Chapter 4: Different Than Other Girls

Childhood living

Is easy to do

The things you wanted

I got them for you

Graceless lady

You know who I am

You know I can't let you

Slide through my hands

-Adam Levine and Alicia Keys, "Wild Horses"

The next day, when I met with Nana at school, I found out why one should never go out in the rain when it's chilly.

Nana had her head laid on top of her desk, raven hair sprawled out all around her. When I spoke her name, she looked up at me and sniffed in response. Her nose was bright red, and her eyes held dark circles underneath them.

"I have a cold," She said stuffily.

"Obviously," I said, laughing slightly.

"Is it that obvious?" She asked miserably.

"Gak- no! No, I could tell by err… the sound of your voice…"

"Stop lying," She replied irritably. "You're bad at it…" And THUD went her head onto the desk.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Peachy," She grumbled.

I felt horrible… Well, probably not as bad as her, but I still felt bad FOR her. After watching her suffer through homeroom, I forced myself to go up to her and demanded her to go home.

"You should… probably go home, if you're sick," I told her.

"I don't wanna," She responded like a child.

"But…"

"If my Grandma finds out that I'm sick, she'll probably think it's something worse than it is. Like an STD or something."

"Sounds like your grandma is as crazy as my 'rents."

She smirked at me. "Really?"

-

Lunch time rolled around, and Nana didn't look any better. In fact, in my opinion, she looked WORSE. She plopped down across from me at my desk and laid her head on my tabletop.

"Nobuuuu…." She moaned.

"Do you want me to run to the drug store and get you some meds?" I asked her nervously.

Her eyes sparkled. "Would you?"

"O…of course…"

"DO IT! PLEASE!" She croaked with as much energy as she could muster in her sorry state.

A slave to Nana's will, I did, and to this day I probably would, though not for the same feelings I had at the time. Nana had and still has this way of drawing people to her, making people care about her that I'll never have nor understand. I'd like to think it's because she's one of the few genuine people I've met in my lifetime.

When I returned, she was in the same position I had left her in, but now she had everything she needed, and I was short a few bucks with five minutes left to eat, and out of breath from running to and from the drug store.

I would have been complaining by this point with anyone, but then she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Thank you… really… Nobu."

And I found myself just smiling back. "No problem. What're friends for?"

"Running to get them drugs!" Nana cheered, already more energetic, and gulped down a few pills.

-

Of course, Nana got better a few days and returned to our daily study sessions. I remember vividly the changes that seemed to take place within her, or perhaps with the world around her the longer we were together. Nana attracted more people to her, though still distant as she was, for now she didn't seem to be quite so scary with a smile on her face and a friend by her side. She'd probably never admit it, but I think it was because of me that she learned how to interact with people.

It was one day in my room that I was strumming away on the guitar that I noticed her writing in her notebook as I played. She had done it before, and I'd always just assumed she was getting homework done while I goofed off, but that day I began to feel like that wasn't really the case. Finally, I got up the nerve to ask her.

"What the hell are you writing in there all the time?"

She looked up at me with surprise, apparently not expecting me to speak, but then she quickly recovered, and with a smile said, "Wouldn't YOU like to know."

"Um… yeah. Yes, I would."

She just chuckled and put the notebook away. "English time, right?"

I groaned. Nana always got her way.

We started to study, though I did very badly that day, thoughts lingering on her mysterious notebook.

-

It was the Sunday after that when we went out for lunch that I found out more about Nana than I'd expected to, and suddenly, her grandmother seemed to make some sense.

We sat across from each other, and I remember thinking with a blush that we looked just like a couple… A pierced, bizarre couple, but a couple none the less.

Nana was dressed in a navy colored Vivienne Westwood t-shirt and white jeans with the knees ripped out. She sat oh-so-dignified with her chin rested on her folded hands.

I myself was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans, nothing designer or fancy in my closet.

"You know, I need to take you shopping some time," Nana chuckled, taking hold of her iced coffee and sipping on it. "You're so plain. I have an excuse. My grandmother won't let me buy anything girly, especially nothing in red or pink."

"Eh?" I questioned, truly baffled. "I thought grandmothers LIKED to dress up their grandkids… Boys in sailor suits and girls in frills and thrills and shit."

Nana rolled her eyes in bitterness. "I wish…You know, she doesn't even know about THIS shirt. I bought it and hide it under whatever she thinks I'm wearing on Sunday."

"What's her deal?" I asked, giving a grin to the waitress as she sat down my drink.

