"Why Donatello Drinks Coffee"

By Donny's Boy

Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the plot relating to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I am making no money from this story. I mean no harm.

Warnings: Male-male relationships and implied consensual incest. No sex scenes, though, just talk about feelings. Still rated M just to err on the side of caution.

Dedication: My beloved fiancée requested a Mike/Don story, and I hate to disappoint her, so here 'tis.

-------

Michelangelo

The Shredder is dead. It should set Michelangelo's mind at ease, but it doesn't. It makes his mind race with a million thoughts and fears. It makes his heart pound in his chest.

It was after they met the Shredder, Mike realizes, that it had first happened. But why Don? Maybe because out of the four of them, Donatello can best keep secrets. He's naturally quiet. He's patient. That must be why. The how was murkier.

He wonders if Don would agree.

Slipping out of bed, Mike creeps with ninja stealth to his brother's room and peers in. Nothing. Darn. The bed isn't even unmade. But Mike smiles, undeterred, and continues on to the lab. Bingo. He pauses in the doorway to watch his brother work on a piece of electronics—Don's large olive-green hands move swiftly, precisely. Like a surgeon. Though he loves watching Don work, Mike raises his hand and knocks lightly to announce his presence.

Startled, Don turns around. For a moment, confusion flickers across his face, then Don gives Mike a sympathetic smile. "Can't sleep?"

"Nope."

Don sets down the screwdriver he's holding. "Would you like to talk here? Or go back to your room?"

There was a time when a question like this would embarrass Mike to his very core. But that was before. This is now. Mike simply nods towards the door. "How about my room?" He glances around the lab. "Don't get me wrong, your lab has lots of bright shiny things—"

"But it somewhat lacks in material comforts." Don nods thoughtfully. "You're right, let's go to your room."

Together they move quietly, careful not to wake up anyone else. Once inside Mike's room, Mike goes to his bed and gets back in. Again, there was a time when Don would have hesitated, but tonight he follows without a moment's pause. He wraps his arms around his younger brother. "Nightmare?" he murmurs.

"Nah," says Mike, relaxing a bit and resisting the temptation to weep joyfully at being held so close to someone so warm. "Just thinking. About stuff."

Don chuckles, and Mike enjoys the gentle rumbling sensation it produces in Don's plastron. "Just stuff, huh?" Don repeats skeptically. "C'mon, Mikey. You know you always end up telling me anyways."

Mike reflects that, unlike Don, he himself is terrible at keeping secrets. "I was thinking about you. About … us."

A pause. "Oh."

"I finally realized something," Mike continues, reaching around Don's waist, pulling him closer. "We never go to your room." He can feel Don nod. "And I think I figured out why."

Don waits for him to continue. Not confirming, not denying, not asking anything. Donatello's like that. It frustrates Mikey to no end.

While hoping he isn't wrong—he doesn't want to look like an idiot or anything, especially not in front of Don—Mike feels pretty sure he's right. "You … you do this with Raph and Leo too," he ventures quietly, and it's more statement than question. "Don't you?"

Don clears his throat. "Well, not exactly," he begins. "But, yeah, sometimes I spend the night in their rooms. How'd you know?"

"Just a lucky guess. The whole thing where we always stay in my room, not yours." Mike smiles, proud. He'd been right. "And sometimes when you're not in your room, you're not in your lab either."

"Ah. I see."

"Do they know? About me? About each other?"

Mike feels more than sees Don shake his head. "I don't think so," Don says, a bit uncertainly. "If I'm not in my room, I think they just assume I'm in the lab and don't bother checking. Besides … " He trails off.

Squinting in the dark, Mike tries to make out his brother's expression. But even in the best of light, Don can be perfectly inscrutable when he wants to be. That frustrates Mike too. "You can tell me," he prods. "I tell you everything. I want you to be able to tell me stuff too."

"I don't want to upset you."

Mike frowns in confusion for a moment before it hits him. Oh! Silly Don! "It won't upset me, Donny. I'm not, y'know, jealous or anything. Just curious."

"Oh. Okay." Don clears his throat again. He seems a bit unconvinced. "Well, I think they're a lot more ashamed of it than you are. I don't think it's occurred to either of them that they might not be the only ones."

"So what do you do together?"

"That's really personal, Mike." Don tenses up. "I don't think they'd want me to talk about it—just like I don't talk about when we're together."

But Mike is, if nothing else, persistent. And he knows he can wear Don down, given enough time. "Do you do the stuff that we do when we're together?"

