Note: To the readers of my other stories, please place the blame where it's deserved
on Grey's Anatomy who wouldn't let me sleep since I fell in love with two of their characters,
Addison and Derek so as you can see this is clearly an Addek story.
Pairings: Addison/Derek, Mark/Callie, Miranda/Callie/Addison friendship. Only minor scenes of Meredith, George and Cristina. No mention of Izzie although she may come in later.
Spoilers: Minor ones for 3.4 and I sorta twisted the other ones as I see fit. Some of the continuity may seem out of place but bear with them as I just started watching 3 episodes ago.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I don't want to, it would be too much of a headache to even try.
"Just sign the papers, Derek. I'm tired of lamenting and rehashing the past. You found out the truth from Mark, so now you know the whole sordid story but that doesn't change the fact that you love Meredith. You slept with Meredith when I was mere footsteps away…."
Derek looked at her through pain-filled eyes, "Addie, I can't leave it like this. What Mark told me…."
Addison met his eyes with cool ones of her own, "So you found out the truth, you found out that the reason that I slept with him had more to do with emotional instability than falling in love with Mark and betraying you and now you are feeling repentant. This repentance of yours doesn't really do me a lot of good though."
Derek sat across from her staring into her eyes and said, "I was wrong, I didn't even give you a chance to explain what happened and then when I told you that I wanted to retry, I was only half trying."
Addison snorted which was unladylike of her but she met his eyes, "I know, I've always known but in my stupid, naïve heart I believed that if you knew that I never intentionally set out to sleep with your best friend you would understand. When you told me that you wanted to try again, I felt that maybe if I had a chance to explain the truth you could sympathize with me, never forgive me but at least understand what I was going through. I wasn't planning on you using this as a means to exact your revenge on me, well you won. I'm now sufficiently humiliated just as I assume you were when you found out the truth. It's over, Meredith has chosen you and you can walk away from me with no guilt."
Derek stood up, "I can't leave here and go to Meredith with this baggage between us, it's not fair to her or you and I. I want to talk about this Addison…."
Addison held up her hand, "I'm not going through this again. You say you want to be with me all the while sending longing looks to Meredith. I should've walked away and not cared what the hell you thought of me, but something inside told me that the love that we once shared couldn't be demolished in such a short period of time, I was wrong again. Look Derek, leave go back to her and just leave me alone."
Derek opened his mouth to protest but Addison shook her head and said, "For months I was waiting on you to show any sort of emotion to let me know that you cared, a look a smile, a touch but everything inside of you was always reserved for Meredith. I just internalized all my emotions and kept all my feelings of despair to myself, I had no choice. Now because you suddenly found out a truth, I had been begging you for months to listen to, you become repentant? Just sign the papers Derek and let's put an end to this once and for all."
Derek put the pen down and shook his head and leaned back in his chair, "I'm married to you still Addison and that means…."
Addison interrupted his talk, "So you now know the whole truth and want to repair the damage? It's too late Derek; you've drained all of me, all that I was I gave to you during 11 years where I was in a marriage by myself. I had been waiting for months for you to give me a sign that I still meant anything to you, it never happened. I just want this be over with, everyone wants this to be over with." Picking up the pen once again she handed it to Derek, "I'm asking you as the woman who's loved you for more than half of her life to let her go, let her have some peace. Let her be happy."
Derek reached for the pen to sign the divorce papers and looked at her through tear filled eyes, "Addison, I can't do this, I won't do this. I made a mistake and I'm ready to admit it but you have to meet me halfway, you have to let me make-up everything I took away from you."
Derek looked into her eyes and reached for the pen and brushed his fingers with hers and Addison inhaled a sharp breath and closed her eyes. She was unable to stop the tears that inadvertently leaked out of her eyes, "What was that supposed to prove? That I'm not immune to you, I was never immune to the love I felt for you, I always wanted you Derek."
Derek flinched from the look of devastation in her eyes and said, "If I sign these papers, it means the truth wasn't a factor in our marriage. Addison you went through hell at my hands and Mark…"
Addison shook her head, "Mark was a mistake. No matter what the circumstances, I should've had more self control, more self respect but I was weak and I think I've more than paid for my mistake don't you? Just let me go and like I told you a week ago, don't hurt Meredith she's more than paid for your indecisions."
