I'm not saying it again!
Chapter Four: Degero Vivificus Amor
They had both been put on medical leave and given separate rooms, though no one except Dr. Cain, and a few others, truly knew why.
Within two weeks X had been jumped up to light duty and back into full time. Actually, he had demanded it. Zero was still on light duty, paper work, but only technically since they weren't giving him any. The last paperwork they had given him to do were some reports. Maverick kills were at an all time low, there was mention of morale being down. Zero knew why, it was because of him, they knew something was wrong but not what and it was affecting the Hunters as a whole.
The report had also said that X's personal kills were at an all time high, through the roof actually. He had cleared out entire sections of the city and Maverick outposts all by himself. He was looking for Sigma's new headquarters. The Blue Bomber was angry, Zero was happy that he wasn't angry with him.
When he had entered the forums, he had never gotten any more. Zero assumed that they figured that they were too stressful for him; that they made him worry, which they did.
Since that time in the lab, Zero had avoided X, had avoided everyone, and X had given him his space and stayed away. But Zero couldn't take it, take anything, anymore. The confused, or worse, pitying stares of those few who had an inkling or more of the truth. Dr. Cain trying to get him to talk about it, but he had refused. How could anyone talk about being raped and then having to accept your rapist back to normal? The sight of X or the sound of his voice made him recoil. How could he talk about that?
He couldn't fight anymore. He had tried to do his daily exercise, his katas, but the movements were forced, clumsy, and empty. He feared the Mavericks; he feared that they would do it again to him, or X, or anyone else, despite Dr. Cain's assurances of that everyone would be checked and upgraded. He feared X and everyone else. He couldn't be a Hunter anymore.
He got up decisively, a first in many weeks.
He went though his filing cabinet and pulled out two forums. One was already filled out, the other blank. He caressed the older sheet; it was his sign up forum, the original copy. He read over it and found all of the reasons for joining he had listed were no longer a part of him.
He put it down and pulled out a duffel bag from his closet and opened his draws. Very slowly, very carefully he removed his armor and set it aside. He felt dirty wearing it and though he hated the Mavericks more than ever he could not bear to take it with him. He carefully placed it on the props made to hold it in place. He looked at his Beam Sabre and put it on its wall mount. Then he dressed himself in civilian clothing, jeans and a white T-shirt; you could mistake him for a human. Then he put the rest of his meager belongings into his bag.
He picked up a small square of yellow paper with ink and water stains on it.
I Love You.
His hand tightened on it and he stuffed it into his pocket.
He picked up his signup sheet again, and ripped it in two and threw it into the trash and filled out the resignation form.
* * * *
X leaned back against the wall and gazed absentmindedly at the ceiling. "Damn. I've never been loaded down with so much work before." He had brought most of that work onto himself it was true, going out and killing Mavericks. For the first time in his life he actually rejoiced in the kill, and it frightened him, but he wanted revenge. The Mavericks were work enough, but the endless reports and revaluation of security systems was tedious. They had to get rid of all the surprises Sigma had left for them and redo all the security codes, revamp the entire system and a hundred other things. Fun.
His stomach felt clenched and he sighed softly. He missed Zero. He missed his old life.
The first week after Dr. Cain had removed the chip had been absolute hell. He had been guilt ridden and depressed. But Dr. Cain had forced him to talk about it. For the first week he had been forced to spill his guts, he cried he screamed, he threatened. But Dr. Cain and some of his closer friends had paid him no heed, they were there for him and supported him and showed him that it was not his fault. They had extracted promises from him that he wouldn't go AWOL, that he wouldn't do anything stupid.
That he wouldn't kill himself.
The last promise was the hardest to obtain.
Dr. Cain and his closest friends--except Zero, helped him, a lot. Getting the feelings of horror and helplessness across how it had felt not being in control of himself. Feeling his memories being sorted though without his permission, being forced to watch as his body by the will of another said hello to his friends, reported to his enemies, and raped his best friend, they nearly killed him. They helped him and shared the pain, halving it each time.
Talking, crying, screaming, beating up walls, it all helped, but would have helped more if could have done these things with Zero. But he needed his space.
They hadn't spoken a word to each other in over two weeks. Everyone told X that he was edgy and spooked easily. Truth was, he was worried. Worried about his relationship with Zero. I miss our friendship. Will things ever go back to the way they were?
X rubbed his eyes sleepily. "Where did I leave those human casualties forums from the Mavericks' last attack?" he asked himself.
In his room. He had been up late last night going over them.
X cursed under his breath and started off towards his room.
As he walked down the hallways of the base, his mind drifted back to happier memories.
"X, you're a workaholic."
He could hear Zero's voice lecture him deep in his mind.
"You've been so busy filing papers and reports that you've ignored me all day!"
He almost smiled.
"No, don't you tell me to get lost Mega Man X. I demand that you drop what you're doing RIGHT NOW and come with me to get some ice cream."
X sniffed as he approached his room. He yelped and jumped back as the one he was walking past suddenly flew open.
Zero stood in the doorway. He was dressed in civilian clothes and a duffel bag was in his hands. "X!" he said in a startled voice. "What are you doing here?"
"Last time I checked my room was in this hall too."
Zero just looked at him uncertainly. "Oh. Well, um, I have to get going." He brushed past X quickly.
X grabbed his arm before he could slip away. "Whoa. Wait a second. Where are you going?"
Every muscle in Zero's body tensed. "J-just for a walk."
X eyed the duffel bag in his hands. And the paper he was holding. "If you're going to lie to me, at least make it good."
Zero cringed. X's words sounded dangerous. Suddenly, he was angry. "You want the truth X?" he spat. "Fine. I'm going to Dr. Cain's office to give him my resignation forum. I quit. I don't… can't be a Hunter anymore."
X felt as if he had been slapped in the face. "What did you say?" he whispered.
"You heard me." Zero pulled his arm away from the suddenly loose grip. "Goodbye." He started to walk away from X again.
X was too stunned to move for a moment. He had never expected that Zero would resign. Never. He'd always thought Zero was so strong. That he could handle anything. That's why X looked up to him.
But it seemed as if X would have to be the bigger reploid this time.
X turned back towards Zero. "No."
Zero stopped. Why did I have to run into X? Why?
X stepped in front of him. "You're not going anywhere."
Memories, all of them bad, bombarded Zero and he backed away, eyes clouded, unable to tell past from present, his eyes burning though clouds of fear. "Please… let me go…please…don't hurt me…" he pleaded softly, the last part strained and torn form a dying man's throat.
"What's the matter with you?" X roared suddenly, his ire hitting him hard. "I never thought you could be so weak! You keep acting like everything that happened was my fault. It's over now!"
Tears filled Zero's eyes. He trembled and whimpered.
X wasn't done. "I can't believe you. You know, you're really starting to piss me off Zero. It wasn't just you that had to go through hell. I had my own version of it. In case you forgot, I was trapped inside my own body while my most hated enemy controlled everything I did! How do you think I felt while I watched him rape you? Not too good. You don't see me whining about it, do you?"
"How could you ever understand?" Zero cried. "You weren't on the receiving end! You knew what was happening, I didn't! You knew I wasn't hurting you, you knew you weren't hurting me. To me, it wasn't someone else; it was you! Now move, I'm leaving. I can't take this anymore!"
X realized even when Zero had snapped at him in anger he still had refused to look him in the eyes.
"That's it." X grabbed Zero's arm. He tossed him back into the room roughly.
Zero fell to the floor of what used to be their room heavily. He curled into a tight ball in one corner and covered his head.
"I'm sorry Zero," X said sincerely. "But I really need to knock some sense into you." X cracked his knuckles meditatively.
