Believe the Hype

Transformers belongs to Hasbro.

Notes:
Sorry for the constant and outrageous abuse of Skywarp. I have nothing against him. Really. And yes, I know that the Emotion Engine handles graphics and has nothing to do with robot self-esteem, but I just couldn't pass up the pun.

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Starscream was surprised to see the control room of the Decepticon's underwater base all but empty. Of all the 'cons supposedly on duty, only Soundwave now manned his post as he meticulously analyzed data concerning Megatron's latest scheme for world domination.

More out of habit than genuine curiosity, Starscream asked, "Where's Megatron?"

Although Soundwave stopped typing, he did not look up from the computer screen. "He and Reflector are meeting with the Insecticons."

"Oh." Sweeping his optics around the deserted room, Starscream wondered aloud, "What about Thundercracker and Skywarp?"

At last the communications officer spared the other Decepticon a brief glance as he explained in his toneless voice, "They are still on base but have decided to remain in the break room."

"Oh." Starscream reiterated. After taking a moment to process the information further, he added with surprise, "We have a break room?"

"As of last earth-week. The Constructicons built it at Skywarp's request." When Starscream continued to stare at Soundwave's back with a confused expression, the other mech helpfully mentioned, "Second floor on the right."

"Right. I knew that." Starscream mumbled. After an awkward pause, he backed out of the room and left Soundwave to his typing.

Soundwave's directions were as accurate as always, and Starscream did not have to walk far. Although out of the way, the break room was poorly hidden – made even more conspicuous by a sign labeled "Brake Room" in Skywarp's blocky letters. Starscream rolled his optics as he tore the crumpled paper off the door in absentminded malice.

When he stepped through the threshold, Starscream entered a room that matched the quintessential break room with robotic precision – dingy gray walls and linoleum floor complete with a table, chairs, soda machine and kitchenette. Skywarp stood by the Transformer-sized refrigerator and Thundercracker, twisting his torso to accommodate his wings, lounged in a chair. Both subordinates gave him a guilty look, and Starscream decided not to disappoint.

"What on Cybertron is this place?" The air commander asked with more venom than he felt, and he did his best to glare with disapproval at the bleak room. Thundercracker and Skywarp exchanged uneasy looks for a few astro-seconds and at last reached an unspoken agreement.

With several small boxes clutched in his hand, Skywarp leaned against the counter and explained, "It's called a 'Brake Room.' All the human places have 'em."

Thundercracker chimed in, "Yeah, we convinced the Constructicons that it's important part of a productive work environment. Company morale, and all that."

"Did you now?" Starscream not so much asked as stated. Optics scanning the room with skepticism, Starscream turned his glare back on Skywarp. "And what is that in your hand?"

"Brake food." Skywarp thrust the handful of tiny cardboard boxes at his commander. "Want one?"

Starscream had to magnify his optics in order to see the miniscule labels, but at last he deciphered the human writing. With a grimace of disgust, the mech sneered, "Twinkies? Why are you eating such vile carbon filth?"

Skywarp tossed the boxes whole into his mouth and shrugged. Between contented munching, he mumbled, "Sure, humans eat 'em, but they taste synthetic to me."

Starscream considered arguing with the other mech, but recognized the futility of any such attempt. Instead he settled for shaking his head as he turned to Thundercracker. "And what's your excuse? Why aren't you manning your post?"

Thundercracker's wings creaked when he made a dismissive gesture. "Megatron's not around. Don't see why we should."

"Fool!" Starscream hissed, "Megatron may be away, but I – as the second in command – am in charge, and I'm ordering you to return to your post."

Propping his chin on a hand, Thundercracker retorted, "No, you're not."

Starscream had already taken a deep breath to further berate his subordinate, but when he registered the other's words, he could only gape in bewilderment. Staring at Thundercracker with confusion, he snapped, "What? I'm not ordering you?"

"No," Thundercracker stated in a reasonable tone. "You're not the second in command."

Starscream replayed their conversation on his internal recorder to make sure he had not misheard. "Has something fried your circuits, Thundercracker?! Of course I'm second in command! Megatron told me himself!"

Another shrug and Thundercracker answered dismissively, "Yeah, but he tells everyone that. It's his recruiting strategy or something. Not that any of us believed it." With a speculative look he added, "Except you, apparently."

Starscream's hand slammed down on the table as he stuttered in outrage, "But that's...that's absurd! Are you trying to tell me that Megatron offered you a position as his right-hand mech?"

Thundercracker did not bother to hide his smirk as he nodded, "Affirmative."

"And Skywarp?" Starscream pressed on with disbelief.

"Well not Skywarp, of course."

Skywarp looked up from his dwindling Twinkie supply and glared at the others with reproach. "Hey! Megatron was going to! He just didn't, you know, get around to it..."

