Calendar Boys, a gundam seed fanfic

Disclaimer – I do not own Gundam Seed.

Calendar Boys
written by: ohwhatsherface

"Thanks a lot you guys, for helping me with this," Cagalli Yula Attha said, going through papers on her spot at the dining room table. They were all currently at Murrue's house, ready to plan the memorial for both of the Bloody Valentine Wars. It had been two years since the second one ended and of course Cagalli was in charge of planning it. The now long-haired blond grabbed her locks and tied them back into a high ponytail. It was pretty warm in the house despite her only wearing a t-shirt and her panties, her pajamas; they were all sleeping over. "So..." she mumbled. "If I were to remember seeing my home blown to smithereens and getting attacked by a freaking army, what would make me feel better?" Murrue Ramius, Lacus Clyne and Miriallia Haww, the three who decided to help her, looked at the blond to answer her question; each spouting a response nonchalantly.

"Sex."

"Boys."

"Firemen." Lacus' hair turned the shade of her hair and her nightgown when three pairs of eyes turned to her.

Miriallia quirked a fine, brown eyebrow at Lacus. The twenty-year-old donned a yellow and orange, striped tank top and a pair of grey shorts. She was sitting on her wooden chair with a very visible smirk. "Firemen? Never knew you were into those kinds of things Lacus…"

Murrue laughed, amused. "Oh don't tease her. That's a good idea though. Firemen…" A dreamy look made it to her chestnut colored hair, framed face. Her brown eyes sparkled as she imagined. She pulled on the beige, silk bathrobe she wore as she hugged herself jokingly. "Ha, ha, firemen."

"CALENDARS!"

The two brunettes and the pink haired girl all turned to Cagalli. The girl had stood up from their circular table and shouted the word out. She had a bright smile on her face and she jumped up and down a couple of times.

"Calendars! We will sell calendars!"

"Calendars…?" Lacus repeated, her baby blue eyes displaying her obvious confusion.

The Archangel Captain's jaw dropped. "As in… Beefcake Calendars…?" Cagalli only nodded in response, still smiling. Murrue was lost for words. "Th—that's brilliant!"

"I can do the photography," Miriallia volunteered with a sly grin, while looking at her nails.

Cagalli snorted. "You just want to see the half naked boys live."

Lacus was still blushing. "I don't know you guys… Isn't that a little degrading on the guys' part…? And who will we use?"

"It is not degrading, Lacus," Murrue firmly reassured. "There is nothing to worry about."

"And as for boys…" the younger brunette trailed off. "Well, I can think of a few." She waggled her eyebrows at the other three and they all laughed knowingly.

"Do you think…?"

"They will."

"We'll make them."

Athrun Zala was red in the face from anger, shock, embarrassment and many other emotions triggered by Cagalli's one request.

"A—A B—Be—Beefcake Calendar!" Cagalli winced as Athrun shouted, repeating what she had asked him to pose for. "You want me to take pictures half naked so that you can make a calendar? No! That is so degrading on my part! I refuse to be in that calendar, Cagalli."

Cagalli gawked at how angry he got. It had taken her two days to find the guts to ask Athrun to pose.

And for god sakes, it was not degrading!

"It's for charity! We will sell the calendars and use the money for further war relief funds…and stuff!" She wasn't quite sure what the funds went to, to be honest. "Athrun will you please?"

"No."

They were both at Athrun's apartment in Orb. He was walking around by his drawers, putting on some pants while Cagalli was sitting on his bed in her underwear. She frowned to herself; she really thought having sex with him before asking would have made the process so much easier. The blond cursed silently. "Damnit, I knew I should've asked during the sex…" she muttered. Cagalli took a deep breath, hating the fact that she was going to sound like a whiny girlfriend. She picked up her purse which had fallen to the floor and began fumbling with it; she did that a lot when she was nervous so it did not faze the blue haired Coordinator. "Athrun, PLEASE!"

He glared at her with his green eyes.

"No."

"But why!"

Cagalli cringed at her own voice as it rang through her ears. She absolutely dreaded the moments she acted childishly and immature around Athrun.

"Because I don't want to!" he yelled, shirtless. "How could you even suggest having me get naked for a picture?"

"It's only half naked…"

"NO!"

Stifling a smile, Cagalli took a small digital camera out of her bag as Athrun combed his hair, his back to her. With a grin on her face, she carried on the whiny act.

"But Athrun!"

Athrun turned around, ready to tell her off once and for all but stopped.

FLASH!

He blinked. "What the f—"

FLASH!

His eyes narrowed in a way that Cagalli thought was pretty sexy; the man's emerald orbs just daring her to try and take another photo. Grinning at him, she pressed the button one more time.