Zero stared up at him in horror. Terror, hopelessness, and despair filled every space in his heart. This image, X standing above him while he was curled up in a corner, helpless, it was too familiar. Like the words X had spoken in the lab.
X walked into the room, closing the door and locking it behind him.
Tears rolled down Zero's cheeks. He was too petrified to move. He wanted to run, but he couldn't. What was X going to do to him this time?
X looked down at him with pity in his eyes. "If only you could see yourself. Frankly, it's quite sickening."
But I care about you X! I care about you more than anything in the world! You hurt me and my heart broke. Do you know how it feels to have the one person you truly trusted and love betray you and RAPE you? My God X, it's an awful feeling.
Zero's mind cried out but his voice was only a small whimper.
X kneeled down beside him. "You're stronger than this. Stop feeling sorry for yourself."
I love you X. I always have, and I could never stop loving you, no matter what. Do you still love me? I think that's what I'm really afraid of.
X gently reached out and ran his fingers through Zero's golden bangs. Then, he traced the back of his thumb down his cheek. "You don't deserve to be miserable like this. And God help me, I wish I knew how to make things better."
Zero sniffled. Slowly, he put his hand over X's.
"You can't leave me Zero," X spoke soothingly. "You promised that you would protect me. Remember?"
Zero nodded. He shivered and fought back tears.
"You wouldn't break that promise to me, would you? You know something, you have protected me. I'm so grateful to you, Z. You are the only reason I've been able to accept my life as a Hunter. You. Because you've always been beside me. You've always given me strength. As my partner, as my best friend, and as the one I love." X breathed heavily. "I'm so sorry…" X pulled Zero into a tight embrace. Tears seeped out of his eyes. "I miss you Zero. Please… please don't leave me again… Come back…Come back to me."
Zero cringed a bit, but allowed X to hold him. A bit of his fear lifted and he willed himself to hug X back.
"Can you forgive me? Can we be friends again?" X asked softly.
For the first time in almost a month, Zero gazed straight into X's eyes. There was no longer the burning desire for him anymore. Or the hate. Just… concern. The fear Zero had been feeling so deeply felt far off. He almost felt as if he could forgive X right then.
"You have to bounce back to your old self, Z. Do you know how much it's killing me to see you like this? I almost feel sorry for all the Mavericks I've killed lately."
A violent shudder ripped though his body; he was just so tired. Terror took a lot out of a person and he had been unable to get any sleep because of his nightmares. It didn't matter if he slept in a bed or in a pod. In fact, it was worse in the pod because he always 'woke up' in the beginning of the dream and it made it hard to tell dream from reality. He leaned onto X.
"I was afraid of you, you know?"
X looked down at him. He knew that, but he hadn't expected Zero to talk or even to be able to talk about it.
"And not for all the reasons you know." He took X's hand in his own and spread the fingers and caressed the back before continuing in his emotionless voice. "Everything was the same." He twined their fingers together. "Same hands, same voice, same body," Zero choked but continued on, "and I was afraid, so afraid, that if I looked at your eyes they would be the same as well." His hand tightened. "I think in my own perverse way I was keeping a little of my hope alive." Zero closed his eyes; he didn't clench them but simply closed them for the first time in weeks.
X blinked back tears and wrapped his arm around Zero and pulled him closer, still holding his hand.
"But now it's different, it feels different." Zero realized what he felt as he said it and searched for what was missing. But it was more than what was missing. Something was back. That feeling of calm and comfort was but a pale shadow of its former self, but it was back. He, the Crimson Hunter, Zero, cuddled closer to X and yawned.
"You tired?"
Zero nodded and felt himself falling asleep.
"Come on," X said as he picked him up in both arms. He looked down at Zero and had to still a laugh. "You look like a damsel in distress, you know." Something flashed in Zero's silted eyes as he glared up at X, and X identified it. Crossness and amusement. X laughed softly and set Zero in his unmade bed and tucked him in. "Sleep," he whispered and kissed Zero's forehead.
"Thank you X… I'm… still worried about nightmares, though," Zero said honestly.
"Shall I stay with my princess then?" X asked, smiling slightly as Zero snorted at his new nickname. He kneeled down beside the bed and took Zero's hand in his. "I'll make sure you sleep well."
"You mean… you'd stay with me the whole night?"
"Of course I will." X's eyes half-closed. Anything to make you feel better…
Zero pulled X closer to him with his arm. "I love you."
X squeezed his hand. "I love you too."
Zero smiled genuinely, and a few tears filled his eyes. They weren't tears of fear or sadness though. They were tears of relief and joy.
"That's the first smile you've given me in a long time Zero." X gently wiped away his friends tears. "Sleep Zero, I'll watch over you."
X is back. He's really back…
And maybe…so am I.
Zero reached down and pulled the crumpled yellow paper out of his pocket.
I Love You.
"What's that?" X asked.
"Remember how we used to always pass love notes to each other?" Zero handed it to X. "This was the very first one you gave me after I told you I was in love with you."
X smiled. "Yeah, I remember that. I guess I was kind of lost for words…"
"It didn't matter. It came from your heart. That's why I've always kept it with me wherever I went." Zero sighed softly, sleep making his eyelids heavy.
"Good night Zero," X whispered. X gave him one last kiss on the forehead. "Sweet dreams."
Zero closed his eyes. He felt that maybe he could have sweet dreams with X beside him. "Good night X… Thanks for making me feel better…" He drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
X touched the side of his face softly. Zero looked like an angel. A beautiful, sweet, perfect angel. And it's me he's in love with… Damn, I'm lucky.
* * * *
Zero did have nightmares but instead of X's eyes, so filled with emotion, the eyes were Sigma's, flat, cold, and not X--and that made it all the more easier to cope with. Whenever he drifted into these painful dreams for too long or started thrashing in his sleep a comforting hand brushed his brow and a gentle voice said things that he didn't understand but they made him feel better.
Pleasant dreams came too. Old memories and times of camaraderie were in his dreams in as well. Making him remember the good times and reminding him that they could come again.
When he awoke he felt… lazy. His eyes fluttered open and he looked into X's bright eyes. How different the eyes were, it filled him with hope and relief.
"Sleep well?"
Zero yawned and stretched, nodding his head. "I feel like a new reploid."
X smiled at him and Zero's eyes feel upon the crumpled post-it note in X's hand. His mouth twisted into a frown. "I'm sorry," he said gesturing to the stained paper for not even a letter remained as they were blurred away by his tears.
X eyes widened in alarm and he looked down at his hand. "No Zero, it's not your fault. And look, it's not ruined, it's a clean slate, see?" X picked a pen off the dresser and wrote on one half of the paper.
_____________________________
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| I Love You. |
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| -X |
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|____________________________|
Zero took the paper from him and smiled at it, then he gently tugged the pen out of X's hand and wrote something down on the post-it note.
_____________________________
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| I Love You. I Love You. |
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| -Zero -X |
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|_____________________________|
In a fit of fancy drew a heart around it, and with a slight blush staining his nose he showed X.
"Oh Zero…" X whispered.
Zero shrugged helplessly, then his eyes widened as X tore it in half. "X!?"
"Don't worry." He handed him half of the paper and showed him his half.
"X…"
X smiled at him. "Now we both have one half of our heart. Mine reminds me that you love me and your half reminds you that I love you just as much. Don't ever forget that."
Zero sat up and shook his head. His blond hair swayed. "How could I?" With a grin, he wrapped his arms around X's neck and kissed him on the cheek.
X sighed and kissed him back. He's going to be okay. X gently wrapped his arms around Zero's waist.
Zero nuzzled under his chin. "You know what? We need a vacation."
"Hey… you're right. Now would be a pretty good time to take one too." X looked thoughtful. "We don't know where Sigma's hiding… and there hasn't been any Maverick attacks at all."
