Reversed cliché

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me and I make no money from this work of fanfiction at all.

A/N: There are a lot of fics involving Roy Mustang leaving and coming back to find Edward with his child. Okay… well, considering that it IS canon that Edward leaves for at least two years and then leaves again, I wanted to try the reverse idea. I've got a semi decent reason for why it happened, too. I am thinking it may be the AU-cracked out sequel to Disjointed Portrayal.

Edward Elric had been away for a long time. Four years, to be exact. In those years he had returned once… and had to leave again to destroy the Uranium bomb. They had succeeded, destroying it…

And here he was, standing in front of what had to be the most god forsaken place in the whole of Amestris.

It was snowing, still. The penetrating cold seeped up through his automail and into his joints, making it nearly impossible to move. He wondered, as he lifted his metal fist to clack dully against the heavy oak door, if he had the address wrong. Then he shook his head. This was the only building for miles. There was nothing for him to mistake it with. There were no other habitations this far out outside of a village about ten miles away. No one would be sane enough to-

The heavy door opened as he lifted his hand to knock again, and he opened his mouth to deliver the scathing, harsh greeting he had spent the last two months since his return home chewing on. He had been in Risembool, catching up on the last four years… and they had told him that the General was still out there. Even after saving Central almost single handedly…

He was pissed. The man (Woman? Edward still thought of Mustang firmly as he even after… that…) had been stuck here for the past three years, apparently, and wasn't moving. He'd done nothing, and Edward was worried.

He didn't want to admit it to anyone, least of all himself. When they had last seen each other, after they had both headed to their respective fates- and he knew for a fact that Mustang hadn't expected to return alive. Considering that not only had "his" body reverted to female, his best friend dead, and he had thrown aside his goal of becoming Fuhrer… Edward knew Mustang had no intention of surviving.

Survive he had, and Edward wanted to see him.

And Edward was still God's bitch, because he was looking down, not up, at a small dark head next to a large sheep dog.

"Mama!"

Edward stopped, totally nonplused as the child ran through the door, wrapping her arms around his middle and squeezing for all she was worth and making his ribs creak.

"I was worried Mama! You said you wouldn't be gone long and it's dark now! I was so scared! You said it wouldn't take long at all! You always keep your promises and- and-"

The small face pulled away from Edward, giving him the most peculiar look.

"You're not Mama."

He had to be in the wrong place. That was all there was to it.

"Uh, no… I'm not your mama. I was actually out here looking for someone. Uh, tall, dark, good looking, er… has an eye patch." Edward knew he was in the wrong place.

"Mama should be back soon," the little girl muttered, wide dark eyes looking up into his with the innocence only Alphonse could match, and Edward's gut lurched. "She always tells the truth… even if it's not what I want to hear."

Edward blinked, and looked down at her. Her face looked remarkably familiar, even if he couldn't place it. "May I stay here? Until your mama gets back?"

The little girl smiled and nodded, opening the door a little wider… and the large dog promptly pounced, knocking Edward backwards into the snow.

"Bad Bradley! You shouldn't do that!" the girl scolded, grabbing the dog's ears and pulling him back from ecstatically licking Ed's face. The girl seemed to be having about the same luck as Edward controlling the happy dog, because the licking refused to stop.

"Damn mutt!"

"Bradley! Stop it!"

The battle between human and beast continued on, for what seemed like eternity (five minutes) when they were interrupted by the neighing of a horse, and voices calling a name.

"Sara? You all right, girl?" a countrified voice called, as a cart wheeled up the path through the weakening storm. "We're sorry young'un," the man said, jumping down and running over to check. "It shouldn'ta takin as long as it did." There was another man there, sitting in the back of the wagon with a dark figure wrapped up in a heavy coat and blankets.

"Who're you?" they asked in unison, catching sight of the pinned and slobbered on Edward.

"Uh." This was unexpected. Edward had thought he would be having a shouting match with his former rival and nemesis (and maybe something more) when he had gotten to this forsaken frozen hell. Not meet up with a girl and her mother.

"I'm looking for Roy Mustang," Ed finally said, finding words that made sense. "I was told he was stationed here, but-"

"Oh, well, we got 'im. Bit banged up- there was an avalanche today and someone recalled he was an alchemist, and he cleared the pass. Wasn't supposed to take more than an hour or so, wasn't far from here. But then another one caught us, he banged his head and broke his wrist. We had to patch him up and the nearest doctor was in town," the old geezer said, giving Edward a toothless smile. Edward smiled weakly back. "We had someone check on Sara and we brought him back cause he wouldn't leave his girl here. Stupid man needs someone to watch him, keep walking him up tonight." The man scowled down at the bundled body in the back of the wagon. "I was gonna, but if you're here to visit, you could do it."

Ed paused. Blinked. Opened and shut his mouth a few times. "Is he okay?"

"He'll be okay if someone watches-"

"Stop talking as if I'm not here," a familiar, deep (but somehow different) voice interrupted them. There was a hiss and the bundle moved, edging its way to the end of the wagon, and Edward got to his feet and trotted over without thinking about it.