"Sometimes." Don sighs, gives up. He's a smart guy. He knows a losing battle when he sees one. "But like I said, it's different. Because the three of you are different."

Mike decides to keep going. "So, you and Raph. I'm having a hard time picturing it, Donny. What do you guys do?"

"Mikey!"

"General terms only. Nothing too specific. Or explicit."

"Well, Raph and I don't … talk as much as you and I do."

Mike's eyes go wide. But in the dark he doesn't think Don can see the expression on his face. Instead of commenting, he pushes onward, "And you and Leo?"

"We talk a lot. More than you and I do, actually. Though, with Leo, mostly I talk and he listens." Don pauses, starts stroking Mikey's shell. Mike's eyes droop sleepily. "Leo says he likes listening to my voice. Helps him sleep."

Mike nods and offers, "I like your voice too."

Mike knows for a fact that if his eyes were still open, and if the room wasn't dark, he would see Don blushing a deep, deep green. He grins at the thought.

"There are similarities too," Don continues after a moment, still rubbing Mike's shell.

"Yeah? The physical stuff, I'd guess."

Don splutters a bit. "No!"

"So you're telling me you don't … well, you know?"

Don's silence says everything.

"So," Mike says, deciding to change course, "what's similar then?"

"You all tell me about your fears, what you're scared of. You all want me to hold you. Stay with you while you fall asleep." He pauses and sighs deeply. "And you all cry."

"Even Raph?"

Don kisses Mikey's forehead again. "Even Raph."

Mike's eyes finally close all the way. He nestles under Don's chin and listens to Don's heart beat. It's steady and soft and reassuring. Just like Don. "Y'know," he slurs, voice heavy with exhaustion, "it's simply process of elimination."

"Oh?" Don sounds amused. But willing to hear Mike out. He's always willing to hear Mike out, which more than makes up for all the frustrating stuff Don does.

"Yeah. I mean, who else would I go to? Leo? No way—any sign of weakness, and he'd have me doing extra katas all the freakin' time. Raph? Nuh-uh. He'd never let me live it down."

"Hmm." Don muses for a moment. "I never thought of it like that."

"Same with Leo and Raphie-boy, I'd imagine. Neither of 'em would come to me, because I'm the baby brother. Gotta set a good example, blah, blah, blah." Mike pauses. Grins. "And can you just picture Leo and Raph?"

That makes Don snort.

Mike keeps grinning. Smugly he concludes, "So, it's like I said. Process of elimination."

"I am deeply honored."

"You should be." The grin slips from his face, and suddenly Mike's all seriousness. "Don't you get it? You make me feel safe, Donny. Like it's okay, for just a little while, to stop having to be a badass ninja all the time."

Don doesn't reply. But his hug tightens a little. "I'm glad," he finally whispers. "Now try to get some sleep. Early training tomorrow."

Mike nods and pulls the covers up around them. He knows the drill. Don will stay until he's sure Mike's asleep before sneaking quietly back to his own room. Don is nothing if not consistent. While that could sometimes be annoying, right now Mikey finds it soothing.

As he drifts off, Mike wonders if Sensei suspects anything. Almost surely the answer is no. What they're doing is … unthinkable. Unspeakable. Unknowable. He finds himself hoping that, if Master Splinter ever does find out, he can understand, at least a little. He hopes even more that Don doesn't get all the blame. It's the dirty little secret that binds the brothers all in shame, true enough. But it's also what provides a release. From their stress, their fear, their loneliness. Their lives.

Don keeps their little family sane, without a doubt. Sleepily Mike wonders who keeps Don sane. But he can't finish the thought. All this heavy thinking is making Mike's brain hurt. It's too late, and he's too tired.

"I love you, Donny," Mike mutters just before the snoring begins.

After a few more minutes Donatello slips out of the bed, gently lowering Michelangelo's head to rest on his pillow. He kisses his sleeping brother's forehead one last time. "Love you too, Mikey."

He sneaks into the hall and down to his room, where he finds Raphael. Raph stands with legs splayed out, fists clenched at his sides, eyes glowing faintly in the dark. Without a word Don follows Raph back down the hall, past Mike's room, past Leo's. As soon as they're inside Raph's bedroom, Raph grabs him by the neck and pulls him into a fierce, desperate kiss. As Don returns the embrace, he can feel the tears start streaming down his older brother's face.

It's going to be a long night. But that's okay. That's why Don drinks coffee.