"They're all scared of you," Zero murmured.
X sniffed. "A lot of people have been scared of me lately…"
"Well… I'm not," Zero stated.
"Oh, you aren't afraid that I'm going rape you anymore?" X asked lightly. "That's nice to know."
Zero lifted his head and their noses brushed together.
X jerked back slightly. "Sorry…"
Zero sighed and pulled himself closer to X. "I'm not going to lie, it still hurts, and I wouldn't be surprised that if I woke up and saw you I might freak. But now… now my heart knows that you didn't do those things to me."
"And your head?"
"I think I understand your intentions now," he said softly. Then he was suddenly somber. "It's my instincts that need to get used to you again."
"Don't worry Zero," X said and kissed him on the lips. X abruptly stopped and pulled away as he realized what he did. "S-sorry…"
Zero only laughed and kissed X back-on the cheek. "Just don't wake me up or surprise me like that for awhile, okay?" He kissed his nose. "Now, about that vacation X…?"
"Oh! Yeah, I think I could arrange something. It would be good to spend a little time alone with you…" X smiled. "Let's go ask Dr. Cain."
Zero suddenly remembered that he had been on his way to see Dr. Cain just some hours ago. He'd been about ready to resign. He glanced at the resignation forum that was lying on the floor.
X followed his eyes. "Still want to resign, Z?"
"Hell no!"
Hm, wasn't THAT hard to talk him out of it.
"It's about time things got back to normal X… I missed you," Zero said.
"I missed you too." X slowly stood, his legs stiff from kneeling all night. "Ow…"
"Thank you for watching over me…" Zero sighed softly.
"No problem." X grabbed Zero's hand and helped pull him out of bed.
"Ugh. I need to change," Zero said eying his wrinkled clothes. "Then we can go see Dr. Cain."
"Okay. He'll be glad to see you're feeling better."
Zero picked up the resignation form and ripped it in two. "What was I thinking? Good thing you came along."
* * * *
Zero came out from the bathroom and ran his hand though his freshly combed hair. He wasn't ready to be with X again with anything else much beyond a kiss or a hug. Before, when either of them had to change and they had time, they would undress and dress the other or they would have done strip teases. But he wasn't ready to be seductive; to invite touch upon himself.
X, sweet wonderful X, had understood and had given him space, giving him a small smile that had said 'I understand.' He had even left the room entirely on a claim that he had to pack his bags and change his clothing when they both knew he could just send his armor away since he hadn't taken it off manually. As for the bags, well they need at most three changes and that's it, as reploids don't have to change as much as humans since they mostly lack body odor.
He kneeled down and unpacked his bag and then packed a smaller carryall with a reploid's necessities. He glanced up at his armor, should he send to storage so he could summon it if and when he needed it?
It was better to be safe than sorry and it wasn't like he had to wear it all the time. Quickly he latched the armor uncomfortably over his street clothes then touched his right wrist sending it all into storage and leaving him in plain clothing. He reached into the back of his closet and pulled out his other helmet. It had been made to bear a resemblance to his combat one in color and a bit in design but it was nothing to stare at. He removed the latch on the bottom back of it and then closed the latch behind his head, enfolding his ponytail comfortably.
He pulled out his leather jacket and shrugged it on then picked up his saddlebag and went outside to meet X.
X's door was still closed. "Hey X! Are you almost done?" Zero called to him.
"Um… almost."
"Well hurry up! Don't make me wait for you out here all day!"
X smiled inwardly and made sure the tube was well hidden. He wouldn't need it anytime soon, but if, when, when he gets better, he told himself, it would be good to be prepared. He opened the door to see that he was dressed as Zero was in civilian clothes. "I'm here."
"All packed?"
X nodded. He carried a saddlebag similar to Zero's. "Let's go give the old man a heart attack."
Zero snickered. "The poor guy will probably think we're both resigning."
* * * *
Dr. Cain did almost have a heart attack. As soon as both reploids walked into his office dressed as if they were off duty and carrying their belongings, he went pale. "What's going on???"
"Chill out, Doc. Zero and I are just going to go on vacation for awhile," X said calmly.
Dr. Cain started to breathe again. "Oh… oh okay." He looked curiously up at Zero. "Are you all right?"
Zero smiled. "Better than I was. X and I have… um… bonded again."
Dr. Cain looked at them. "Ah. X, you really can't just get up and leave. What if something happens while your gone?"
X sighed. "If something happens you call me and I'll be here right away. I'll still be on duty."
"What about you, Zero?"
"Um… I don't think I'm up to fighting again yet," he said truthfully.
"Well… you guys are all packed up… where are you going?" Dr. Cain asked.
Both reploids looked at each other. They had no clue. It had never occurred to them they had to decide where to go on their vacation until now.
"Oh jeez…" X started, "I really have no--"
"We're going to America!" Zero blurted out. "I've always wanted to go!"
Dr. Cain looked at him like he was ludicrous.
X felt the same way, but Zero was so excited. "Why not? Let's tour America! Anything for my princess," he said affectionately.
Zero scowled at him. "Is 'princess' your new pet name for me?"
X grinned and nodded. "It suits you."
Zero sniffed angrily. It would take him a while to get used to this.
"Would you prefer Zero Hime, Repliodzel?"
Zero gave him a death glare.
X turned back to Dr. Cain. "All right, America it is. You'll call me if anything comes up, besides, there are Mavs in America too and the Hunters up there would probably appreciate our help. But other than that…" X lowered his voice to a whisper. "I want to spend as much time with Zero alone as possible."
Dr. Cain nodded, still not quite believing what he was hearing, and mildly disturbed at how threading X sounded. "Okay… I guess…"
"Then let's get going."
So they left for MHHQ garage and got their bikes. First stop after that was the Bank. Hunters didn't make a lot of money but all their expenses were paid for so they never spent anything unless it was for pleasure's sake. As it was he and X had a lot of money. Hazard pay really added up.
It was fun seeing the bank clerk's--and everyone else's, eyes widen like that. They barely made a scratch in their accounts with the million each that they withdrew. They called ahead to get tickets on a plane for themselves and space for their bikes then went to the airport.
Once there, no one had really recognized them since they always wore their armor. Though a few people did give Zero's ponytail and nervous fidgeting strange looks.
Finally they were seated, first class, no less, their saddlebags kicked under the seats in front of them. X patted Zero's hand and picked it up and kissed it. They looked into each other's eyes and smiled.
Soon X drifted off as Zero's euphoria of having his best friend back wore off. He slowly became edgy again, not daring to sleep because of the nightmares, the fact that he could be dangerous if he woke up confused and unwilling to wake X up to keep him company.
So he shifted restlessly in his chair, constantly eating honey roasted peanuts, his eyes darting around looking for something though he knew not what.
He was left alone with his memories, and they plagued him constantly. He looked at X every now and then to reassure himself, and it worked, sometimes.
Other times he was sure it was Sigma, just acting again, but he dismissed the notion. Sigma was a bad actor and the only reason he had gotten away with his ploy for so long was because he, Zero, had not wanted to hurt X.
They landed, none too soon for Zero and they made their way off the plane. They had a little trouble at customs, Hover bikes were fine, their armor summons were not.
Thus they were dragged into a small room, though Zero had a hard time with it and stayed very close to the door, and were basically interrogated.
"I'm sorry sir, but reploids are not allowed to cross international borders with armor summons, it's to cut down on maverick activity."
"But we're not Mavericks, we're Hunters here on an 'extended paid leave,'" X drawled out the last part. Don't these idiots know a hero when they see them?
"I'm sorry sir, but only the top individual officers of the Maverick Hunters have the authority to move between international boarders with their armor, anyone else needs special permission."