The face was the same as he had left it when he had returned to the other world. It was half covered with a large black patch, dressed in the uniform of an enlisted man.

And his eyes picked out the details from when he had seen her before that, dressed in a women's suit and on her way to kill their former Fuhrer. Slight, vague differences, but none the less there were present on Mustang's face, and Ed felt a strange pang at the sight. He really wanted to get the whole story, he really did…

Sara, the girl he had been talking two, shrieked in glee and ran to Mustang, flinging herself at Roy and babbling incoherently. It caused another hiss as the girl banged into his sling, causing her to pull back, before Mustang smiled awkwardly and patted Sara's hair with his other hand and tried to get out of the cart.

It wasn't entirely successful- the moment he landed on his feet he swayed, like the wind was just too strong and about to blow him over. Edward jumped under his arm good arm before he thought, shoring Mustang up. The weight against him was heavy- damn Mustang for still being taller- but the body itself was thinner than he remembered. Mostly bone, it seemed… somehow that worried Edward more than it should have.

Why the hell was he suddenly so very worried as Roy leaned on him?

Why the hell did he enjoy it so much to have Roy leaning on him?

He couldn't even come up with a smart mouthed reply as he waited for the horse cart to start off, and he felt Mustang make a move to the small outpost building. No more words were spoken from the adults- the little girl supplied enough on her own, babbling continuously on how her day had gone, on what she had done when Mama was away and…

Edward was more than grateful to get into shelter- the cold was trying to eat him alive, it seemed.

Sara ran in before them, along with Bradley (And Edward inwardly sniggered about the name) and got another blanket.

"Right here!" the girl ordered imperiously, without any doubt she would be obeyed. Edward snorted. Did Mustang have a niece? She certainly could pass for that. Hell… she could have passed for…

He stopped that thought, because the girl was talking again.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked, climbing up on the bed as Edward deposited the silent Mustang in his designated place and taking his face between her tiny hands, looking worried. Edward felt a smile tugging at his lips as Mustang nodded, weariness making him sag.

The girl nodded and snuggled against Roy's side, the one with the uninjured wrist.

"Fullmetal," Roy finally said, not looking at Edward, but sounding almost drunk and Edward was reminded of the bump on the head. "Before I ask what the devil you are doing here, there's bread, cheese and cold sausage on the table if Bradley hasn't eaten it. Have you had supper, Sara?" he asked the child, who looked sheepish.

"There's no cheese left…"

"Ah. So you have."

The girl laughed, and the familiarity of that laugh made chills run down Edward's spine… he just couldn't remember where he had heard it before. Somehow it reminded him of Alphonse's laugh but not quite.

Sighing, the little girl draped herself over Mustang, wiggling and getting comfortable and ignoring Mustang's grunts of discomfort as she moved.

"Enough of that," he said quietly, and Sara rolled her eyes. To Ed's surprise she flopped back on the bed, and then wiggled around to put her head on Mustang's lap.

"Will you sing for me?" she asked, loading the question with her worries of Mustang being back and all right, and wanting reassurance. Mustang, even if he wasn't feeling well, nodded and began to hum, before opening his mouth to murmur words of Xing.

This was getting more than a bit surreal. Edward just sat and watched, noting that the scene was so very domestic. Then he had to wonder exactly where Sara had come from… but that shouldn't have been too hard. Now that she was right up against Mustang, it was fairly obvious that she had to be related, somehow. Black hair and almost black eyes were not common in Amestris. His child, perhaps?

That set off a number of ambiguous feelings in Edward's gut, wondering exactly when Mustang would have had time to get some woman pregnant. Sara's age was sending off some alarm bells in his mind… but what they were for, he didn't know. Of course, considering that the last time Mustang had been male…

Had he become male again?

Ed's eyes drifted over Mustang's body, trying to figure out what seemed so off, other than the broken bones, the eye patch (and he wanted to hear that story) and the fact that…

"What's wrong, Fullmetal?" Mustang asked, noticing Edward's gaze. Ed winced, looking away.

"Just wondering where the kid came from," he mumbled, looking away, and he could very nearly feel the droll amusement in Mustang's good eye. "And the eye patch, and why the hell you are still out here after all these years… dammit, General," and here Ed finally managed to get back to his original intent to chew Mustang out at whatever cost. "What the hell happened to you?"

"I came from my Mama of course," Sara answered, in Mustang's favored talking-down-to-the-stupid-person voice and tilting her face to Ed's. "And an avalanche happened, Mr. Fullmetal."

Edward twitched, looking down at the girl and lifting an eyebrow. "Kid, it's more than that."

"Well, I don't know you, and you're being mean."

Gold eyes met dark, nearly black ones, and Edward had the strangest feeling he was glaring at someone he knew again. Only the expression wasn't Alphonse's this time- it was someone else's. She raised her hackles protectively, in a way that seemed some insanely familiar- and she was just as quickly soothed by Mustang's uninjured hand on her back.

