Holy crap. It just FIGURES that the moment I start actually writing again, actually have IDEAS and PLOT BUNNIES bouncing around in my head, that I would have just started a second job and be searching tirelessly for a new apartment. I honestly don't know if anyone reads my crap anymore. That's how long I've been gone.
Anyway, this is for Katie, who took me to see Rent on Broadway (for real. As in the NederlanderZOMFGBBQHOTTNESS! I got to hug Tim Howar, who plays the dorkiest Roger around and who partially inspired this piece.) Thanks to her, I've not completely given up on Rentfic. Pray there will be more from me in the near future.
This was written for Prompt #4 on Rent for Bastards (I know it's over a year late. Deal), which was to have the Rent characters act in a childish manner. The only way I could get them to reach their inner child was by getting them high. Huh.
Crack!alert like whoa.
Canabis and Care Bears
The After-School Special
By Baka-Sensei
"You'd be Secret Bear," Collins stated apropos nothing.
"What?" Mark asked, his eyes hooded, as the statement seemed to be directed at him.
"If you were a Care Bear," Collins nodded sagely, as if that explained everything. "You'd make a good Tender Heart Lamb too."
"Are you high?" Angel asked with a raised eyebrow. Collins laughed and pulled her closer to him where they were seated precariously on the table. It wobbled slightly at the motion.
"Damn right I am. Aren't you?" He glared accusingly, as if being sober was a deplorable state. Which it kind of was. Across the room, Mimi giggled.
"Don't the Care Bears even have a cartoon?" she asked.
"It got canceled last year," Roger answered morosely. Four shocked stares landed squarely on the guitarist.
"What?" he asked, twirling the third joint of the evening in his fingers before passing it to Mark. "It's the only thing they play on Sunday mornings. Besides, it was a good show."
"Even if you were awake in the mornings, we don't have a television, Rog," Mark reminded with a look that screamed, Seriously, what the fuck, before he took another hit.
"Huh." Roger looked surprised.
"Care Bears, Rog? As in, happy little fluffy animals that fly around in Cloud Cars and make children love one another more?" Mark pressed.
"Aha! See, you watch it too!" Roger exclaimed triumphantly. Mark blushed.
"Cute. Definitely Tender Heart Lamb," Collins confirmed.
"I am NOT Tender Heart Lamb," Mark grumbled. "Who would you be?"
"Bright Heart Raccoon," Collins answered immediately.
"Oh, yeah? How come?" Mark challenged. Collins took a hit and passed the joint to Angel.
"He's good with computers," he stated on the exhale. "Plus, he always did seem to have a streak of rebellion in him."
"Why am I Tender Heart Lamb?" Mark whined from his sprawled position on the floor.
"Duh, Mark. Cuz you're quiet and caring and bashful and…and… tender," Mimi scoffed, her slightly pinkened eyes narrowing at his idiocy.
"Who would I be?" Angel asked excitedly.
"Definitely Love-A-Lot Bear," Collins said warmly, kissing her on the lips. Roger rolled his eyes. Mimi smacked him on the arm before snuggling up to him again, her back to his chest with his arms and legs wrapped loosely around her.
"You'd be Grumpy Bear," Mimi said staring upside-down into Roger's chin. He snorted.
"Then you'd be Lotsa Heart Elephant," he teased, insighting Mimi to promptly move from his embrace and start beating him into the couch. Roger laughed at the tickling blows.
"I think she's more of a Playful Heart Monkey, personally," Angel chuckled. Mimi glared at her best friend.
"As if a monkey is much better than an elephant," she groaned. The room lapsed into silence.
"I can't believe we're sitting around getting high and deciding which Care Bear everyone would be," Roger said finally.
"Somehow, sadly, I can," Mark mused.
"You're just depressed you're not someone cool like Wish Bear. All you get is Tender Heart Lamb," Roger accused.
"I hate you so much," Mark mumbled.
"What was that, Tender Heart? Your gentle voice is incomprehensible like a sweet summer breeze," Roger crooned. Collins stared.
"You're weird when you're high, Roger," Angel stated before stamping out the cashed joint with a three inch heel.
"You get used to it," Mark said.
"Well, you won't have to deal with it for much longer. That was the last of my chronic," Collins informed them. The room took on a slightly grieving tone.
"…Don't we have some whiskey left?" Roger asked.
"The horrible stuff that tastes like used gym socks and stale gingerbread houses?" Mimi grimaced.
"I think we do," Mark said. "One minute."
When he came back with the vile tasting alcohol a couple minutes later, everyone, even Mimi, cheered.
A/N: The information on the Care Bears was as correct as I could make it. Wikipedia is my friend. :D