X bit his lower lip and looked at Zero trying not to laugh. He turned back to the man in uniform, "We are allowed."
"I'll need to see some Identification, sir." The tone was doubtful.
X snatched back his armor summons and slammed it on his wrist even as the officer drew his gun. X summoned his armor and the human froze.
"S-Sir!" He holstered his gun, "So Very Sorry Commander X," you could hear his capitals as he glanced at Zero and his eyes widened, finally taking in his hair and putting two and two together, "Commander Zero."
"It's fine," X banished his armor and waved the human away, "We'll be fine, just try not to let the public know? We're on vacation after all"
Soon enough they were on the road…Well over it at least. Civilian hover bikes had less of a boost drive and less jump than ones for the military and the Hunters. It was to cut down damage to property, gangs used to race motorcycles over cars, imagine what the forward jet would do?
But their bikes were not civilian, in fact they were most likely a bit better than money could buy considering all the tinkering they and Cain did on them.
I had taken a while to urge Zero into taking the 'fast way.' However, X judged the best way for him to get his confidence back was to slowly take on the little things that made him a jer-Zero. To slowly get him to do things that he would have done on his own-even if X had to lead him though it.
Thus they jumped over cars, cut them off, and fairly flew over the squares when they got a red light. Basically they were being irresponsible and enjoying it.
And considering how Zero cowered away from him half the time X was overjoyed when Zero gave a policeman the finger.
They reached the hotel after leading the police man on a merry little chase that X had insisted on, taking upon himself to act as Zero would. Then stepping back to let Zero lead as he started to enjoy himself.
Stepping into the lobby X glanced at his friend who was no longer as skittish as he was at HQ, or even the airport. He had stopped fidgeting and glancing nervously around or at him with shaded fear. True he took note of all escape routes when they came in and scanned the room periodically, but it was a huge improvement.
It's the little things. The little things we will build up upon to make him whole again.
They checked in for their penthouse, under aliases of course. It was simple enough-getting up was another matter all together. Zero would not consent into going into a small box of a room without an exit-especially with him.
Damn.
"C'mon, I'll race you up the stairs."
Green eyes widened and stared at him, then a smile curled his lips and Zero nodded. "Let's go."
Soon they were racing up the stairs, jumping from wall to wall to climb up. If they had been doing this before Zero probably would have dragged him outside to climb up the side of the building and to climb in through the window. And in either case he would be pulling him down, pushing and shoving, even trying to throw him down. Instead Zero was simply keeping pace half a flight below him.
If Sigma hadn't interfered they might be making out in the stairwell right now.
And that's not going to happen anytime soon. Now he's keeping a safe distance away so if I turn on him he has a good head start.
This sucks.
I hate Sigma.
* * * *
They entered the room and threw down their things before looking up.
There weren't any pods to sleep in
There was just one bed, one large, overstuffed, bed.
Suddenly the room was tenser than it was before.
"I-I'll sleep on the couch, it must fold out," X Hurried to the couch and began to nervously toss the cushions away as he looked for the pull out bed in it.
Zero watched the hands nervously flit about, almost compulsively. He shifted uncomfortably.
He looks nervous, why is he nervous? Why am I nervous?
He watched the hands, rhythmic almost in their flurry of movement.
Gentle fingers on his cheek.
Rough fist ripping at his hair.
He found himself fidgeting again, and compulsively...
"X."
A pause in the movement. "Ah-" X's voice cracked, and he cleared it uncomfortably. "Y-yes?"
"You...you don't have to. It's fine."
X blinked, and stared at the mess before him.
"I don't mind...I..."
That voice, the same kind voice, telling him he was a worthless whore.
I trust you.
X then looked up, and their eyes locked for a moment.
I need to.
Blue on green.
He saw something tremble and X broke the momentary gaze.
"No, I think it's better if we do it like this. You need to be alone, and if you have a nightmare I'll be close by."
"X..."
"It's okay, Zero."
He heard the soft assurance in the voice...but it sounded...
"No."
"Zero..."
"...we can sleep together."
Blood. Sickening amounts of it. It was all his own.
"Please?"
"...If...if you want...I'm..."
"You're what, X?"
"...I'm...sorry..."
"What for?"
"Don't ask me that!" X turned and looked at him with wild eyes. "What I did to y--"
"Stop! You didn't do anything! You yourself told me that, and my head knows it even if the rest of me is having trouble. D-Don--"
"Gomen, Zero…We are both tired…let's get some sleep."
Zero nodded and held his elbows as an excuse to hug himself. X slowly guided him over to the bed and they laid down together.
"Uh-X, m-maybe y-you sh-should b-be b-b-behin-ned m-me," Zero stammered, his discomfort, his fear manifesting in his carriage and voice.
X shuddered and slipped behind him. He knew why Zero suggested it, he remembered.
On the Second Day God Separated water from the sky.
On the second night Sigma decided he would like to wake up and see Zero's face, so he held him tight as they slept, facing each other.
On the Third Day God Created the Land and Plants.
On the third morning Zero had a nightmare, dreaming of who knows what horrors. And half asleep he trashed and kicked at Sigma, bruising him greatly. Zero rolled off the bed half-tangled in the bed sheets. He reached X's discarded armor and forced the buffer over his arm and transformed it into a plasma cannon-and pointed it at Sigma's head.
X cheered inside of Sigma's head, even as the scent of burning synth-flesh filled the air as the circuits optimized for X's structured tried to pull too much energy out of Zero's system.
Zero's eyes widened and he looked at him, then at the buster, then threw it off.
For the entirety of the third day and well into the third night Sigma raped and beat Zero behind sound proof walls while Zero sobbed and screamed "I'm sorry!"
Sometime in the middle of the day of torture Zero tried to push Sigma away, to distance himself from the pain just as X stared on in horror.
It earned him another brutal rape.
On the third night, perhaps the beginning of the fourth morning, Sigma finished with Zero and kicked him to the foot of the bed to sleep there like a dog.
And as X came out of his near catatonic state he was forced back in to it by what he heard Zero say as he cried.
"I deserved it!"
X shook himself back to the present, if Zero did that again he could seriously hurt him, truly it was a miracle, or a curse, that Sigma had not been damaged badly by Zero's trashings. And in a place like this, he could put holes in the walls or floor and hurt someone else. Belatedly he realized that he should have stayed awake on the plane. But, Zero needed to be restrained in case it happened again.
He tightened his hold.
Gods I'm so sorry.
Zero tensed against him and X blinked before realizing why.
Our hips are touching-my front to his back, dear gods, what memories could this be bringing up?
X knew to well as he had all the memories just from the other side. Biting his lip he reached up over his head and pulled loose a small pillow from the huge pile. He scooted back a bit and put the cushion between their hips then held Zero tight again.
Zero started, "T-thank you," he whispered.
"Anything for you," X whispered back, and it was true.
X remembered something, not from the horror, but from something he had read. It was something from what considered to be one of the greatest true romances of all time. Between to human females if he remembered correctly.
They had many struggles, but they stayed together. One had serious emotional problems, he didn't remember her name, the other one, Jackie Larson, if he remembered correctly, was a very loving person that helped the other one get better.
Why am I thinking of this?
One of them, Jackie, wrote a poem for the other.
He only remembered the last few lines, and he didn't understand till now, how anyone could feel, would have to feel that way. Would have to support the one they love like that.
How did the poem go? It was hard to remember because it didn't rhyme--but he finally understood it.
"Even if you never look at me the way I look at you.
Even if you never see me at all.
Just know that I would fight and die,
I would take all your pain and carry it proudly,
If it meant that you could love yourself for just one day."
"Thank you X."
They closed their eyes and slept.