The remark earned him only a brief look of annoyance before Starscream turned back and leaned over Thundercracker. "That's all well and good," he pressed on, "but it doesn't change the fact that I'm second in command around here. Whatever scrap Megatron may have said to you, the fact remains that no one but me can handle the job."

After a thoughtful pause, Thundercracker offered, "How about Reflector?"

Starscream rolled his optics. "Oh, please."

"Shockwave?"

"Too far away."

"Devastator?"

"Too stupid."

"Soundwave?"

"Too...not me."

At Thundercracker's bark of laughter, Starscream hissed his displeasure and curled his hands into fists. But rather than strike his subordinate, Starscream moved to stand halfway between Thundercracker and the door, then crossed his arms with a glare.

Starscream managed in a disdainful tone, "I bet Megatron didn't even ask Soundwave if he wanted the position."

"Oh," Thundercracker leaned back in his chair, amusement clear on his angular face. "What are you betting?"

"You're serious?" Starscream asked, and he did not like how his voice came just short of a hysterical screech. "But Soundwave has no ambition! He doesn't have initiative; he just follows orders!"

Thundercracker did not quite roll his optics. "Yeah, fancy that. A subordinate who actually follows orders."

Either Starscream missed the sarcasm or did an incredible job of ignoring it as he paced along the narrow path between table and counter. "Exactly! Megatron would never want a chump like that for his second in command. Soundwave's a nobody! He doesn't have what it takes, right?" When no one answered, Starscream tried again in a less certain tone, "Right?"

"Why don't you ask him?" Skywarp at last offered.

"Hmph." Starscream moved toward the door. "I had already planned on doing that."

When Starscream returned to the control room, he found the communications officer still typing at the same terminal and seated in the same position. Starscream muttered "chump" under his breath as he walked over to stand behind Soundwave. He followed the other's gaze, which remained fixed on data zipping across the screen. To him it appeared a frenzied gibberish of hex and binary, and it further irritated Starscream that Soundwave could understand something that he did not.

Although Soundwave ignored the other Decepticon for several astro-seconds, he at last asked without emotion, "Starscream, please state your purpose."

Starscream stole a furtive glance at Soundwave's inscrutable features. While he did not exactly fear the communications officer, Starscream felt decidedly more uneasy about him than any other Decepticon. Either because of this or incompetence, his attempts to appear indifferent fell flat and Starscream only succeeded in tripping over his words.

"Er...um, I know you're one of Megatron's favorites, and we often work together, but I was talking to Thundercracker, and he said something and then I said something, and I started thinking and, er...you know how it is." Soundwave's look suggested he did not, and Starscream tried again, "That is...areyouthesecondincommand?"

Red optics flashed behind his visor as Soundwave parsed the question with logical precision and concluded, "Ambiguous question. Please restate."

Starscream tried again, "Um, I want to know if Megatron offered you a position as his second in command. You know, when he first recruited you."

"That is affirmative, Starscream." Soundwave answered without hesitation, "But everyone knows that Megatron offers that position to all recruits."

A wire behind Starscream's optic twitched and his face twisted into an annoyed grimace. "Do they now? But Thundercracker said – "

The metallic squeal of the control room door interrupted Starscream's question and he automatically turned to look. With a sense of foreboding, Starscream saw the heavy door slide open and admit Thundercracker and Skywarp, who both hurried into the room with their power cores humming.

"Got tired of playing hooky?" Starscream remarked with a sneer.

Skywarp gasped between electrical impulses, "Megatron...back. Gotta...look busy."

He and Thundercracker hurried over to adjacent terminals and busied themselves with the controls. Thundercracker began to study his computer's readouts with an intent expression, occasionally tapping a finger on his chin as if in deep thought. Skywarp had less success at feigning productivity and tried to press a single red button repeatedly. Thundercracker glanced over at him with an urgent hiss, and after casting a furtive look at his partner, Skywarp hesitantly threw in some knob-turning and lever-pulling as well.

When Megatron burst in several astro-seconds later, the two jets pretended not to notice their commander, but Starscream could see them cringe from across the room. Even so, Megatron ignored them, preferring the efficiency of yelling declarations at no one in particular as he strode to the main control panel.

"That insipid Optimus Prime and his cursed Autobots! I can't go anywhere without them showing up and interfering with my plans!" He cast a glowing red glare around the room before it settled on Starscream. "Starscream, why aren't you doing something useful like Thundercracker and Skywarp? You're still on duty, aren't you?"

Although his first impulse was to shoot back some scathing remark, Starscream forced himself to focus on the more pressing issue of his personal entitlement. He blurted out, "Is it true?"

Silence abruptly descended on the Decepticon control room as Megatron stopped in mid-stride and spun on his heel. Giving Starscream a harsh look, he barked back, "What?"

Although Starscream had worked with Megatron long enough to recognize his commander's dangerous moods, the jet continued without the slightest fear as pride outweighed any sense of self-preservation, "Is it true that you tell all your recruits that they will become your second in command if they join?"