Addison grabbed her purse and walked out of the room and left Derek alone with the pen suspended in his hand.
&&&&&&&&
"So has McDodo signed the papers yet?" Addison looked up from wiping away tears and smiled at Bailey who was probably the best friend she had in this town apart from her mentor Richard and who had insisted on accompanying her to the lawyer's office as support as her marriage was dissolved.
Addison shook her head as she tried to keep from crying, "He feels guilty now after knowing the whole story and wants to make it up to me. He wants us to try again."
Bailey crossed her arm in front of hers "Wasn't that the whole purpose of him not signing the papers all those months ago when you brought them to him?"
Addison shrugged her shoulders, "I guess he feels I didn't come to him with the whole story so he could judge me properly. It was still too recent for me Miranda, I couldn't let him in to something that still hurt too much, and god it still hurts even now."
Miranda flashed her look of sympathy, "I will go in there and whoop his butt into shape if you need me to but I'm under the assumption that what you really want is some peace and quiet and since I can't offer you that with my son and husband, what do you say we go out on the town, just girls?"
Addison shook her head and said, "I have a better idea, I have a perfectly good hotel room that has just been itching to be used as a slumber party, so let's go there and then we can discuss what I'm going to do about being Addison Forbes Montgomery without the Shepherd in the morning."
Miranda smiled and said, "It sounds like a plan to me, let me just call my husband and then well be on our way."
Addison nodded and pulled Miranda grateful to have support of a good friend in these moments.
&&&&&&&&
"He's signing the papers now. He's divorcing her and we can finally be together, it almost feels too good to be true."
Christina snorted from her position on the counter, "If it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. I don't know, until McDreamy comes to you with signed divorce papers in hand he wouldn't step two feet in front of me."
Meredith shook her head, "He told me he made the wrong choice and that he wants me back, and he's not going to back out on that promise."
Christina looked at her with a look of disbelief, "Maybe, just maybe if it was Finn saying it I would believe it but this is McDreamy who recently has been dubbed McStupid in my book. There's nothing that he can do that would surprise me at this point. I still am trying to wrap my brain around how you could take McDreamy over Finn."
Meredith started picking at her clothes, "What can I say Christina? You don't choose who you love."
&&&&&&&&
Mark started looking through all the doors at the courthouse looking for where the dissolution of the marriage between Derek and Addison could possibly be taking place. He opened the door at the end of the hall and peeked in and saw Derek hunched over the table with the pen set in front of him. He walked in and said, "What are you waiting for? Put an end to this marriage once and for all, I have someone to get back to."
Derek barely spared him a glance as he looked up, "She left about 30 minutes ago, I thought you would be here already trying to get her to marry you or at least comforting her."
Mark sat down across from him in disbelief, "You are amazing you know that don't you? My god, even after everything I told you, you still don't get it do you? I was never jealous of you, why would I be? I was pissed that you were wasting your time becoming the best in your field and leaving your wife out there for anybody to take. Addison was gorgeous but she always had a self-esteem problem, something that you certainly didn't help out with. She never deserved to be treated the way you did, my god the dog you had you treated better than her. You never deserved her and I admit at one time, she's all I wanted but I've been told by her that all she wants is some peace and quiet, so I'm leaving her alone. She doesn't even want me to be her friend."
Derek looked up at that and leaned back in his chair with a smirk, "You don't win after all, do you?"
Mark shrugged, "I may have not won this round but the game is still underfoot, besides you're not even in the running far as I can see. I hear that Meredith is at home waiting for you to come home and say that you are divorced. So tell me, what are you waiting for?"
Derek looked at him and said, "I can't do it Mark. I did things and spoke things to Addison that no man should ever speak to his wife. I treated her as an obligation more than what she as and now that I know everything she sacrificed and internalized because I was too busy I'm disgusted with myself."