~owari~
Chapter Four: Degero Vivificus Amor
They had both been put on medical leave and given separate rooms, though no one except Dr. Cain, and a few others, truly knew why.
Within two weeks X had been jumped up to light duty and back into full time. Actually, he had demanded it. Zero was still on light duty, paper work, but only technically since they weren't giving him any. The last paperwork they had given him to do were some reports. Maverick kills were at an all time low, there was mention of morale being down. Zero knew why, it was because of him, they knew something was wrong but not what and it was affecting the Hunters as a whole.
The report had also said that X's personal kills were at an all time high, through the roof actually. He had cleared out entire sections of the city and Maverick outposts all by himself. He was looking for Sigma's new headquarters. The Blue Bomber was angry, Zero was happy that he wasn't angry with him.
When he had entered the forums, he had never gotten any more. Zero assumed that they figured that they were too stressful for him; that they made him worry, which they did.
Since that time in the lab, Zero had avoided X, had avoided everyone, and X had given him his space and stayed away. But Zero couldn't take it, take anything, anymore. The confused, or worse, pitying stares of those few who had an inkling or more of the truth. Dr. Cain trying to get him to talk about it, but he had refused. How could anyone talk about being raped and then having to accept your rapist back to normal? The sight of X or the sound of his voice made him recoil. How could he talk about that?
He couldn't fight anymore. He had tried to do his daily exercise, his katas, but the movements were forced, clumsy, and empty. He feared the Mavericks; he feared that they would do it again to him, or X, or anyone else, despite Dr. Cain's assurances of that everyone would be checked and upgraded. He feared X and everyone else. He couldn't be a Hunter anymore.
He got up decisively, a first in many weeks.
He went though his filing cabinet and pulled out two forums. One was already filled out, the other blank. He caressed the older sheet; it was his sign up forum, the original copy. He read over it and found all of the reasons for joining he had listed were no longer a part of him.
He put it down and pulled out a duffel bag from his closet and opened his draws. Very slowly, very carefully he removed his armor and set it aside. He felt dirty wearing it and though he hated the Mavericks more than ever he could not bear to take it with him. He carefully placed it on the props made to hold it in place. He looked at his Beam Sabre and put it on its wall mount. Then he dressed himself in civilian clothing, jeans and a white T-shirt; you could mistake him for a human. Then he put the rest of his meager belongings into his bag.
He picked up a small square of yellow paper with ink and water stains on it.
I Love You.
His hand tightened on it and he stuffed it into his pocket.
He picked up his signup sheet again, and ripped it in two and threw it into the trash and filled out the resignation form.
* * * *
X leaned back against the wall and gazed absentmindedly at the ceiling. "Damn. I've never been loaded down with so much work before." He had brought most of that work onto himself it was true, going out and killing Mavericks. For the first time in his life he actually rejoiced in the kill, and it frightened him, but he wanted revenge. The Mavericks were work enough, but the endless reports and revaluation of security systems was tedious. They had to get rid of all the surprises Sigma had left for them and redo all the security codes, revamp the entire system and a hundred other things. Fun.
His stomach felt clenched and he sighed softly. He missed Zero. He missed his old life.
The first week after Dr. Cain had removed the chip had been absolute hell. He had been guilt ridden and depressed. But Dr. Cain had forced him to talk about it. For the first week he had been forced to spill his guts, he cried he screamed, he threatened. But Dr. Cain and some of his closer friends had paid him no heed, they were there for him and supported him and showed him that it was not his fault. They had extracted promises from him that he wouldn't go AWOL, that he wouldn't do anything stupid.
That he wouldn't kill himself.
The last promise was the hardest to obtain.
Dr. Cain and his closest friends--except Zero, helped him, a lot. Getting the feelings of horror and helplessness across how it had felt not being in control of himself. Feeling his memories being sorted though without his permission, being forced to watch as his body by the will of another said hello to his friends, reported to his enemies, and raped his best friend, they nearly killed him. They helped him and shared the pain, halving it each time.
Talking, crying, screaming, beating up walls, it all helped, but would have helped more if could have done these things with Zero. But he needed his space.
They hadn't spoken a word to each other in over two weeks. Everyone told X that he was edgy and spooked easily. Truth was, he was worried. Worried about his relationship with Zero. I miss our friendship. Will things ever go back to the way they were?
X rubbed his eyes sleepily. "Where did I leave those human casualties forums from the Mavericks' last attack?" he asked himself.
In his room. He had been up late last night going over them.
X cursed under his breath and started off towards his room.
As he walked down the hallways of the base, his mind drifted back to happier memories.
"X, you're a workaholic."
He could hear Zero's voice lecture him deep in his mind.
"You've been so busy filing papers and reports that you've ignored me all day!"
He almost smiled.
"No, don't you tell me to get lost Mega Man X. I demand that you drop what you're doing RIGHT NOW and come with me to get some ice cream."
X sniffed as he approached his room. He yelped and jumped back as the one he was walking past suddenly flew open.
Zero stood in the doorway. He was dressed in civilian clothes and a duffel bag was in his hands. "X!" he said in a startled voice. "What are you doing here?"
"Last time I checked my room was in this hall too."
Zero just looked at him uncertainly. "Oh. Well, um, I have to get going." He brushed past X quickly.
X grabbed his arm before he could slip away. "Whoa. Wait a second. Where are you going?"
Every muscle in Zero's body tensed. "J-just for a walk."
X eyed the duffel bag in his hands. And the paper he was holding. "If you're going to lie to me, at least make it good."
Zero cringed. X's words sounded dangerous. Suddenly, he was angry. "You want the truth X?" he spat. "Fine. I'm going to Dr. Cain's office to give him my resignation forum. I quit. I don't… can't be a Hunter anymore."
X felt as if he had been slapped in the face. "What did you say?" he whispered.
"You heard me." Zero pulled his arm away from the suddenly loose grip. "Goodbye." He started to walk away from X again.
X was too stunned to move for a moment. He had never expected that Zero would resign. Never. He'd always thought Zero was so strong. That he could handle anything. That's why X looked up to him.
But it seemed as if X would have to be the bigger reploid this time.
X turned back towards Zero. "No."
Zero stopped. Why did I have to run into X? Why?
X stepped in front of him. "You're not going anywhere."
Memories, all of them bad, bombarded Zero and he backed away, eyes clouded, unable to tell past from present, his eyes burning though clouds of fear. "Please… let me go…please…don't hurt me…" he pleaded softly, the last part strained and torn form a dying man's throat.
"What's the matter with you?" X roared suddenly, his ire hitting him hard. "I never thought you could be so weak! You keep acting like everything that happened was my fault. It's over now!"
Tears filled Zero's eyes. He trembled and whimpered.
X wasn't done. "I can't believe you. You know, you're really starting to piss me off Zero. It wasn't just you that had to go through hell. I had my own version of it. In case you forgot, I was trapped inside my own body while my most hated enemy controlled everything I did! How do you think I felt while I watched him rape you? Not too good. You don't see me whining about it, do you?"
"How could you ever understand?" Zero cried. "You weren't on the receiving end! You knew what was happening, I didn't! You knew I wasn't hurting you, you knew you weren't hurting me. To me, it wasn't someone else; it was you! Now move, I'm leaving. I can't take this anymore!"
X realized even when Zero had snapped at him in anger he still had refused to look him in the eyes.
"That's it." X grabbed Zero's arm. He tossed him back into the room roughly.
Zero fell to the floor of what used to be their room heavily. He curled into a tight ball in one corner and covered his head.
"I'm sorry Zero," X said sincerely. "But I really need to knock some sense into you." X cracked his knuckles meditatively.
Zero stared up at him in horror. Terror, hopelessness, and despair filled every space in his heart. This image, X standing above him while he was curled up in a corner, helpless, it was too familiar. Like the words X had spoken in the lab.
