The More I Love You

Chapter 5

During class, all Kurt could think about was Scott, and what he said. It was a good thing his German class was a fly-by, or else he would have been in deep trouble when he totally blew off an entire class because he kept looking down at the ground thinking. His stomach growled painfully all class, and he was positive everyone could hear, and they'd all know it was his stomach growling, and then they'd all laugh at him...

When class was over, he went straight to Scott's desk, his mind completely made up. Scott was staring at him as he came over, but at least he was smiling. It occurred to Kurt than that Scott almost always smiled when he approached. That thought made his heart lighten a bit. Scott stood and started packing up his things (Scott never put his things away until after the bell, and Kurt figured this just proved what a boyscout he was dating) while Kurt spoke.

"Scott, I was thinking. About what you said earlier..." he muttered, as people were leaving, even the teacher who had lunch duty.

"Yeah?" Scott prompted. Kurt saw his boyfriends sunglasses move around the room, checking to make sure no one could hear.

"Maybe... Maybe if you just waited a month? Just one month."

"Why a month?" Scott asked. He stopped packing while he turned around. "What's important about a month?"

Kurt tried not letting his body show what his mind was thinking, but sub-consciously he crossed his arms over his stomach.

"Nothing... Nothing really..." he said, biting his lip. "I just need it... Is that alright? Please?"

Scott paused, but sighed and nodded.

"If you need it." he replied. "I'll wait. I don't mind. I'd rather we do it together than by myself."

Kurt smiled and looked around before hugging Scott. He was careful, however, to make sure his torso didn't make complete contact with his boyfriend.

"Thank you." he said softly with a large smile. This was what he needed. Just one month to lose as much weight as he possibly could. When he was done, even if he was still chubby, Scott would be able to see how hard he was trying and what a good job he was doing, and everything would be fine. "I'll make it worth it, I promise."

Scott smiled, assuming that this statement was just to be taken as Kurt's gratitude, not realizing the Kurt was being serious. When they pulled away, they both had separate classes to go to, but they still had the same lunch. With that in mind, along with their date later tonight, they didn't feel the usual sadness they both normally did when they were forced apart.

Lunch was the same murder it had always been for Kurt, but this time even more so. His promise to himself, and his silent promise to Scott, gave even more pressure to the young mutant to not eat a single bite. Not even the few he usually took when people were looking. He couldn't afford it. He met up with his friends in the hallway, and they were talking about a party. Kurt tried to tune-out the conversation thanks to a killer headache and got in line for the food behind Scott, with Spike trailing behind him.

Picking out his usual meal (Which Kurt now thought of as his 'fat pig everything'), he couldn't help notice Spike seeming to be staring at his plate.

"What's wrong?" he asked nervously, thinking that Scott must have been thinking he was taking too much. The only reason he took so much was so no one would make fun of him for not getting anything...

"Nothing..." Spike said, turning his head away, but Kurt heard the small mumble regardless. "Just wondering why you get so much when you barely eat..."

It was such a quiet mumble that Kurt knew he wasn't supposed to hear, but he did, and his whole body jolted. What did Spike mean by that? He'd always piled his plate up this high, even before when he actually ate it. Now if he didn't, everyone would joke about him or be 'worried' and ask if he was sick. Spike was one of the ones who always laughed about how much he ate in the first place! He had to keep piling his plate! It was the only way to keep people off his back! He was so glad Scott was already sitting down or he would have been mortified.

"I eat it." he said quietly. His head turned downwards and he glanced at the plate. Spike turned towards him.

"No, you don't." he said sternly. "You never do."

"I do too!" Kurt said a bit louder, defensive because Spike seemed so severe. Spike's response was a shake of his head.

"Right." was his only response as he circled around Kurt with his own tray with a medium serving. He didn't look back at Kurt, and this just made him even more worried, and then just a bit angry. Where did Spike get off saying anything about his eating? It wasn't fair. Spike ate a ton every day and no one made fun of him.

'He knows, though...' Kurt thought. 'If he tells anyone that he thinks I'm not eating, than they'll make me... They'll probably make fun of me for even wanting to lose weight... I have to prove him wrong.'

With that thought in mind, Kurt grabbed his tray, his fingers feeling cramped and shaking, and paid for the food he knew he'd have to actually eat now, even though he didn't want to. He'd rather just run away, but if he did than Spike would know for sure.

The mutant sighed and tried to think. If he ate, he'd be starting off his new and improved diet with a huge meal that would probably cancel out all the work he'd done so far. If he didn't eat, Spike would either start making fun of him for not eating, or even worse tell everyone that he wasn't eating. No matter what he did, his life was ruined, and he was caught in a corner. It wasn't fair! On top of all that, Scott was right there. The fact that Kurt was able to sit next to Scott, usually a bright side to his day, made this situation actually quite worse. He hated the idea of Scott watching him eat, especially when he just promised he'd get better. Maybe not in so many words, but Scott had to have knew what he meant, right?

But none of this seemed to matter at Kurt sat down, avoiding eye contact with Spike who was doing his best to do the exact same thing, so much so that he had his head turned away from his friend. The blue mutant (currently not as blue as usual) looked down at his plate and took a deep breath.