"Sara, love… It's late. You need sleep. Mr. Fullmetal and I need to talk about a few things and you don't need to hear them yet. Its old, old history stuff, from before you were born. So, be a good girl- and you can even let Bradley share the bed with you, okay?"

Sara considered this carefully before nodding. "Sing to me again?" she asked, sealing the bargain. She clearly wanted to stay awake, but Ed could see the rings under her eyes. It had been a long day and it was past her bedtime.

Ed sat back for a moment to watch as Mustang peeled back the covers, and Sara crawled under them with the dog following quickly and squirming into place. All of this was accompanied by a soft lilt, the words sung in Xingian.

Sara's heavy eyes closed as she curled up against her large dog, yet still sprawling across the bed and taking up more space than any human conceivably could. Edward grinned. She reminded him of what Ed had been told about himself when he slept.

"I didn't know you spoke Xingian," Ed asked, looking at Mustang and the little girl. He was at something of a loss as to what to do. "But considering how you look, it shouldn't surprise me."

"My mother was from Xing," Roy murmured. "I don't remember much of the language, but I remember what she sang to me."

Edward winced. It was a loaded statement, somehow.

"About the kid? What girl did you manage to knock up? When did you have the-"

The incredulous, completely pole-axed expression on Mustang's face stopped Edward cold, reaching up to scratch his scalp self consciously.

"You really think that?" Mustang said, his jaw actually dropping, before giving him a flat look, considering something.

The quiet stretched for a moment. "Ed, help me get my uniform off. I am not sleeping in this thing- it stinks and I can't move my wrist."

"Hey, you can't order me around anymore," Ed protested, even as he got up to help Mustang to his feet. He quite easily remembered helping Mustang out of her clothes that one time, and…

He was blushing even as he straightened Mustang's arm, pulling off the sling that held his arm in place, then working at the overly complicated buttons and peeling it off Roy's shoulders and arms. Mustang fumbled, left-handed, with the white button down shirt underneath for a moment while Ed wadded up the blue uniform jacket and tossed it into a corner.

Ed looked back over at Mustang, who was swaying like he was drunk, before helping Roy sit back down.

"You really shouldn't be doing much," Ed said, finally letting himself act concerned. "Cause… well, maybe you should let me…"

"Just get the bloody thing off me," Roy growled, and Ed flinched. The tone was… different. Not just angry, but sounding like Winry when she was pissed off.

Ed obeyed.

The white shirt opened, revealing… a corset. It bound a pair of perfectly female breasts, and Mustang went to the ties and loosened them up, while taking a deep, relieved breath.

Edward's hands dropped, eyes fixing on the cleavage. "You got bigger."

"Pregnancy will do that."

"You're Mama." His tone was flat, bald, and incredulous.

"Yes." Roy's voice had dropped all pretexts at a male tone, even though the words were the same. Not that it lightened- much- but it matched what Edward remembered from then. The room swam before Ed's eyes as it finally sank in what Mustang was telling him: that Roy Mustang was a mother. That Sara, yes, was her daughter…

"And you…"

"Yes," and Ed looked up to see a strange smile on Mustang's face. His eyes then tried to drop back to Roy's cleavage, but stopped when he saw the scars on her shoulder. Edward reached out, touching the thick cord of tissue and the smaller ones covering her flesh.

"I was afraid you had died," Ed mumbled. "I didn't let myself think about it, when I was in the other world. Not until I saw Fritz Long and thought he was Fuhrer Bradley. Then I felt sick. I didn't want to let myself be worried about you, you- what do I call you now? B-"

Roy slapped her hand over Ed's mouth. "Call me Roy if you must, or if you want to, Renee. But no cussing in front of my daughter."

Ed glared, but he understood the sentiment. "All right, General." Anything to get under the ba- bitc- the General's skin. The woman rolled her good eye, understanding completely. Then Ed's eyes dropped back to the scars.

"I'm glad you didn't die, Mustang."

There was silence for a moment, and Roy self consciously tugged her shirt over her chest with the one hand. "Same here. When I think about it, it was a miracle I didn't miscarry. I had so much blood loss," she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Sara is as stubborn as her father. Or his seed is as stubborn as the rest of him."

Ed paused, knowing that the question was awkward, but… he really did want to know. It made him feel weird. His mind skirted away from something big and obvious because it just wasn't possible. Nope. He didn't even know what was staring him in the face because he couldn't see it.

"Who's her father?"

The reaction to the question was much the same now as it was before. Slack jawed surprise, but this time she added a lifted eyebrow. Then she chuckled.

"Let's see if you can figure it out."

Then Ed knew he was not going to like the answer.

"Sara had her third birthday three months ago. How long since you first left?"

Ed was blank. "Uh, just about four years…"

"Do the math. I'm going to sleep. Check about every hour to make sure I'm breathing," Roy murmured, swaying back towards the bed and sitting down. "When you have your panic attack, do it quietly so you won't wake Sara up."

With that, Roy laid down, taking up what space was left on the bed and stretching out.

So… that meant what? That Sara was Havoc's?

No way.

When he figured this out, he was going to shake Mustang until her teeth rattled.

To be continued.