FLASH!

"I'm sorry…" she apologized, depositing the camera back into her purse. She got off of the bed and pulled her black, long sleeved shirt over her head. "I guess that was pretty mean—" She picked up her jeans from the floor and then put her legs through them. "—but you keep saying no."

She shrugged, buttoning her pants and zipping them up. She walked out of the bedroom with her purse, fully dressed and Athrun followed, still quite angry that she took the pictures of him half naked. She went over to the front door, not paying attention to anything he was saying as she slipped on her black sandals. She stood up on her toes and pressed her lips onto his, cutting him off from further yelling at her. With their lips practically glued together, now that he was getting into it, she slipped her tongue into his mouth, pushing her chest against his. When he was about to guide her back to the bedroom to repeat their earlier actions, Cagalli pulled away, leaving him in a daze. She giggled and pecked him on the cheek.

Cagalli gave him a sly grin. "And that my dear is what you will never ever get again if you don't show up at Miriallia's studio on Saturday, around noon to pose for our Beefcake Calendar." She wiggled her fingers to wave. "Later, love!"

"Hm…"

"Dearka, you know you want to do it," Yzak Joule taunted.

Miriallia smiled at both boys. They were sitting at nice restaurant together down on Orb while waiting for Yzak's fiancée to meet them there; Miriallia Haww and Dearka Elsman were what could have been the poster people for long distance relationships and making them work. She lived on Earth, and he in the PLANTs and were still very much in love with each other and just as close as any other couple would be. Dearka, Yzak, and Yzak's soon to be wife, Shiho Hahnenfuss had all come down from Aprilius City for the next couple of weeks to enjoy the nice season and for the Bloody Valentine War Memorial in Orb being planned by Cagalli. She giggled at the fair-haired, twenty-one-year-old. "Oh Yzak, you're more than welcome to pose as well. The more the merrier."

Lavender eyes narrowed. "Did you just ask my best friend to pose for you half naked, right in front of me?"

She laughed, and then waved at the chestnut-haired girl who just sat down at there table. "Hey Shiho," she greeted. Miriallia looked back at Yzak, ignoring her boyfriend's comment. "Hm, well let's see… Your birthday is in August so why don't you be Mr. August?"

Dearka snorted. "Yeah, you can wear your birthday suit."

Shiho, who had been sipping on the glass of wine that was already at the table for Yzak, choked on the liquid as her eyes widened. "What?"

"My girlfriend just asked your fiancé to pose for a soldier-themed Beefcake Calendar to be sold at the War Memorial next week," Dearka declared. "Are you just going to take that, Shiho? Are you really going to let your man be stared at like he was a piece of meat?"

The dark haired girl looked upwards thoughtfully. "Well if it's being sold at the memorial, I'm sure it's for charity…"

"It is," Miriallia confirmed. "We're going to donate what money we earn, and put some into a secret account for when by chance the time comes that Orb may be…" She shrugged. "Well you know."

Shiho nodded. "Yeah, I think I do."

"You girls really think you're going to make enough money for future war relief funds by selling calendars?"

"Not just calendars, Dearka, Beefcake Calendars!" Miriallia corrected. She smiled playfully and latched onto his arm, pressing her chest against him. The photographer dragged her finger along his arm lightly. "And I'm sure having your picture in there would make things better…"

His cheeks turned red and the blond sputtered. "Hey, that's cheating!" Miriallia responded by pressing her lips against his cheek, leaving light butterfly kisses. Dearka gulped at his girlfriend's actions and the amused looks he was receiving from Yzak and Shiho. "Milly!"

"Will you be in the calendar Dearka?" she asked sweetly, giving him her most innocent pout all the while, batting her eyelashes.

"I—I, uh…" The purple eyed Coordinator sighed. "Okay fine…"

His girlfriend clapped her hands and a dreamy smile came onto her face. "Oh this is great!" Miriallia grabbed the other brunette's hands anxiously. "Oh Shiho this is going to be so much fun!" She took a small piece of paper out of her purse and scribbled a few things on it. "Let's see, Cagalli said she got a picture of Athrun to use just in case he doesn't show up, Murrue said that Mu will be there since she always makes good on her threats, and well, Lacus can make Kira do anything with the waved of her hand." She snorted. "No wait, she doesn't even need to bat an eyelash to make Kira bend to her whim." They laughed. "I'm sure Kira's already waiting at my studio to take his picture…"

"No! Never! You can't make me! I don't wanna, I don't wanna!"

The Pink Princess cringed.

Were loud and whiny outbursts a family trait?

