What happens when it fades?
Chapter 1: You mean there's more to life than love?
Hitomi could just picture the look on Van's face when she told him the news. She steeled herself, "He cares about me." She whispered to herself, "He'll understand. He'll want me to be happy."
Somehow she didn't entirely believe it.
Having graduated near the top of her class, and with her excellent track times, she'd been a shoe-in for the college scholarship. She hadn't even known that the college scout had been there the day she broke the regional record for the 100 m sprint. It wasn't as if she'd been trying to get that scholarship.
But the offer was just too good to refuse. Her parents had been beaming the day she got the letter announcing that not only was she accepted to her dream school, she was being offered a full scholarship (on the condition she was on the track team of course!) She closed her eyes for a moment and relived the pride she'd felt receiving that letter. It was everything she'd ever wanted, almost. She'd finally be competing against the best, and if she was really good, she could have a chance at making the National team.
Unbidden, Van's face appeared behind her closed eyelids. Her green eyes fluttered open and she sighed. But how do you tell the love of your life that you're going to have to be apart for several more years? She continued packing clothes into her travel bag. It had taken some deal-making, but she'd finally convinced her parents to let her do some "traveling" this summer. She'd been able to see Van in her dreams, and whenever they thought about each other, but three years was a very long time. It was time for a visit. She'd been promising to return to Gaea once she finished high school.
Of course she wanted to go more than anything. She was a young woman now, not quite the girl Van had met, and it had been a long three years, watching all her friends find their first boyfriends, watching couples hugging and holding hands, watching them kiss. Hitomi sighed happily. It would be very nice to actually do those things, not just dream about them.
"OK," she surveyed her bag, "that's everything."
The sun was just creeping up the horizon, colouring the sky with the first pink blushes of day. Hitomi stood on the high school track watching the sunrise. Thank goodness there are such early flights, she thought. Her parents had been adamant they take her to the airport, until she told them the flight was leaving at 5 am. She hated lying to her family, but else could she do? One day she'd have to tell them about Gaea, she just wasn't sure how they would take it.
Gaea, she thought. The green fields, the clean air, the mountains, the man she loved. She was ready to return, if only for a few months. The pink light enveloped her and she felt the long awaited pull of Gaea.
The first few weeks went by in a blur. She'd forgotten how wonderful Gaea could be when there was no fighting going on. All the friends she had made visited, at least those who could. King Aston had passed away in the intervening years, and now Millerna and Dryden were busy ruling Asturia, but Allan and his sister Cerena assured Hitomi that they both regretted that they could not visit her. Asturia was in the middle of some elaborate trade dispute that no one really wanted to be in. And Van couldn't exactly leave his kingdom to go visiting as yet. The rebuilding was entering its final stages, which for some reason required more supervision – now the disputes were beginning.
Hitomi shook her head at the thought. It seemed to be so much work to run a kingdom smoothly. How her friends managed it, she wondered if she'd ever know. Part of her whispered that she would, it was only too obvious that Van wanted her to stay and eventually be his queen. He'd been waiting so long for her afterall.
This was where it tore Hitomi apart. She knew she had to tell Van soon that she wasn't actually staying. And that it would be several years before she could. Now, more than ever, she realized how young she felt compared to her friends. She didn't feel capable of ruling a kingdom! She didn't know near enough. She consoled herself with the thought that she could take courses at university in law and history, surely with a good background she would feel better at the thought.
In the pit of her stomach there was a knot of fear though. How would Van take this? Would he be able to accept her telling him that as much as she loved him she needed to do other things first? That she needed to accomplish things before she would feel ready to stay beside him the way he wanted her to.
The moon was high in the sky, a pale ghost beside the vibrant Mystic Moon behind it. The palace gardens were bathed in pale blue light. Hitomi walked through them slowly, savouring the scent of the gorgeous flowers Van had chosen to grace the palace grounds. She wandered through the moonlight, aware of another presence in the gardens, and enjoying the subtle chase.
Eventually, the raven-haired king caught up to his quarry and took the young woman's hand. "Hitomi," he breathed, his lips catching her's in a gentle kiss. She could have melted with joy. These moments with him were too perfect. It was everything she'd ever wanted, almost. She squashed the butterflies in her stomach. She had to be firm on this.
"Van, I need to talk to you. I… I feel I need to explain myself a bit." She murmured hesitantly.
"Hitomi," he murmured back, brushing her hand with a kiss, "I've waited all these year's for you, you have no need to explain anything. I know your family is on Earth, and I know you needed them in your life. I know how important finishing school was for you, and how much your running meant to you. You have nothing to explain. I love you, and you're back in my arms, and it is all I could ever ask for."
She almost fainted from this strange eloquence Van had acquired over the past several years. He had changed so much from that abrupt, hot-headed youth she'd first met. But something tugged on the corner of her mind. He'd been speaking in past tense! He thought she was there to stay. Her heart sank. This could be more difficult than she'd hoped it might be.
"Van," she said carefully, sensing the slight stiffening of her lover's form at the tone of her voice. "I'm….I… I can't… I can't stay." She turned her bright eyes away from Van's shocked face. "There was a scout at one of my races, and I broke the regional record, and I did so well in all my classes, and my parents were so proud when they found out, and everyone expects so much from me, I can't rule a country!" It was all spilling out now. There was no order to any of this, and it wasn't even coherent! Hitomi forced herself to regain her composure. "What I mean to say is, I've been offered a place, and a very generous scholarship, to go to a college in my country. I'll have a chance to be on the National track team, and I'll be able to further my studies. I need to go back, because I'm not ready to stay here yet. There's so many things I need to do before I can settle down here."
She dared finally to sneak a peak at Van's face. His chocolate brown eyes looked empty and a little cold, as if in disbelief. "Oh Van," she whispered. "I don't want to hurt you!"
He stared at her for a moment. "You could have fooled me. When were you going to tell me any of this?"
"I'm telling you now!"
The young king just stood there, every muscle in his body screaming "stubborn".
Hitomi sighed. "I know you want me to stay. I know you want me to stay here with you. I know you need to find a wife, someone to be queen. I'm not worthy of being that person yet."
His eyes softened. "Yes you are." He whispered, "I love you and I want you. I know you will be wonderful. I meant to ask you something tonight…"
Hitomi had to cut him off. "Van! Would you listen to me? I don't feel ready to be a queen! Not your's or anyone's! I can't do it! I don't know enough. By going to university I feel that I'll feel more confident. This is something I need to do to feel confident in myself!"
"But I love you…" Van trailed off.
"But there's more to life than just love!" Hitomi cried, shocking herself. Did she really mean that?
"More to life than love?" echoed Van, a very strange expression settling on his feature. "What do you mean there's more to life than love?"
To Be Continued….
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Mwahaha… OK, so it was very slow for a beginning. cowers in fear Its just not the type of story that I can start in an explosion though! Maybe next chapter… I promise it will pick up. I'm sorta basing it on some issues I'm having with my own life though, so I apologize for all the introspective thinking. I have great plans for action. I really do. I think.