Real life really got in my way, but I'm back, however briefly for. I'm going to apologize, but really, the only thing I can say is that with everything else going on, writing wasn't the most important thing in my life in the past year. Whoever reads this, I'm going to thank you profusely for even bothering after how long I've left this on hiatus without even the courtesy of a warning. I'm sorry, and again, thank you all if you're reading this. An Author's Note really can't do the past year justice. I'm not sure there's even words that can.

I don't own anything except the warped plot.

Dedicated to my Uncle Ronnie and my Pimp Doggy. Miss you, love you, never forget you.

And to Alexis- they're all IDIOTS! But we still love them most of the time... have fun on your study-date!

Notes: The Much Delayed Return of Joe and Jane.

Bella/Edward/Alice/Emmett

Edward, you need to read what we wrote in the last installment before you can join in this one.

That sounds fantastic. Give me the whole lesson to read it, and you three go on ahead.

But, Edward dear, don't you want to read what's happened to poor Joe and Jane? I think you'd be fascinated with what we put them through in the last installment!

Yeah! Joe's like a carbon copy of you, and Jane's like Bella, except he's got a penis, and I don't think Bella's got one.

Thanks for that, Emmett. I'm glad you don't think I've got a penis.

I know it's got to be bad when I'm feeling sorry for fictional characters just because they've had to endure being written by you, Emmett. Give me five minutes.

Given. Hope you enjoy the comparisons... and poor Joe and his hair.

I think it's good that Jane's the dominant character... the story wouldn't get anywhere if Joe was in charge. It'd always be stopping so he could go to the bathroom and fix his hair, or powder his nose, or do the Baywatch run down the main road.

Now, now, children. Let's censor the mudslinging, shall we? We can write the next installment in peace.

Good God, what on earth are you doing to these poor fictional characters? Joe's going to need psychiatric help by the time the page if over, and Jane is just getting more twisted by the minute.

Jane happens to be the best character of the lot!

Except for the purple dinosaur that's coming up. I have a feeling that I'm really going to like him!

Okay, now on with it, people. Jane stared out at the terrifying beast in horror.

Joe slept on, blissfully unaware of the impending, chaotic madness that has overtaken all minds behind the creation of this thing of insanity bar one, who is doing his very best to try and make something normal out of this.

When the giant purple dinosaur passed gas, however, the entire fortress shook violently and Joe was startled awake, both by the stench and the rattling of the walls.

Jane leapt over the side of the turret and climbed down the wall heroically, brandishing the sword that mysteriously appeared in his hands as he landed on the ground, shouting "By God, it's a giant purple dinosaur!"

He then doubled over as the stench of the dinosaur's gas assaulted him. Still brandishing his sword, Jane stumbled forward, coughing and gagging. "You shall not pass!" he yelled, shamelessly ripping off Gandalf from Lord of the Rings.

Joe then proceeded to involve himself in the proceedings and leap bravely from the balcony down to fight beside Jane against their fierce foe.

Unfortunately for Joe, upon landing, his leg broke in several places, rendering him useless. Jane, tears welling in his eyes at his love's pain, stood tall and proud and again ripped off Gandalf, crying out "You shall NOT pass!"

With a valiant war cry, Jane lunged forward, swinging the sword in a dramatic arc. The prehistoric purple monstrosity belched a stream of fire which set the fortress on fire at the same time it sent Jane reeling back.

Jane redoubled his efforts, ever conscious of the pained Joe. After many minutes of fierce battle, Jane finally lopped off the foul monster's head with swing of his sword. Falling to his knees beside Joe in exhaustion, Jane smiled.

Joe, although disappointed he was most rudely kept out of the battle by the two fiends who will remain unnamed even though it is blatantly obvious who they are, leapt to his feet after a miraculous recovery from his viciously broken legs, pulling the battle-weary Jane into his arms and venturing on bravely.

Jane immediately protested and reversed their positions, sure that Joe must be exhausted and frail after having his beauty rest so interrupted. Staggering on through the dark, misty forest with the stench of the heinous monster's gas still following them, the two wished fervently for the sorceress' castle to appear right in front of them.

Obviously no one had told them to be careful what they wish for, because they both suddenly crashed into a stone wall. Joe was knocked unconcious upon impact. Jane courageously (and dizzily) knocked upon the door.

And what should answer the door but...

Good grief, Bella, please, let's not go there again!

An evil, cackling, heavily made-up...

DOCTOR PHIL!