"I will not do that Lacus! How could you even ask me to do something like that? I'd expect the question to come from Milly when she's drunk, maybe, but you? Lacus I will not!"

Kira shook his head furiously, brown hair flying around.

"No! No! No! No—"

"Okay, I heard you the first time," Lacus said calmly as people began to stare at the twosome who was drinking coffee at a small café. "It was just a simple question Kira. I never thought that it would trigger you to burst in such a way." She smiled at him. "I apologize for causing such anxiety for you, Kira." Quietly, Lacus took a deep breath, ready to pull on the 'sad act'. She turned away and bit her lip, hoping to make her voice sound more resigned as the words passed through her lips. "It's such a pity though, we really need to find some soldiers to use and we can only think of a few men." Lacus sighed dramatically. "I guess we're just going to have 'interview' all of them in a way." She giggled innocently as Kira's eyes narrowed slightly, telling her in their own way to elaborate on 'interview'. "Perhaps we will be going along with Murrue's idea, after all since Cagalli informed me that Athrun wasn't too fond of the idea as well…"

He pressed her with his purple gaze. "What exactly is this idea Lacus?"

He wasn't jealous.

She smiled sweetly. "Well what we were thinking was that we can put up adds for people who would like to be apart of the calendar in the military base and people would come to Miriallia's studio and have their picture taken—" Lacus fought off a very un-Lacus-like smirk. "—half naked of course, this is a Beefcake Calendar."

"You're saying you're spending all of Saturday's at Miriallia's all just to see a bunch of shirtless men?" Kira inquired, still not jealous. His hands were clenched by his sides.

"It's for charity Kira," Lacus said in her defense. "That is the only reason why I am helping out with it."

"Who came up with the idea!" he asked incredulously.

"Your sister," she replied. "I'll admit, at first I was quite reluctant to be apart of it but when she told me what most of the funds were for—orphanages, helping pay for the memorial, children's education, etcetera—well, I just couldn't not help out."

Lacus reached over the table they were sitting at and opened the white, clutch purse she was carrying around with her.

She took out her cell phone then smiled at Kira. "Excuse me a moment, will you? I just need to tell the girls that you won't be able to make it Saturday." She giggled as Kira fidgeted, most likely being unsure of his answer now. Lacus pressed a couple of numbers and then placed the phone beside her ear. Murrue—the person who she had been calling—answered her call. "Hello Murrue!"

Kira drowned out her voice as he tried to think of what to do.

To pose, or not to pose?

The only reason he didn't want to do it was because he was shy, and because Lacus said that the pictures taken are going to be put up around the calendar booth, and at other places at the memorial meant for recreation as adds to come buy them. He didn't want to be some poster boy! Kira frowned to himself. But then again, if he didn't do it, then Lacus would look at other guys to take pictures of. He sighed. It was a lose-lose situation.

"Yes, I know, it's sad but true," Lacus said into the phone, looking to the side as she giggled. "He said no—"

"I'll do it," Kira interrupted abruptly.

Lacus' baby blue eyes sparkled as she lowered the phone and covered the speaker with her hand. "I'm sorry, what was that Kira?"

Was she taunting him?

Kira growled. "I said I'll pose for your calendar!"

This time, she didn't bother to hide the smug grin. She uncovered her cell phone and put it to the side of her face. "Well Murrue, I guess I was wrong. Do me a favor, and tell the girls we have our Mr. May."

The wise, ambitious and influential Chief Representative Attha—also known as Cagalli—stared at Murrue Ramius inquisitively as they stood in Miriallia's studio and the older woman watched her husband gleefully pose for the camera. She shook her blond haired head and stared up at her. "I don't get how you did it…" Cagalli stated. "How the heck did you get La Flaga to pose for this? None of us were able to do it that easy…" She pointed to the man who was flexing his muscles while Miriallia was laughing behind her camera. "Look at him! He's enjoying the moment!"

The brunette sighed. "Nothing comes without a price Cagalli."

"Meaning…?" She quirked an eyebrow at Murrue.

The fearless captain of the indestructible Archangel grunted. "I told him that if he took half naked pictures for me, I'd take half naked pictures for him." She turned to Cagalli who was gawking at her. Murrue scowled at the twenty-year-old. "Oh shut up! I'm married! I'm allowed to do these sorts of things!" Murrue flashed an accusing finger in Cagalli's direction. "You and Athrun are just living in sin."

She scoffed. "I have no problem with sin when he looks like that…" She waggled her eyebrows and tilted her head in Athrun's direction; he was sitting at a table with Dearka, the pair talking. "I had to threaten no more sex to get him to come here… Do you see how pathetic that is on his part?"