X walked into the room, closing the door and locking it behind him.
Tears rolled down Zero's cheeks. He was too petrified to move. He wanted to run, but he couldn't. What was X going to do to him this time?
X looked down at him with pity in his eyes. "If only you could see yourself. Frankly, it's quite sickening."
But I care about you X! I care about you more than anything in the world! You hurt me and my heart broke. Do you know how it feels to have the one person you truly trusted and love betray you and RAPE you? My God X, it's an awful feeling.
Zero's mind cried out but his voice was only a small whimper.
X kneeled down beside him. "You're stronger than this. Stop feeling sorry for yourself."
I love you X. I always have, and I could never stop loving you, no matter what. Do you still love me? I think that's what I'm really afraid of.
X gently reached out and ran his fingers through Zero's golden bangs. Then, he traced the back of his thumb down his cheek. "You don't deserve to be miserable like this. And God help me, I wish I knew how to make things better."
Zero sniffled. Slowly, he put his hand over X's.
"You can't leave me Zero," X spoke soothingly. "You promised that you would protect me. Remember?"
Zero nodded. He shivered and fought back tears.
"You wouldn't break that promise to me, would you? You know something, you have protected me. I'm so grateful to you, Z. You are the only reason I've been able to accept my life as a Hunter. You. Because you've always been beside me. You've always given me strength. As my partner, as my best friend, and as the one I love." X breathed heavily. "I'm so sorry…" X pulled Zero into a tight embrace. Tears seeped out of his eyes. "I miss you Zero. Please… please don't leave me again… Come back…Come back to me."
Zero cringed a bit, but allowed X to hold him. A bit of his fear lifted and he willed himself to hug X back.
"Can you forgive me? Can we be friends again?" X asked softly.
For the first time in almost a month, Zero gazed straight into X's eyes. There was no longer the burning desire for him anymore. Or the hate. Just… concern. The fear Zero had been feeling so deeply felt far off. He almost felt as if he could forgive X right then.
"You have to bounce back to your old self, Z. Do you know how much it's killing me to see you like this? I almost feel sorry for all the Mavericks I've killed lately."
A violent shudder ripped though his body; he was just so tired. Terror took a lot out of a person and he had been unable to get any sleep because of his nightmares. It didn't matter if he slept in a bed or in a pod. In fact, it was worse in the pod because he always 'woke up' in the beginning of the dream and it made it hard to tell dream from reality. He leaned onto X.
"I was afraid of you, you know?"
X looked down at him. He knew that, but he hadn't expected Zero to talk or even to be able to talk about it.
"And not for all the reasons you know." He took X's hand in his own and spread the fingers and caressed the back before continuing in his emotionless voice. "Everything was the same." He twined their fingers together. "Same hands, same voice, same body," Zero choked but continued on, "and I was afraid, so afraid, that if I looked at your eyes they would be the same as well." His hand tightened. "I think in my own perverse way I was keeping a little of my hope alive." Zero closed his eyes; he didn't clench them but simply closed them for the first time in weeks.
X blinked back tears and wrapped his arm around Zero and pulled him closer, still holding his hand.
"But now it's different, it feels different." Zero realized what he felt as he said it and searched for what was missing. But it was more than what was missing. Something was back. That feeling of calm and comfort was but a pale shadow of its former self, but it was back. He, the Crimson Hunter, Zero, cuddled closer to X and yawned.
"You tired?"
Zero nodded and felt himself falling asleep.
"Come on," X said as he picked him up in both arms. He looked down at Zero and had to still a laugh. "You look like a damsel in distress, you know." Something flashed in Zero's silted eyes as he glared up at X, and X identified it. Crossness and amusement. X laughed softly and set Zero in his unmade bed and tucked him in. "Sleep," he whispered and kissed Zero's forehead.
"Thank you X… I'm… still worried about nightmares, though," Zero said honestly.
"Shall I stay with my princess then?" X asked, smiling slightly as Zero snorted at his new nickname. He kneeled down beside the bed and took Zero's hand in his. "I'll make sure you sleep well."
"You mean… you'd stay with me the whole night?"
"Of course I will." X's eyes half-closed. Anything to make you feel better…
Zero pulled X closer to him with his arm. "I love you."
X squeezed his hand. "I love you too."
Zero smiled genuinely, and a few tears filled his eyes. They weren't tears of fear or sadness though. They were tears of relief and joy.
"That's the first smile you've given me in a long time Zero." X gently wiped away his friends tears. "Sleep Zero, I'll watch over you."
X is back. He's really back…
And maybe…so am I.
Zero reached down and pulled the crumpled yellow paper out of his pocket.
I Love You.
"What's that?" X asked.
"Remember how we used to always pass love notes to each other?" Zero handed it to X. "This was the very first one you gave me after I told you I was in love with you."
X smiled. "Yeah, I remember that. I guess I was kind of lost for words…"
"It didn't matter. It came from your heart. That's why I've always kept it with me wherever I went." Zero sighed softly, sleep making his eyelids heavy.
"Good night Zero," X whispered. X gave him one last kiss on the forehead. "Sweet dreams."
Zero closed his eyes. He felt that maybe he could have sweet dreams with X beside him. "Good night X… Thanks for making me feel better…" He drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
X touched the side of his face softly. Zero looked like an angel. A beautiful, sweet, perfect angel. And it's me he's in love with… Damn, I'm lucky.
* * * *
Zero did have nightmares but instead of X's eyes, so filled with emotion, the eyes were Sigma's, flat, cold, and not X--and that made it all the more easier to cope with. Whenever he drifted into these painful dreams for too long or started thrashing in his sleep a comforting hand brushed his brow and a gentle voice said things that he didn't understand but they made him feel better.
Pleasant dreams came too. Old memories and times of camaraderie were in his dreams in as well. Making him remember the good times and reminding him that they could come again.
When he awoke he felt… lazy. His eyes fluttered open and he looked into X's bright eyes. How different the eyes were, it filled him with hope and relief.
"Sleep well?"
Zero yawned and stretched, nodding his head. "I feel like a new reploid."
X smiled at him and Zero's eyes feel upon the crumpled post-it note in X's hand. His mouth twisted into a frown. "I'm sorry," he said gesturing to the stained paper for not even a letter remained as they were blurred away by his tears.
X eyes widened in alarm and he looked down at his hand. "No Zero, it's not your fault. And look, it's not ruined, it's a clean slate, see?" X picked a pen off the dresser and wrote on one half of the paper.
_____________________________
| |
| |
| I Love You. |
| |
| |
| |
| -X |
| |
| |
| |
|____________________________|
Zero took the paper from him and smiled at it, then he gently tugged the pen out of X's hand and wrote something down on the post-it note.
_____________________________
| |
| |
| I Love You. I Love You. |
| |
| |
| |
| -Zero -X |
| |
| |
| |
|_____________________________|
In a fit of fancy drew a heart around it, and with a slight blush staining his nose he showed X.
"Oh Zero…" X whispered.
Zero shrugged helplessly, then his eyes widened as X tore it in half. "X!?"
"Don't worry." He handed him half of the paper and showed him his half.
"X…"
X smiled at him. "Now we both have one half of our heart. Mine reminds me that you love me and your half reminds you that I love you just as much. Don't ever forget that."
Zero sat up and shook his head. His blond hair swayed. "How could I?" With a grin, he wrapped his arms around X's neck and kissed him on the cheek.
X sighed and kissed him back. He's going to be okay. X gently wrapped his arms around Zero's waist.
Zero nuzzled under his chin. "You know what? We need a vacation."
"Hey… you're right. Now would be a pretty good time to take one too." X looked thoughtful. "We don't know where Sigma's hiding… and there hasn't been any Maverick attacks at all."
