Chapter 4--The Great Debate

A/N: What's UP, everybody! So far I've got positive responses, so I'll post another chapter and see what happens. Thanks very much to treasureplanet-gurl for reviewing, and to Jackie99 both for reviewing and for permission! Y'all rock. Also thanks to my sister; she helped me come up with some ideas for this chapter. BTW, to Jackie99, my sister also read the originals, and she loves them, especially Spring Break. Here we go!

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The second Jim re-entered the dining room, Sarah waved the bottle of rubbing alcohol in his face. "Amelia told me all about it; how could you do that, Jim?! It cost me ten dollars to make that punch, and money don't grow on trees."

The teenager glanced at the guests: Delbert, who stared with fascination at the spiked punch; Kenzie, whose gaze held a mixture of horror and amusement; and Captain Amelia, who sat prim and smug in her victory. "It's her fault," he snapped, pointing at her. He quickly backed down when he saw the feline's nostrils flare with indignation.

Sarah wearily shook her head. "Fine. Just pour it down the sink."

Jim snatched up the punchbowl, stormed into the kitchen, and unceremoniously dumped the punch. Unfortunately, it splashed in the steel sink, spattering the front of Jim's shirt with bright red punch and alcohol. "Great!" he shouted, glaring at the new red stain on his shirt. He stomped his way back to the dining room and flung himself down in his chair. What a day.

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Jim idly pushed his food around on his plate. His appetite was completely gone. This was partly because of the minutes he'd spent with his head bent over the toilet; and partly because Delbert and Sarah were arguing, yet again, on all matters trivial. The subject of today's debate? Whether turkey or ham was a more appropriate Christmas meat.

As Sarah banged her fist on the table and shouted out all the virtues of ham, Jim threw a quick glance at Captain Amelia. She had finished eating. She had no interest in the debate, so she'd placed her laptop on the table, and was banging dutifully at the keys while sipping hot cocoa. He didn't think he knew a bigger workaholic than her.

"But pig products are cured with sodium nitrite," Delbert snapped, "and as we all know, that is an unwholesome chemical."

Sarah banged on the table so hard that the plates of green beans and sweet potatoes rattled. "Sure, but poultry has growth hormones injected into it! Turkey makes our kids grow too fast! I should know! Jim's only seventeen and already he's shaving. Is that natural? No! It's because of turkey!"

Jim winced at that comment. Good Lord, he'd started shaving when he was fourteen. Trust her to say something bone-headed about me. He saw Kenzie suppress a giggle, and quickly looked away. His eyes came to rest on Captain Amelia's pants--tailored, immaculate khakis. As he looked from her pants to his food, revenge bubbled up in his mind.

Delbert shook his head. "There is nothing wrong with shaving at seventeen, Sarah. You're getting off the subject."

"I am not!" Sarah got even more worked up. "In ancient times, young men didn't shave until they were at least twenty-five."

"Where did you get that?" Delbert asked, looking bewildered.

Sarah grabbed at her hair in frustration. "I--don't--know!"

With good speed, Jim picked up his spoon, scooped up a generous bit of chestnut stuffing, and plopped the thick goo on Captain Amelia's pants. Her back stiffened, and she glared at Jim, green fireworks blazing in her eyes. Jim had quickly turned away, and now looked at his enemy with all the innocence he could muster. She gestured angrily towards the stuffing on her person. He shrugged, trying his best to look horrified that anyone would dare spoil her pants. Captain Amelia pointed a warning finger at him, wiped the stuffing with a napkin, and returned to her work.

"Furthermore," Delbert continued, getting worked up himself, "turkey is much easier to prepare, and it goes a longer way. Not to mention--"

"Much easier to prepare! It takes four hours!" Sarah fairly screamed. "And then there's pulling out the giblets--"

Jim suddenly felt something warm and slimy crawl down the back of his neck. He reached cautiously back and found sweet potatoes. "Aw, shoot!" he growled, and he grabbed his spoon and slapped more stuffing onto Captain Amelia's pants. Now she threw a roll at him.

"See, there's the problem with ham!" Delbert shouted, beating his chest dramatically with a fist. "It encourages intolerable physical and mental sloth! So you slather on some honey and pineapples, throw it in the oven, and you're done. So what?! Turkey makes you more appreciative of the hard work and care that SHOULD be involved in a Christmas dinner!" His voice shook the lamp hanging over the table.

Sarah protectively snatched up her pineapple-decked ham. "Oh, so you're calling me lazy now!"

Angrily, Jim tossed his entire plate at Amelia's face. She wiped the food from her murderous eyes, and then she snatched up her cocoa and yanked at the back of Jim's pants.

Jim immediately knew he'd better start begging for mercy. "Oh, no, no, no! Come on!" he yelped.

"I'm just saying that you are much too CONVENIENCE ORIENTED!" Delbert roared.

Sarah burst into tears and flung her ham down on the table.

Captain Amelia deftly poured her sizziling hot cocoa down Jim's pants. He screamed as she threw him to the floor and stalked out of the dining room.

Delbert, upon seeing Sarah cry, was immediately repentant. "Now, Sarah, I don't mean it against you personally--well, actually I do, but I didn't--"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore!" A sobbing Sarah rushed for the back door and exited the house. Probably so she could have a heart-to-heart with her precious rabbit statue, Mr. Flufflenutter.

Delbert cautiously sat back down. "Um...Jim? Miss Kenzie? What do you think?" he asked lamely.

"Ohhhh," was all that food-plastered, cocoa-soaked Jim could groan out.

Kenzie glanced about uncomfortably. "I think I should probably go check on Mrs. Hawkins. Then I'd better get home. My folks, you know."

Sarah opened the back door and stuck her head inside. Her hair was crusted with snow. "Kenzie? It looks like you'll have to stay with us. The Dopplers, too. There's gotta be four, four and a half feet of snow out there. And it's still coming down. We're snowed in."

"Oh, man." Kenzie's eyes widened. "Can I call home?" Sarah nodded, and Kenzie pulled out her cell-phone and backed into the next room.

"I'll tell Mrs. Doppler," Delbert sighed, also leaving the dining room.

Sarah glanced down at her son, who still lay defeated on the floor. "Jim, what are you doing? Help me clean up!"

"Ohhhh," Jim moaned again.