Murrue laughed. "That is… understandable, I guess." She grinned at Cagalli. "Could you even make good on that threat?"

Cagalli looked upwards, thoughtfully. "I really don't know…"

"NEXT!"

They looked and saw Miriallia changing the film for her black camera. Mu walked over to her with a bright smile on his face. "So Milly do you think you can make me copies of all those pictures?" The young brunette looked at him, confusion evident. "I'm sure Murrue would like them—"

"Okay we're going home now!" Murrue declared, grabbing his arm and then dragging him out of the studio while hitting on the arm and calling him an idiot.

The person standing up in front of Miriallia, ready to have his photo taken for the calendar, groaned loudly. "Miriallia, must I really wear this?"

His fiancée smirked. "You're the one who agreed to be Mr. December." Shiho shrugged her shoulders after pulling a couple of lose ends on the man's outfit. She then moved behind the camera to stand with the photographer.

Yzak glared at the girls, fully regretting his decision to participate in the Beefcake Calendar. Honestly, he only did it to piss off Dearka. "It's because Cagalli said whoever does August has to wear a Speedo!" The fair haired soldier had tried to save what little dignity he had left after trying the contraption on by switching to another month. He should have noticed that being the poster boy for the winter month wouldn't have been any greater, judging by the odd glances the girls shared. Apparently, it had been his cruel and sadistic fiancée, Shiho Hahnenfuss, along with the devil incarnate herself, Cagalli Yula Attha, who took it upon themselves to choose the outfits. At the sight of the army-print, little scrap of material covering his private parts, Yzak, completely red faced, told them to switch him to a colder month, hoping that the clothes he'd wear would be a bit more conservative.

Boy was he wrong.

"It feels like the ribbon is flossing my ass!" The silver haired boy clenched his teeth at the sight of Athrun and Dearka both laughing, highly amused at his appearance. He narrowed his blue eyes at the pair. "Stop laughing you imbeciles!"

His ego had been shot down to hell that morning when the outfits were shown. Being the idiot he was, Yzak now was Mr. December, and in something he didn't call an outfit. His knuckles turned white as his hands turned into fists. He took a deep breath as Miriallia started taking some pictures.

"Yzak, do some posing for me, will you?"

"With these ribbons!" he screeched.

Commander Joule of ZAFT—no longer with any dignity—sighed and then tried to regain some composure. That was actually a very hard thing to do in his position considering all he had on was a very large amount of red, sparkly ribbon around his waste, and a big, golden bow over his manhood. He inhaled once again, deeply and then turned to the camera with a sexy look.

FLASH!

"Yeah Yzak!" The girls hooted and cheered him on, all the while laughing at the situation.

FLASH!

Here were ZAFT's top aces, the big guns, the best of the best, all reduced down to waiting to have their pictures taken in clothes that didn't even have the right to be called clothes. Yzak Joule in his red and gold ribbons, Dearka Elsman—Mr. March—in his green pants, brown boots and matching green hat, most likely trying to like a leprechaun, and Athrun Zala who was just wearing dog tags and the red pants and white boots of his old ZAFT uniform with the jacket strewn over one shoulder. Yzak narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing the blue haired boy with jealousy.

FLASH!

Perhaps sleeping with the 'enemy' had its perks…

FLASH!

The blue eyed boy shut his eyes tightly having not readied himself for the past two pictures, too deep in thought.

"Ah, damnit, my eyes!"

"I feel so…"

"Naked?" Athrun suggested, ending the comment his friend was making.

Kira frowned. "Yes…" He looked at his reflection once again. He saw Athrun's beside his own and he glared at the other person in the full body mirror Miriallia had in the studio. "You get pants, I get this. You even have shoes, I'm barefoot. You're just her boyfriend, I'm her family, why would she choose such a horrible thing for me to wear and yet you're pretty much fully dressed! You even have a jacket hanging off one shoulder to cover you!" Kira shook his head sadly. "I hate Cagalli…"

"Well it's not really her fault," he defended nonchalantly.

Athrun shrugged and then smirked.

"She just picked the outfit for every month with Shiho, and then the other girls selected which guy would be wearing which." More smugness ebbed into the quirk of his lips. "The only reason I've got more stuff on is because she's probably trying to keep me all to herself—"

"Don't get too full of yourself, Zala."

Cagalli walked into the room holding a few rolls of film she had taken out of Miriallia's storage closet to give to the girl. She looked at her boyfriend and gave him a stern look, but the stoic façade disappeared immediately when she saw what her twin was wearing. He and Lacus had arrived at the studio minutes ago and Kira was immediately ushered into a room to change into the clothes Lacus handed to him in a little bag. Cagalli blushed and then broke into a hysterical fit, turning around to not see her brother as much as she could.

