from long ago scars.

Carly walked toward him. "Sonny.."

"No. Don't. Don't!" Rage built in him and he turned, walking to the wall, screaming as he punched the mirror, his hand stinging. He could feel warm blood trickle down as he punched it again. Shards of glass fell to the floor and he panted as he turned to look at her. "What do you want from me?!"

"The truth!!!", she screamed.

I've been sleepwalking it seems

acting out the bad dreams

time to wake and learn which ghosts are real

look my damage in the eye

everyone that I made cry

can't tell living from dying the way I feel

"What fu-cking truth?!! The one where you hurt me. Where I can't close my eyes without seeing you with that knife in you hand!!"

She froze as he threw a glass against the floor. "Or the real truth. The one you won't admit to yourself Carly. The one where I didn't save you!!! Where I served you to that son-of-a-bitch on a platter!"

Carly shook her head an inaudible denial on her lips that was cut off by his yell." Bullshit no! I lead you right to him. Why don' you hate me?! Huh? Tell me! WHY!!"

Carly moved toward him but he backed away. "You hurt me. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Sonny's lips trembled as the memories rushed back. "You broke my heart and my soul, piece by piece that night."

Carly let fresh tears fall from her face, whispering. "You do hate me."

Sonny whimpered, shaking his head. "No…"

I think I was strong once

now I'm held together

by the most fragile weave

and if I unravel any more

there'll be nothing left of me

"Say it." Carly crawled into her own mind, waiting for the blow that was coming. "Say it please."

Sonny shuddered, his voice cracking as he spoke. "I hate you…for what you did. I hate everything you did."

Carly covered her face with her hands, the truth in his voice . "Why did that have to happen…we were so happy…why?" Her voice was mumbled. "Why didn't you stop him? How could…how could we…oh god!" Her shoulder shook with the force of her sobs and she looked up at him, her breathing erratic as she spoke. "Why didn't you save me?"

Sonny's watery eyes bore into hers. "Say it."

"I hate…you for leaving me alone."

oh I know I don't deserve

my old place at the center of your world

but you know it's still where I live

She ran at him, her hand clutching at his shirt as she sobbed. "Why did you leave me? Why? I needed you. I needed you so much. Why?"

Sonny held her face. "Why did you leave me? I loved you. I love…"

even though I ripped us open

even though I left you broken

have to believe these pieces will come to forgive

Carly sobbed harder. "Don't…please don't. Don't love me. You can't love me please…"

He held her tightly, stopping her from running, stopping her struggles…"I can't stop…god I wished I could…I prayed…for your sake…because my love destroyed you. I don't want to do that again. I couldn't live…if…"

"Stop it!" She cried, squirming from him. "Stop loving me please."

and if God accepts my penance

doesn't mean the hurt is gone

and if you reject my remnants

the haunting will go on

He held her up, not letting her run…not letting go. "I love you. I still love you. I can't stop. No matter what. I can't stop."

She shook her head, her face in his chest, sobs racking her body as she tried to escape. Her mumbled voice vibrated against him. "Don't Sonny. I don't deserve it. I'm stained. I can't….I can't…."

I think I was strong once

now I'm held together

by the most fragile weave

and if I unravel any more

there'll be nothing left of me

Her knees buckled and they fell to the floor, clutching at each other as they fell. Her head buried in his neck, her caressed the back of her head, whispering in her ear. "I love you. Nothing else matters. I'm so sorry I let you down baby. I'm so sorry…"

His own cries cut off the words and he felt her hands come around his shoulders, and she tightened her grip, pulling back to look at him, touching the bruises on his face.

"Please don't hate me. I love you. I never stopped…I love you…."

They held onto each other, their tears falling and washing away their pain…

I think we were happy once

memory so clear yet it comes undone

frays and fragments with the slightest touch

and if I unravel any more

if we unravel any more

there'll be nothing left of us

Lyrics: Unravel by April Hope