Part 3
"You're not ready for the Promised Land. Not yet."
Oh, Cloud, you're always trying so hard to be something you're not. Now you're finally yourself, you need to stay that way; not come with me to the Promised Land. There's too much for you to still do. There's too much for me to still do, but all of my work is on this side of Lifestream.
I'm so proud of you, that you purged Sephiroth from your mind, purifying the Jenova cells in your body and merging them with yourself. Only someone like you could do that. Any lesser man would have died. In doing this, you not only sent Sephiroth to the Lifestream, you freed Zack from your body, and now there is no one else in your mind; only you.
Of all the great misunderstood people in this war, you can now be understood. Sephiroth is now in a place where he can be not only understood, but healed. Zack can now help you in other ways, the same way I can.
But I have other things to do. Holy is now released, but the only person who can direct Lifestream is a Cetra: myself. That is why I had to "perish." In doing so, I sent my wish to Holy, and now I can send Lifestream to help. It is a beautiful sight to watch, absolutely stunning. There is so much light and elegance in what is happening.
I think Tifa can see me. She's looking at me like she's seeing a ghost. I wonder what she's thinking. Probably that I'm here to see Cloud.
Of all the things I've seen walking as a Cetra with humans; I think love is what I like most. There are so many kinds! I love watching children's faces light up when I sell them a flower for a gil. I love seeing Barret with Marlene, Red XIII with his grandfather. Cid and Shera are hilarious. The love Cait Sith, Reeve, has for his city and it's wellbeing is absolutely touching, watching Vincent reminisce about his beloved Lucrecia is heartwarming. Even Yuffie's love of material generates a warm feeling in my heart.
Tifa once asked me how I could always be so happy. My reply was how I could not? There were so many good things that happened on this journey, so many people that we met, so many memories that we made. All I had to do when I became sad or uncertain was reflect on this and my spirit would heat up with happiness. Her love and Cloud's are perhaps the most beautiful, which is why I always kept close to them. Eliciting a blush and a stutter from Cloud, watching Tifa suddenly become shy when I threw her to him, it gave me a special high that I only received from them.
They are both so special, and the irony is that neither of them knows it. Look at Tifa, for example. Where I am a being of happiness, she is a being of love. Everything she does speaks to it. Her looking after Cloud, her sensitivity to Vincent, her caring for Marlene, her acceptance of Cait Sith are all evidence of her love. After traveling with her, I don't think there is a single person in the world that she hates. No, that's not true; she hates Sephiroth, but that is a hate that won't last long. Tifa will come to understand how sick Jenova's son was, and will in the end pity him.
Cloud by contrast is someone who takes nothing for granted. He cherishes everything around him because he understands better than anyone that everything can easily be taken away. He's really matured over this war, and now I no longer see Zack in him, I see the resemblance to Zack. Zack also took nothing for granted, but Cloud differs in that he will openly show how grateful he is. That little trait was the one thing that reminded me that I wasn't looking at my raven haired lover, but at someone who strongly resembled him.
I think Cloud was drawn to me because Zack was inside him. Zack saw me and did everything he could to have Cloud near me so that he in turn could be near me. But at the same time he did what he could to keep himself separate and not cloud Cloud's thoughts too much.
Everyone was so sad when I died. I knew that was going to happen; I tried my best to prevent it. Cloud's pain was so raw that I felt my heart being stabbed. I love Cloud, I love his innocence, and to see it be ripped at so viciously made me sick. I wanted so badly to hold him, tell him that it was alright, that I was still traveling with them, only in a different form. But he couldn't see me, couldn't hear me. None of them could. My death caused such psychological trauma that the Jenova cells in him awakened to Sephiroth's control, and he handed the Black Materia to him. It was the one and only time in my life where I second guessed my decision. Was saving the Planet really worth it if I caused this much pain to people that I've grown to love in my own way?
Tifa's pain was just as bad. When she believed that Cloud had died and was in mourning, I almost didn't survive. My internal mantra of happy memories was tainted with all the pain that I'd caused, at a time no less critical, because I was still sending my wish to Holy.
But you see, this is where faith asserts itself. Tifa, the being of love, and Cloud, the being who took nothing for granted, entered Lifestream, and there I, the being of spirit, was able to help. All of love that generated from that experience not only revitalized Cloud and Tifa, but filled me with a Cloud-Tifa high that I've never experienced. It was they who gave me the strength to finish sending my wish to Holy. I want to be able to tell them that they helped me save the Planet.
I'm so proud of them.
... It did not turn into a perfect happy ending. My time of despair was received by Holy, and the negative feelings of humans did reach it. Midgar and the Planet were saved, many souls reentered Lifestream to give the Planet the strength it had lost from the very humans it had received, but pain still existed. The Promised Land did not grace the Planet with her presence.
But that may be for the best. One cannot know supreme happiness without knowing supreme pain. People have to work through the pain first before they can feel happiness. Cloud and Tifa haven't worked past their pain. Cloud still blames himself for my death, Tifa is still too scared of change to tell Cloud her feelings. But you know, when the two of them work past it, they will become what they saw me as; a person who could be happy all the time. In the future they will brighten the lives of everyone they meet, make them for the better. They will do so much more good than I ever could. People would be drawn to me, there was no question of that, but many people did not believe in me. That was something that hurt, and hurt deeply. Even mother, Elmyra, never quite understood me - even though she loved me like her own. After Zack, Cloud was the first to believe in me, to believe in what I represented: happiness after pain.
I'm not some sacrificial lamb, slaughtered to grant the gods' favor. The night I met Cloud, the night I saw the stars in the fireflies and the future in the fire, I knew. My death had nothing to do with gods, it had to do with Cloud and Zack. If he were ever to do the task that the Planet set out for him, he had to stop looking at me and start looking past me, to Tifa, to Sephiroth, to define his existence as a person, not through his proximity to me. He had to stop seeing me through Zack's eyes, and instead through his own.
Zack is standing beside me, that strong arm of his around my shoulders. "You were busy, Flower," he said lightly.
I smile. "I had to do something to keep myself busy."
He just grinned. Zack is a very talkative person, but in intimate moments like these, he doesn't need words. He presses near me, and his warmth fills me. Now I know why I loved playing with Cloud and Tifa, their love was exactly the same as mine and Zack's.
"He's not quite on his own feet yet, is he?"
I sigh as I looked at the man who held Zack's spirit. "That's probably because of me." In spite of Zack, Cloud was a special person to me. The more I got to know the real Cloud, the more I liked what I saw.
"More likely me," Zack replied. "I tried not to influence him, but you can only be stuck in a guy's head so long and not start mixing."
"I love him."
"So do I. Our kid turned out pretty good, didn't he?"
I smiled. "Yeah, he did."
End