"They're all scared of you," Zero murmured.
X sniffed. "A lot of people have been scared of me lately…"
"Well… I'm not," Zero stated.
"Oh, you aren't afraid that I'm going rape you anymore?" X asked lightly. "That's nice to know."
Zero lifted his head and their noses brushed together.
X jerked back slightly. "Sorry…"
Zero sighed and pulled himself closer to X. "I'm not going to lie, it still hurts, and I wouldn't be surprised that if I woke up and saw you I might freak. But now… now my heart knows that you didn't do those things to me."
"And your head?"
"I think I understand your intentions now," he said softly. Then he was suddenly somber. "It's my instincts that need to get used to you again."
"Don't worry Zero," X said and kissed him on the lips. X abruptly stopped and pulled away as he realized what he did. "S-sorry…"
Zero only laughed and kissed X back-on the cheek. "Just don't wake me up or surprise me like that for awhile, okay?" He kissed his nose. "Now, about that vacation X…?"
"Oh! Yeah, I think I could arrange something. It would be good to spend a little time alone with you…" X smiled. "Let's go ask Dr. Cain."
Zero suddenly remembered that he had been on his way to see Dr. Cain just some hours ago. He'd been about ready to resign. He glanced at the resignation forum that was lying on the floor.
X followed his eyes. "Still want to resign, Z?"
"Hell no!"
Hm, wasn't THAT hard to talk him out of it.
"It's about time things got back to normal X… I missed you," Zero said.
"I missed you too." X slowly stood, his legs stiff from kneeling all night. "Ow…"
"Thank you for watching over me…" Zero sighed softly.
"No problem." X grabbed Zero's hand and helped pull him out of bed.
"Ugh. I need to change," Zero said eying his wrinkled clothes. "Then we can go see Dr. Cain."
"Okay. He'll be glad to see you're feeling better."
Zero picked up the resignation form and ripped it in two. "What was I thinking? Good thing you came along."
* * * *
Zero came out from the bathroom and ran his hand though his freshly combed hair. He wasn't ready to be with X again with anything else much beyond a kiss or a hug. Before, when either of them had to change and they had time, they would undress and dress the other or they would have done strip teases. But he wasn't ready to be seductive; to invite touch upon himself.
X, sweet wonderful X, had understood and had given him space, giving him a small smile that had said 'I understand.' He had even left the room entirely on a claim that he had to pack his bags and change his clothing when they both knew he could just send his armor away since he hadn't taken it off manually. As for the bags, well they need at most three changes and that's it, as reploids don't have to change as much as humans since they mostly lack body odor.
He kneeled down and unpacked his bag and then packed a smaller carryall with a reploid's necessities. He glanced up at his armor, should he send to storage so he could summon it if and when he needed it?
It was better to be safe than sorry and it wasn't like he had to wear it all the time. Quickly he latched the armor uncomfortably over his street clothes then touched his right wrist sending it all into storage and leaving him in plain clothing. He reached into the back of his closet and pulled out his other helmet. It had been made to bear a resemblance to his combat one in color and a bit in design but it was nothing to stare at. He removed the latch on the bottom back of it and then closed the latch behind his head, enfolding his ponytail comfortably.
He pulled out his leather jacket and shrugged it on then picked up his saddlebag and went outside to meet X.
X's door was still closed. "Hey X! Are you almost done?" Zero called to him.
"Um… almost."
"Well hurry up! Don't make me wait for you out here all day!"
X smiled inwardly and made sure the tube was well hidden. He wouldn't need it anytime soon, but if, when, when he gets better, he told himself, it would be good to be prepared. He opened the door to see that he was dressed as Zero was in civilian clothes. "I'm here."
"All packed?"
X nodded. He carried a saddlebag similar to Zero's. "Let's go give the old man a heart attack."
Zero snickered. "The poor guy will probably think we're both resigning."
* * * *
Dr. Cain did almost have a heart attack. As soon as both reploids walked into his office dressed as if they were off duty and carrying their belongings, he went pale. "What's going on???"
"Chill out, Doc. Zero and I are just going to go on vacation for awhile," X said calmly.
Dr. Cain started to breathe again. "Oh… oh okay." He looked curiously up at Zero. "Are you all right?"
Zero smiled. "Better than I was. X and I have… um… bonded again."
Dr. Cain looked at them. "Ah. X, you really can't just get up and leave. What if something happens while your gone?"
X sighed. "If something happens you call me and I'll be here right away. I'll still be on duty."
"What about you, Zero?"
"Um… I don't think I'm up to fighting again yet," he said truthfully.
"Well… you guys are all packed up… where are you going?" Dr. Cain asked.
Both reploids looked at each other. They had no clue. It had never occurred to them they had to decide where to go on their vacation until now.
"Oh jeez…" X started, "I really have no--"
"We're going to America!" Zero blurted out. "I've always wanted to go!"
Dr. Cain looked at him like he was ludicrous.
X felt the same way, but Zero was so excited. "Why not? Let's tour America! Anything for my princess," he said affectionately.
Zero scowled at him. "Is 'princess' your new pet name for me?"
X grinned and nodded. "It suits you."
Zero sniffed angrily. It would take him a while to get used to this.
"Would you prefer Zero Hime, Repliodzel?"
Zero gave him a death glare.
X turned back to Dr. Cain. "All right, America it is. You'll call me if anything comes up, besides, there are Mavs in America too and the Hunters up there would probably appreciate our help. But other than that…" X lowered his voice to a whisper. "I want to spend as much time with Zero alone as possible."
Dr. Cain nodded, still not quite believing what he was hearing, and mildly disturbed at how threading X sounded. "Okay… I guess…"
"Then let's get going."
So they left for MHHQ garage and got their bikes. First stop after that was the Bank. Hunters didn't make a lot of money but all their expenses were paid for so they never spent anything unless it was for pleasure's sake. As it was he and X had a lot of money. Hazard pay really added up.
It was fun seeing the bank clerk's--and everyone else's, eyes widen like that. They barely made a scratch in their accounts with the million each that they withdrew. They called ahead to get tickets on a plane for themselves and space for their bikes then went to the airport.
Once there, no one had really recognized them since they always wore their armor. Though a few people did give Zero's ponytail and nervous fidgeting strange looks.
Finally they were seated, first class, no less, their saddlebags kicked under the seats in front of them. X patted Zero's hand and picked it up and kissed it. They looked into each other's eyes and smiled.
Soon X drifted off as Zero's euphoria of having his best friend back wore off. He slowly became edgy again, not daring to sleep because of the nightmares, the fact that he could be dangerous if he woke up confused and unwilling to wake X up to keep him company.
So he shifted restlessly in his chair, constantly eating honey roasted peanuts, his eyes darting around looking for something though he knew not what.
He was left alone with his memories, and they plagued him constantly. He looked at X every now and then to reassure himself, and it worked, sometimes.
Other times he was sure it was Sigma, just acting again, but he dismissed the notion. Sigma was a bad actor and the only reason he had gotten away with his ploy for so long was because he, Zero, had not wanted to hurt X.
They landed, none too soon for Zero and they made their way off the plane. They had a little trouble at customs, Hover bikes were fine, their armor summons were not.
Thus they were dragged into a small room, though Zero had a hard time with it and stayed very close to the door, and were basically interrogated.
"I'm sorry sir, but reploids are not allowed to cross international borders with armor summons, it's to cut down on maverick activity."
"But we're not Mavericks, we're Hunters here on an 'extended paid leave,'" X drawled out the last part. Don't these idiots know a hero when they see them?
"I'm sorry sir, but only the top individual officers of the Maverick Hunters have the authority to move between international boarders with their armor, anyone else needs special permission."