At the unexpected question, Megatron appeared flustered, and he scanned the faces of his subordinates. "What are you talking about? Of course not!"

Starscream did not know whether to feel uncertainty or triumph. "So I'm your second in command?"

With an angry sneer, Megatron crossed his arms. "What makes you think a traitorous, cowardly scrapheap like you is my second in command?"

"Because you told me!" Starscream snarled back with indignation.

"I never – " Megatron stopped – his mouth half-open – and confusion replaced irritation. His optics flashed as if deep in thought, and at last he continued in a more uncertain tone, "I did?"

"Yes!" Starscream shouted before pointing an accusatory finger at Thundercracker. "But Thundercracker says that you said the same thing to him, and so does Soundwave!"

"But I..." Megatron looked at Thundercracker, who nodded with an apologetic half-grin. Megatron turned to Soundwave and asked with consternation, "Soundwave?"

Also inclining his head, the communications officer answered, "You did, Lord Megatron."

The Decepticon leader absently rubbed the back of his helmet, all traces of irritation and violence replaced by uncertainty. He queried in a subdued voice, "I didn't ask Skywarp, did I?"

"You did not, Megatron," Soundwave reported dutifully.

"Oh good." Megatron said with relief.

At last Skywarp gave up all pretense of work, and he ceased his button pushing to cross his arms. A sulky grimace twisted his lips as he declared, "It's cool. I didn't want to be second in command or nothing anyway."

Starscream shot his subordinate a dirty look. "Cram a breadboard in it, Skywarp. No one cares about you; this is about me!" He moved toward Megatron as he continued, "So the point is that here on Earth, I'm your second in command because you said I am!"

Soundwave had also turned away from his panel to join in the discussion, and he murmured in his logical voice, "Megatron told all Decepticons that, so any of us are qualified to act as second in command." He paused. "Except Skywarp."

"Look guys, I said cut it out! Just because my memory bus ain't as sophisticated as yours doesn't make my emotion engine any less sensitive!"

Starscream could imagine Soundwave's smirk behind his faceplate as he regarded Skywarp with contempt. "Are you going to cry about it?"

Also sneering at his partner, Thundercracker quipped, "Oh, here comes the lip!"

As Soundwave and Thundercracker began to chuckle at Skywarp's growing distress, Starscream flailed his arms to make sure no one had forgotten about him. "Me, me, me! Everyone pay attention to me!" He added just in case.

Rather than heed his commander's request, Skywarp placed hands over his audio receptors and shouted back, "Lalala. I can't hear you! Soundwave and Thundercracker are slagheads! Lalala!" But this only made the two 'cons laugh harder.

Soon a constant stream of noise engulfed the room as the Decepticons tried to hear themselves over the sound of the others. But as hard as they tried and as loud as they became, Megatron's roar still managed to cut through the din – loud and angry enough to make a Dinobot proud.

"Enough!"

The noise came to an abrupt halt and all eyes turned to the seething Decepticon leader. His red optics flickered as he shouted for good measure, "Silence!"

Everyone attempted to become even more silent, and at last Megatron's scowl turned to a satisfied smirk. "Ah, much better."

Turning to Starscream, Megatron addressed his subordinate, "Starscream, it is true that I told all the Decepticons that they personally could act my second in command –"

Skywarp raised a hand. "Except me."

"Yes," Megatron retorted with a hiss, "I meant that I told all the Decepticons that matter."

The jet's vocal units let out a grinding noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob, and he fled from the room. Only Thundercracker spared him an uneasy look, while the others kept their attention on Megatron, who continued in an unperturbed voice, "But you, Starscream, were the only one who believed me. And for all that you're a petty, scheming backstabber who tries to overthrow me on a weekly basis, I guess in some ridiculous way you deserve to be my second in command because of that absurd hopefulness."

Throwing his arms up in triumph, Starscream shared his victory with everyone in the room, "Ha! I knew it! Did everyone hear that? Was everyone listening? I really am the second in command for the Decepticon forces!" Although he gave Soundwave a superior smirk, it quickly faded when the other's optics glinted in the florescent lighting.

"Woo..." Starscream trailed off with a grinding cough.

"But remember well, Starscream." Megatron warned, "If your traitorous ways interfere with my plans for galactic domination, I will crush you like the miserable garbage can you are!"

Starscream tried to appear meek as he lowered his arms, but could not help giving his boss a resentful glower. "Yes, Megatron."

"Very well." Megatron declared, "Now that we have settled this matter, let us return to devising a scheme that will defeat those worthless Autobots once and for all! Mwahahahaha!"

As Megatron threw his head back with a cackle, Starscream and Thundercracker joined in – the room echoing with evil laughter. Only Soundwave remained quiet and merely shrugged before turning back to his terminal. The Autobot transmissions would not de-encrypt themselves after all, and galactic domination was a full-time occupation. At least somebody had to do work around here.