Mark stood up, "You were never better than I was Derek. You made mistakes just as I did, when I realized that she meant more to me than I should've pushed her to divorce you instead of causing all of this. I took advantage of her emotional state and I'm not proud of that Derek and I do apologize for that, in my defense I fell in love and for the first time in my life I didn't know how to react."
Derek looked up at him and nodded, "Meredith is waiting back for me at the house she wants us to go out to dinner to celebrate my single status and the last thing on my mind is celebrating the destruction of a marriage that I was more than ninety percent responsible for causing."
Mark nodded, "I have a date with a pretty new ortho surgeon. I'll be leaving."
Derek looked up at him, "Torres?"
Mark nodded, "She's certainly surprised me, she hasn't asked for anything formal and right now it's just sex, really great sex but you never know."
Derek rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the papers that would finalize a part of his life. 11 years of love, fights, happiness and he didn't know how to sign it all away.
&&&&&&&&
Miranda handed her a wine cooler which she passed as she reached for another glass of sparkling grape juice. Miranda looked at her and said, "Something I should know?"
Addison looked up at her as she sipped the juice, "I got a positive pregnancy test the night of the prom."
Miranda looked at her in shock, "You're pregnant?"
Addison shrugged, "I could be or it could be that start of early menopause, I just don't want to get my hopes up. After everything I've been through these past couple of months a false positive could devastate me so I'm just taking it one day at a time."
Miranda shook her head, "You have to be one of the dumbest women I know, you have a chance to save your marriage by telling him the truth of the supposed affair and you don't do it and then you have a chance of giving him a child and you don't tell him, why don't you just tell me what you really wanetd out of this marriage?"
Addison looked up, "I was never going to tell Derek you know, why would I? He didn't care anyway so it seemed like a waste of my words, he fell out of love with me Miranda. What is telling him the truth about the fact that I lost his child going to do? Then the night of the prom, my heart felt so full, it was full of hope and love and I couldn't wait to tell Derek. It was going to be a surprise, a signal of us starting over and then he sleeps with Meredith and all my hopes and desires for the future went out in a moment and I was back at the start alone and dejected."
Miranda nodded as she reached for the ice cream, "Well that won't do, in the morning we'll run a battery of tests and see if you are truly pregnant and if you are pregnant what are you going to do?"
Addison shrugged, "If I'm pregnant with Derek's child, I'll deal with it afterwards. One day at a time, its bad enough I have Mark breathing down my neck wherever I go, telling me how great we are together and now I'll have Derek there as well."
Miranda smiled and said, "Well, if nothing else, you can now say that you are no longer Derek's wife so that means that he won't be bothering you anymore."
Addison smiled softly, "I just wish that were the case Miranda. I have a feeling that it's just going to get started. There was something in his eyes today, something I hadn't seen in a long time, and he was truly apologetic and afraid of where to turn. He was sorry he doubted me, and it seemed like he was sorry because he made the wrong choice. I don't know. Whatever it was, I felt for the first time that if I wanted to fight from that moment on for our marriage I would have someone who would be willing to fight with me by my side. It's weird but its how I felt."
&&&&&&&&
The knock on the door didn't come too soon for Meredith Grey as she was anxiously awaiting the return of Derek Shepherd. He was supposed to be here within the hour telling her that the divorce was final and that everything that they had fought for, everything they were was finally going to get a chance to be made known.
She flung open the door as was met with Derek's face, she launched herself into his arms and said, "Is it finished? Are you free?"
Derek pulled back away from her and looked her into the eye. He didn't have the heart to tell her the truth, to tell her that he hadn't signed any papers and that until he was satisfied with how he left Addison he wouldn't be signing any papers.
"Derek, you didn't answer me, are you free?"
Derek smiled as he looked into her sparkling eyes and smile and heard the words of Addison in his head, Don't hurt her again. He had been making mistakes in his life since the moment that Addison had come back to Seattle fighting for him and their marriage. He wasn't about to make anymore.
He nodded once, uneasy with speaking the words aloud and was relieved when the squeal that came from Meredith was sufficient for her to believe that it was truly over and he was free. He knew at that moment that he wasn't free and he would never truly be free.
Let me know what you think, I totally crave reviews