'I'm sorry, Scott...' he thought dejectedly. 'You're going to hate me but... It's only because I have to. I'll fix it... I'll train twice as hard, and I won't eat after this, I swear...'

Picking up the burrito he'd grabbed, having not actually been thinking he'd have to eat it, he looked over at Spike pointedly before even taking a bite. When he did, the flavor made him want to cough it right up. He hadn't had any real flavor for so long the spice hurt his eyes, but he covered it well and pretended it didn't hurt. It only took three bites and he hated how good it felt to fill his stomach. He didn't look up, at anyone, ashamed as he continued his meal, which was twice as much as anyone else at the table and probably three times the calories.

He was sure that the jokes would come any second, but it seemed like no one noticed. Kurt wasn't that optimistic, however. He knew what they were all thinking, even if they didn't say it.

He didn't even finish a fifth of what was on his plate, too humiliated already for eating in front of people. He wondered briefly when eating had become such a mortifying experience, but than just sighed.

'It probably always should have been...' he thought. 'I just didn't know it.'

Finally, after twenty minutes of the torture, the bell rang and Kurt was able to throw out the offending food and flee, not even saying goodbye to Scott, who he hadn't said a word to all lunch. He hadn't really spoken at all, too engrossed in his own thoughts. After he threw away the food he started to class without even looking back at any of his friends, practically running.

His thoughts where racing, filled with self-loathing. They had all been watching, probably laughing at him inside. Scott was probably disgusted, angry even, at his boyfriend. Why did Spike have to say anything? Why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut and let Kurt do one thing to make himself a tiny bit less disgusting? It wasn't like he even cared. It was all a joke to everyone else.

He couldn't go back to class, not after that scene. His hands where shaking just enough to make him feel pathetic and he walked into the nearest 'Mens' bathroom he could find. It was empty, and he threw his bag into the stall before he even got in.

'Spike, you jerk...' he thought, curling up into the same position he'd been in not two hours ago when Scott had dropped the 'coming out' bomb on him. Now this. It was as if whenever one thing had been solved, two more things had to pop up. And on top of it all, he had a stomachache from the spicy food he'd forced himself to eat to appease the tan mutant.

And then the thought occurred. Girls do it, don't they? He could get rid of most of it the same way that girls do and that would be the end of it. Less food in his stomach, less guilt on his mind, and he could just go to class... He looked down at his hands. Even though right now they looked human, he knew that there was no way his fingers would work the same way that a normal persons would. He'd need something else...

He reached into his bag, which had been cast aside over by the actual toilet, and reached inside. One time, right? Just this once to get rid of the big meal he'd had to eat, and then everything would be okay. He'd lose weight, Scott would be happy, his friends would be happy, and everything would be alright for once in his miserable life.

It took a bit of digging before he found his nice pen, the type the was smooth and made with metal. It would go easily down his throat and make him gag, just like a finger would have if he weren't such an ugly freak. His gaze moved downwards towards the tiles as he leaned over the bowl. The position felt weird, and totally wrong, but he ignored it and continued what he had to do. If he didn't, than no one would ever be happy. He'd be fat and miserable, Scott would dump him, and his whole team would hate him. They were the only friends he'd ever had in his whole life. He couldn't afford to lose them to something like this. He'd lost enough people he loved because of the way he looked without his watch. He wouldn't be able to handle it if he lost people for the same reason even with it.

The act was too gross to really describe. Even though he was in control of it, it was still vomiting up the Mexican food that burned his throat and mouth more when it came back up than when it went down in the first place. He had to force himself multiple times before he was even remotely satisfied, and even then he knew that it wasn't really enough. After several 'dry heaves', he looked down at the bowl dejectedly.

'The rest must have already digested... On it's way to becoming another couple of pounds on my freak-show body...'

He flushed the toilet and went to wash his hands, and the pen. He thought it was kind of weird and sick that he had to wash it, but he knew it worked better than anything else he could have tried, and as much as he wanted to just throw it away there was also the fear that he'd need to use it again. The thought brought him no joy, but there was a chance and he didn't want to risk not being ready if he did.

Just then, someone exited another stall, and Kurt turned around quickly. No, he'd checked. No one had been there!

"Didn't see me, did yah?" the dark-haired teen asked, with that smirk that he always seemed to have, especially when he was mocking someone. "You should have heard me come in, of course you did seem a bit... tied up."

Kurt took a step back and then ran out of the room, not wanting to even look at the boy, let alone make small-chat. He was half way down the hall before he realized that A) Lance wasn't chasing him, and B) He'd left his backpack in the bathroom. Neither of these facts seemed important at the moment, anyway... Instead of going back and risking seeing the Brotherhood member, he teleported outside, behind the gym where he and Scott always met. It was safe there, since no one knew about it... He sighed and sat down on the concrete, crossing his legs.

It was just like he thought earlier... One problem was solved, another few would come up...

A/N: So I decided it was Lance the whole time! That lil' jerk, what's he planning? *Too hyper for her own good* I'm awake too effing early so this chapter got finished, and I still have an hour before my first class so you might see another chapter fairly soon! I hope you guys are enjoying the rush of chapters, I figure I owe you considering this story is so old and I just started showing a plot being involved and I've forgotten about it so many times.... XD