First You Cry Chapter 3 – Diagnosis pt II

Stella faced the mirror and stared at her reflection. It was the first time since the discovery this morning that she had seen herself. Her hand moved up and felt for the lump. It was still there. What was it Dr. Phillips had said? It was low but seemed close to the chest wall? What did that mean? She'd have to do more research. As she washed her face she thought about Mac in the other room making dinner. Should I tell him now? Should I wait until after the biopsy? I might as well tell him now, maybe it will help. He's going to know something's wrong. After a few minutes lost in thought she washed her face, put her hair up and threw on a clean pair of jeans and a sweater. "You can do this," she whispered to herself as she left the bathroom.

Mac had managed to create a beautiful dining area in record time. Tall white tapers were lit in the center of the table and two bowls of steaming soup sat atop colorful placemats with matching napkins secured by ceramic napkin rings. Jazz music played softly in the background. He knew she needed a diversion, something to take her mind off the one thing that must be consuming her every thought. While setting the table he decided he'd wait for her to tell him. She'd need to have some control over the situation. Hopefully it would be sooner than later. He wanted to be there for her. Stella was the strongest woman he knew but at times also the most fragile. She had no family and few friends outside the lab.

Stella emerged from the bedroom and gazed at the scene in front of her. She couldn't help but smile. "Mac, how did you, where …" she couldn't find the words to express her feelings.

"Shh, don't say anything, just sit down, relax and let the soup work its magic." he said as he pulled out a chair for her to sit on. Dinner went smoothly. They talked mostly about work. Mac told her about the two new cases that had come in and actually got Stella to laugh when he told her that Adam had flooded an area of the lab with bubbles in an experiment gone awry.

"Thanks Mac, this was the perfect medicine" she said as she started to get up to clear the dishes. He stopped her. "No, you go and sit down on the couch; I'll clean this up and bring out the coffee. It'll just take a minute."

"But Mac, I..." "No buts," he said, putting his hand up and then pointing to the couch. "You've had a rough day, go and get comfortable, that's an order." "You win" she said and headed toward the living room.

Stella knew the moment had arrived. She was sitting with her left leg tucked underneath her and had a throw pillow in her lap. She reached up and took the mug of hot liquid from Mac's hands. "Thanks" "Don't' thank me yet, you haven't tasted it." He quipped. That brought a smile to her face. He sat down next to her and after taking sip and nodding in approval she put the mug down on the table, took a deep breath and spoke.

"Mac, there's something I have to tell you."

"What is it Stell?"

"I wasn't really sick today – well I was but not in the way you think, it's just that… God, I don't know if I can say it - I haven't said it out loud yet." "This just isn't fair!"

She was losing control. Her eyes began to water and she looked away.

He reached out and took her hand.

"Stella, look at me" He moved his other hand to her chin and gently turned it until she faced him. He couldn't bear her suffering alone anymore.

"I know."

She shook her head and looked away. "No, Mac you don't, you see I have… I mean I found… there's a…" She couldn't bring herself to say it out loud.

"Stella, look at me." She turned back to face him.

"I know about the biopsy. I found your appointment paper on the floor in the hall."

She stared in disbelief. Tears began to run down her cheeks. Mac reached over and pulled her into his arms.

"I'm here for you," he whispered into her ear. "You don't have to do this alone. We'll fight this together." You're going to be okay." He was saying it as much for himself as for her, seemingly willing them both to believe it.

He held her for several minutes trying to send strength and support through his arms. Stella eventually regained her composure and they began to talk. She filled him on the day's events and while they never used the "C" word it was always first in their thoughts. Mac listened to her every word and read each page in her folder desperately looking for answers. Then they moved to the computer and checked out the recommended websites on breast biopsies. After a couple of hours Stella let out a yawn and that was Mac's cue to leave. He stood up, moved behind her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm going to get going. You need to rest Stella. It's been a long day."

"You can say that again." She sighed as she stood up and turned to face him.

"When you get a date for the biopsy let me know, I want to take you."

"Thanks for the offer Mac, but I can do that on my own. You'd just be sitting, no; you'd be pacing in the waiting room. You should go to the lab and let work distract you." She smiled.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow. Try to get some sleep. Call me if you need anything."

"I will Mac." She reached out and pulled him into a hug. "Thanks for tonight. I'm glad you know."

"So am I. I'll be here whenever you need me, we'll get through this. He held her as though she would disappear if he let go. He knew her world had changed today but so had his. Stella was more than his partner, she was his best friend. He would do anything to protect her, keep her safe, but this was something he couldn't control. The only thing he could do was be there for her and make sure she had the best care possible.

He pulled away slightly and kissed her forehead. "See you tomorrow." She nodded and walked him to the door. "Good night Stella." "Goodnight Mac."