"She thinks I'm going to be some whore or something," Nana shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"WH--- WHY WOULD SHE THINK THAT?" I exclaimed, stunned.

Nana laughed though I couldn't figure out why it was funny. "Chill out, Nobu. It's not that bad."

"She's accusing you of things…" I whimpered, pouting.

"You're such a child. She has every right to think it."

"Ah… what? Why?"

She smiled again, lighting up a cigarette, obviously ignoring the "No Smoking" sign right next to her head. Then her eyes met with mine, and I swore I could see hurt reflecting in them, deeply concealed hurt and hatred.

"Because…" She said, grinning ear to ear. "She thinks I'm just like my mother."

"Huh?… Your mother?" Nana had never spoken of anyone in family besides her grandmother, so I was surprised to hear it now, though not as surprised as I would be after she spoke again.

"Yeah… my mother abandoned me at my grandmother's when I was four to run off with some guy. My mom was a whore, I guess, and my grandma didn't want me to be all pretty because that's how she wooed her guys or whatever. I don't even remember what she looks like."

I remember how I felt after she had said that, though it's still hard to describe. I mean… part of me felt so bad, even though I obviously had nothing to do with it, and I wanted to apologize. Yet, another side of me thought that it was for the best because a woman like that as a mother is far from a good role model… I was in a battle with myself, but she didn't give me time to fight it.

"It's not a big deal, really…" She shrugged, taking another drink from her iced coffee. "Nobody's life is perfect. I'm not gonna blame myself or take responsibility for her stupidity or anything, so I don't feel any shame. So far, I think I've turned out pretty good, don't you?"

Unable to say anything, I nodded dumbly.

"Yeah…" She sighed, staring down at the table. "A cold-eyed teenage girl with no future plans…"

"Nana…" I started, hesitated, and started again. "Nana… You're an awesome girl. You don't have a plan yet, but it's no biggie. I don't have any plan yet either… mostly because everyone else has a plan for me… but… you've got the whole world set out before you, and… well, you can do whatever the hell you want."

She smiled. "You really think that?"

"You know I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, Nana," I responded, leaning my cheek onto my fist nonchalantly.

"Well… thanks, Nobu. It means a lot to me, really."

I grinned.

"So… you're kind of stuck in the inn biz, huh," Nana said.

"Yeah," I groaned, stretching. "It sucks. I'm gonna end up wearing a yukata and being all nice to assholes who mess up my rooms."

"Shouldn't you just… do what you want to?" Nana asked.

"Eh?"

"Well… I mean, why let them set your path. Do what you just told me. Do whatever the hell you want. It's your life, and whether they gave it to you or not, you control it. Now, what would you really want to do if you could?"

"Play guitar," I said, without hesitation, and surprised myself by doing so.

"Well, do it. Play guitar. You're really good at it. In fact, I wish that I had the kind of talent that you have… I've never been good at anything, you know? If I had the kind of talent you had, I would try to make a living off of it."

I remember staring at her after she said that, and wondered what she would've wanted to do. Music? Art? Writing? For some reason, I felt that she could do it all, and she probably can, but at the time, it was only my boyish wonder, I guess.

We sat there for hours, chatting about our family lives, but I came to find that I did most of the talking. Nana didn't seem very fond of speaking about herself, a quality I think she might always have. Whether she was humble or just a bit oblivious of herself is a mystery but…

"The sun's going down," Nana said suddenly, interrupting my thoughts. "I need to go home."

"I'll walk you," I said without thinking, a habit I seemed to have been picking up on.

She grinned and extended her hand to me to help me out of my seat. When I took her hand, I felt this incredible rush of heat to my cheeks. Any girl who thinks that female hormones are more brutal than male hormones… well, I'd have to say I definitely disagree, for starters, along with some less kind things…

-

We were almost to her house when she stopped me.

"This is as far as you go," She told me. "If my grandmother saw me with a boy I'd be locked away in my room for the rest of my life."

"But…" I whined.

"Aww… do you wanna kiss goodbye?" She smirked. At the time, she had no idea how her words would affect me.

"Ah-- yu---n-" I stammered, but fell silent when she kissed me on the cheek and patted my head like I was a puppy.

"Have a nice night!" She chimed, waving as she disappeared around the corner.

To this day, regardless of my feelings now, my heart still pounds when I think of that time. It was the day I guess I truly began my steps into independent adulthood… but then again… maybe I just wanted to be more like her.

(A/N: Yeah... this chapter is really short, but I didn't want to start the next part in this chapter, I wanted it to be put exclusively into one chapter. This was kind of more of a filler I suppose.)