"OH MY FRIGGIN' GOSH!"

The brunette glared at his sister. "Shut up Cagalli! Why the hell did you choose such weird costumes?" He pointed to the pathetic little loin cloth-like thing, with leopard print, that he was wearing. It covered him like a mini skirt and made Kira feel very exposed.

She glanced back but then turned around again. Cagalli clutched the sides of her stomach and leaned on the wall to laugh at him.

"I never thought that you would be the one wearing that costume…" She giggled. "I didn't even think you would do the calendar!" Her lips curved into a smirk. "I didn't think you were man enough for a Beefcake Calendar, little brother."

Athrun kept silent as Kira and Cagalli showed how close brothers and sisters could change their acts immediately and bring new meanings to 'sibling rivalry'.

The male twin scowled. "Well you just watch me sell these calendars for you guys, Cagalli! Then we'll see how manly I am!" Kira kept his purple eyes narrowed at his sister while walking out of the change room, muttering about 'evil twins' and 'stupid loin cloths'.

Dearka read over the flyer—the one that had his picture on it—frowning as he read aloud the words. He was around the food area with Athrun, both sitting down while Kira and Yzak went to get some food for them. A ceremony had just been held for the Blood Valentine Wars Memorial, and with Cagalli's touch, she planned a small carnival and other sorts of fun events to take place afterwards that way people would at least honor old soldiers with smiles and laughter, not constant, sad reminiscing and tears. He glared at the colored piece of paper that was handed to him by a girl earlier that day as he walked. The four boys had been getting many curious stares, winks and little pieces of paper with phone numbers on them.

"Soldier Beefcake Calendars on sale at front gates for only $5.00—" Dearka sputtered. "What the hell? Five bucks! That's all I'm worth?"

Athrun grabbed the flyer out of the blonde's hands and read over it. "I bet they're not even selling. I warned Cagalli that no one would want to buy Beefcake Calendar's at a war memorial but she wouldn't listen to me—"

He stopped talking when someone tapped his shoulder.

The pair looked up and saw a group of three girls—probably only fourteen-years-old—who was holding suspicious looking pieces of glossy paper. They were all red faced and giggling like school girls. One girl held out a marker to Athrun. "Excuse me sir, I know this sounds totally dorky, but could you like, autograph your page for me please?" Her other friends nodded in agreement, handing their own pens to Dearka as well.

Confused, the pair signed their pictures, feeling very odd.

The blond blinked as the three teenagers walked away. "Athrun… That was very… Weird."

"Yeah," Athrun said in agreement. "It was kind of creepy also…"

They both stayed silent as they noticed how much people were staring at them. Citizens of Orb who were attending the 'after party' of the Bloody Valentine Wars Memorial would whisper things to whoever was with them and take long glances at Athrun and Dearka who were waiting innocently for Yzak and Kira to come back with some stuff to eat. They would watch them and then start giggling and blushing.

The girls in particular!

"Uh, you wanna leave?" Dearka whispered when one female pointed in their direction.

Athrun nodded slowly. "Screw Kira and Yzak, they can protect themselves. We have to get out of here!"

Slowly, as if the girls were some wild animals, Athrun and Dearka got up from their table and ran the hell out of there, not going anywhere in particular.

"So why are we in a tree, again?"

"Because a few minutes ago, a group of twelve-year-olds told us that we were 'absolutely dreamy' and that they loved us. Then we bolted and they started chasing us so we ran up to the tree and climbed it."

"This is pathetic."

"I fully agree."

"We're soldiers. That's why we were in the calendar."

"And yet we're reduced to this…"

"We are hiding from a bunch of little brats in a tree… I hate your sister."

"I hate my sister too."

"And I hate my fiancée."

"I hate your fiancée too."

"And I hate that photographer."

"I hate that photographer too."

"And I hate the ship captain—I know she wasn't there for most of the photo shoot but she's helping them sell the calendars damnit!"

"I hate the ship captain too."

"And I hate your girlfriend."

"Right now, I think I hate her too."

Yzak and Kira sighed.

"I totally regret agreeing to that thing. I just said yes so Dearka would do it!"

"I can't believe we're hiding in a tree."

"We are absolutely pathetic!" Yzak bellowed from his spot on a branch.

"Well look on the bright side. At least we're safe now… Girls won't climb trees because they're all in their skirts, they wear high heels and they don't like breaking nails."

Kira banged his head on the tree, not believing in the so-called bright side he just mention. He sighed.

"So how do you think Athrun and Dearka are fairing right now?"

The End! (Yzak and Kira sitting in a tree…)