X bit his lower lip and looked at Zero trying not to laugh. He turned back to the man in uniform, "We are allowed."
"I'll need to see some Identification, sir." The tone was doubtful.
X snatched back his armor summons and slammed it on his wrist even as the officer drew his gun. X summoned his armor and the human froze.
"S-Sir!" He holstered his gun, "So Very Sorry Commander X," you could hear his capitals as he glanced at Zero and his eyes widened, finally taking in his hair and putting two and two together, "Commander Zero."
"It's fine," X banished his armor and waved the human away, "We'll be fine, just try not to let the public know? We're on vacation after all"
Soon enough they were on the road…Well over it at least. Civilian hover bikes had less of a boost drive and less jump than ones for the military and the Hunters. It was to cut down damage to property, gangs used to race motorcycles over cars, imagine what the forward jet would do?
But their bikes were not civilian, in fact they were most likely a bit better than money could buy considering all the tinkering they and Cain did on them.
I had taken a while to urge Zero into taking the 'fast way.' However, X judged the best way for him to get his confidence back was to slowly take on the little things that made him a jer-Zero. To slowly get him to do things that he would have done on his own-even if X had to lead him though it.
Thus they jumped over cars, cut them off, and fairly flew over the squares when they got a red light. Basically they were being irresponsible and enjoying it.
And considering how Zero cowered away from him half the time X was overjoyed when Zero gave a policeman the finger.
They reached the hotel after leading the police man on a merry little chase that X had insisted on, taking upon himself to act as Zero would. Then stepping back to let Zero lead as he started to enjoy himself.
Stepping into the lobby X glanced at his friend who was no longer as skittish as he was at HQ, or even the airport. He had stopped fidgeting and glancing nervously around or at him with shaded fear. True he took note of all escape routes when they came in and scanned the room periodically, but it was a huge improvement.
It's the little things. The little things we will build up upon to make him whole again.
They checked in for their penthouse, under aliases of course. It was simple enough-getting up was another matter all together. Zero would not consent into going into a small box of a room without an exit-especially with him.
Damn.
"C'mon, I'll race you up the stairs."
Green eyes widened and stared at him, then a smile curled his lips and Zero nodded. "Let's go."
Soon they were racing up the stairs, jumping from wall to wall to climb up. If they had been doing this before Zero probably would have dragged him outside to climb up the side of the building and to climb in through the window. And in either case he would be pulling him down, pushing and shoving, even trying to throw him down. Instead Zero was simply keeping pace half a flight below him.
If Sigma hadn't interfered they might be making out in the stairwell right now.
And that's not going to happen anytime soon. Now he's keeping a safe distance away so if I turn on him he has a good head start.
This sucks.
I hate Sigma.
* * * *
They entered the room and threw down their things before looking up.
There weren't any pods to sleep in
There was just one bed, one large, overstuffed, bed.
Suddenly the room was tenser than it was before.
"I-I'll sleep on the couch, it must fold out," X Hurried to the couch and began to nervously toss the cushions away as he looked for the pull out bed in it.
Zero watched the hands nervously flit about, almost compulsively. He shifted uncomfortably.
He looks nervous, why is he nervous? Why am I nervous?
He watched the hands, rhythmic almost in their flurry of movement.
Gentle fingers on his cheek.
Rough fist ripping at his hair.
He found himself fidgeting again, and compulsively...
"X."
A pause in the movement. "Ah-" X's voice cracked, and he cleared it uncomfortably. "Y-yes?"
"You...you don't have to. It's fine."
X blinked, and stared at the mess before him.
"I don't mind...I..."
That voice, the same kind voice, telling him he was a worthless whore.
I trust you.
X then looked up, and their eyes locked for a moment.
I need to.
Blue on green.
He saw something tremble and X broke the momentary gaze.
"No, I think it's better if we do it like this. You need to be alone, and if you have a nightmare I'll be close by."
"X..."
"It's okay, Zero."
He heard the soft assurance in the voice...but it sounded...
"No."
"Zero..."
"...we can sleep together."
Blood. Sickening amounts of it. It was all his own.
"Please?"
"...If...if you want...I'm..."
"You're what, X?"
"...I'm...sorry..."
"What for?"
"Don't ask me that!" X turned and looked at him with wild eyes. "What I did to y--"
"Stop! You didn't do anything! You yourself told me that, and my head knows it even if the rest of me is having trouble. D-Don--"
"Gomen, Zero…We are both tired…let's get some sleep."
Zero nodded and held his elbows as an excuse to hug himself. X slowly guided him over to the bed and they laid down together.
"Uh-X, m-maybe y-you sh-should b-be b-b-behin-ned m-me," Zero stammered, his discomfort, his fear manifesting in his carriage and voice.
X shuddered and slipped behind him. He knew why Zero suggested it, he remembered.
On the Second Day God Separated water from the sky.
On the second night Sigma decided he would like to wake up and see Zero's face, so he held him tight as they slept, facing each other.
On the Third Day God Created the Land and Plants.
On the third morning Zero had a nightmare, dreaming of who knows what horrors. And half asleep he trashed and kicked at Sigma, bruising him greatly. Zero rolled off the bed half-tangled in the bed sheets. He reached X's discarded armor and forced the buffer over his arm and transformed it into a plasma cannon-and pointed it at Sigma's head.
X cheered inside of Sigma's head, even as the scent of burning synth-flesh filled the air as the circuits optimized for X's structured tried to pull too much energy out of Zero's system.
Zero's eyes widened and he looked at him, then at the buster, then threw it off.
For the entirety of the third day and well into the third night Sigma raped and beat Zero behind sound proof walls while Zero sobbed and screamed "I'm sorry!"
Sometime in the middle of the day of torture Zero tried to push Sigma away, to distance himself from the pain just as X stared on in horror.
It earned him another brutal rape.
On the third night, perhaps the beginning of the fourth morning, Sigma finished with Zero and kicked him to the foot of the bed to sleep there like a dog.
And as X came out of his near catatonic state he was forced back in to it by what he heard Zero say as he cried.
"I deserved it!"
X shook himself back to the present, if Zero did that again he could seriously hurt him, truly it was a miracle, or a curse, that Sigma had not been damaged badly by Zero's trashings. And in a place like this, he could put holes in the walls or floor and hurt someone else. Belatedly he realized that he should have stayed awake on the plane. But, Zero needed to be restrained in case it happened again.
He tightened his hold.
Gods I'm so sorry.
Zero tensed against him and X blinked before realizing why.
Our hips are touching-my front to his back, dear gods, what memories could this be bringing up?
X knew to well as he had all the memories just from the other side. Biting his lip he reached up over his head and pulled loose a small pillow from the huge pile. He scooted back a bit and put the cushion between their hips then held Zero tight again.
Zero started, "T-thank you," he whispered.
"Anything for you," X whispered back, and it was true.
X remembered something, not from the horror, but from something he had read. It was something from what considered to be one of the greatest true romances of all time. Between to human females if he remembered correctly.
They had many struggles, but they stayed together. One had serious emotional problems, he didn't remember her name, the other one, Jackie Larson, if he remembered correctly, was a very loving person that helped the other one get better.
Why am I thinking of this?
One of them, Jackie, wrote a poem for the other.
He only remembered the last few lines, and he didn't understand till now, how anyone could feel, would have to feel that way. Would have to support the one they love like that.
How did the poem go? It was hard to remember because it didn't rhyme--but he finally understood it.
"Even if you never look at me the way I look at you.
Even if you never see me at all.
Just know that I would fight and die,
I would take all your pain and carry it proudly,
If it meant that you could love yourself for just one day."
"Thank you X."
They closed their eyes and slept.
~owari~